Sorry it's long, but would really appreciate any advice!
My boyfriend and I broke up about 4 weeks ago from our 4 year long relationship. We'd tried to maintain our relationship long distance after he moved away to start uni in September but it just resulted in arguments and it became quite unhealthy so we broke up.
The thing is, I'm actually starting his uni in September, so had we stayed together, in a few months we wouldn't be doing long distance anymore anyway (which was the only reason the relationship ended, not because we lost feelings for eachother. At least I think).
The tricky partis, he's told me he still loves me, still cares for me, still wants me in his life, and wants everything we had just without the distance (so he basically wants to start things up again in September when I go to uni), but I don't believe it because he's made no effort to talk to me/see me since our break up and it's been a month, so I feel it's as if he's just trying to keep me to one side until it's convenient for him because if he meant those things, surely he'd find it difficult to just cut me out of his life until September?
I think he's using this as an opportunity to experience single life. Hegoes out 2/3 times a week. I have no idea what he's doing while he's out, but the thought that he may be behaving like he's single (getting with other girls) when he's said all of those things to me bothers me.
I feel like he's not phased at all by our break up with the amount he goes out and how he's made 0 effort to speak to me in the past month. This break up has hit me really hard and I can't fathom going out and having as much fun as he is when I'm so hurt. But I think he thinks he can get me straight back with the click of his fingers in September so he's not phased because he doesn't think this breakup is permanent.
I don't know what to do, I can't be friends with him right now because it upsets me too much and it's still so new. I've removed him from social media as I need to pick myself up and try and move on/get on with things without him, and seeing photos of him on nights out just upsets me even more. But my biggest problem is, now I don't know whether to fully move on or hold on to the hope that he meant what he said and wants to get back together in September. He's said all the right things, but actions speak louder than words and I don't know if he meant it or if he's just keeping me as a back up until then so he can go get with other people and come back to me if he doesn't find anyone better.
Maybe that's just me overthinking though, that's what happens during a breakup, but I don't want to get ****ed over if when September comes he's lost all interest, because I'll just end up getting hurt again.
What do you think? I don't understand, it's like he says one thing but his behaviour is the total opposite. What should I do? Could really use any advice from an outside point of view!
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ex boyfriend drama: I feel like I'm getting screwed over! watch
- Thread Starter
- 16-03-2016 16:15
- 16-03-2016 16:18
Tell him you want to get back together in September and then sleep with one of his guy friends in freshers. He'll regret the day he screwed with you.
Offline19Very Important Poster
- Very Important Poster
- 16-03-2016 16:29
Imo I think you have thought intelligently about this. It was only a month and tbh if he was that into you he should have veen supporting you whilst you do your exams. Thing is if you are waiting for someone it cna cramp your syle at uni becayse you are in a couple but not in a couple so it restricts what you can do. Ive seen it loads of times as the problem is you arent there and he will feel hes missing out. ofc if you will both work at it you cna get through it. So my answers are:
1. for some reason he hasnt knuckled down and is less commited to you, hence the break. he could have made more effort.
2. Agree with you I think of he hasnt hooked up, then hes looking forward to have a readymade gf when you arrive, with everything on tap.
3. Does he care fo you? Yes, but it only goes so far and he hasnt made an effort.
4. You cnat blame people for meeting and wnating to be with other people during uni, you meet loads of different people.
5. have space for yourself so you cna think about deisions which suit you and you alone, just as he seems to be making decisions which pits him first.
6. focus on your exams and not relationship drama. Your exams will stay with you for life , but your bf unlikely to.
7. After you have the grades chill out look forward to uni and then decide if hes worth the hassle or you too would quite fancy being single and meeting others. he will still be there for a few years so you cna resume things later if need be, but for now maybe the break is a good thing.
8. I'd go on the basis you have split and theres more importnat things you can do. Keep him at bay (wint he be back in the summer anyway?) decide later on what you want to do. he has plentu of time to use some initiative to win you back not with cheap words but action. If he cnat be bothered you have your answer.
Offline19Very Important Poster
- Very Important Poster
- 16-03-2016 16:44
Btw dont worry about it, its all drama that can wait till later. No point wasting energy or worse still making yourself feel sad or stressed. these things can wait and youll be much more relaxed about knowing what to do later. If you are calm about it now rather than in turmoil he will also see another side of you and it will annoy/confise as he realises you cna do without him. thats not to make him jealous, but he might realise you dont fall into place just becayse he says some sweet words.
- 16-03-2016 16:55
I think you've already got the right idea. It seem as though he wants to enjoy the 'single life' before committing to you in September (if that even happens). Just go with your gut feeling.