Turn on thread page Beta

I am 24 and live with my Mum, thinknig of moving out and renting a place, advice plea watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    se.


    I am 24, I have never had a job apart from 3 days or so since leaving school. I get DLA and ESA currently, I have Dyspraxia and also anxiety but the anxiety has not been diagnosed. I am living off a decent amount and I have a car too which helps me get around.

    However, I still live with my mum in our rented house, I love her loads but find I am very hostile toward her, I think it is because I have lived with her all these years and were together basically 24/7.

    My Mum get's carers allowance for me too, she helps me with things and goes in shops for me if I'm too anxious e.t.c.
    I hear her sometimes say to somebody on the phone, if she can't look after me then I'd have to go into supported living. However, I am 24 years old and if I wanted to move out then I MYSELF WILL CHOOSE WHERE TO LIVE AND THAT WILL BE INDEPENDANTLY, on my own and will do everything by myself to the best of my abilities.


    Does anybody have any advice for me please ?
    • Section Leader
    • Very Important Poster
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Section Leader
    Very Important Poster
    Peer Support Volunteers
    (Original post by I love life)
    se.


    I am 24, I have never had a job apart from 3 days or so since leaving school. I get DLA and ESA currently, I have Dyspraxia and also anxiety but the anxiety has not been diagnosed. I am living off a decent amount and I have a car too which helps me get around.

    However, I still live with my mum in our rented house, I love her loads but find I am very hostile toward her, I think it is because I have lived with her all these years and were together basically 24/7.

    My Mum get's carers allowance for me too, she helps me with things and goes in shops for me if I'm too anxious e.t.c.
    I hear her sometimes say to somebody on the phone, if she can't look after me then I'd have to go into supported living. However, I am 24 years old and if I wanted to move out then I MYSELF WILL CHOOSE WHERE TO LIVE AND THAT WILL BE INDEPENDANTLY, on my own and will do everything by myself to the best of my abilities.


    Does anybody have any advice for me please ?
    Do you feel that you can look after yourself at home completely independently otherwise maybe you could hire a support worker to do what your mum does for you now and then find somewhere to rent privately?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Do you feel that you can look after yourself at home completely independently otherwise maybe you could hire a support worker to do what your mum does for you now and then find somewhere to rent privately?
    I would say pretty much yes I could, although it will probably be difficult at first.

    I wouldn't want a support worker as I get anxious around strangers.


    My mum isn't aware that I am planning to move out so I will tell her once I have a bertter idea if I'm ready to move out yet

    Is it likely a landlord will rent a property to me, I am 24, never had a job since leaving school, only currently get dla and esa, but I have no bad record either as I am a good person



    thank you
    • Section Leader
    • Very Important Poster
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Section Leader
    Very Important Poster
    Peer Support Volunteers
    (Original post by I love life)
    I would say pretty much yes I could, although it will probably be difficult at first.

    I wouldn't want a support worker as I get anxious around strangers.


    My mum isn't aware that I am planning to move out so I will tell her once I have a bertter idea if I'm ready to move out yet



    thank you
    If you feel you could be independent then you could try it, although if your DLA covers care needs and you move out and therefore start looking after yourself they'd probably reduce what you're entitled to.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by claireestelle)
    If you feel you could be independent then you could try it, although if your DLA covers care needs and you move out and therefore start looking after yourself they'd probably reduce what you're entitled to.

    Do you think a landlord would be happy to rent a place to me ?

    Oh, yes I know, I am aware that if I move out that my DLA might be reduced but hopefully it won't be or if it is then hopefully not by a lot



    thanks
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    get a job first. Living on your own is expensive.
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    They won't reduce your DLA just because you've moved out. I've moved out. My care needs haven't changed at all.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    They won't reduce your DLA just because you've moved out. I've moved out. My care needs haven't changed at all.
    I hope not but I guess it depends on each individual and how they have reported that their illness or disability affects them.

    I am not for sure about moving out yet, I haven't even discussed it with anybody at present as I have only recently been seriously thinking about it. My Mum won't like it at first I'm sure as she is rather protective toward me but if I say I'm moving out then that's final, she will have to come to terms with it and once see realizes I am fine she should be much more relaxed and happier about it.

    If I do move out it will probably be within the next year or so anyway,



    May I ask, what is your illness or disability as to why you claim DLA ?

    thanks
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I love life)
    se.


    I am 24, I have never had a job apart from 3 days or so since leaving school. I get DLA and ESA currently, I have Dyspraxia and also anxiety but the anxiety has not been diagnosed. I am living off a decent amount and I have a car too which helps me get around.

    However, I still live with my mum in our rented house, I love her loads but find I am very hostile toward her, I think it is because I have lived with her all these years and were together basically 24/7.

    My Mum get's carers allowance for me too, she helps me with things and goes in shops for me if I'm too anxious e.t.c.
    I hear her sometimes say to somebody on the phone, if she can't look after me then I'd have to go into supported living. However, I am 24 years old and if I wanted to move out then I MYSELF WILL CHOOSE WHERE TO LIVE AND THAT WILL BE INDEPENDANTLY, on my own and will do everything by myself to the best of my abilities.


    Does anybody have any advice for me please ?
    Have you thought about the practical things? Once you live on your own you'll need to be able to go into shops e.c.t yourself, you won't have your Mum around to do that for you.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Have you thought about going into supported housing for a while as a sort of half way house that would allow you to get used to living more independently, before going for complete independence later on?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Have you thought about the cost element of it? If you're living entirely on benefits money is going to be very tight, trust me I know. You're going to want to write up a proper budget plan.

    You'll also want to consider bills, you'll need to set up all your own bill accounts and put utilities in your own name on top of rent. Which can be stressful for someone who doesn't suffer from your illnesses (I find it incredibly stressful), and considering you've never had to do it before you may need some support getting on your feet.

    Finding a landlord may be hard as well, a lot of landlords won't accept DSS tenants so you may be stretched for places you can live.

    You'll also need to consider furnishings and getting all your own stuff, can you afford to furnish yourself? If not you'll have to find a furnished place with as above may be more difficult.

    How much experience have you had in the past with living independently? i.e shopping, cooking, cleaning ect for yourself? If not much you may want to start doing these things now before you move out so it'll be less of a shock to you

    I can completely understand your frustrations and why you want to move out though. I love my mum to pieces but I can't stand being back home very much any more. It's so not good for parent/ child relationships to be together 24/7 in adulthood in my experience it leads to just arguments and resentment
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jelly1000)
    Have you thought about the practical things? Once you live on your own you'll need to be able to go into shops e.c.t yourself, you won't have your Mum around to do that for you.
    I have thought about them yes, such as washing, cooking, e.t.c. I actually only recently learned how to change my own bedding, My Mum always used to do it for me as I thought it would be difficult, but I changed it for myself recently and it was much easier than I thought it would be.

    I can go into some shops by myself even though it makes me very anxious, but I do feel much better if my Mum goes in for me .
    (Original post by Origami Bullets)
    Have you thought about going into supported housing for a while as a sort of half way house that would allow you to get used to living more independently, before going for complete independence later on?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    No, I do think that would be a very good advice but due to my anxiety and social awkwardness I prefer my own company and mixing with other people, in this case most likely people I won't know and sharing a home with them does not appeal to me at all but it is a very good idea, thank you.


    (Original post by Origami Bullets)
    Have you thought about going into supported housing for a while as a sort of half way house that would allow you to get used to living more independently, before going for complete independence later on?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Have you thought about the cost element of it? If you're living entirely on benefits money is going to be very tight, trust me I know. You're going to want to write up a proper budget plan.

    You'll also want to consider bills, you'll need to set up all your own bill accounts and put utilities in your own name on top of rent. Which can be stressful for someone who doesn't suffer from your illnesses (I find it incredibly stressful), and considering you've never had to do it before you may need some support getting on your feet.

    Finding a landlord may be hard as well, a lot of landlords won't accept DSS tenants so you may be stretched for places you can live.

    You'll also need to consider furnishings and getting all your own stuff, can you afford to furnish yourself? If not you'll have to find a furnished place with as above may be more difficult.

    How much experience have you had in the past with living independently? i.e shopping, cooking, cleaning ect for yourself? If not much you may want to start doing these things now before you move out so it'll be less of a shock to you

    I can completely understand your frustrations and why you want to move out though. I love my mum to pieces but I can't stand being back home very much any more. It's so not good for parent/ child relationships to be together 24/7 in adulthood in my experience it leads to just arguments and resentment
    you are so right. there is a lot of expense in moving out. I really need to weigh up the costs.

    I understand some landlords may be put off renting a place to people on benefits so therefore I will have to just ask or look around. I rely solely on my ESA and DLA atm which is around £850 per month.

    setting up all bills/rent in my name probably will be very difficult , I may have to get my Mum to set it up for me and then she can explain it all to me later on

    I have some experience in some aspects of house keeping and shopping e.t.c., recently learned how to change my bedding, I can cook , I can go shopping in certain shops without feeling extremely anxious, I can use the dryer, I use the hoover almost everyday, I don't really know how to iron yet or use the washing machine and probably don't really know how to empty the bin either. Thank you for the advice here, it is a very good idea, maybe I can begin learning how to use the washing machine, how to iron and how to empty a bin, it will help me cope better once I have my own place

    I have some furnishings and I have family members who can decorate for me, My Mus is a great decorator, she is fantastic at decoprating so she will be more than happy to help me.



    oh, I know what you mean, it can be so frustrating living at home as an adult, especially as you have basically grown up with them all through childhood. You are right, it certainly can create tension spending too much time together.


    Thank you for helping and giving your advice, I take much of it on board and I feel more aware of what to expect now than what I did before.




    thank you
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I love life)
    I have thought about them yes, such as washing, cooking, e.t.c. I actually only recently learned how to change my own bedding, My Mum always used to do it for me as I thought it would be difficult, but I changed it for myself recently and it was much easier than I thought it would be.

    I can go into some shops by myself even though it makes me very anxious, but I do feel much better if my Mum goes in for me .


    No, I do think that would be a very good advice but due to my anxiety and social awkwardness I prefer my own company and mixing with other people, in this case most likely people I won't know and sharing a home with them does not appeal to me at all but it is a very good idea, thank you.






    you are so right. there is a lot of expense in moving out. I really need to weigh up the costs.

    I understand some landlords may be put off renting a place to people on benefits so therefore I will have to just ask or look around. I rely solely on my ESA and DLA atm which is around £850 per month.

    setting up all bills/rent in my name probably will be very difficult , I may have to get my Mum to set it up for me and then she can explain it all to me later on

    I have some experience in some aspects of house keeping and shopping e.t.c., recently learned how to change my bedding, I can cook , I can go shopping in certain shops without feeling extremely anxious, I can use the dryer, I use the hoover almost everyday, I don't really know how to iron yet or use the washing machine and probably don't really know how to empty the bin either. Thank you for the advice here, it is a very good idea, maybe I can begin learning how to use the washing machine, how to iron and how to empty a bin, it will help me cope better once I have my own place

    I have some furnishings and I have family members who can decorate for me, My Mus is a great decorator, she is fantastic at decoprating so she will be more than happy to help me.



    oh, I know what you mean, it can be so frustrating living at home as an adult, especially as you have basically grown up with them all through childhood. You are right, it certainly can create tension spending too much time together.


    Thank you for helping and giving your advice, I take much of it on board and I feel more aware of what to expect now than what I did before.




    thank you

    Okay, well it's good you've taken this all on board.

    And you definitely need to start doing all of those things (and more) to prepare yourself for an independent life.

    Good luck and feel free to message if you have any questions.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Okay, well it's good you've taken this all on board.

    And you definitely need to start doing all of those things (and more) to prepare yourself for an independent life.

    Good luck and feel free to message if you have any questions.

    I have taken it on board, thank you for your time and advice.

    I will try doing the things I struggle with more often until I get used to and find them easier.

    I will do, and many thanks
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I would recommended first off

    1. Go travel somewhere for a few weeks by yourself
    2. Or just stay in a hotel somewhere across the UK
    if that goes as planned
    3. Then look for a job locally to where you already are
    4. Obtain the job and then look for a place of your own after determining your budget etc.

    I think this is the easiest way with anxiety. No rush.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Bill_Gates)
    I would recommended first off

    1. Go travel somewhere for a few weeks by yourself
    2. Or just stay in a hotel somewhere across the UK
    if that goes as planned
    3. Then look for a job locally to where you already are
    4. Obtain the job and then look for a place of your own after determining your budget etc.

    I think this is the easiest way with anxiety. No rush.


    Good advice. cheers
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by I love life)
    Good advice. cheers
    don't mention it, don't let your age or your past hold you back in life. Lot's of people out there in worse situations or who can't be here today for no fault of their own.

    Life is not a race. One step at a time buddy.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Bill_Gates)
    don't mention it, don't let your age or your past hold you back in life. Lot's of people out there in worse situations or who can't be here today for no fault of their own.

    Life is not a race. One step at a time buddy.
    (Original post by Bill_Gates)
    don't mention it, don't let your age or your past hold you back in life. Lot's of people out there in worse situations or who can't be here today for no fault of their own.

    Life is not a race. One step at a time buddy.


    Thank you !

    I appreciate everything you said here, thank you, and I like what you said about not letting our age or past hold us back in life, that is so true !
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 18, 2016
Poll
Do you think parents should charge rent?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.