Barriers blocking my way to Succeeding in my Career help is required urgently long

Hi all,

As the anon function was disabled I created a new account therefore i would ike to talk about a lot of issues I have in regards to succeeding in life which I want to feel comfortable in posting as an anonymous user. I do apologise if this turns out to be long, but it needs to be raised as it is troubling me for a very long time.
I have a lot on my plate at the moment but the most thing that is worrying me and getting me anxious is my job. My work involves tax, courts, bailiffs, and much more, normally people at the age of 18 would not get a job like this at such a young age, you would be required to get a degree and be educated to work in a private company such as myself...it wasnt easy getting this job I must say and I had tried 6 times already for the job as I was desperate.

When I started working I was the most excited person there as this was my first proper job. My job involves dealing with court orders, speaking with baillifs, taxes, taking money of customers and doing calculations over the system. I am normally at the phones all day (call centre) but if my manager is in a good mood she would send me out and let me deal with people face to face, so it varies. Moving foward my aim in life is to be very succesful, i want to be a rich business women and my career comes first in everything but there are several things that hold me back to it, now this is where the problem comes in.

My father works in a different department to mine but deals with similar stuff as myself but he is more of a senior there, and just incase your thinking "oh she got the job because of her father", no he told me to apply alone by myself and after several applications being sent off online, with several emails to the head of department i got somewhere. My father tells me a lot of people are jealous that I have got this job, they think i got this because of him and that isnt true. He tells me to literally "lick the managers a double snakes" (if you get what i mean), he told me if the manager is nasty to you, dont be nasty back, dont be mean with her, dont talk bad about her, dont bitch about her to anyone, and even if she is nasty with you dont be nasty back.

Taking his advise on board I have bought this manager lots of presents on her birthday, on christmas, thanking her for everything, inviting her to my house and smothering her with comments which i totally dont mean. I feel I am not being myself here, i am not a bitchy person at all but i dislike giving complimens when they mean utter crap. I am a very honest person. Now after doing all this because of fathers advice, i am litterally scared of her.
In other words nervous around her, i feel as if she will fire me and i will lose my job and be unemployed. Thats how i feel, i feel as if , if i dont be nice to her or express my honest opinions to her she will either fire me or wont help me in anything in my future devolpment of success, this feeling is very horrible and it makes me very upset, i just dont think I can be myself around her. It seems to me she has her favourites, and i feel jelous of this all because i cant seem to be comfortable around her.

My manager is the head of all departments and I want to get closer to her so I can be succesful in my career life, as selfish as this may sound I dont give a toss about her, she has nothing to do with me. All I want is to be me around her and not this person that my father has told me to be. And when i raise this with my father hes like " Your too scared of her and you fear her, you need to be more open with her" and its true, I dont want to be scared of her and i dont want to fear her, but because of a previous job experience i fear getting fired. (With my previous job working in a state agent they only hired me for a month and after a month they said the do not wish to take upon a Saturday person, which left me feeling depressed and very sad, they were also very unproffesional and they found another person instead).

Sometimes I think perhaps the issue of me not having the same interests as the people I work with may be another factor that I may not be "one of them", maybe its because i am of a different culture and background that they may feel like this towards me. The majority of my team is not asian,I am the only young asian girl that works there, and who doesnt drink, smoke or talk about crap in other words making fun out of someone else. I dont have a problem with anyone drinking or smoking, but just because im not like them it doesnt mean i should be outcasted, perhaps its because i am nervous and anxious all the time that prevents me from talking and being myself.

During team meetings i dont contribute as much as i want to , as i feel i might get bitched at, i get tongue twisted and forget what im saying whilst speaking to seniors who im not comfortable with, i would either be like this " Hi Natalie* i wanted to ask you -long pause- umm that ummm oh damn i cant remember sorry natalie* ah oh i remember now" then the process will start again and then she would make a face durng the end of it.

Then I feel nervous, i try so hard being comfortable and talking openly but my throat gets dried and feels funny and i cant talk, i mumble. When this is really not what i am like, i am really a honest, talkative, hardworking person.
My job is i must say rathar boring and i dont enjoy it at all , my father tells me "you must learn the legislation, once you know it you wont ever in life feel your in poverty" but i find my job boring i have been working there for 9 months now, going on 10, and i havent learnt much other than the other legislation of council tax, the other legislation things i have learnt are so boring and i cant be asked to learn it because i find it so boring.

The only reason why im staying in this job is because the money is very very good even if i am part time and doing A-levels otherwise im deadly bored.
I sit down all the time and i find it increadibly annoying. I want a job like "the apprentice" where theres a lot of team work , lots of activities, lots of business and lots of challenge, with a great amount of money and for heavens sake no self esteem, or any nervousness around managers or a** licking of managers. im sick of it.
My father tells me "if you dont a** lick these managers they will make your life hell" he has the experience of it all but im sick of it.

I dont know what to do, its getting to me, also as my company is able to support me in degrees, i asked my manager if she could and she was very helpful at first as in another department there was a human resources manager who helped me a lot and i know she was going to help me as she was determined to i saw it in her eyes, and she sent me very useful links as well but she left after a month and then came a new HR lady manager who was pathetic tellling me they cant help me as they dont have funds and she
just left it. My father told me to stop pestering them as the hr department would start disliking me, and taking my fathers words i left it, but theres this person in me that wants to fight for my rights but my father and people are letting me down on this, i have no idea what to do, im lost, this whole rant seems to not make sense as i have rambled and i am not having a good time.

I want to be successful, i want to be at a very high position by the time I am 21-22 and earning well. I am only 18 but with my kind of motivation I can get very high, just with all these barriers blocking my way I cant seem to get my courage out, how can I ? what to do? where to go? whats my first step?
I am very confused as you can see and increadibly lost.

if you got this far well done and thanks for helping and reading. i just had to let it out, there are also other issues but i will post much later.

I would appreciate it very much if people didnt back fire or point fingers directly to me and not be nasty as i dont want to take any form of rudeness here, i need sensible advice and help and very serious mature responses as i am lost. So I ask TSR to help me when I need it most.

Regards

Reply 1

Angelil

First thing is you have to chill out. While to an extent your father is right in saying you mustn't backchat your manager, don't be nasty to them even if they're nasty to you etc etc., there's a difference between this and being a plain arse-kisser. If you're doing things like buying the manager presents on her birthday and delivering insincere compliments, then the fact that you don't mean it will show. There is a happy medium, and all this imagining that you're going to get fired is probably just that - you imagining it. I'm sure you do a great job, just don't be so nervous about getting fired etc when you're probably not going to be!

The other major thing is that you need to be more realistic about how far you can reasonably progress in your career in the time you're talking about. These competitive careers take so long to break into - be happy you've got a job in the area you want and be happy to progress one tiny baby step at a time.

Re: socialising with your colleagues - can you not still go to the pub with them and just not drink alcohol? I understand that it can be difficult but as with the arse-kissing thing, there is a middle way.

Finally you probably need to get more confidence in yourself - I know it sounds silly, but stand in your bedroom (or anywhere you can be alone really) and practise being assertive. Imagine how a conversation's going to go, how someone might talk to you, and imagine what you'll say back and how you'll say it. That's really all I can suggest. What's really needed in all of this is a change of attitude, and that has to come from you. I wish you all the best with it.

Reply 2

Ginger_Rogers

I would advise you to stop taking everything your father says as gospel too. Ok, he may know what he is talking about in these situations, but you need to make your own decisions. You can't have him telling you which course of action to take at work for the rest of your life.

Reply 3

If you want to move up quickly in 3-4 years, your best bet is to get a degree and you need to go back to HR and push them to find funding for you to do one - or if not, arrange some other way for you to go get a degree and then return to your job after. It honestly doesn't matter if HR are pissed off with you in a big organisation, it will have no impact on your job.

Reply 4

Adam83

what do you want advice on?

my advice would be slow down, what if you were to get to a very high position at a young age? where would you go from there, especially in a job you do not like very much?

i dont think you can force your courage, in any case its not really courage you need, its confidence, which comes from making your own decisions, having a wide experience of different things and most importantly, being good at your job.

Reply 5

crema

1) Stop buying your manager presents, inviting her over etc. Don't mix business with pleasure. It just starts to seem like stalking and bribing after a while.

2) No-one likes an arse kisser. It really does show and usually it annoyes people profoundly, whether they be at the receiving end of your licking or just watching from the side. This obviously affects your relationship with fellow workers. Be courteous and polite, not false.

3) Be good at your job. Take maybe extra courses, work hard to learn the relevant issues, gain extra skills and attempt to take as much extra responsibility there is. If there is a need for something specific to be done, volunteer to do it if it teaches you something or would add up to your job positively. It is up to you to make your job more challenging.

4) Be a valuable part of the team, make your managers respect you for the results you deliver and after that ask them to back you up with HR and funding you the degree.

All in all, stop being your dad's puppet, show some integrity and take your job seriously. And Angelil's advice about raising your confidence would not go amiss either.

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