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Asexuals: when and how did you know? watch

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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    Dammit, another person fallen to the stupid agenda.

    You're straight, but you just haven't/ don't enjoy sex much. That's completely normal, don't let people say you have to identify as some stupidly specific sexuality. You're straight, with a low desire for sex. Simple as. For example, if I dislike meat, and never eat it because it tastes bad, doesn't mean I'm vegan. I just don't enjoy it. Simple as.

    Society over complicates everything ffs
    I agree that there's a lot of made up sexualities but if you actually look up research papers you'll find that asexuality is the real deal.
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    OP I'm the weirdo of this thread: I'm asexual, specifically demi sexual, and I've just passed six months of being in a relationship.

    I've always noticed I never fancied people the way others at school did. I rarely got crushes, the idea of kissing and sex didn't appeal to me (kissing doesn't repulse me as much now since meeting my boyfriend but sex still holds absolutely no significance to me).

    At first I thought I was bisexual. If I wasn't fancying men as much as normal then I thought I must be attracted to girls too. And I tried to convince myself of it, but I never really succeeded.

    Hence we come to asexuality and I'm comfortable with that. Masturbation? :laugh: Nope. And I really thought I'd never be in a relationship. I'm capable of love though. And then I moved to uni and met my boyfriend. He's absolutely wonderful. Yes, I do have attraction to him but it's emotional attraction first followed by good looks. Someone could be the hottest looking person in the world and they would do **** all for me.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    OP I'm the weirdo of this thread: I'm asexual, specifically demi sexual, and I've just passed six months of being in a relationship.

    I've always noticed I never fancied people the way others at school did. I rarely got crushes, the idea of kissing and sex didn't appeal to me (kissing doesn't repulse me as much now since meeting my boyfriend but sex still holds absolutely no significance to me).

    At first I thought I was bisexual. If I wasn't fancying men as much as normal then I thought I must be attracted to girls too. And I tried to convince myself of it, but I never really succeeded.

    Hence we come to asexuality and I'm comfortable with that. Masturbation? :laugh: Nope. And I really thought I'd never be in a relationship. I'm capable of love though. And then I moved to uni and met my boyfriend. He's absolutely wonderful. Yes, I do have attraction to him but it's emotional attraction first followed by good looks. Someone could be the hottest looking person in the world and they would do **** all for me.
    So I would stand a chance? Noted.

    I'm kidding

    I don't even know what I am tbh

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    (Original post by Andy98)
    So I would stand a chance? Noted.

    I'm kidding

    I don't even know what I am tbh

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    Not unless you're a genius.

    People don't really need to rush to label themselves. I made that mistake and tbh looking back on it, it was a stupid mistake to make. Go with whatever you want!
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    Not unless you're a genius.

    People don't really need to rush to label themselves. I made that mistake and tbh looking back on it, it was a stupid mistake to make. Go with whatever you want!
    Tbh I just don't give a **** about the label - other people can try labeling me if they want but I'll just do whatever

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, this sounds about right! When I was in primary school I would find a boy that annoyed me less than the others and decide that I would like him. But I genuinely do not know what sexual or romantic attraction even feels like. For all I know, I could be attracted to everyone all the time. The worst part of it is that I was in a relationship for a year and a half, and while I got comfortable with him, so much of it was a lie. I basically felt terrible the whole time. I didn't want to get into it in the first place, but I gave up on saying no. I've been looking at everyone around me and trying to picture myself in a relationship with them, but no matter who it is, just the idea pisses me off slightly (I guess aromanticism comes into play here).
    I think the main reason why I don't want to decide on what exactly I am is because I'm scared I'll suddenly develop these feelings and have to explain it to everyone.
    Not knowing what sexual/ romantic attraction feels like was a huge thing behind my confusion too- I was like 'but what if I am feeling it, I just don't realise?' But then I thought that the fact I didn't know probably means I'm not feeling it- it comes naturally to everyone else! There's a couple of interesting threads about this on AVEN if you hunt around a bit.
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    Dammit, another person fallen to the stupid agenda.

    You're straight, but you just haven't/ don't enjoy sex much. That's completely normal, don't let people say you have to identify as some stupidly specific sexuality. You're straight, with a low desire for sex. Simple as. For example, if I dislike meat, and never eat it because it tastes bad, doesn't mean I'm vegan. I just don't enjoy it. Simple as.

    Society over complicates everything ffs
    You, sir, are shallow minded Next time, come back with having learned the terms, traits and with the respect for such people. No, he may not be 'straight'. Yes, he may be 'straight'. But if he says he doesn't feel a sexual attraction or desire to either gender, he is not straight. He is asexual. Keep up with changing times. There is more to life than meets the eye, especially when the eye is as narrow as yours.
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    (Original post by morgan8002)
    I think that's roughly the generally accepted definition. What do you think straight means?
    You agenda is very obvious seeing as even you used the words "roughly" and "generally". Definitions are always a bit shaky, since all the dictionaries alter the wording slightly, and definitions get changed when enough people complain. Such as the legal definition of rape, including the idea that you cannot rape without penetration, which is just absurd. People always will just pick the definition that suits their agenda. Straight to me was always the preference of the other sex for relationships, whether romantic, sexual or not.
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    (Original post by Airmed)
    That's your opinion though. No one here is saying that the OP needs to identify as xyz, he just asking a question to people who have decided that they are aexual how did they come to that conclusion.
    And you're the type of people that take the moral unbiased view, supporting everybodies freedom, which ends up making the OP falling for the agenda. But it's okay, I have no power over what you think or do.
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    (Original post by Peroxidation)
    I agree that there's a lot of made up sexualities but if you actually look up research papers you'll find that asexuality is the real deal.
    Yeah all I can find is surveys, which are completely unreliable.

    Although I'm willing to learn if you can show me what you're referring too more specifically?
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    (Original post by Tinemither)
    You, sir, are shallow minded Next time, come back with having learned the terms, traits and with the respect for such people. No, he may not be 'straight'. Yes, he may be 'straight'. But if he says he doesn't feel a sexual attraction or desire to either gender, he is not straight. He is asexual. Keep up with changing times. There is more to life than meets the eye, especially when the eye is as narrow as yours.
    Wow look, another bigoted person.

    "I'm right, you're wrong" is the only vibe I'm getting from this, which conveys the idea that you're not going to be persuaded against this idiocy of an agenda so I'm not even going to try.

    And the only way to get me change my views is to come up with a good argument, which you seem uncapable of. All you know is insults, so I hope that works well for you when trying to convince others.
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    And you're the type of people that take the moral unbiased view, supporting everybodies freedom, which ends up making the OP falling for the agenda. But it's okay, I have no power over what you think or do.
    Unless you have anything positive for this thread I suggest leaving the subject alone.
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    Yeah all I can find is surveys, which are completely unreliable.

    Although I'm willing to learn if you can show me what you're referring too more specifically?
    Sure, I'll post some links when I get home
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    You agenda is very obvious seeing as even you used the words "roughly" and "generally". Definitions are always a bit shaky, since all the dictionaries alter the wording slightly, and definitions get changed when enough people complain. Such as the legal definition of rape, including the idea that you cannot rape without penetration, which is just absurd. People always will just pick the definition that suits their agenda. Straight to me was always the preference of the other sex for relationships, whether romantic, sexual or not.
    I should hope that my agenda is clear. I said roughly because there were some things missing from the definition, but I couldn't be bothered to write out a full one and I think it's quite a simple concept so an intuitive definition works, similarly to intuitive definitions of limits in maths. Not rigorous, but good enough for the situation. I said generally because you seem to disagree. Definitions for social ideas will always be a bit shaky, such is the nature of the subject. I agree that the legal definition of rape should be changed.
    That's an interesting definition. It means that few people are straight since a non-sexual non-romantic relationship is platonic and people tend to have more friends of their own sex.
    What is your agenda?
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    (Original post by Peroxidation)
    Sure, I'll post some links when I get home
    Thank you very much!

    (Original post by morgan8002)
    I should hope that my agenda is clear. I said roughly because there were some things missing from the definition, but I couldn't be bothered to write out a full one and I think it's quite a simple concept so an intuitive definition works, similarly to intuitive definitions of limits in maths. Not rigorous, but good enough for the situation. I said generally because you seem to disagree. Definitions for social ideas will always be a bit shaky, such is the nature of the subject. I agree that the legal definition of rape should be changed.
    That's an interesting definition. It means that few people are straight since a non-sexual non-romantic relationship is platonic and people tend to have more friends of their own sex.
    What is your agenda?
    A friendship is not a relationship, I don't want to marry my friends -_-

    To stop people falling for others' agendas. That's my agenda.
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    (Original post by ComputerMaths97)
    Thank you very much!



    A friendship is not a relationship, I don't want to marry my friends -_-

    To stop people falling for others' agendas. That's my agenda.
    Sorry, I got distracted. here's some links:

    http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandst...g-the-asexuals
    http://yas.sagepub.com/content/27/3/334.short
    http://sex.sagepub.com/content/14/4/462.short
    http://sex.sagepub.com/content/11/5/621.short
    https://books.google.co.uk/books?hl=...iology&f=false

    Unfortunately, since asexuality seems so bizarre to most people and since sex plays an important role in media and other things asexuality has been repeatedly brushed under the rug. Because of this very little funding is provided for researchers who're interested in the topic, so few papers are available, though those that are available all emphasize that asexuality is not only a real sexuality, it's actually pretty common (1% of the world's population is asexual). It's like the world wants to ignore the whole issue most of the time :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been considering the possibility that I'm asexual for over three years, but I keep going back to square one. I'm a bit fed up of going back and forth, and there have been situations when I was asked about my orientation, and just couldn't get any words out. I always end up saying straight, because that's the default option, and probably the most likely, but it feels so forced and unnatural.

    Whilst I realise that most people know form the first time they hear about asexuality, there are also others who were once at the same stage as myself.

    My question is: was there a defining moment in your life when you knew for sure that you are asexual? Did you go through this phase of mixed feelings? How old were you when you realised?

    Normally I couldn't care less about something like this, but I want to (a) be able to give a straight answer when asked (pun unintended), and (b) organise my thoughts on the matter a little.

    Thanks for sharing!
    It's something that I've been questioning about myself for quite a few years now. Sometimes I'm really not bothered by it, and sometimes I'm really bothered and start researching asexuality like mad.

    I realised through talking to an asexual friend about how they first realised they were asexual. She was saying how she couldn't understand how other girls would look at guys and be like "omg he is so hot and sexy etc". And their thoughts were about wanting to kiss/sexual related thoughts. When all she thought was the guy had a nice face (ie. she thought he was just aesthetically attractive. XD

    It was then, that I realised I just used to copy my friends and call guys 'hot' even when I didn't really see what all the fuss was about. So yeah, I'm not really sexually attracted to guys. It's more just I think they're good looking.

    Also, another thing which made me question it was low/lack of sex drive. For example, I just don't really think about sex that much. Like it really just doesn't cross my mind unless prompted by someone else. Whereas my boyfriend (well, he's a sexual guy) so....he thinks about it a lot. :L

    For me, I have moments of clarity when I realise I am asexual, and other times when I just really don't know.

    I'd say, just try and find out about others' experiences of asexuality, and it will probably help you put your sexuality in perspective. Sexuality is so fluid and it's something that's kinda hard to pin down and analyse. For example, sometimes I feel totally asexual and sometimes I feel like I am but also just slightly have the slight sexual attraction for someone but not really.

    Also remember, asexuality comes in lots of forms. For example, some asexuals simply don't want to have sex cos it repulses them, or they just don't see anything in it. Whereas, some asexuals don't mind having sex.

    Feel free to PM me if you have any questions
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    (Original post by sheepishewe)
    I know exactly what you mean- I keep overanalysing and questioning myself all the time, and I've been in situations where I feel like I'm lying by omission about my (a)sexuality, and then I question myself again and wonder whether I am asexual after all. For me, realising I was asexual came from realising that my confusion over whether I was gay/ straight didn't arise from me being bi or just confused- I didn't know because I literally didn't experience attraction to either. At all. It made sense of my confusion. It was really just a retrospective moment where I looked back at myself and thought 'oh, that makes sense now.' I still question myself occasionally, but I just realised that it just rationalises everything for me, and just fits who I am, if that makes sense?
    God I totally relate to this - the whole overanalysing and questioning it, then (kinda) accepting it, then still questioning it. Then you understand why you always felt a little bit different to everyone. Then you accept it again. And still question it occasionally. Story of my life haha.
 
 
 
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