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She's going back to her boyfriend and I feel desolate Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was, until she told me last week. I think she can fool herself into thinking she loves him. They have a nice new apartment and all the nice scenery etc. But that is none of my business.

    He's an older guy in his 30's who went back to university, sounds like a cool guy. But I can't accept a girl like that, I can't be option B.

    I am thinking about the other bloke, hence my pretty much instant decision to tell her I am not going to see her anymore. The way she told me just casually was just a bit too much for me, she can quite easily **** around with my feelings too if that is how she treats the supposed guy she loves.

    I had to be harsh to do the right thing.
    At least your willing to empathise from the mans perspective. Most cheatee's wouldn't really give a damn. I think this thread says a lot about her character than it does yours or her innocent partners. She's obviously very selfish-- and he would seem like a very studious, hard working man and a good provider I assume?

    I wonder, that if he should find out, would she change her tune?

    I bet, he is her safe bet- the comfortable boyfriend.

    Your being very wise- yeah she's probably more than capable of screwing your emotions/feelings as much as she is doing to him, don't give her the opportunity to butter you up. Get out. Before she dumps him and gets with you- then the game starts over.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It was my choice to leave her, she wanted to meet up every month when she came back north to visit her family. Basically, she wanted an 'affair'. I was like "Nah" and told her I never wanted to really see her again.
    There was a chance yes. If I wanted to be a "lad" then I could quite easily have played the whole "I love you" game , but hey, my sense of good morality is not so absent. I think I can walk away from this knowing I actually did nothing wrong.

    Are you saying that I should manipulate her just to 'play well'? :lol:
    Woah, so she didn't want to stop the affair?

    It's contradictory of her to suggest that as soon as she moved into her new place with her partner that her feelings for him will return, when she then suggests to you that she wants to meet you monthly for a fumble. Says a lot about her- and that- her 'feelings' don't make a jot of difference, so long as she gets her slice of cake to eat. She doesn't give a hoot about him or indeed you.

    If she cared enough for him, she'd attempt to end what you and her have- not pester you for an affair.

    Women like the one you describe make me lose faith in finding love- and increase paranoia/insecurity.

    Sometimes it's the allure of the forbidden fruit that we sometimes fall prey too, however, always be mindful of others involved, stay clear of her.
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    (Original post by royal1990)
    At least your willing to empathise from the mans perspective. Most cheatee's wouldn't really give a damn. I think this thread says a lot about her character than it does yours or her innocent partners. She's obviously very selfish-- and he would seem like a very studious, hard working man and a good provider I assume?

    I wonder, that if he should find out, would she change her tune?

    I bet, he is her safe bet- the comfortable boyfriend.

    Your being very wise- yeah she's probably more than capable of screwing your emotions/feelings as much as she is doing to him, don't give her the opportunity to butter you up. Get out. Before she dumps him and gets with you- then the game starts over.
    He actually sounds like a cool guy, he dj's in Ibiza. I did not like the way she started talking about him as if to make me feel jealous. I don't know why she thought I would accept that kind of talking? Why would I wait for her every month and throw my affection/dates/time to her (which cost money!)? It is just nonsensical thinking.

    Yes, I want her, I have my feelings for her from when I thought everything was a normal relationship. But I am just hurt by it all and to be honest she does not even exist to me anymore, I made sure I would never see her again from what I said to her tonight.
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    With the way she is, she is most likely with the boyfriend for the long haul. They are getting a new expensive house long term and I don't think he will ever find out, really. It is strange, in some ways she is very mature. The saving of money, the lack of a real "partying" attitude. I get the sense she is a really good actress with him and he has no idea. Really quite unassuming. I think with him she must be a totally different person, she had me fooled. But whatever...

    And it really does depress me. It makes me doubt whether you can really know the true nature of your partner. This is pushing me more and more towards the free spirited lifestyle. No attachments. Just make the money, keep hitting the gym and have my fun along the way.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He actually sounds like a cool guy, he dj's in Ibiza. I did not like the way she started talking about him as if to make me feel jealous. I don't know why she thought I would accept that kind of talking? Why would I wait for her every month and throw my affection/dates/time to her (which cost money!)? It is just nonsensical thinking.

    Yes, I want her, I have my feelings for her from when I thought everything was a normal relationship. But I am just hurt by it all and to be honest she does not even exist to me anymore, I made sure I would never see her again from what I said to her tonight.
    Yeah, it isn't fair on either of you. She's used you, and is literally using him. I'd rather be you in this love triangle, because at least you know the truth man. He still has no idea, and I think that that is a horrible thing. I feel sorry for him, as should you.

    It's a lesson learned, or should be in your eyes. Don't beat yourself up too much, you weren't aware of him to start with, and quite simply, she seems good at spinning/weaving lies and deceiving folk. You are armed with the knowledge that she's bad news, he isn't.

    Draw a line under sand and spare a thought for him.

    Alternatively, if you feel strongly, I'd even consider telling him (know you don't want to be a home wrecker, but she's already done that, you were the single party here). You went into this naively not knowing of his existence, technically you did nothing wrong. (Err on the side of caution with this suggestion).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    With the way she is, she is most likely with the boyfriend for the long haul. They are getting a new expensive house long term and I don't think he will ever find out, really. It is strange, in some ways she is very mature. The saving of money, the lack of a real "partying" attitude. I get the sense she is a really good actress with him and he has no idea. Really quite unassuming. I think with him she must be a totally different person, she had me fooled. But whatever...

    And it really does depress me. It makes me doubt whether you can really know the true nature of your partner. This is pushing me more and more towards the free spirited lifestyle. No attachments. Just make the money, keep hitting the gym and have my fun along the way.
    Yes I get that, I feel precisely the same as you. Lack of faith in humanity. Lack of trust. There is literally no wonder we lose hope when people like her exist.

    It is strange that you say she was always very mature, perhaps she's acting so much in that role that she's forgetting how she acts when with you and him. One day she will slip up in front of him, mention your name or something- he will figure.

    How old did she tell you she was?

    Precisely, if she had you fooled, he is well and truly under the thumb. People like that are actually very dangerous and psychopathic to some extent. Manipulative liars, and on grander scales can cause huge psychological, emotional, physical and even financial damages.

    Think about it, if she can do this to two people whom are unsuspecting, it tells me she's done this before. It would be interesting to ask people who know 'her' what she's like, or see how long th string of partners she's had is. Chances are, you may not even get an accurate picture of the real her, because it's buried amongst the countless others she's built. Thing is, I bet she's very good at normalising had rationalising everything she says and does, with ease.

    Now how do you feel about her? Because I'd feel pretty used and angry at her.

    You had a lucky escape. Take this as your lesson.

    I hope he finds out for the sake of his own self esteem. It really does erode confidence been cheated on.

    All the best for the future OP don't beat yourself, move on, and leave this girl to her own game. She's disgusting.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To put a long story short, I have been meeting a girl for sex. We have seen each other several times now, I caught feelings after a while with her. I don't know if she knows how I feel yet.

    She has a boyfriend and they are in a long distance relationship, I know it is wrong but I did not know that she had a boyfriend. I told her I was casually dating other girls too (a lie!). She told me that when they move into their new house together her feelings for him will come back. They have this really nice countryside house and she sounds like she is crazy for him. This hints that I am unlikely to ever see her again.

    She is moving to another city next week and I just cannot sleep or stop thinking about her. At the same time I don't want to admit how I feel for her because I know that I am likely to get rejected.

    It is all just a bit ****. I wish I knew what a difficult situation this would be, in which case I would never have pursued her.
    She's a whore forget about her
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To put a long story short, I have been meeting a girl for sex. We have seen each other several times now, I caught feelings after a while with her. I don't know if she knows how I feel yet.

    She has a boyfriend and they are in a long distance relationship, I know it is wrong but I did not know that she had a boyfriend. I told her I was casually dating other girls too (a lie!). She told me that when they move into their new house together her feelings for him will come back. They have this really nice countryside house and she sounds like she is crazy for him. This hints that I am unlikely to ever see her again.

    She is moving to another city next week and I just cannot sleep or stop thinking about her. At the same time I don't want to admit how I feel for her because I know that I am likely to get rejected.

    It is all just a bit ****. I wish I knew what a difficult situation this would be, in which case I would never have pursued her.
    I think you just need time out, it's natural to get feelings after you have been in an intimate relationship.. They might not even be true feelings. The way you started the relationship isn't exactly a story you'd share with your kids about how you met... Time heals all wounds. Maybe be honest with her though, tell her you have feelings for her. Just so you've go it out there.. Or just try to forget about her and have fun
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    With the way she is, she is most likely with the boyfriend for the long haul. They are getting a new expensive house long term and I don't think he will ever find out, really. It is strange, in some ways she is very mature. The saving of money, the lack of a real "partying" attitude. I get the sense she is a really good actress with him and he has no idea. Really quite unassuming. I think with him she must be a totally different person, she had me fooled. But whatever...

    And it really does depress me. It makes me doubt whether you can really know the true nature of your partner. This is pushing me more and more towards the free spirited lifestyle. No attachments. Just make the money, keep hitting the gym and have my fun along the way.
    One other thing I'd like to mention with regards to her boyfriend being a DJ from Ibiza; he maybe isn't. She may even be lying about that. If she is cheating she'll more than likely want to keep a safe distance between you and him. The less you know about each other the easier the cheating can happen. You'll find that it could be completely fabricated, he actual boyfriend could be someone much closer to home than you think, someone local or someone completely unexpected. Who knows.
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    (Original post by EZR97)
    I think you just need time out, it's natural to get feelings after you have been in an intimate relationship.. They might not even be true feelings. The way you started the relationship isn't exactly a story you'd share with your kids about how you met... Time heals all wounds. Maybe be honest with her though, tell her you have feelings for her. Just so you've go it out there.. Or just try to forget about her and have fun
    She's gone now, today was her moving day. I felt terrible last night, could not sleep, have not been able to have a good night of sleep since I told her that she is not part of my life anymore.

    She did not give a damn about me.

    Eugh. This is all very depressing and I have been in mental pain for days.
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    I'd tell the boyfriend, he deserves to know.
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    (Original post by kirakira99)
    I'd tell the boyfriend, he deserves to know.
    Nah, thats not my job. That would be a very nasty thing to do anyway, it would destroy his life.

    Anyway, I am feeling a lot better now. Had a talk with my Dad and he really put things into perspective. He told me a lot of things that I did not even know, about my future, about everything. I really think that I had a lucky escape given the responsibilities I will have in the future to bring further success to this family. Imagine if I invited this girl into my family and ended up doing something crazy like giving her my surname and rights to my future? I am a lucky man.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Nah, thats not my job. That would be a very nasty thing to do anyway, it would destroy his life.

    Anyway, I am feeling a lot better now. Had a talk with my Dad and he really put things into perspective. He told me a lot of things that I did not even know, about my future, about everything. I really think that I had a lucky escape given the responsibilities I will have in the future to bring further success to this family. Imagine if I invited this girl into my family and ended up doing something crazy like giving her my surname and rights to my future? I am a lucky man.
    Glad you feel better after talking with your Dad.

    I think it's better you realise that this girl wasn't worth the hassle.

    I feel very sorry for her partner, and like the other poster mentioned, I reckon you should tell him.

    It may or may not destroy his life, but he most certainly is destroying it by unknowingly giving his future/rights and potentially his surname to her in the future. It may not be you who is the victim here, but he is.

    Anyhow, glad your sorted with this
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    (Original post by royal1990)
    Glad you feel better after talking with your Dad.

    I think it's better you realise that this girl wasn't worth the hassle.

    I feel very sorry for her partner, and like the other poster mentioned, I reckon you should tell him.

    It may or may not destroy his life, but he most certainly is destroying it by unknowingly giving his future/rights and potentially his surname to her in the future. It may not be you who is the victim here, but he is.

    Anyhow, glad your sorted with this

    The depression I have is terrible to be honest. Why should I increase the pain I am already feeling by involving myself in their lives? Since she is such a good liar he will probably live a happy life in ignorance.

    I am just coming to terms with the fact that to me she is dead and gone. I am really having to take it one day at a time. I can't sleep, I get a few hours of sleep after lying awake till 5-6 in the morning. It is terrible.

    Quite literally the ONLY thing that is keeping me sane is that I have my goals and my prospects. I am in the shape of my life, I am making money. I have it in me to really kick ass. The battle is in my mind, against myself.
 
 
 
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