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Do girls just want you to ''be yourself''? Watch

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    I see many girls/women gives this advice, how they like guys who are ''themselves''. Would this work for most guys who have problems finding love? Remember that most men aren't confident, charming, funny, assertive, ambitious, adventurous and have ''cool'' hobbies (playing guitar etc). Most are either shy or insecure or introverts or nerdy or geeky or boring or don't want a highly stressful/early grave job or have hobbies like playing video games or watching football. Will a woman like a guy more when he passionately describes how he built his latest PC or how he can't wait to go to Tankfest this year?

    So is being yourself all there is to it?
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    (Original post by Daquan)
    I see many girls/women gives this advice, how they like guys who are ''themselves''. Would this work for most guys who have problems ? Remember that most men aren't confident, charming, funny, assertive, ambitious, adventurous and have ''cool'' hobbies (playing guitar etc). Most are either shy or insecure or introverts or nerdy or geeky or boring or don't want a highly stressful/early grave job or have hobbies like playing video games or watching football. Will a woman like a guy more when he passionately describes how he built his latest PC or how he can't wait to go to Tankfest this year?

    So is being yourself all there is to it?
    Pretty much. It's better someone be themselves rather than be fake.
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    Nah that's dumb, there's no such thing as 'being yourself' - yourself is just a collection of habits and prejudices collected in youth, surely now you know better you would like to change these habits?
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    (Original post by cookiemonster15)
    Pretty much. It's better someone be themselves rather than be fake.
    So all these guys who can't find love should just continue being shy, introverted, insecure and simply tell the girl how excited they feel about overclocking their CPU while describing the technical process ? That's it?
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    (Original post by Daquan)
    I see many girls/women gives this advice, how they like guys who are ''themselves''. Would this work for most guys who have problems finding love? Remember that most men aren't confident, charming, funny, assertive, ambitious, adventurous and have ''cool'' hobbies (playing guitar etc). Most are either shy or insecure or introverts or nerdy or geeky or boring or don't want a highly stressful/early grave job or have hobbies like playing video games or watching football. Will a woman like a guy more when he passionately describes how he built his latest PC or how he can't wait to go to Tankfest this year?

    So is being yourself all there is to it?
    It's not quite like that.

    Girls of course have preferences to what sort of guy they like. Some like guys that play video games and some don't.

    The thing is, what they mean by 'be yourself', is that if you're not really into sport or whatever they like, then you shouldn't pretend to just for them. That also means that if you reveal that you like video games or whatever (just an example) then they won't be into you either. You've just gotta accept the fact that there are some girls you just aren't compatible with.

    But if yo be yourself, you may eventually find someone that clicks with your original personality. 'Be yourself' doesn't mean that every girl's going to swoon for you when you talk about gaming PC's or whatever, but it does mean that you have a greater chance of finding someone who likes you for you.
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    I think being yourself means being confident in yourself. How you feel when you're around a good friend you've known for ages, or how you don't hold back and alter yourself because they accept you the way you are. Being worried about saying the 'right thing' which will in turn dampen your confidence overall and then probably make you quite discomforting for company, even more so when you're trying so hard to say something you normally wouldn't say and you deliver it wrong.

    Although you don't have to go full flow when they're just getting to know you, unless they are too, just ease them into it and level up gradually if things are clicking together.
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    (Original post by Abstract_Prism)
    It's not quite like that.

    Girls of course have preferences to what sort of guy they like. Some like guys that play video games and some don't.

    The thing is, what they mean by 'be yourself', is that if you're not really into sport or whatever they like, then you shouldn't pretend to just for them. That also means that if you reveal that you like video games or whatever (just an example) then they won't be into you either. You've just gotta accept the fact that there are some girls you just aren't compatible with.

    But if yo be yourself, you may eventually find someone that clicks with your original personality. 'Be yourself' doesn't mean that every girl's going to swoon for you when you talk about gaming PC's or whatever, but it does mean that you have a greater chance of finding someone who likes you for you.
    The problem is the ''some'' part. How many girls will be impressed with a guy who is in a band/plays youth footy for a pro club compared to a guy who has a great arena rating in wow or is a great chess player? The ratio is the issue here. How many girls would prefer the latter? Even breaking double digits percentage wise would be a gargantuan task.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    Nah that's dumb, there's no such thing as 'being yourself' - yourself is just a collection of habits and prejudices collected in youth, surely now you know better you would like to change these habits?
    Well part of our personality is also defined by nature (anything from hormone levels to autism to IQ etc) so most of the things I mentioned are at least partially non-societal.
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    only if 'yourself' means funny, attractive, confident and intelligent (not so important these days)


    let the ****


    meet the storm


    :smug:
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    (Original post by Shillary)
    only if 'yourself' means funny, attractive, confident and intelligent (not so important these days)


    let the ****


    meet the storm


    :smug:
    Intelligence is valued just not theoretical bs, if you sit and talk to me about the illustrations of Ludwig Richter i'd like you, if you sit and talk to me about postmodern 'hyperdynamic cultural bs' or whatever it is these days that doesn't make sense and is just a load of pretentious rubbish i'll tell you to get your phenomenlogical ass out of here
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    (Original post by Daquan)
    So all these guys who can't find love should just continue being shy, introverted, insecure and simply tell the girl how excited they feel about overclocking their CPU while describing the technical process ? That's it?
    Or in my case my opinions on what I think my local council can't ever seem to get right.
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    (Original post by Filing Cabinet)
    Or in my case my opinions on what I think my local council can't ever seem to get right.
    Try asking them if they'd take Barca over Real this year or which ''Alien'' movie is the best in the series. Or what they think about Buffet's current portfolio. But remember to be very passionate/yourself about it, this is all they care about!
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    Surely theyd like to see someone who is themselves rather than someone who is being false and pretending. If you are in person unpleasant, though then I think thats going to be a hard sell.
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    No.

    They want you to be the best version of yourself.

    Want to know why many relationships and marriages end? Because people revert to being 'themselves' rather than the best version of themselves.

    Always strive to be better.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    Intelligence is valued just not theoretical bs, if you sit and talk to me about the illustrations of Ludwig Richter i'd like you, if you sit and talk to me about postmodern 'hyperdynamic cultural bs' or whatever it is these days that doesn't make sense and is just a load of pretentious rubbish i'll tell you to get your phenomenlogical ass out of here
    cool story :erm:
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    (Original post by Daquan)
    The problem is the ''some'' part. How many girls will be impressed with a guy who is in a band/plays youth footy for a pro club compared to a guy who has a great arena rating in wow or is a great chess player? The ratio is the issue here. How many girls would prefer the latter? Even breaking double digits percentage wise would be a gargantuan task.
    But here's the thing: Do you really want to be with a girl who doesn't like you for you?

    At the end of the day, you can pretend to be someone you're not if you want. Heck, you may even get a girl out of it, out of pretending to be a guy in a band/pro footballer. But would you really be happy? Would you be happy having to pretend? Your girl wouldn't be in love with you; she'd be in love with who you're pretending to be.

    I'd much rather bind my time and find the girl who's impressed by my epic chess/WoW skills.

    Besides, I think you're overestimating how many girls would be impressed with the footbal/band thing. The ones that are impressed with it are generally of lower calibre anyway.
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    By being yourself it means admitting your insecurities and not pretending to be someone you arent. *Cos if you end up in a long term relationship then you wikk have to spend a lot of time trying*to be this other person. Personally, i prefer it if i know what a guy is thinking...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    By being yourself it means admitting your insecurities and not pretending to be someone you arent. *Cos if you end up in a long term relationship then you wikk have to spend a lot of time trying*to be this other person. Personally, i prefer it if i know what a guy is thinking...
    But the vast majority of women like guys who are confident, ambitious, assertive, funny, charming, adventurous, creative, have cool hobbies, great careers they love etc etc etc..... What happens to the huge majority of men who do not fit many of these ''standards'', if any? How can they find love when the % of women who would love them for being themselves is barely into double digits, if that?
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    (Original post by Daquan)
    I see many girls/women gives this advice, how they like guys who are ''themselves''. Would this work for most guys who have problems finding love? Remember that most men aren't confident, charming, funny, assertive, ambitious, adventurous and have ''cool'' hobbies (playing guitar etc). Most are either shy or insecure or introverts or nerdy or geeky or boring or don't want a highly stressful/early grave job or have hobbies like playing video games or watching football. Will a woman like a guy more when he passionately describes how he built his latest PC or how he can't wait to go to Tankfest this year?

    So is being yourself all there is to it?
    Pretty much. That's how my man (and my male friends) "reeled" in me and their girlfriends, at least. Most of us have had or are in stable relationships closing in on 3 years now. Some even longer. So yes, be yourself. That really is all you can do.
    However, turning up the charm and giving some extra compliments during the "dating period" doesn't hurt either. My man used to give me the oddest, but most charming(!!), compliments before we became a pair - concerning both my looks and personality, of course. I'm not saying you need to compliment her all around the clock of course, but a weeee biiiiit of extra effort goes a long way.
    Hope I didn't ramble too much, and that it was somewhat understandable...?
    And don't change for anyone. If she doesn't like you as you are now, chances are she never will.
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    (Original post by vonbroten)
    Pretty much. That's how my man (and my male friends) "reeled" in me and their girlfriends, at least. Most of us have had or are in stable relationships closing in on 3 years now. Some even longer. So yes, be yourself. That really is all you can do.
    However, turning up the charm and giving some extra compliments during the "dating period" doesn't hurt either. My man used to give me the oddest, but most charming(!!), compliments before we became a pair - concerning both my looks and personality, of course. I'm not saying you need to compliment her all around the clock of course, but a weeee biiiiit of extra effort goes a long way.
    Hope I didn't ramble too much, and that it was somewhat understandable...?
    And don't change for anyone. If she doesn't like you as you are now, chances are she never will.
    But the vast majority of women like guys who are confident, ambitious, assertive, funny, charming, adventurous, creative, have cool hobbies, great careers they love etc etc etc..... What happens to the huge majority of men who do not fit many of these ''standards'', if any? How can they find love when the % of women who would love them for being themselves is barely into double digits, if that?
 
 
 
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