This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Social anxiety has gotten worst after getting better
- Classroom/Presentation Anxiety at University
- Anxiety making speech worst
- Selective/situational mutism
- did i have ptsd?
- Can I do anything well?
- Settling in to university life late
- Academic misconduct questions
- How to stop blushing
- Stress
- weird social anxiety experience
- How do I go about coping with my anxiety
- too scared to go to my exams
- yearbook anxiety
- Going into teaching with social anxiety, how can I manage this?
- Doctors ignoring my kidney failure
- Gf said I have a small p*nis
- Diverisity What is missing from university?
- Compelling Personal Reasons Guide From Someone Whin Got Accepted
- I don't think I'm ready for university anymore..
Anxiety / sweating problem due to worrying about what people think
Hi guys,
A little background info...
A few years ago, I was bullied in high school. I did well in school and people didn't like that; I was also less "manly" than the other guys and so got called "gay" (didnt even know what the word meant when I was first called it). This went on for years and was only restricted to words but it really affected me.
Now, I can't meet someone new without worrying if they think I'm gay (I am quite camp, although I hate being so). I can't do things in front of people (like presentations or speaking) in case I say it in a 'gay' way and get made fun of again like before. Don't get me wrong - I have got nothing at all against being gay / gay people but I'm really, really worried that people will make comments like before and make me feel stupid and isolated.
This worrying causes me to start sweating which is really irrational, I know. It's horrible though. I have to admit I only feel this way with either
a) Strangers (even people in queues at supermarkets etc... I worry about how I stand / whatever in case they make a comment or stare or something)
b) Crouds of people
c) People I don't really know that well
..i.e. I feel totally comfortable and happy to be myself with my friends.
btw, just to add, I don't wear anything out of the ordinary and I don't generally look abnormal (lol), it's just the whole 'gay' thing.
Can anyone help?
A little background info...
A few years ago, I was bullied in high school. I did well in school and people didn't like that; I was also less "manly" than the other guys and so got called "gay" (didnt even know what the word meant when I was first called it). This went on for years and was only restricted to words but it really affected me.
Now, I can't meet someone new without worrying if they think I'm gay (I am quite camp, although I hate being so). I can't do things in front of people (like presentations or speaking) in case I say it in a 'gay' way and get made fun of again like before. Don't get me wrong - I have got nothing at all against being gay / gay people but I'm really, really worried that people will make comments like before and make me feel stupid and isolated.
This worrying causes me to start sweating which is really irrational, I know. It's horrible though. I have to admit I only feel this way with either
a) Strangers (even people in queues at supermarkets etc... I worry about how I stand / whatever in case they make a comment or stare or something)
b) Crouds of people
c) People I don't really know that well
..i.e. I feel totally comfortable and happy to be myself with my friends.
btw, just to add, I don't wear anything out of the ordinary and I don't generally look abnormal (lol), it's just the whole 'gay' thing.
Can anyone help?
Reply 1
3
Crikey, erm, thought about therapy?
Reply 2
eeek.. you think it's that bad?
Reply 3
this si gonna sound pretty dumb, but embrace woteva you have. i have a filling presence, loud and obnoxious voice, my friends just got used to it and i knwo it. just embrace it.
Reply 4
Sorry to hijack your thread but is excessive sweating a common symptom of anxiety. It's just that I sweat like there's no tomorrow, even when it's cold, and my psychotherapist yesterday said that my depression was caused by anxiety. I do worry about how people see me because I have done a lot of bad things recently.
Reply 5
I get paranoid about what people think of me in general too, but I rarely sweat unless it's hot or I'm under pressure.
Rationally I can't convince my unconscious that there isn't anything wrong with me: it's quite irritating.
Rationally I can't convince my unconscious that there isn't anything wrong with me: it's quite irritating.
Reply 6
It's a fact of life that while you're worrying what everyone else thinks of you, everyone else is worrying what everyone else thinks of them. People are majorly self-centred for the most part and often couldn't really give a toss about what people they don't know are like - they might pass judgement on you for a minute, but then they forget completely about you. If they want to judge you let them, it does nothing to you, especially if you already have friends that you're comfortable around.
On another note, it's usually the case that people are attracted to and feel comfortable around people who are comfortable with themselves, people who have confidence. Looks, brains, talent etc are nothing without the ability to carry yourself and to interact with people, and it's this confidence that will allow people to look past your "campness" and discover the real you. One of my straight friends is also very camp, but he's an actor and is very confident, so no one ever makes fun of him about it, they just accept him as he is and he's very popular. If you're secure, other people will feel secure around you and it'll make them enjoy being with you, so you need to work on getting past your worry - maybe that course featheredblack suggested would be good for you.
Good luck :-)
On another note, it's usually the case that people are attracted to and feel comfortable around people who are comfortable with themselves, people who have confidence. Looks, brains, talent etc are nothing without the ability to carry yourself and to interact with people, and it's this confidence that will allow people to look past your "campness" and discover the real you. One of my straight friends is also very camp, but he's an actor and is very confident, so no one ever makes fun of him about it, they just accept him as he is and he's very popular. If you're secure, other people will feel secure around you and it'll make them enjoy being with you, so you need to work on getting past your worry - maybe that course featheredblack suggested would be good for you.
Good luck :-)
Reply 7
13
If its any consolation... i sweat loads anyway, in fact, there is a bead of sweat running down my arm right now 
But its probably not...
But its probably not...
Reply 8
undiscovered
eeek.. you think it's that bad?
na its not dont worry. you just need to get over the initial fear and u will then realise its not a problem anymore, its going to be hard but just go ahead and be yourself. once you do this and realise no one is going to laugh at you anymore, you'll feel more comfortable and you'll start feeling normal again.
you could speak to someone about it, getting your issues out would probably make it easier to confront and overcome your fear
Reply 9
I can def understand your problem. I used to be well unconfident and had problems doing presentations and that. I forced myself to speak more and acted like I was confident. It helped me big style. You want to resolve this gay hookup, thats why its always in your thoughts. Force yourself to focus on something else when they come up. You can only be yourself. If anyone does call you gay, stay cool and confident. Do your best to not let it bother you.
Reply 10
It sounds very similar to Social Anxiety Disorder. If you're really struggling with your anxiety and want recognition of it, see your GP. Have a look around the net for articles about Social Phobia, print them off and present them to your GP saying you think you may have it. Also ask for a referal for counselling/help.
Good luck. I had social phobia, had private hypnotherapy (due to being too anxious to see my GP about it for fear of being laughed at) and I'm now a completely unrecognisable person. 2 years ago I barely left the house, these days I'm going to college, working and going to uni in sept!! Things I never thought possible.
Good luck. I had social phobia, had private hypnotherapy (due to being too anxious to see my GP about it for fear of being laughed at) and I'm now a completely unrecognisable person. 2 years ago I barely left the house, these days I'm going to college, working and going to uni in sept!! Things I never thought possible.
Reply 11
I don't know what to advise re: your anxiety problems but if its any use you can get prescription deodorant which paralyses your sweat glands. I suppose if you sweat when you're nervous it kind of makes you feel worse and so the problem is exacerbated? Whereas if you don't break into a sweat you may feel a little calmer...
Reply 12
undiscovered, I would take note of everything that's been said on this thread: very informative and useful info.
- Regarding excessive sweating. You have to differentiate localised hyperhidrosis: the most common form and the best-known form where it's a specific area like the armpits that is affected, and general hyperhidrosis where the individual experiences sweating all over the body. General hyperhidrosis usually hides an underlying health problem: anything from low blood sugar to hyperthyrodism to a virus... whereas localised hyperhidrosis can be considered as somewhat more "normal" i.e. most people will have experienced sweating under the armpits in periods of stress.
Part of sweating is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system, responsible for the flight-or-fight reflex. There are actually two types of sweat glands: apocrine and eccrine, the latter being controlled by the sympathetic nervous system.
You'll find plenty of info on the net so no point of going on about the medical aspect of this, but your sweating might indeed be your body' s way of dealing with all the stress you're throwing at it.
If you're experiencing sweating under your armpits, on your hands, feet, groin area then that's nothing to be alarmed about. There are plenty of products out there that you should try. I would recommend a site called Express Chemist (google it) if you're worried about going out in a shop (plus, some of the products can be hard to find). Some antiperspirants with an aluminium compound are incredibly effective as they put your sweat glands to sleep.
But bear in mind that sweating is a normal process and that you shouldn't be alarmed by a little sweating. It's actually very healthy. Maybe consider doing a lot of physical activity and see how that affects your sweating.
- Regarding your social anxiety problem (Ilora-Danon is likely to be right), this is usually characterised by an irrational fear of "looking stupid". You're in your late teens and wondering why you feel so bothered about standing in a supermarket queue? That is very typical of social anxiety and I've experienced a very similar thing. I was teased at a young age for having a face that looked a bit strange. It came up so often that it really destroyed any confidence I had as a kid. As I never really got over it, I kept low-confidence, even though there's nothing obviously abnormal with the way I look today. When people meet me, they usually expect me to be a lot more confident as I really don't look like a low-confidence person but there's still something that I haven't quite got over (yet
I'm still hoping...) To show how this anxiety can manifest itself: I can make a presentation in front of a group of people and not have a single problem yet will start getting worried at the till of a supermarket because I think someone behind me is looking at me and thinking about how weird and uncomfortable I look (I turn round and they're probably looking at what they have in their trolley and couldn't give a **** what I'm doing).
You could consider counseilling. Nothing to worry about. There's nothing strange about what you're experiencing and you shouldn't hold back. Actually going to see a GP and ask for counselling is already a huge step towards improving yourself. You might just get a few sessions on the NHS but see how that goes.
As for sounding gay, it's not because you sound in anyway gay that you have low-confidence but because people made fun of your voice and appearance and you developed a complex. What I can tell you, is that there's nothing "gay" about sounding gay. We all recognise the typical overly camp gay male like Graham Norton but surprisingly, most gays are undistinguishable from straight men in their demeanour and there are many straight men who are pretty camp.
There's also a common misconception among insecure guys that if you appear gay, girls won't like you. Trust me mate, girls are far more into guys with a bit of a camp side but who are interesting, fun and confident, than overly butch guys who are totally insecure and go mad as soon as anyone suggests they're gay (usually a sign of repressed homosexuality).
Accept your voice and your appearance. I'm sure one day you will appreciate your unique voice for what it is (and who knows, maybe your voice has yet to change?) and realise like the tall guy who was made fun of at school, that it's more an asset than a flaw. There's one thing in life that's far worse than being the butt of a few jokes, it's being totally overlooked and ignored. Plus remember that noone likes insecure boring people who try to fit in. People are usually attracted to the interesting, unique individuals.
- Regarding excessive sweating. You have to differentiate localised hyperhidrosis: the most common form and the best-known form where it's a specific area like the armpits that is affected, and general hyperhidrosis where the individual experiences sweating all over the body. General hyperhidrosis usually hides an underlying health problem: anything from low blood sugar to hyperthyrodism to a virus... whereas localised hyperhidrosis can be considered as somewhat more "normal" i.e. most people will have experienced sweating under the armpits in periods of stress.
Part of sweating is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system, responsible for the flight-or-fight reflex. There are actually two types of sweat glands: apocrine and eccrine, the latter being controlled by the sympathetic nervous system.
You'll find plenty of info on the net so no point of going on about the medical aspect of this, but your sweating might indeed be your body' s way of dealing with all the stress you're throwing at it.
If you're experiencing sweating under your armpits, on your hands, feet, groin area then that's nothing to be alarmed about. There are plenty of products out there that you should try. I would recommend a site called Express Chemist (google it) if you're worried about going out in a shop (plus, some of the products can be hard to find). Some antiperspirants with an aluminium compound are incredibly effective as they put your sweat glands to sleep.
But bear in mind that sweating is a normal process and that you shouldn't be alarmed by a little sweating. It's actually very healthy. Maybe consider doing a lot of physical activity and see how that affects your sweating.
- Regarding your social anxiety problem (Ilora-Danon is likely to be right), this is usually characterised by an irrational fear of "looking stupid". You're in your late teens and wondering why you feel so bothered about standing in a supermarket queue? That is very typical of social anxiety and I've experienced a very similar thing. I was teased at a young age for having a face that looked a bit strange. It came up so often that it really destroyed any confidence I had as a kid. As I never really got over it, I kept low-confidence, even though there's nothing obviously abnormal with the way I look today. When people meet me, they usually expect me to be a lot more confident as I really don't look like a low-confidence person but there's still something that I haven't quite got over (yet
I'm still hoping...) To show how this anxiety can manifest itself: I can make a presentation in front of a group of people and not have a single problem yet will start getting worried at the till of a supermarket because I think someone behind me is looking at me and thinking about how weird and uncomfortable I look (I turn round and they're probably looking at what they have in their trolley and couldn't give a **** what I'm doing). You could consider counseilling. Nothing to worry about. There's nothing strange about what you're experiencing and you shouldn't hold back. Actually going to see a GP and ask for counselling is already a huge step towards improving yourself. You might just get a few sessions on the NHS but see how that goes.
As for sounding gay, it's not because you sound in anyway gay that you have low-confidence but because people made fun of your voice and appearance and you developed a complex. What I can tell you, is that there's nothing "gay" about sounding gay. We all recognise the typical overly camp gay male like Graham Norton but surprisingly, most gays are undistinguishable from straight men in their demeanour and there are many straight men who are pretty camp.
There's also a common misconception among insecure guys that if you appear gay, girls won't like you. Trust me mate, girls are far more into guys with a bit of a camp side but who are interesting, fun and confident, than overly butch guys who are totally insecure and go mad as soon as anyone suggests they're gay (usually a sign of repressed homosexuality).
Accept your voice and your appearance. I'm sure one day you will appreciate your unique voice for what it is (and who knows, maybe your voice has yet to change?) and realise like the tall guy who was made fun of at school, that it's more an asset than a flaw. There's one thing in life that's far worse than being the butt of a few jokes, it's being totally overlooked and ignored. Plus remember that noone likes insecure boring people who try to fit in. People are usually attracted to the interesting, unique individuals.
Reply 13
undiscovered
Hi guys,
A little background info...
A few years ago, I was bullied in high school. I did well in school and people didn't like that; I was also less "manly" than the other guys and so got called "gay" (didnt even know what the word meant when I was first called it). This went on for years and was only restricted to words but it really affected me.
Now, I can't meet someone new without worrying if they think I'm gay (I am quite camp, although I hate being so). I can't do things in front of people (like presentations or speaking) in case I say it in a 'gay' way and get made fun of again like before. Don't get me wrong - I have got nothing at all against being gay / gay people but I'm really, really worried that people will make comments like before and make me feel stupid and isolated.
This worrying causes me to start sweating which is really irrational, I know. It's horrible though. I have to admit I only feel this way with either
a) Strangers (even people in queues at supermarkets etc... I worry about how I stand / whatever in case they make a comment or stare or something)
b) Crouds of people
c) People I don't really know that well
..i.e. I feel totally comfortable and happy to be myself with my friends.
btw, just to add, I don't wear anything out of the ordinary and I don't generally look abnormal (lol), it's just the whole 'gay' thing.
Can anyone help?
A little background info...
A few years ago, I was bullied in high school. I did well in school and people didn't like that; I was also less "manly" than the other guys and so got called "gay" (didnt even know what the word meant when I was first called it). This went on for years and was only restricted to words but it really affected me.
Now, I can't meet someone new without worrying if they think I'm gay (I am quite camp, although I hate being so). I can't do things in front of people (like presentations or speaking) in case I say it in a 'gay' way and get made fun of again like before. Don't get me wrong - I have got nothing at all against being gay / gay people but I'm really, really worried that people will make comments like before and make me feel stupid and isolated.
This worrying causes me to start sweating which is really irrational, I know. It's horrible though. I have to admit I only feel this way with either
a) Strangers (even people in queues at supermarkets etc... I worry about how I stand / whatever in case they make a comment or stare or something)
b) Crouds of people
c) People I don't really know that well
..i.e. I feel totally comfortable and happy to be myself with my friends.
btw, just to add, I don't wear anything out of the ordinary and I don't generally look abnormal (lol), it's just the whole 'gay' thing.
Can anyone help?
Stop being so bitter about the past.
Reply 14
It's amazing how bullies can screw up peoples lives forever!
Anyway have you even been called gay since high school? Probably not, you cant let the words of a few kids dominate your mind forever. See a counsellor if you must, dress differently, do some weights, deepen your voice, anything you can do. But I think the issue is not physical but is psychological. You needa change your way of thinking and just dont give a **** about what other people think of you.
Anyway have you even been called gay since high school? Probably not, you cant let the words of a few kids dominate your mind forever. See a counsellor if you must, dress differently, do some weights, deepen your voice, anything you can do. But I think the issue is not physical but is psychological. You needa change your way of thinking and just dont give a **** about what other people think of you.
Reply 15
Sweating is because of sudden changes in mood. Get checked please.
Related discussions
- Social anxiety has gotten worst after getting better
- Classroom/Presentation Anxiety at University
- Anxiety making speech worst
- Selective/situational mutism
- did i have ptsd?
- Can I do anything well?
- Settling in to university life late
- Academic misconduct questions
- How to stop blushing
- Stress
- weird social anxiety experience
- How do I go about coping with my anxiety
- too scared to go to my exams
- yearbook anxiety
- Going into teaching with social anxiety, how can I manage this?
- Doctors ignoring my kidney failure
- Gf said I have a small p*nis
- Diverisity What is missing from university?
- Compelling Personal Reasons Guide From Someone Whin Got Accepted
- I don't think I'm ready for university anymore..
Latest
Trending
Last reply 6 hours ago
TSR Rate My Plate: post a picture of your delicious food!Last reply 15 hours ago
What food item are you currently craving?Last reply 1 month ago
can u guys help me get my mum back ðŸ˜(revenge post)Last reply 1 month ago
mum FORCED me to sign a (legal?!) contract to become a doctor or face DOOR removalðŸ˜Last reply 1 month ago
HELP!!! is this normal punishment or are my parents being weird???Last reply 1 month ago
feeling of bugs crawling under my skin/never feeling cleanLast reply 2 months ago
What painkillers do they give you when you get your wisdom teeth removed?Last reply 2 months ago
Can someone please help me tag Artful_lounger, i want to ask him a question
