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    I'm with someone I don't want to be with. Someone I don't feel a spark with.

    I'm lonely and I sometimes enjoy their company and if I end things, I will have no one to speak with, but I know I'm wasting their time as there is no future for us.

    I'm a very shy, non confrontational person, so I have no idea how to gather the courage to end things. I've never broke up with anyone before. How do I do it?
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    (Original post by damonireturns)
    I'm with someone I don't want to be with. Someone I don't feel a spark with.

    I'm lonely and I sometimes enjoy their company and if I end things, I will have no one to speak with, but I know I'm wasting their time as there is no future for us.

    I'm a very shy, non confrontational person, so I have no idea how to gather the courage to end things. I've never broke up with anyone before. How do I do it?
    "You're a nice boy and I know you will meet the right girl for you one day but I'm not the girl for you. We can be friendly but I am not feeling this relationship thing. We should break up."
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    text, email, letter.
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    (Original post by Madeline_H95)
    "You're a nice boy and I know you will meet the right girl for you one day but I'm not the girl for you. We can be friendly but I am not feeling this relationship thing. We should break up."
    Good luck with that, i'd rather someone bluntly tell me how and why otherwise i'd be left with the nagging thought of 'What the hell?'
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    (Original post by whorace)
    Good luck with that, i'd rather someone bluntly tell me how and why otherwise i'd be left with the nagging thought of 'What the hell?'
    Sometimes there is no detailed why. There are just people who are nice enough but if there is not that spark there that makes you look at them in a sexual way then a relationship is never going to work.
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    (Original post by mkap)
    text, email, letter.
    That's brutal. Don't do this. Do it to his face. Just say it. Let it all out, girl.
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    (Original post by Madeline_H95)
    Sometimes there is no detailed why. There are just people who are nice enough but if there is not that spark there that makes you look at them in a sexual way then a relationship is never going to work.
    I don't think there is a spark, in the initial stages maybe coupled with a bit of lust but once you get comfortable with someone you shouldn't feel like that, actually there's research saying it's physically impossible to sustain those levels of interest.
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    (Original post by Legendary Quest)
    That's brutal. Don't do this. Do it to his face. Just say it. Let it all out, girl.
    yeah ik its brutal. i was being sarcy lol
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    If you are friends then just tell him its not working for you, but youd like to stay friends. As above do it by email or letter, but face to face or on the phone is better.
    If its not working, its not. It to his benefit as well.

    There are charities that deal with shyness, also even dating sites. generally enjoy doing the things that make you happy and take small steps.

    I think mkap has a point. If the shyness is paralysing then a letter can deall with it, she could just hand it him with the reasons, but herself tell him its not working.
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    (Original post by mkap)
    yeah ik its brutal. i was being sarcy lol
    Oh, sorry haha. Didn't realise
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    (Original post by Legendary Quest)
    Oh, sorry haha. Didn't realise
    lol dont be sorry, i should have put it in the spoiler, break up by text is horrible, its happened to me before. dont see why people cant say it face to face :cry:
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    (Original post by whorace)
    I don't think there is a spark, in the initial stages maybe coupled with a bit of lust but once you get comfortable with someone you shouldn't feel like that, actually there's research saying it's physically impossible to sustain those levels of interest.
    You just havent found the right person. There are elderly people who have been married for 60 years who still wake up with fuzzy feelings in their tummy as they role over to cuddle up with the significant other - that's love.
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    (Original post by Madeline_H95)
    You just havent found the right person. There are elderly people who have been married for 60 years who still wake up with fuzzy feelings in their tummy as they role over to cuddle up with the significant other - that's love.
    I strongly disagree and would love to know how you know about the mental process of these elderly people.
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    (Original post by mkap)
    lol dont be sorry, i should have put it in the spoiler, break up by text is horrible, its happened to me before. dont see why people cant say it face to face :cry:
    Yeah, it really is. I don't understand why it can't be said to the persons face. I know it's difficult but come on. That's heartless. I mean, you don't just wake up one day and say 'eh, I'm tired of my bf/gf. Next person!'.. They must have thought about it for some time
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    (Original post by whorace)
    I strongly disagree and would love to know how you know about the mental process of these elderly people.
    There was a documentary on TV five or so years ago exploring the attitudes of various generations to sex and that is what the old couples suggested in a survey conducted.
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    (Original post by Madeline_H95)
    There was a documentary on TV five or so years ago exploring the attitudes of various generations to sex and that is what the old couples suggested in a survey conducted.
    I'd trust the science of
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Haidt over a TV documentary probably selling an idea of love by lobbyists.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    I'd trust the science of
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathan_Haidt over a TV documentary probably selling an idea of love by lobbyists.
    You're happy to ignore his critics for 'science'
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    (Original post by Madeline_H95)
    You're happy to ignore his critics for 'science'
    Every scientist in the world has critics look at global warming, relativity, evolution, you also ignored the fact the only criticism on that page doesn't even talk about his views of love, rather they talk about his chapter on religious experience.
 
 
 
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