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'Girlfriend' frustration - should I end it? Watch

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    Hi guys, I met a girl on match.com and we've been dating for just over a month. After the third date at her place she said she wants to 'give us a go' and confirmed me as her BF the day after.

    I'm pretty focussed on my studies, and although she was a nice distraction at first, I am fed up of the lack of communication etc from her.

    Let me just provide some background on her: She is from Germany, moved over here 4 years ago and got married 3 years ago, had a kid one year ago and got divorced one year ago. She is now having to move house due to money issues in a nearby village, however her ex partners parents are giving her one of their properties until she can get herself sorted, she only moved yesterday and has a one year old kid, so I appreciate things must be difficult for her. She complained to me this morning that the house was really noisy due to her ex's parents other son, who made a racket and woke up her kid. I told her she can stay at mine, if things get too noisy, and I don't mind going in the spare room as she has a kid. She hasn't replied, and to be honest I am fed up of her lack of communication, she invited me to a wedding tomorrow with her and I am not sure whether to just end it as I feel like I am being played, I helped her move house, pack loads of stuff up, gave her loads of moving boxes and took her out last weekend.

    Since we've being 'going out' she's never really felt like my GF, and I have a strong urge to tell her I wanna call it a day, and move on.

    Just seeing if anyone can relate?
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    She invited you to a wedding for the fourth date? The only way this red flag could get any redder is if she was marrying Engels and Marx
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    (Original post by whorace)
    She invited you to a wedding for the fourth date? The only way this red flag could get any redder is if she was marrying Engels and Marx
    Not sure why you would be threatened by that?

    OP you dont really seem into her. Maybe find out what give it a go means and what both of your expectations are before killing it? Do you like her? You dont seem that keen either omn her or the fact she has a child. Perhaos you arent best suited.
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    (Original post by whorace)
    She invited you to a wedding for the fourth date? The only way this red flag could get any redder is if she was marrying Engels and Marx
    It's the 10th date, I don't mind going to a wedding, just has to be with the right person
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    Don't end it. Just talk to her and see where the relationship goes. Tell her how you're feeling right now and having a child is a lot of work but it's also a blessing; she might have a lot on her mind but I understand where you're coming from and how you're feeling


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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Not sure why you would be threatened by that?

    OP you dont really seem into her. Maybe find out what give it a go means and what both of your expectations are before killing it? Do you like her? You dont seem that keen either omn her or the fact she has a child. Perhaos you arent best suited.
    I do like her, but some days she talks a lot and so I think we are ok, and other days she hardly talks at all and so I think there is a problem.

    Her kid is fine, and it's fine when she brings him along for dates etc, and
    I respect her boundaries and give her space when she needs it. I just don't wanna be dealing with a hot and cold relationship when I've got study to do, and gonna be moving away in September for University across the country. So just feel like I would be better of calling it a day.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do like her, but some days she talks a lot and so I think we are ok, and other days she hardly talks at all and so I think there is a problem.

    Her kid is fine, and it's fine when she brings him along for dates etc, and
    I respect her boundaries and give her space when she needs it. I just don't wanna be dealing with a hot and cold relationship when I've got study to do, and gonna be moving away in September for University across the country. So just feel like I would be better of calling it a day.
    Hot and cold relationships leave you feeling burnt and with nasty scars, If that's how you feel you should talk to her and end it if it doesn't change, you're either close or your not that kind of uncertainty is ridiculous.
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    Just talk to her and see, the fact you are going to uni is the kiss of death for it anyway.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Just talk to her and see, the fact you are going to uni is the kiss of death for it anyway.
    I did talk to her yesterday, and mentioned I know its a stressful time for her and suggested leaving the relationship until things are settled for her, and she said she doesn't wanna end it, she's just got a lot going on and then we kissed. It still doesn't feel right, she's barely spoke today and we are supposed to be going a wedding tomorrow, I am not messaging her until she replies to my last message, as if she doesn't reply and cancels tomorrow, I'll end it anyway as I wanna move on.
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    Go with your gut. I was in your position over a year ago - a sort of limbo - and I wish I had listened to myself instead of kept on like a blind bat.

    If she doesn't make you feel right, you have to get rid.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I did talk to her yesterday, and mentioned I know its a stressful time for her and suggested leaving the relationship until things are settled for her, and she said she doesn't wanna end it, she's just got a lot going on and then we kissed. It still doesn't feel right, she's barely spoke today and we are supposed to be going a wedding tomorrow, I am not messaging her until she replies to my last message, as if she doesn't reply and cancels tomorrow, I'll end it anyway as I wanna move on.

    This is exactly what you should do. Let her come to you. If she acts distant and cancels on you, definitely end it with her.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Just talk to her and see, the fact you are going to uni is the kiss of death for it anyway.
    (Original post by Brutum Fulmen)
    This is exactly what you should do. Let her come to you. If she acts distant and cancels on you, definitely end it with her.
    She has just responded 6 hours later saying she's been with her female friend all day with the kids, and ignored everything I sent her in the message about if the noise gets too much she can crash at mine etc, and just said that I should 'meet hers are the place she's staying in the morning, and something about the bride not feeling well'. I really get the feeling she's not into me romantically
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She has just responded 6 hours later saying she's been with her female friend all day with the kids, and ignored everything I sent her in the message about if the noise gets too much she can crash at mine etc, and just said that I should 'meet hers are the place she's staying in the morning, and something about the bride not feeling well'. I really get the feeling she's not into me romantically
    Or maybe shes a bit older than you and she has different priorities like a child and a sick /emo bride. Just decide what you wnat then go through with it. If you dont click you dont click, but just be straight with her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She has just responded 6 hours later saying she's been with her female friend all day with the kids, and ignored everything I sent her in the message about if the noise gets too much she can crash at mine etc, and just said that I should 'meet hers are the place she's staying in the morning, and something about the bride not feeling well'. I really get the feeling she's not into me romantically
    She doesn't care, basically.

    She's prioritising her life over yours and asking you to do things like go to hers instead of her coming over to yours, and then ignores things you've said. End it now, either stop contacting her altogether (and responding) or tell her that you want to "talk".
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Or maybe shes a bit older than you and she has different priorities like a child and a sick /emo bride. Just decide what you wnat then go through with it. If you dont click you dont click, but just be straight with her.
    She is a bit older, and obviously as she has been married, she has a more experienced understanding of what a relationship entails (for her personal preferences).

    But am I right to expect more from her (commitment, affection etc) at this early stage, or am I in the wrong expecting too much from her. Obviously her staying over or me staying at hers is a topic she's kind of avoided, and it's not the definitive situation that would cement my belief that the relationship is a proper one, but obviously it's important for me, but I can hardly bring this up in a conversation, I'll just stutter and come across as needy to her.
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    (Original post by Brutum Fulmen)
    She doesn't care, basically.

    She's prioritising her life over yours and asking you to do things like go to hers instead of her coming over to yours, and then ignores things you've said. End it now, either stop contacting her altogether (and responding) or tell her that you want to "talk".
    She's been to mine a few times, but all we've done is cuddle under the blanket etc, like I say, I don't expect more, but I just feel there is some sort of barrier or that I'm not good enough, I don't wanna raise this issue as I don't wanna sound needy / wimpy. But obviously I gotta listen to my gut and do something, and just seems ending it is on the cards.
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    I also haven't told my family or friends she's my 'girlfriend' which according to her she is, as it doesn't feel authentic at all. It's difficult for me to explain but I don't wanna tell people this as obviously I'd run the risk of embarrassing myself, and I am not willing to do that.
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    Not really sure what to say tbh without sounding like a cling on
 
 
 
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