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Guy Texting Girlfriend.

To cut an extremely long story short, theres this guy on my gf's course at uni that ive had my suspisions about at uni , i complete 120% trust my girlfriend but was aware he was always hovering round trying to get his foot in the door so to speak. My gf has always reassured me they're just friends and accepted it and dint really care to much. Anyhow she went out last night and he was there, he was dancing innapropriately with her and she pushed him off, then later he text her saying he really liked her even though she had a boyfriend (me), and sees me in passing quite often. Which went to show my suspicions were right about him liking her. I got pretty mad and told her that she couldnt see him anymore, if she wanted the relationship to work. I feel little i suppose overdramatic and extreme but I know if the shoe were on the other foot my gf would expect me to do the same. I trust my gf 200% but I dont want that smug creep anywhere near her. Am i being unreasonable asking her not to see or talk to him?

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Reply 1
I think your feelings are perfectly natural. What does she say about the whole scenario?
Reply 2
you cant really stop her being friends with him but because shes probably realised he has something more on his mind then she may not mind just discuss it with her dont tell her she has to just see what she thinks
Reply 3
Yeah, you can't stop her talking to the guy but it's clear (from her pushing him away) that she's not interested in him anyway.

Put it this way, the more he gets to talk to her, the more he'll suffer because he knows he'll never get her. :p:
Reply 4
Bluelight
To cut an extremely long story short, theres this guy on my gf's course at uni that ive had my suspisions about at uni , i complete 120% trust my girlfriend but was aware he was always hovering round trying to get his foot in the door so to speak. My gf has always reassured me they're just friends and accepted it and dint really care to much. Anyhow she went out last night and he was there, he was dancing innapropriately with her and she pushed him off, then later he text her saying he really liked her even though she had a boyfriend (me), and sees me in passing quite often. Which went to show my suspicions were right about him liking her. I got pretty mad and told her that she couldnt see him anymore, if she wanted the relationship to work. I feel little i suppose overdramatic and extreme but I know if the shoe were on the other foot my gf would expect me to do the same. I trust my gf 200% but I dont want that smug creep anywhere near her. Am i being unreasonable asking her not to see or talk to him?


You trust her, oh ok!
Reply 5
Bluelight
i complete 120% trust my girlfriend


Bluelight
I trust my gf 200%


Mein Gott, we can't work with inaccurate facts. Not to mention impossible. You either do or don't. If you do, it's 100%. None of this numerical tomfoolery.
Reply 6
It´s perfectly normal, how you feel. But, the over reaction might cause the opposite effect, your girlfriend will think that you don´t trust her anymore, she´ll feel lonely and that bastard will be there to take advantage. This is good for him, not for you.

Talk to your girlfriend, it´s not her fault, she can´t do anything about it, in fact she´s been doing the right thing.

If things get worse, talk to the guy.
Reply 7
tbh guys, if I was her and that creep was upsetting my boyfriend Id be sending him on his way. (the creep that is)
Reply 8
Have a word with him.
Bluelight
To cut an extremely long story short, theres this guy on my gf's course at uni that ive had my suspisions about at uni , i complete 120% trust my girlfriend but was aware he was always hovering round trying to get his foot in the door so to speak. My gf has always reassured me they're just friends and accepted it and dint really care to much. Anyhow she went out last night and he was there, he was dancing innapropriately with her and she pushed him off, then later he text her saying he really liked her even though she had a boyfriend (me), and sees me in passing quite often. Which went to show my suspicions were right about him liking her. I got pretty mad and told her that she couldnt see him anymore, if she wanted the relationship to work. I feel little i suppose overdramatic and extreme but I know if the shoe were on the other foot my gf would expect me to do the same. I trust my gf 200% but I dont want that smug creep anywhere near her. Am i being unreasonable asking her not to see or talk to him?

Ok, if you trust her then just leave it. The more you fight him, the more likely she is to do anything with him. If you ignore him then he has no status - he is just a jerk. If you make him a big deal then that's what he will become. Laugh at him with her, but don't forbid her from talking with him.
englishstudent
Ok, if you trust her then just leave it. The more you fight him, the more likely she is to do anything with him. If you ignore him then he has no status - he is just a jerk. If you make him a big deal then that's what he will become. Laugh at him with her, but don't forbid her from talking with him.


Exactly. Just ignore him.

Since you've already told your girlfriend she can't see the guy, probably the best thing to do is backtrack and say, "Sorry, I overreacted. I just don't like to see someone coming on to my girlfriend like that."

Then show her you're the better person by not letting this guy get to you. If you say she can't see him any more, she'll think two things:

1) "Why? Don't you trust me?"

and

2) "Who are you to tell me what to do anyway??"

You need to show her that you trust her enough to deal with this situation however she sees fit, and if you don't act like you're expecting her to do something inappropriate with this guy, she won't. Just concentrate on your relationship with her, and remember that he's not in it.
Reply 11
I do trust my girlfriend 100% (sorry for being inaccurate) I really do, never trusted anyone more, just because i dont want him near her doesnt mean I dont trust her just means I cant stand the idiot anywhere near her trying to chat her up. Basically i did text him when my gf got in and told me saying back off and you're not seeing her again, and he was going on about i need to chill out and it was "banter" he didnt like her, and if he wants a girl he gets her :rolleyes: . Then I told my girlfriend she needs to be more firm with him and tell him where he stands instead of being sorta passive and not really giving him to message to seriously back off. Ive also already told her shes not to see or talk to him and she accepted it (she would definitely do the same if it were the other way round). Anyhow after she had told him today he was out of line, he facebook messaged her saying "last night was proper fun, we should go to (the club) more often". My gf then asked if it was okay to message him back in a general chatty way, and i said no because hes obviously not got the message and thinks he can get away with pulling tricks like that. I felt shed totally undermined me by not being firm with him and basically carrying on as normal.
Bluelight
I do trust my girlfriend 100% (sorry for being inaccurate) I really do, never trusted anyone more, just because i dont want him near her doesnt mean I dont trust her just means I cant stand the idiot anywhere near her trying to chat her up. Basically i did text him when my gf got in and told me saying back off and you're not seeing her again, and he was going on about i need to chill out and it was "banter" he didnt like her, and if he wants a girl he gets her :rolleyes: . Then I told my girlfriend she needs to be more firm with him and tell him where he stands instead of being sorta passive and not really giving him to message to seriously back off. Ive also already told her shes not to see or talk to him and she accepted it (she would definitely do the same if it were the other way round). Anyhow after she had told him today he was out of line, he facebook messaged her saying "last night was proper fun, we should go to (the club) more often". My gf then asked if it was okay to message him back in a general chatty way, and i said no because hes obviously not got the message and thinks he can get away with pulling tricks like that. I felt shed totally undermined me by not being firm with him and basically carrying on as normal.

Wow, do you give her pocket money and tell her when it's her bedtime too?

Be her boyfriend not her daddy. :rolleyes:

I know it might feel instinctive to ban her from seeing this guy... but the more you tell her not to, the more interesting he becomes. Girls (in fact humans in general) want what they can't have - don't end up making her want him.
Reply 13
Ha just beat the **** out of him. Or pay someone to do that.

Jokes apart, I feel you there bud, hang in there tight. I have absolutely no idea what to do in that sort of situation. I had a similar thing happened with my ex, she had this bi-sexual friend she was really good friend with. Eventually I ended up breaking up with her and beating that ****ing sorry excuse of a man. It felt good (note i have nothing against bi people, just against bi people who grind against my girlfriend). So maybe just save the beating up for when you actually break up with her?

I've tried the ignoring technique for a lot of things, and it does work.
Also when you tell her you are uncomfortable with something, don't be too strong about the way you tell her. But in the future she will think twice about doing what makes you feel unconfortable.

And last but not least, trust no one. Even yourself. you can trust someone a lot, but 100% that's bs. You wouldn't be worried about that guy if you trusted her 100% :wink:
Reply 14
Bluelight - you're acting waaaaay too jealous.

You're being very posessive and reactive, and by doing so, you'll begin to lose attraction from your girlfriend.

If you trust your girlfriend 100%, then what's the problem with him trying to chat her up? The fact that she pushed him away is a good sign. Again, if he isn't harassing her, he's well within his rights to talk with her, and as said above, warning him off or forbidding her to talk to him will quickly lose you attraction. (I can explain more thoroughly if you want)

..shauny
Reply 15
englishstudent has the idea right. Be a man and try not to be so jealous and reactive.

..shauny
Reply 16
Im sorry I trust my girlfriend enough to know that she wouldnt be unfaithful, certainly not with him, and she knows I think that. The problem is with me not being able to stand that smug $%£$ and him being near her. Before I get jumped on for being too possesive my gf is far worse with girls who havent actually done anything other than be my friend. Anyhow im not buying all this if you get jealous she'll become attracted to him and lose intrest. Its boll to be honest, in an ideal world what goes around would come around, and the nice guys would get the girls etc etc, but its not an ideal world. Stop telling me false idealistic and stupid things, if you havent been in the situation yourself , or are unwilling to understand it, button up.
Bluelight
Im sorry I trust my girlfriend enough to know that she wouldnt be unfaithful, certainly not with him, and she knows I think that. The problem is with me not being able to stand that smug $%£$ and him being near her. Before I get jumped on for being too possesive my gf is far worse with girls who havent actually done anything other than be my friend. Anyhow im not buying all this if you get jealous she'll become attracted to him and lose intrest. Its boll to be honest, in an ideal world what goes around would come around, and the nice guys would get the girls etc etc, but its not an ideal world. Stop telling me false idealistic and stupid things, if you havent been in the situation yourself , or are unwilling to understand it, button up.

How is it idealistic? It's surely exactly the opposite. Idealism would involve you telling her not to speak to him, her finding your insecurity incredibly sexy and realising that this other guy is totally worthless.

I love H&R, so many people wanting so much advice and then as soon as there's a bit they don't like they shove their fingers in their ears, jump up and down and start singing. Crazy.

Mate, do what you like. Maybe you should tag her so that you know where she is; girls like a boyfriend who cares. :rolleyes:
Reply 18
tbh if my boyfriend didn't want me to see one of my friends just because he liked me, I'd find it really annoying and insecure.
tiasax
tbh if my boyfriend didn't want me to see one of my friends just because he liked me, I'd find it really annoying and insecure.

Stop telling him false idealistic and stupid things! :wink: