Sorry if this is a bit long...
Someone I'v known for a long time asked me out back in January. He didn't confess feelings for me or anything, just casually asked me out to dinner but made it clear that he was asking me out on a date (as opposed to just going to dinner as friends like we sometimes do.)
I had sort of been expecting it but I think I was still caught off guard more than anything. I told him I didn't see him that way and didn't want to change our friendship. It was no big deal, he just shrugged and smiled and things just carried on as normal (we've been good friends for about 5 years now, we met back when we were 17, we're 22 now both doing masters)
Anyway for the past few weeks I'v really been regretting saying no because I'v realized that I might have feelings for him, or at least i'm interested in him romantically. We're just so compatible, almost everyone who knows us/mutual friends say we're "practically the same person" and are just so good together and i'v never met anyone I'v felt so in-tune with. Even though we've known each other for so long, its like every day i'm learning more about him and how much we have in common.
We'v always been very close and we do spend quite a lot of time going out together. We'll often spend an entire day just the two us on a day out, shopping or walking around and we've gone travelling together. Quite often we have dinner together in "fancy" restaurants, which is 'practically' a date but we just never called it that.
I think I was primarily scared of things changing just because our relationship is so good as it is, but i'v started to realize that it probably wouldnt change much since we pretty much act like a couple already (i'v also noticed that neither of us tend to correct people when they assume we're a couple in public). I'm naturally scared of change so i think that was what held me back. But i guess him asking me helped me acknowledge my feelings. I do feel like he's everything I'm looking for in a partner. He's so kind and friendly and he is handsome. I'v never felt bored with him, he's also never pushy or clingy. I think I just have so much respect for him as person more than anything. He's very mature, much more adult-like than I am even though we're the same age!
Anyway I was stupidly waiting and hoping he would ask me out again so I could say yes, i regret that now and wish i'd just asked him out myself but i felt a little shy and was scared he would no longer be interested since i said no before.
I found out last week that he's started dating, i dont think he's exclusive with anyone yet but he's just been going on a few dates with girls and i'll admit it's made me a little sad because I feel he's probably no longer interested in me. I also dont have the best self esteem and some of the girls he's being seeing are very attractive and i dont exactly feel like competition.
Idk. is it worth asking him out and hoping he'll say yes or should i just leave it and accept that i'v missed my chance?
Is it ever okay to ask out someone you've previously rejected?
I also dont want him to think i'm only interested in him now just because he's started dating other people. He's someone I genuinely think i'd like to be in a relationship with.
x Turn on thread page Beta
I rejected him and I think I made a mistake... is it too late? watch
- Thread Starter
- 19-03-2016 11:15
- 19-03-2016 11:19
Greater risk Greater reward. Think too much about the losses and you're No more cowardly than a chicken.
- 19-03-2016 11:51
Life short - as long as he isn't exclusive ask him to go to the same restaurant that he proposed in January.
- 19-03-2016 19:00
"Idk. is it worth asking him out and hoping he'll say yes or should i just leave it and accept that i'v missed my chance?"It's really not that dramatic. Just ask him
"Is it ever okay to ask out someone you've previously rejected?"Of course. Emotions aren't static. Just because you felt a particular way one day doesn't mean you'll feel the same way tomorrow. Feelings are dynamic and fluid. It's normal to develop attraction for someone, the same way that its possible to lose attraction for someone you previously thought was the bees knees.
You're over thinking the whole thing. Like you said, he's not currently in a relationship so It's not some big drama, the worst that can happen is he'll say no/ he's already met someone he's exclusive with. Either way, you wont know until you ask him. Just make sure it's for the right reasons and not some weird jealousy thing. But if you've taken some time to think it through and genuinely feel compatible then go for it.