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I wrote a letter to apply for senior prefect at my school Watch

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    This is the letter I have wrote and any feedback on it would be great !!
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Dear ____________,
    I am writing this letter, to apply for the role of Senior Prefect at _____________.
    In my opinion the role of Senior Prefect requires someone who is committed and who shows confidence in being a positive role model for the school. I also see it as a vital part of the school because Senior Prefects are those who are there to help the younger students and are there to be the perfect role models to students in all year groups.
    I feel that I should be considered for the role of Senior Prefect within school because I have played in multiple team sports within the college as well as outside of college, which has given me the skills to be able to work as part of a team which the Senior Prefect group is. Also, I have improved these skills within my participation in the Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award Scheme. I believe having good teamwork skills is important because you need to be able to work with others to perform tasks such as: to produce the Year Book and to organise the Leavers Prom. I have helped with JAPP during one of their sessions, which shows that I have good leadership qualities because I was able to take a large group of children and teach them the correct technique for high jump. I feel that having good leadership qualities is important to being a senior prefect because we need to be able to help younger students and be able to help them. I also think I am suited for the role because throughout my years at the college I have been well behaved and not had any problems with any students or staff members which shows that I am a good role model to younger students who are joining ________ as well as the students that are already there. I also feel that being a good role model will benefit other students because they will see it as the right way to act therefore the school environment will be better. Also, I am a part of APP which, in our contracts it states that we have to be positive role models throughout school which shows that I have been a positive role model to other students for the past few years. I am also approachable which I feel is very important because younger students need the confidence that they can approach you when they need to and that you will be able to help them.
    I think I could bring the willingness to help improve the school to the team because I have some ideas that would benefit students throughout college. One of these ideas is, that students in years 10 and 11 shouldn’t be taught by trainee teachers or supply teachers (unless absolutely necessary), instead trainee teachers should be put into top set year 9 and other year groups. Also, one idea I have for the Senior Prefect team is that they go into assemblies once a term to inform the whole school on what they have been working on and trying to improve over the last term. This way the whole school will know exactly what has been happening and how the school is being improved.
    As you can see, I am ready to take up the role of Senior Prefect within school and if I was given the opportunity I would be ready to offer my services to the college with.
    Your Sincerely,
    _____________
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    Written, not wrote.

    (Original post by hsalvin)
    This is the letter I have wrote and any feedback on it would be great !!
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Dear ____________,
    I am writing this letter[,] to apply for the role of Senior Prefect at _____________.
    [In my opinion] the role of Senior Prefect requires someone who is committed and who shows confidence in being a positive role model for the school. I also see it as a vital part of the school because Senior Prefects are those who are there to help the younger students and [are there to] be the [perfect] role model[s] to students in all year groups.

    [I feel that] I should be considered for the role of Senior Prefect within (the) school because I have played in multiple team sports within the college as well as outside of college, which has given me the skills to be able to work as part of a team which the Senior Prefect group is. Also, I have improved these skills [within] (through) my participation in the Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award Scheme. [I believe having] good teamwork skills [is] (are) important because [you] (a senior prefect) need(s) to be able to work with others to perform tasks [such as:] (including producing the Year Book and organising the Leavers Prom)[ to produce the Year Book and to organise the Leavers Prom]. I have helped with JAPP during one of their sessions, which shows that I have good leadership qualities because I was able to take a large group of children and teach them the correct technique for high jump. [I feel that having] good leadership qualities [is] (are) [important to being] (for) a senior prefect because we need to be [able to help younger students and be able to help them] (have you proofread this?). [I also think I am suited for the role because throughout my years at the college I have been well behaved and not had any problems with any students or staff members which shows that I am a good role model to younger students who are joining ________ as well as the students that are already there] (You've already said this at the start).

    I also feel that being a good role model will benefit other students because they will see it as the right way to act therefore the school environment will be better. [Also, I am a part of APP which, in our contracts it states that we have to be positive role models throughout school which shows that I have been a positive role model to other students for the past few years] (you've said you're a good role model three times now). I am also approachable which I feel is very important because younger students need the confidence that they can approach you when they need to and that you will be able to help them.

    [I think I could bring the willingness to help improve the school to the team] (this doesn't make sense) because I have some ideas that would benefit students throughout college. One of these ideas is[,] that students in years 10 and 11 shouldn’t be taught by trainee teachers or supply teachers (unless absolutely necessary), instead trainee teachers should be put into top set year 9 and other year groups (this really really is not your place to say this, do not put this in!).

    Also, [one] (another) idea I have for the Senior Prefect team is that they go into assemblies once a term to inform the whole school on what they have been working on and trying to improve over the last term. This way the whole school will know exactly what has been happening and how the school is being improved.
    [As you can see,] I am ready to take up the role of Senior Prefect within school and if I was given the opportunity I would be ready to offer my services to the college [with] (???).
    Your Sincerely,
    _____________
    This is not quite ready yet. You need to proofread your work, there are a couple of sentences that do not make sense. I have highlighted parts I would change or remove with square brackets [] and commented with brackets ().

    Please please please do not think you can tell the head teacher where to place trainee teachers please. Please do not put that in.
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    Thankyou for your help I have re read my work and I can see where I have made the errors.


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    (Original post by pjm600)
    Written, not wrote.



    This is not quite ready yet. You need to proofread your work, there are a couple of sentences that do not make sense. I have highlighted parts I would change or remove with square brackets [] and commented with brackets ().

    Please please please do not think you can tell the head teacher where to place trainee teachers please. Please do not put that in.
    Is it bad that I decided to scan read it so I could just read the trainee bit :lol:

    But yeah proof read till you think it's perfect and then ask
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    (Original post by hsalvin)
    This is the letter I have wrote and any feedback on it would be great !!
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    Dear ____________,
    I am writing this letter, to apply for the role of Senior Prefect at _____________.
    In my opinion the role of Senior Prefect requires someone who is committed and who shows confidence in being a positive role model for the school. I also see it as a vital part of the school because Senior Prefects are those who are there to help the younger students and are there to be the perfect role models to students in all year groups.
    I feel that I should be considered for the role of Senior Prefect within school because I have played in multiple team sports within the college as well as outside of college, which has given me the skills to be able to work as part of a team which the Senior Prefect group is. Also, I have improved these skills within my participation in the Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award Scheme. I believe having good teamwork skills is important because you need to be able to work with others to perform tasks such as: to produce the Year Book and to organise the Leavers Prom. I have helped with JAPP during one of their sessions, which shows that I have good leadership qualities because I was able to take a large group of children and teach them the correct technique for high jump. I feel that having good leadership qualities is important to being a senior prefect because we need to be able to help younger students and be able to help them. I also think I am suited for the role because throughout my years at the college I have been well behaved and not had any problems with any students or staff members which shows that I am a good role model to younger students who are joining ________ as well as the students that are already there. I also feel that being a good role model will benefit other students because they will see it as the right way to act therefore the school environment will be better. Also, I am a part of APP which, in our contracts it states that we have to be positive role models throughout school which shows that I have been a positive role model to other students for the past few years. I am also approachable which I feel is very important because younger students need the confidence that they can approach you when they need to and that you will be able to help them.
    I think I could bring the willingness to help improve the school to the team because I have some ideas that would benefit students throughout college. One of these ideas is, that students in years 10 and 11 shouldn’t be taught by trainee teachers or supply teachers (unless absolutely necessary), instead trainee teachers should be put into top set year 9 and other year groups. Also, one idea I have for the Senior Prefect team is that they go into assemblies once a term to inform the whole school on what they have been working on and trying to improve over the last term. This way the whole school will know exactly what has been happening and how the school is being improved.
    As you can see, I am ready to take up the role of Senior Prefect within school and if I was given the opportunity I would be ready to offer my services to the college with.
    Your Sincerely,
    _____________
    Get rid of this! :lol:
    I applied for Senior Prefect about 2 years ago and became one, so I can attempt to help you out. Overall the letter seems ok, apart from some punctuation errors and confusing sentences. You should include more about what you will do for the school, and more about your achievements. Also, separate it into paragraphs; an introduction, one about your achievements, one about what you've done for the school so far, one about how you'll benefit the school etc.
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    Dear ____________,without doubt, the duty of the Senior Prefect will be of high responsibility and commitment, and I'm sure with all the experience I have gained that I will be a prefect match for this role - confident opening-(need more confidence!) be considered for the role of Senior Prefect within school because I have played in multiple team sports within the college as well as outside of college-(example)+I have represented the school in numerous events and i would be honoured to take this one step further and represent the school as a senior prefect, which has given me the skills to be able to work as part of a team which the Senior Prefect group is. Also, I have improved these skills within my participation in the Duke of Edinburgh Bronze Award Scheme- can get a lot more out of this, what else have you gained from this?. I have helped with JAPP during one of their sessions, which shows that I have good leadership qualities because I was able to take a large group of children and teach them the correct technique for high jump. I feel that having good leadership qualities is important to being a senior prefect because we need to be able to help younger students and be able to help them -my leadership skills were also demonstrated in the japp project where i took lead in teaching younger pupils ..... I also think I am suited for the role because throughout my years at the college I have been well behaved and not had any problems with any students or staff members which shows that I am a good role model to younger students who are joining ________ as well as the students that are already there-i believe i am a benchmark for other students as i have always being a role model not only by my behaviour and commitment in social events but also by my academic achievements such as..... .. I am also approachable which I feel is very important because younger students need the confidence that they can approach you when they need to and that you will be able to help them.- good- i have a soft and approchoable prsonality which is extrememly important as i will be abl to gain the trust and respect of the other pupils so that they will see me as someone they can turn to if they need support.also i have taken part in (debatemate or presentation in class?) which shows that i am eloquent in my speech as well as a good listenerI think I could bring the willingness to help improve the school to the team because I have some ideas that would benefit students throughout college. One of these ideas is, that students in years 10 and 11 shouldn’t be taught by trainee teachers or supply teachers (unless absolutely necessary), instead trainee teachers should be put into top set year 9 and other year groups. Also, one idea I have for the Senior Prefect team is that they go into assemblies once a term to inform the whole school on what they have been working on and trying to improve over the last term. This way the whole school will know exactly what has been happening and how the school is being improved.i believe my personality, ability and experience make me well suited for this role. i strongly believe this opportunity will grow me as a person and i will learn a lot from itI am ready to take up the role of Senior Prefect within school and if I was given the opportunity I would be ready to offer my services to the collegeYour Sincerely,
 
 
 
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