I'm an asexual girl - AMA

Do you masturbate?

Honestly, I did feel quite unsure about whether to be anon or not. My friends come on this site a lot and I'm not out to them yet, but I know that's a feeble excuse

Why use anon? I'm asexual and I don't care what people think

my question: Just how asexual are you? There's different degrees from absolutely no feelings whatsoever to being able to have romantic feelings but no sexual desire

Hi, it's always nice to talk to a fellow ace I'm gonna try and help as best I can
People have 3 orientations:
- sexual (desire to have sex with someone of X gender)
- romantic (desire to be romantically involved with someone of X gender)
- sensual ( desire to have sensual contact, but not necessarily sexual, with someone of X gender)

For most people, these orientations will align perfectly (someone will be hetereosexual, heteroromantic and heterosensual) For others, they may not line up 100% (someone will be bisexual, homoromantic and bisensual)
People do not usually talk about sensual and romantic orientations because theirs align. For asexuals, however, we need these terms to better understand our desires, since we do not have a sexual orientation.
I know that there is a term for people who like the idea of romantic relationships but do not want to be involved in one themselves, but I cannot remember it right now, sorry.
It's totally fine for asexuals to watch porn. Just because you watch something doesn't mean you want to do it!
I recommend you explore romantic and sensual orientations and try out a few, see what fits best, if labels are your thing. aven.org is a great website and you'll be able to find people there who will be able to help

I honestly don't mean this to be patronising and please feel free to completely ignore me

I totally accept that asexuality is a very real phenomenon, but I just wanted to say - when I was 17 I felt completely the same as you're describing. I even had a "boyfriend" (just because all of my friends did really), but I never felt that lust that other people seemed to describe, even though I knew in my rational mind that he was physically attractive, and that we got on well etc. We never did anything more than kissing, and even that felt kind of repulsive to me.

Then I got to uni, and matured a lot, and by the time I got to 20 or so I felt completely different. I'm now in a loving and sexual relationship, even though I never would have thought that were possible a couple of years ago.

I guess what I mean is that everyone matures at different rates, and just because you don't want to have sex and all your friends do (or seem to), it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to label yourself as asexual. Maybe, like me, you're just a late blossomer.

I understand where you're coming from, and this thread is for comments like this so don't worry .
I think that all sexuality is fluid and can change over time. I accept that in the future the term "asexual" might not fit me anymore, but right now I feel totally fine with that label, and personally I don't see it ever changing. I don't think I'm a late bloomer, I think this is for life, for me anyway. All throughout my life I've felt this way, acted in certain ways because of it, and I don't see that changing. But thanks for your story anyway!

I started identifying as an asexual for quite a long time now, but I'm not sure if I'm fully asexual. Sorry, this sounds odd!

It started quite early, around the primary school. You know kids, dating innocently etc. On valentines, putting card under the desk. Girls gossiping about boys and vice versa. I never found myself interested in that. Then once a boy approached on a park, hitting on me but I felt nothing again and politely declined his offer for a coffee. At that time I thought 'I'm still too young to know, maybe once I'm older?'

Then we got the puberty phase and still nothing. I had no desire to date and I didn't find anyone attractive enough for me to want to have any romantic interactions with. I'm not shy about sex, still a virgin but not due to social norms (virgin bride or religion) or waiting for that one, I just don't like the idea of sex. I had the occasions but I never felt like doing it.

Now, what makes me unsure is that despite the lack of desire to have sex I like romance, I like reading romantic novels, comics, movies, I get the fluffy feeling a little bit. I sometimes gets quite horny (so my body does secrete all fluid necessary to have sex), as in there an itch that needs to be scratched but never to the extend to actually wanting to have full sex. I do occasionally watch some porn, hentai. I'm in my late 20s so the period to be confused is mostly over so idk what it is exactly with me. I don't want any romantic relationships either BUT if I ever end up somehow, I would like a white marriage, I can do with some cuddling but nothing more. No, I was never sexually assaulted, I checked my body and it's all fine.

All us Aces need to link arms or hands and show people we aren't just people to have the piss taken out of. We need to be understood too.

May I ask what your BMI is? I have valid reason for asking.

It's possible to be a demi-sexual.

I think when your sexual interest is so low it starts blurring with the whole demi-sexual line as well though.

I know, erasure and disbelief is so prevalent towards ace, it's quite sad actually.
I don't know my weight so I can't calculate my BMI, why do you ask?

It would be most suitable to teach the young about it, since they are more likely to understand than people of our age who are older and more stubborn, since their beliefs are more likely to be set in stone. Shall we travel around the UK and EU teaching children everywhere?

Ah, fair enough. Well, I found out that those with a significantly low BMI, who may also be diagnosed with anorexia in extreme cases, often have a reduction in sex drive. This is something to do with productions of hormones and such, but even so. I just find everything sex related disgusting.

My BMI is 16.1

I am totally up for creating a troupe of aces who just go about educating people xD
Yes, there is a correlation between low weight and reduced sex drive, but that's obviously not asexuality.I have no idea what my bmi is but I'm totally healthy
That's interesting, I'm not sex repulsed, I just feel indifferent towards it

You just need a dose of super hot passionate crazy wild sex and that will change your beliefs completely

It would be most suitable to teach the young about it, since they are more likely to understand than people of our age who are older and more stubborn, since their beliefs are more likely to be set in stone. Shall we travel around the UK and EU teaching children everywhere?

Ah, fair enough. Well, I found out that those with a significantly low BMI, who may also be diagnosed with anorexia in extreme cases, often have a reduction in sex drive. This is something to do with productions of hormones and such, but even so. I just find everything sex related disgusting.

My BMI is 16.1

Mind if I PM you?

I used to find anything sex related disgusting too, but I was much younger then. Now I find it neutral, I can look at the sex act but still don't feel like doing it.

Now, we are all talking about our lack of desire to have sex in general. Could it change IF we might meet a wonderful person and develop feelings? Or we could just have the romantic feelings but not progress to physical contacts, which could be the most likely case. And I could go for that but if not, I'm fine as things are now too.

There are a lot of IFs but I'm glad to find more people to talk about asexuality.