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I told my girlfriend i cheated watch

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    Tldr summary: i'm a **** and don't care about her so i'll rationalise it to avoid feeling guilty
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    Being drunk is no excuse to cheat on anyone.


    Your gf deserves better than some douche like you who can't even stick to a girl when drunk.
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    You brave
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    schoolboy error

    never admit; never apologise; never explain
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    (Original post by Pariah)
    schoolboy error

    never admit; never apologise; never explain
    terrible advice.

    risk of STIs --> risk of infertility.
    no test checks for all STIs (eg HPV - which more people have than you think, this is coming from a medical student having just done sexual health).
    HPV vaccine only covers 2 strains of the many that are out there. HPV can cause infertility & cancer.

    But also guilt etc can tear the relationship apart. not to mention her in some way finding out much later down the line. Secrets are not good.
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g5Hz17C4is


    did you learn nothing
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    (Original post by Pariah)
    schoolboy error

    never admit; never apologise; never explain
    Like anon has already suggested, how would you explain to your gf/bf an unexpected STI?
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    You should have sat down with her when it wasn't working and discussed whether you both want to call it a day and say it doesn't work or if you want to work hard and try to get back on track. Now you have cheated it just makes things a million times worse. It's going to be down to her and whether she can forgive you, or if she wants to leave. You know you were a **** for cheating so I won't lecture you about it. You guys need to make a decision either way, you can't just keep sticking your heads in the sand and hoping it will magically get better whilst being miserable.
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    (Original post by MountKimbie)
    Like anon has already suggested, how would you explain to your gf/bf an unexpected STI?
    That's why you get tested and tell them 'if' you really need to for practical reasons.

    Some of the most common advice, even from relationship guru's is to either break up or not inform your partner. The main reason being it won't do anything in the slightest bit positive for the relationship, cause heartbreak & pain and generally speaking is all about the guilty party making themselves feel better by being honest (which is kinda selfish).

    Hell, then you have the french model where if you find out you're being cheated on that you should really turn the other cheek because statistically speaking affairs don't really last.

    Fyi, I'm not saying cheating is okay, just why generally speaking you shouldn't come clean regarding it if it does happen.
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    There are no excuse, drunk, family, you made a choice.
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    (Original post by Bemhal1992)
    Basically I have just made the biggest mistake and cheated on my girlfriend. I've told her a couple of days later and now leaving her to decide. I'll provide some insight into the relationship so make with it what you will.I have been with my girlfriend now for just over 2 years, she is an amazing girl. We get on great and even though we don't really share the same interests we are happy and get on.

    At the beginning (honeymoon period) it was great, we had fun, intimate near enough every day, this went for a while and I was happy. However a year later my mother died suddenly and this tore me apart, from this I became a different person, more mature and more focused. I began to then obsess on living my life to the full and just getting frustrated at my everyday/repetitive day to day.

    A few months after my mum died, me and my girlfriend rented a place together, I did this because I wanted to be with her but also just as Much to get out of my dad's house as this was making me worse. Before moving out, me and my girlfriend began arguing because I believed we had stopped having sex, she blamed this on the fact we had no privacy and this was straining the relationship (we thought renting would stop this).
    At first when we moved in we were happy, but my mind started to obsess again thinking I'm going to be stuck renting forever, ill never get a better job, do I want to marry this girl. I kept this to myself and put it Down to me being stressed about my mum etc, however 6 months later our relationship didn't improve and I felt we were just two lodgers together in a house, not a relationship, I brought this up subtly but she just passed it off. As months went by I started thinking about spilting up but I doubted myself as I kept on believing I'm just stressed. Still at this point our relationship was still lacking intimacy and any planning (no talking about the future) and she just didn't talk to me about anything other then mindless conversation.
    I then just became compliant and had no idea what I wanted to do, I was sure that I loved her but couldn't get past all these thoughts.


    I then made a mistake, I got drunk one weekend and got talking to someone random girl and I had sex with her, I didn't even recognize myself. I promised my girlfriend at the beginning I would never cheat (I believed myself). I didn't know this girl before, it wasnt planned, I didnt sleep there, I just left and never saw her again. I can only put it down to an urge, this girl threw herself at me and my mind, my morals just switched off, so we had sex. Not at point during it did I think of anything, not my girlfriend, not the future, just sex. I suddenly then came to my senses I left before I finished. There was no way my girlfriend would have found out but after days debating with myself, I told her.

    I explained that I had no intention of cheating on her, it was a mistake and all the usual stereotypical ****. I told her how I've felt over the last few months and didn't respond to it massively, she blames it on herself (her previous boyfriends have cheated but never told her or just left)The only thing that has improved is me, myvfeelings have become more clear, I love my girlfriend and could imagine a future, I am upset I have took everything we have done, she has done, for granted. It's killing me that it took me to cheat to get to this point and have more clarity.

    However, I'm still in two minds what to do (up to her, she doesn't want me to leave but she can't barely to look at me, I'm just doing my best), could I stay with her and hope she loves me enough to get past this but then I do think what if these thoughts happen again (id never cheat again) and I can't stressed and feel trapped but then I imagine being without her and I'm not sure how this would feel or weather or not I'd be happy.

    I'm a headcase, I know, but just in case anybody has idea what this feels like and if they can understand then say so.
    Look, you ****ed up and held your hands up, that's courageous bro.

    You lacked the sexual side in your relationship, this is essential. You just move on, plan your life and you say she's 'fine' with it but does not look at you, she did that before and felt like two lodgers, this is no excuse but you did what you did and at times people say unfaithfulness improves a declining relationship, see what happens but if you have doubts don't let them fester and just end it and move on, or you may continue in this rut.

    Goodluck
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    (Original post by Jenx301)
    You should have sat down with her when it wasn't working and discussed whether you both want to call it a day and say it doesn't work or if you want to work hard and try to get back on track. Now you have cheated it just makes things a million times worse. It's going to be down to her and whether she can forgive you, or if she wants to leave. You know you were a **** for cheating so I won't lecture you about it. You guys need to make a decision either way, you can't just keep sticking your heads in the sand and hoping it will magically get better whilst being miserable.
    She seemed happy all this time which made it think it was just me, I know I was a duck and my story does nothing to explain or justify cheating. But honestly, it has woken the relationship up (in a weird way) she has spoken to me and opened in a way I have never seen before. Ive spoken honestly for the first Time in months.

    Anyway thank you for your advice, if only posted or thought about sharing before I ruined everything. But thank you.
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    You come across as a nit selfish after reading that. Seems to be a lot of you and not a lot of us.

    You have done the right thing though and told her. relationships are never the same after, because youve borken the pact, cheated and hurt her.
    Think youve done the right thing by giving her some space, but i expect you need to work out a plan as to how you get things back on track. She needs some time so she can understand how she feels.
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    (Original post by DanB1991)
    That's why you get tested and tell them 'if' you really need to for practical reasons.

    Some of the most common advice, even from relationship guru's is to either break up or not inform your partner. The main reason being it won't do anything in the slightest bit positive for the relationship, cause heartbreak & pain and generally speaking is all about the guilty party making themselves feel better by being honest (which is kinda selfish).

    Hell, then you have the french model where if you find out you're being cheated on that you should really turn the other cheek because statistically speaking affairs don't really last.

    Fyi, I'm not saying cheating is okay, just why generally speaking you shouldn't come clean regarding it if it does happen.
    Would you have preferred to just lie, then you don't feel the consequence so just do it again? Your relationship would then be defined by what you did, subconsciously maybe but still affect it. I don't regret telling her, I regret doing it.
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    Did not read.

    But why admit it ? It's not admirable to do so. You should have just moved on and forgot about it.
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    (Original post by Bemhal1992)

    However, I'm still in two minds what to do (up to her, she doesn't want me to leave but she can't barely to look at me, I'm just doing my best), could I stay with her and hope she loves me enough to get past this but then I do think what if these thoughts happen again (id never cheat again) and I can't stressed and feel trapped but then I imagine being without her and I'm not sure how this would feel or weather or not I'd be happy.

    I'm a headcase, I know, but just in case anybody has idea what this feels like and if they can understand then say so.
    Ok I'm going to take the cheating out of it for a moment. A relationship should fulfil both of you and you are not being fulfilled.

    You have not dealt with your grief fully over the death of your mother. Your still in the grieving process.

    Your gf and you have drifted apart, you dont feel as close as you once did. And even now you dont know what to do with yourself.

    Oh and i am no way excusing what you have done. Cheating is NEVER right, i dont care what your circumstances are but ill give you the kudos for admitting to your mistake.

    You have a lot of soul searching to do and if you decide to continue the relationship then you have a lot of making up to do. And your relationship will very likely never be the same again
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    (Original post by Ablicious)
    Did not read.

    But why admit it ? It's not admirable to do so. You should have just moved on and forgot about it.
    shows a much bigger strength of chachter to admit to a mistake than forget it was ever made
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    (Original post by silverbolt)
    shows a much bigger strength of chachter to admit to a mistake than forget it was ever made
    If he hadn't of told her then no one would get hurt. If he cared for her then surely he wouldn't.

    Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes it's much better to forget and move on.
 
 
 
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