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    I've been using student room for the longest time ever and most advice on here seems to be quite useful. I am in no means trying to get any attention or anything just solid advice. I'm currently a 17 (turn 18 on Tuesday!!) year old female that is in Year 13 going to University next year.

    So me and my parents are on very thin ice right now. There has been major fights for a while now but I think we have reached a point where I'm genuinely scared for my safety. The fights mainly stem from disagreements on religion (muslim), culture (african) and lately anything I do. But the main issue is trust. I can deal with them moaning about religion or anything else but currently I have zero freedom. I'm not a bad child. I get decent grades throughout school (that is after all they care about) I barely ever go out.. Like I have only gone out twice this school year for 2 birthdays (they told me this is also not allowed anymore). I'm not really a social person and prefer being with 2/3 close friends. I'm not disrespectful. I dont do drugs (they ofcourse don't believe me and think I'm addicted to god knows what?). I really love my parents to bits.
    So what really caused the biggest problem is that I came not too long ago I came home late. I came home at about 12pm when I was meant to be home at 10/11ish. They absolutely flipped and we're ready to kill me. Mind you I have come home at this time before with no explanation (at younger ages) and no one even noticed or cared. So I apologised thoroughly and promised I wouldn't go out again until exams had finished. So that was done. Boy was I wrong...

    They now have told me I'm not allowed to talk/see/text my friends (regardless whether I see them at school).Because they are bad influences? My mum went through my phone and bank statements to see my every move. I had a weekend job where I used to work a few hours on a Saturday and they are refusing to let me go because they don't trust me? Even though they have been dropping me off at work almost every week.. Like they have switched from relaxed and liberal(ish) parents to parents from hell.. I'm supposed to come home straight from school maybe even get picked up to ensure I'm not going off with my (imaginary) boyfriend. They have gone through my stuff too ( I can tell) I'm constantly being told how I'm a disgrace and embarrassment to the family. I'm being emotionally black mailed into doing anything they want. I understand that I came home late and I'm sorry about this but I don't understand how it escalate to this in a matter of days??

    However, currently I feel like they are seconds away from getting abusive with me. I have seen my parents get abusive with my older brother and I'm terrified. I feel like anything I do or say could get me hurt. I have a constant pit in my stomach. I hate it when the school day is over and I have to go back home. It's hell.

    Honestly, speaking to my siblings I dont think it was the coming home late thing I think they have been waiting for the right opportunity to enforce these crazy rules on me. I just wish I could go back.

    The worst thing is I can't revise. I can't revise or focus on work knowing that my dad is watching over my shoulder constantly. I hate that because I'm on track to get A's and B's. I think that either they'll kick me out or they'll beat me up frankly. So I need a back up plan for if either of those happen. Of course, I will keep up with this for as long as possible as I do want to be at home and I don't think I could live without my parents or siblings.

    Is there any short stay/emergency hostels for students in my situations, who in the council do I talk to? Is there any long stay options? I dont know what on earth to do. I'm embarrassed to talk to my school but I think I might just have to.

    This was a long rant. Basically in short terms. I'm currently in a very bad situation with my parents and think I soon might have to find somewhere else to live. What are the steps I should take. I tried looking at my council sites/student sites but they are confusing!

    I thought that I'd come on student room as they're would be people of similar ages that might be able to relate to my situation or just have a lot of knowledge.

    Thanks! Any questions are welcome.
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    Sorry to hear your in that situation do you have any other family you can live with until you go to university?
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    PMd you, might be able to help
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    What a needlessly horrible situation. it makes you wonder how on earth they cna think they are being good parents by controlling and invading your privacy so much.
    You are smart you need the back up so in case it happens you know whats available tb bh id just want to leave. they are being totally nreasonable and dont appreciate that they cna be supportive and help you get better grades instead of being controlling which is counterproductive.

    Can you PM me your location i,e city or area of London and then ill see who deals with it and get you some contact numbers.
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    best bet is to get out and stay away from them... talk to council/even your school might be able to help you with this ? other family relatives ?
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    (Original post by Amsy168)
    I've been using student room for the longest time ever and most advice on here seems to be quite useful. I am in no means trying to get any attention or anything just solid advice. I'm currently a 17 (turn 18 on Tuesday!!) year old female that is in Year 13 going to University next year.

    So me and my parents are on very thin ice right now. There has been major fights for a while now but I think we have reached a point where I'm genuinely scared for my safety. The fights mainly stem from disagreements on religion (muslim), culture (african) and lately anything I do. But the main issue is trust. I can deal with them moaning about religion or anything else but currently I have zero freedom. I'm not a bad child. I get decent grades throughout school (that is after all they care about) I barely ever go out.. Like I have only gone out twice this school year for 2 birthdays (they told me this is also not allowed anymore). I'm not really a social person and prefer being with 2/3 close friends. I'm not disrespectful. I dont do drugs (they ofcourse don't believe me and think I'm addicted to god knows what?). I really love my parents to bits. So what really caused the biggest problem is that I came not too long ago I came home late. I came home at about 12pm when I was meant to be home at 10/11ish. They absolutely flipped and we're ready to kill me. Mind you I have come home at this time before with no explanation (at younger ages) and no one even noticed or cared. So I apologised thoroughly and promised I wouldn't go out again until exams had finished. So that was done. Boy was I wrong...

    They now have told me I'm not allowed to talk/see/text my friends (regardless whether I see them at school).Because they are bad influences? My mum went through my phone and bank statements to see my every move. I had a weekend job where I used to work a few hours on a Saturday and they are refusing to let me go because they don't trust me? Even though they have been dropping me off at work almost every week.. Like they have switched from relaxed and liberal(ish) parents to parents from hell.. I'm supposed to come home straight from school maybe even get picked up to ensure I'm not going off with my (imaginary) boyfriend. They have gone through my stuff too ( I can tell) I'm constantly being told how I'm a disgrace and embarrassment to the family. I'm being emotionally black mailed into doing anything they want. I understand that I came home late and I'm sorry about this but I don't understand how it escalate to this in a matter of days??

    However, currently I feel like they are seconds away from getting abusive with me. I have seen my parents get abusive with my older brother and I'm terrified. I feel like anything I do or say could get me hurt. I have a constant pit in my stomach. I hate it when the school day is over and I have to go back home. It's hell.

    Honestly, speaking to my siblings I don't think it was the coming home late thing I think they have been waiting for the right opportunity to enforce these crazy rules on me. I just wish I could go back.

    The worst thing is I can't revise. I can't revise or focus on work knowing that my dad is watching over my shoulder constantly. I hate that because I'm on track to get A's and B's. I think that either they'll kick me out or they'll beat me up frankly. So I need a back up plan for if either of those happen. Of course, I will keep up with this for as long as possible as I do want to be at home and I don't think I could live without my parents or siblings.

    Is there any short stay/emergency hostels for students in my situations, who in the council do I talk to? Is there any long stay options? I dont know what on earth to do. I'm embarrassed to talk to my school but I think I might just have to.

    This was a long rant. Basically in short terms. I'm currently in a very bad situation with my parents and think I soon might have to find somewhere else to live. What are the steps I should take. I tried looking at my council sites/student sites but they are confusing!

    I thought that I'd come on student room as they're would be people of similar ages that might be able to relate to my situation or just have a lot of knowledge.

    Thanks! Any questions are welcome.
    lets break this **** down xD

    1&2. Sounds like they're either overprotective or are really just using their power and exercising their authority over you.
    3. This might be a problem. This is just like a situation where you love someone and they don't love you back. You're not going to gain anything if you keep pouring in your love and care while the other party doesn't give 2 sh*ts.
    4. If you have enough balls ask how. If you ever need any help with arguments and stuff i can help, just tag me or reply to one of my previous comments.
    5. Again with the too possessive, over protective thing.
    6. This doesn't make any sense, why would they drop you off at work but not let you go to your weekend job? Maybe it's because you're not under their gaze where they know where you are etc. Again if you want ask why.
    7. This ties in with 6 where if you do walk home by yourself and don't get picked up by your parents what need is there for them to drop you off at work? This is making less sense because they clearly have enough trust to let you go from school to home but not from home to work and back?
    8. That's violating your privacy, i'm sure there'll be some sort of human right about privacy and whatnot.... Why, what part of you is a disgrace? What have you done that's so bad that you are shouted out and disgraced? Also with the emotions thing don't let them bully you into doing stuff that they want you to do. If you want to provide more info and i guess i can help you with fighting this. You have a whole community of nice people here and we're always here to support you, even if i've never seen you or even spoken to you on the phone we're still here, remember that.
    9. Seems like they're prepared to physically punish their own children physically but it depends since you said you saw your bro getting hit but i don't know if this is a common occurrence or not. If it's not and it's a one off then you shouldn't worry about it too much. If it's often then again you have the support of the community online and on tsr and anywhere else aswell ^-^. No person should really be afraid to go home(tbh i'm scared to go home, mad dad's really scary o.o)
    10. What are these crazy rules they wish to enforce on you? You can always bargain with them or just disobey them and fight through for equality. You can always tell the teachers and stuff at school for help for this kind of thing.
    11. Don't be afraid, always seek help when you need it. Try and close doors in your house and work in your room etc and you'll be sure to get those grades . Need any help just ask on here and the community will help.
    12. Tips on talking to others are just pretending that you've known them for a very long time. Basically courage is what you need. I find that a good way to do this is to not give a f**k momentarily while you carry out what you want to then you should be ok.

    sorry i can't help with your other hostel stuff
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    I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation Do you have any family you could stay with? Also, I think speaking to your school's Student Support Team would be beneficial.
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    (Original post by idontknowmedoyou)
    Sorry to hear your in that situation do you have any other family you can live with until you go to university?
    I have other relatives in the area but they would most likely side with my parents if not drop me off at their door.

    Thanks though!
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    (Original post by thefatone)
    lets break this **** down xD

    1&2. Sounds like they're either overprotective or are really just using their power and exercising their authority over you.
    3. This might be a problem. This is just like a situation where you love someone and they don't love you back. You're not going to gain anything if you keep pouring in your love and care while the other party doesn't give 2 sh*ts.
    4. If you have enough balls ask how. If you ever need any help with arguments and stuff i can help, just tag me or reply to one of my previous comments.
    5. Again with the too possessive, over protective thing.
    6. This doesn't make any sense, why would they drop you off at work but not let you go to your weekend job? Maybe it's because you're not under their gaze where they know where you are etc. Again if you want ask why.
    7. This ties in with 6 where if you do walk home by yourself and don't get picked up by your parents what need is there for them to drop you off at work? This is making less sense because they clearly have enough trust to let you go from school to home but not from home to work and back?
    8. That's violating your privacy, i'm sure there'll be some sort of human right about privacy and whatnot.... Why, what part of you is a disgrace? What have you done that's so bad that you are shouted out and disgraced? Also with the emotions thing don't let them bully you into doing stuff that they want you to do. If you want to provide more info and i guess i can help you with fighting this. You have a whole community of nice people here and we're always here to support you, even if i've never seen you or even spoken to you on the phone we're still here, remember that.
    9. Seems like they're prepared to physically punish their own children physically but it depends since you said you saw your bro getting hit but i don't know if this is a common occurrence or not. If it's not and it's a one off then you shouldn't worry about it too much. If it's often then again you have the support of the community online and on tsr and anywhere else aswell ^-^. No person should really be afraid to go home(tbh i'm scared to go home, mad dad's really scary o.o)
    10. What are these crazy rules they wish to enforce on you? You can always bargain with them or just disobey them and fight through for equality. You can always tell the teachers and stuff at school for help for this kind of thing.
    11. Don't be afraid, always seek help when you need it. Try and close doors in your house and work in your room etc and you'll be sure to get those grades . Need any help just ask on here and the community will help.
    12. Tips on talking to others are just pretending that you've known them for a very long time. Basically courage is what you need. I find that a good way to do this is to not give a f**k momentarily while you carry out what you want to then you should be ok.

    sorry i can't help with your other hostel stuff
    Thank you for taking the time to reply! This goes to all of you guys. I'm currently incredibly sad and depressed and seeing that people are taking the time to reply helps I don't want to cause any trouble for my parents because that woudn't be fair on my other siblings. But I'm scared they will now do the same to them as I'm like a 'bad example'? I feel like I've ruined it for them. The thing is my family is never violent at all. Like they don't get violent unless you've really screwed up. But I just don't see how I have?! I'm not an emotional person at all but the idea of leaving my parents kills. It's like no matter how bad they treat you, you're always going to love em?

    Oh and about point 6. I meant to say that when I still went to my job they dropped me off but now they wont let me go.

    Hahah If I ever need a good come back I'll be sure to ask you though! Thanks!!
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    (Original post by BhavyaB)
    I'm so sorry to hear you're in this situation Do you have any family you could stay with? Also, I think speaking to your school's Student Support Team would be beneficial.
    I think I might have to speak to the school. I'll have to wait till I'm 18 because I don't want social services or something like it to cause issues. I turn 18 in 2 days.
    Probably the worst birthday to come but hey. I'm trying to keep positive.

    Thanks
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    A couple of my friends are in the YMCA because their parents were like that. It sucks, I know, but it happens. May I enquire as to your town?
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    (Original post by Amsy168)
    Thank you for taking the time to reply! This goes to all of you guys. I'm currently incredibly sad and depressed and seeing that people are taking the time to reply helps I don't want to cause any trouble for my parents because that woudn't be fair on my other siblings. But I'm scared they will now do the same to them as I'm like a 'bad example'? I feel like I've ruined it for them. The thing is my family is never violent at all. Like they don't get violent unless you've really screwed up. But I just don't see how I have?! I'm not an emotional person at all but the idea of leaving my parents kills. It's like no matter how bad they treat you, you're always going to love em?

    Oh and about point 6. I meant to say that when I still went to my job they dropped me off but now they wont let me go.

    Hahah If I ever need a good come back I'll be sure to ask you though! Thanks!!

    Hey! you're a strong person now to go through all of this.
    I don't quite understand?
    I guess if worse comes to worse you can start an argument and try and wring something out of them?
    I am truly a heartless person ( don't become like me btw) and i hate who i hate be it parent siblings close relatives, if i don't like them that's that xD
    Why would that be? Is there something wrong with you bringing income into the house?<-- if you really want that job back or just ask why you can't go back
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    Wow, i mean my mums a little strict but not abusive or anything. What they are doing is wrong!! They can't rant about religion and seriously that's crazy. You should speak to your school think they would tell you the next steps.
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    You will need to contyact the apprporiate authorities and not down the contact details. they cna give you guidance.

    At 17 you will be a priority. As said above they might find you a place in a hostel but all LA's differ. There are some homelss charities that specialise in young people.
    You should at least have an idea for an emergency refuge or hostel if the worst happens. Shelter Housing and CAB.

    You should be aware social services may get involved. It may send your parents balistic.

    You should make up in your own mind as to whether you want to build bridges or cut yourself off.

    You need to find a zone within which you cna study and not let outside events ruin your exams.

    If it gets more likely then i would have a plan and decide what books / notes to take at short notice.

    You mau also wnat to confide in a teacher at school or talk things over on childline.
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    (Original post by Amsy168)
    I think I might have to speak to the school. I'll have to wait till I'm 18 because I don't want social services or something like it to cause issues. I turn 18 in 2 days.
    Probably the worst birthday to come but hey. I'm trying to keep positive.

    Thanks
    Stay positive and I hope everything gets sorted out soon. Also, Happy Birthday and hope you have a lovely one despite all of this
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    hostels dont normally cost a lot, but you'd definitely need a job to support you if you went to that.
    Why not try B&Bs?
    Maybe stay w a friend? Family member?
    Perhaps, just talk to them (maybe thats a stupid idea you weigh up the situation)

    Good Luck xx
 
 
 
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