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    One of my close friends isn't motivated at uni, she keeps underestimating the complexity of the final year project, which she hasn't started yet. We have less than 2 months to hand the project in and it counts for 25% of our final grade.

    As she is one of my close friends I feel that I should try to motivate her because she needs to graduate with a 2:1 or she won't secure the graduate scheme that she wants. But she seems more focused on going out and having fun, rather than doing her work. It's reaching that point where we can't afford any complacency whatsoever but I don't think she understands.

    I do want to graduate with my friend this year, but there is a slight chance that it may not happen because of the final year project.

    She's always around me so I think I should say something, but what can I say to her without sounding too controlling?
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    When you're going to work on your project, ask if she'd like to come with you, ask her about it, just take as much of an interest as possible and if she answers with half thought out answers, try to emphasise how much work you're putting in. I don't think it sounds controlling to say to her that it will take a lot of work, she'll probably regret it if she doesn't
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    Tell it to her straight. Don't pussy foot around her or try to be nice about it when it's not necessary. Just say "you're really being an idiot going out all the time and not having even started the project that's due in two months you know? I want you to do well, but you're not going to at this rate".

    You can't make her give a crap though, you can be honest and just hope she realises she's making a mistake but that is all you can do. I know she is your friend, but don't waste your own time or bring yourself down trying to raise her up if she isn't going to bother.
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    (Original post by Blondie987)
    When you're going to work on your project, ask if she'd like to come with you, ask her about it, just take as much of an interest as possible and if she answers with half thought out answers, try to emphasise how much work you're putting in. I don't think it sounds controlling to say to her that it will take a lot of work, she'll probably regret it if she doesn't
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    Tell it to her straight. Don't pussy foot around her or try to be nice about it when it's not necessary. Just say "you're really being an idiot going out all the time and not having even started the project that's due in two months you know? I want you to do well, but you're not going to at this rate".

    You can't make her give a crap though, you can be honest and just hope she realises she's making a mistake but that is all you can do. I know she is your friend, but don't waste your own time or bring yourself down trying to raise her up if she isn't going to bother.
    So we have worked together at uni. I do my work and she does her work, I guess I'm there to make sure she does it but I feel like it's becoming a burden that I have to keep shepherding her and make sure she is working. I care because she is one of my good friends and she has given me support in the past for other things.

    But I can't keep investing my time just to make sure, I mean she's still going out every night even after a stern talking to. Obviously I can't just give up or she will to, I don't know what else to do
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So we have worked together at uni. I do my work and she does her work, I guess I'm there to make sure she does it but I feel like it's becoming a burden that I have to keep shepherding her and make sure she is working. I care because she is one of my good friends and she has given me support in the past for other things.

    But I can't keep investing my time just to make sure, I mean she's still going out every night even after a stern talking to. Obviously I can't just give up or she will to, I don't know what else to do
    As much as you want to help her, you're right she shouldn't burden you and you need to look out for yourself if she's holding you back, tell her straight that she's going to fail if she doesn't get herself together and that you're happy to help her but she needs to put in the effort. After that she'll either heed your warning or ignore it, either way just focus on your own studies and do the best that you can for yourself, she's an adult and you're not her carer, you've done a lot more than most friends would do and you're not being a bad friend if you've already done everything you can do, it's really up to her but if you let it affect your work, you'll regret it.
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    Thought you were talking about me til I saw that me was a she.
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    I've been in this very situation, its horrible, last year, my flatmate and myself were in the same boat. He was constantly going out most nights, sleeping around, and doing little to no work, he wouldn't do his work unless I was there, at the end of the day, if there's someone like this in your life, they're only holding you back.

    I get she's a close friend, my flatmate was the same, I wanted to see him pass because if he didn't he couldn't go onto do a PGCE after, I helped motivate him so much, I spent countless nights with him, up till the early hours of the morning trying to get him to finish his work, a lot of the time, he was handing his work in, minutes before the deadline and had stayed up the night before to do it. You as a friend want them to succeed, you want what's best for them, but when they can't pull their finger out, its a problem. My biggest regret is being my friends motivator, we both wanted to get on a PGCE, I had the better grades in the end, I managed to come out with a First Class, but only just, and I think to myself, if I didn't invest so much time into my friend, I could of used that time to focus on my work, and probably would have a high first class honours. He ended up with a 2:2 just, he had to resit a year 2 module, but didn't end up doing it, the frustrating thing is, when you spend all that time with a friend, advising them on how to go about and essay and making sure they do it, for them to lose a ton of marks because he couldn't be bothered to do a module from the year before, its really frustrating.

    The annoying part was in the run up to graduation, finding out all your friends are graduating except for the one, because their mark has to be investigated to decide whether they deserve a 2:2 or just a degree with no honours, to which they tell you they won't be going to graduation if they don't get the 2:2, its sad, because all that time you put in, for them to waste it, and then to have all your friends there celebrating, except one. Fortunately, the uni agreed and he got his 2:2, just, he had 50 out of 100, so just got his 2:2 in the end.

    Now here's the worst part, its almost a year after that, I haven't seen him since graduation, he lives a couple miles up the road, you invite him to do things, but doesn't reply, and then you get the odd text off him, when he's asking for something, that's really the depressing thing. But the worst part of all, is when you get a good grade, and don't get on a pgce, but that friend who you carried through university, barely gets a grade, and then ends up making it onto a pgce over you, that's the proper depressing part.

    Point is, if you're going to try and motivate them, will it be worth it, do you think after all is said and done, they'll still bother with you? And most of all are you potentially damaging your future to invest time in them when they can't be bothered to handle the responsibilty themselves?
 
 
 
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