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LDR, but he doesn't want to move closer to me. Watch

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    My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up today after a huge row.

    It started because I asked him if he'd consider doing his post-graduate degree in my home-town or closer together as we have been long distance since graduating in september and are currently 4 hours away.
    I've just started a new job - and although I was looking to relocate closer to him, I wanted to give this job ago - and he was looking at moving closer to me anyway (well said this previously but apparently not.)

    Today he dropped the bombshell. He had no interest in living with me yet as he's "too young to deal with that commitment" despite the fact we've been making plans to live together for the past 9 months.
    I was even going to move closer to him, which he told me today he still wouldn't live with me even if i did!

    He asked if I'd wait another year!!!

    So i broke up with him. He wants me to understand his issues with moving in with me because hes not ready and also wants to give it ago long distance for a another year. But i can't deal with his lack of commitment.

    Have i made the right decision or I am being selfish?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up today after a huge row.

    It started because I asked him if he'd consider doing his post-graduate degree in my home-town or closer together as we have been long distance since graduating in september and are currently 4 hours away.
    I've just started a new job - and although I was looking to relocate closer to him, I wanted to give this job ago - and he was looking at moving closer to me anyway (well said this previously but apparently not.)

    Today he dropped the bombshell. He had no interest in living with me yet as he's "too young to deal with that commitment" despite the fact we've been making plans to live together for the past 9 months.
    I was even going to move closer to him, which he told me today he still wouldn't live with me even if i did!

    He asked if I'd wait another year!!!

    So i broke up with him. He wants me to understand his issues with moving in with me because hes not ready and also wants to give it ago long distance for a another year. But i can't deal with his lack of commitment.

    Have i made the right decision or I am being selfish?
    I feel that you're being rather selfish. You're essentially forcing him into something, and he's not comfortable with that. Just because he doesn't want to live together yet doesn't mean he will never want to live with you. Not everyone is comfortable with moving away from the life they've always known, despite the fact that you may be. We all have our own problems to deal with - give him some time to come around.
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    (Original post by Tinemither)
    I feel that you're being rather selfish. You're essentially forcing him into something, and he's not comfortable with that.
    I don't agree. He's been making plans to move in with OP for nine months, and was looking into moving closer to her. But then he changed his mind and said he doesn't want to deal with the commitment.

    If that's the case, OP is well within her rights to break up with him, as they were in an LDR with a set end in mind, and then he changed his mind and backed out. Both sides have a right to do what they want - he's allowed to say he doesn't want to live with her and that he wants her to continue an LDR, and she's allowed to break up with him as that's not what she wants from the relationship.

    OP, now you've broken up there's no use in dwelling on who was in the right or the wrong. You can't get back together and expect things to be the same, so you might as well try to move on.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I don't agree. He's been making plans to move in with OP for nine months, and was looking into moving closer to her. But then he changed his mind and said he doesn't want to deal with the commitment.

    If that's the case, OP is well within her rights to break up with him, as they were in an LDR with a set end in mind, and then he changed his mind and backed out. Both sides have a right to do what they want - he's allowed to say he doesn't want to live with her and that he wants her to continue an LDR, and she's allowed to break up with him as that's not what she wants from the relationship.

    OP, now you've broken up there's no use in dwelling on who was in the right or the wrong. You can't get back together and expect things to be the same, so you might as well try to move on.
    But that type of attitude is why relationships often dissolve. Yes, he may be unwilling to move after the planning phase, but what ever happened to compromise? I accept he said about the commitment which, in itself, is a huge thing. But even so, she made no attempt to try to compromise and therefore threw it away like two years meant nothing. Some kind of a relationship that was...
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    (Original post by Tinemither)
    But that type of attitude is why relationships often dissolve. Yes, he may be unwilling to move after the planning phase, but what ever happened to compromise? I accept he said about the commitment which, in itself, is a huge thing. But even so, she made no attempt to try to compromise and therefore threw it away like two years meant nothing. Some kind of a relationship that was...
    Well the fact that both of them were able to leave like it was nothing shows that that relationship wasn't right for them. If their goals and plans don't match up (which, in this case, they didn't) the relationship will inevitably dissolve.

    I agree with you that relationships are about compromise, but that's difficult when one person wants to move in with the other and the other wants to remain in an LDR. They're wildly different and they need to find people more suited to their level of commitment and with similar goals.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Tinemither)
    I feel that you're being rather selfish. You're essentially forcing him into something, and he's not comfortable with that. Just because he doesn't want to live together yet doesn't mean he will never want to live with you. Not everyone is comfortable with moving away from the life they've always known, despite the fact that you may be. We all have our own problems to deal with - give him some time to come around.
    So what do I do wait for another year?
    What if he's not comfortable with that.

    I'm angry because hes waited 9 months to tell me. I've gone for job interviews and started to apply for PGCE courses in that area just because this was always 'our plan'. I suggested today perhaps doing it in the area of home-town to postphone further study. This is where he dropped the bombshell, no matter where I'd be in the country he wouldn't live with me.


    So potentially, I could of ended up in a part of the country for a plan he had no intention of commiting too.

    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    I don't agree. He's been making plans to move in with OP for nine months, and was looking into moving closer to her. But then he changed his mind and said he doesn't want to deal with the commitment.

    If that's the case, OP is well within her rights to break up with him, as they were in an LDR with a set end in mind, and then he changed his mind and backed out. Both sides have a right to do what they want - he's allowed to say he doesn't want to live with her and that he wants her to continue an LDR, and she's allowed to break up with him as that's not what she wants from the relationship.

    OP, now you've broken up there's no use in dwelling on who was in the right or the wrong. You can't get back together and expect things to be the same, so you might as well try to move on.
    Thanks, we are currently split up now. I don't know how someone can lie to you for 9 months. It's so cruel.
    You are right, even if we did get back together, I could probably never trust him again.
 
 
 
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