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    Everyone has a story. What's yours? What events in your life define you as a person?
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    (Original post by ok2)
    Everyone has a story. What's yours? What events in your life define you as a person?
    I guess mostly negative events of my childhood have defined me as a person as they have had a massive impact on my personality.
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    Sexual abuse as a child a road accident when I was an infant that really scared me and made me think cars are really dangerous I don't drive as a consequence of this (sounds stupid I know) my behaviour being misunderstood because I hadn't been diagnosed as schizophrenic and gang land violence when I was a kid growing up in the Krays neighbourhood. Taking a shed load of drugs: cannabis everyday, LSD once or twice a week or XTC once a week, cocaine sporadically, crack cocaine a few times, heroin - you get the picture. Being sectioned twice grandiose delusions thinking I was the King, thinking the secret services were helping me to stop terrorism paranoid delusions etc. Being flat 'lazy' all the time, not being able to sleep no motivation to work. God the list goes on. On the positive side I'm a **** hot dancer, attractive, good at art and more intelligent than most people on here.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sexual abuse as a child a road accident when I was an infant that really scared me and made me think cars are really dangerous I don't drive as a consequence of this (sounds stupid I know) my behaviour being misunderstood because I hadn't been diagnosed as schizophrenic and gang land violence when I was a kid growing up in the Krays neighbourhood. Taking a shed load of drugs: cannabis everyday, LSD once or twice a week or XTC once a week, cocaine sporadically, crack cocaine a few times, heroin - you get the picture. Being sectioned twice grandiose delusions thinking I was the King, thinking the secret services were helping me to stop terrorism paranoid delusions etc. Being flat 'lazy' all the time, not being able to sleep no motivation to work. God the list goes on. On the positive side I'm a **** hot dancer, attractive, good at art and more intelligent than most people on here.
    First of all, I think you're a wonderful, courageous and all round strong person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You've been through a great deal, and I love that you're still able to identify and embrace the positives - most people ignore them, forget them or let them get buried away under all the unfortunate things. Secondly, don't belittle your fears. You not wanting to drive is understandable, it's not stupid at all. You could try and muster up the courage to try and face that fear, but even if you don't want to, that's absolutely fine. But it is in no way stupid. And wow. You have been through a great deal, a roller coaster of a journey. I'm studying schizophrenia at the moment, so I can sympathise with the delusions (but obviously, I can't even begin to understand the affect that it had on you as a person, as well as on those around you). But do you know what, these things shouldn't make up the bulk of your story. You are so much more than these awful things. Like you said, you're a good dancer, you're beautiful and you're smart. That's you. That's what your story should be about: when did you discover your dance skills? Have you always been interested in dancing?How do you use your talents? What aspirations do you have? You have the will to make use of these things, to stand up against these injustices of life and be the confident and positive person that you can be! Thank you for sharing, you're beautiful, and I believe in you.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    I guess mostly negative events of my childhood have defined me as a person as they have had a massive impact on my personality.
    Would you say they have made you a stronger person? More able to see things from a different perspective? To be able to empathise with others? Or have they had adverse effects?
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    (Original post by ok2)
    Would you say they have made you a stronger person? More able to see things from a different perspective? To be able to empathise with others? Or have they had adverse effects?
    I would argue both, I do certainly have a great level of empathy but experiencing a loved one dying tha Young has made me a very pessimistic adult.
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    A looooooooooooot of ****ed up ****
    made me grow up too fast
    but I guess I'm glad I am who I am... sometimes
    I feel like the world is more real to me, and it's made me care a lot for others because I don't want them to feel like I do yakno?
    probably not xD :lol: oh well
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    I would argue both, I do certainly have a great level of empathy but experiencing a loved one dying tha Young has made me a very pessimistic adult.
    That really hits home. I understand completely, having lost a sibling, I totally acknowledge the effects that losing a loved one has on your outlook on life. But there are a lot of things learned from such a tragedy - obviously, you begin to empathise with other people's losses (and that on its own is important), you start to notice the way people respond to losses or sad/personal situations. I'm not sure if it was/is the same for you, but I really started to differentiate between those who genuinely cared, those who didn't, and those who just wanted to hear a story and leave. Having lost someone at a young age, you seem to mature much quicker than those in your age group, I just felt like they didn't understand life because they didn't understand grief. Grief is a crazy thing. It's a whirlwind of emotions, experiences, and personal setbacks or developments. But I agree, it mostly makes you very pessimistic and doubtful of life. But I also saw the community come together and show their support and love. People you've never met, just want to be there for you. But those you knew for years, drift away. It's not easy, and I'm so sorry for your loss. But I hope that you're coping and doing well. I know that it never goes away, it's something you try to learn to live with.
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    (Original post by z33)
    A looooooooooooot of ****ed up ****
    made me grow up too fast
    but I guess I'm glad I am who I am... sometimes
    I feel like the world is more real to me, and it's made me care a lot for others because I don't want them to feel like I do yakno?
    probably not xD :lol: oh well
    I do know, actually hahah xD I agree. You seem like a good person, to care for others and how they feel to prevent them from going through what you've been through is admirable
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    (Original post by ok2)
    I do know, actually hahah xD I agree. You seem like a good person, to care for others and how they feel to prevent them from going through what you've been through is admirable
    Awwhhhhhhhhh thank you! You're an even better person for making this thread and taking the time to be open and respond positively and genuinely to everyone's comments
    We 'ppreciate it mayn <3
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    (Original post by ok2)
    That really hits home. I understand completely, having lost a sibling, I totally acknowledge the effects that losing a loved one has on your outlook on life. But there are a lot of things learned from such a tragedy - obviously, you begin to empathise with other people's losses (and that on its own is important), you start to notice the way people respond to losses or sad/personal situations. I'm not sure if it was/is the same for you, but I really started to differentiate between those who genuinely cared, those who didn't, and those who just wanted to hear a story and leave. Having lost someone at a young age, you seem to mature much quicker than those in your age group, I just felt like they didn't understand life because they didn't understand grief. Grief is a crazy thing. It's a whirlwind of emotions, experiences, and personal setbacks or developments. But I agree, it mostly makes you very pessimistic and doubtful of life. But I also saw the community come together and show their support and love. People you've never met, just want to be there for you. But those you knew for years, drift away. It's not easy, and I'm so sorry for your loss. But I hope that you're coping and doing well. I know that it never goes away, it's something you try to learn to live with.
    Thank you, those are incredibly wise words i m sorry for your loss too. I definetly agree that it made me mature much quicker. It was 11 years ago so I feel that the past few years I ve dealt with it the best it's going to get but like you say it never goes away.
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    (Original post by z33)
    Awwhhhhhhhhh thank you! You're an even better person for making this thread and taking the time to be open and respond positively and genuinely to everyone's comments We 'ppreciate it mayn <3
    I'm going to cry, this is sooooo sweet! Thank you! <3
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Thank you, those are incredibly wise words i m sorry for your loss too. I definetly agree that it made me mature much quicker. It was 11 years ago so I feel that the past few years I ve dealt with it the best it's going to get but like you say it never goes away.
    You're doing well and I can only hope that you carry on this way :')
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    (Original post by ok2)
    You're doing well and I can only hope that you carry on this way :'
    Thank you, the same to you
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Thank you, the same to you
    Thank you :console:
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    I had to mature very early on because we were poor, and since a child I had to consciously think of my own spending. When I was about 10, there was one night where mum almost left us, she packed her bags and was ready to say goodbye - we had to beg her to stay. It was honestly the scariest night of my life. I can't think of an incident where I had cried more than I did that night, and the nights that followed. Naturally I was afraid that mum would leave us someday, so I cried before sleep, thinking what it would be like if she had left. Dad was out of job a few times. Pretty sure he was fired, but he'd always make something up like the company went bankrupt or he got moved. My friends' parents seemed to have progressed in their career as they grew up because they'd get new stuff every year, some of them moved houses, parents bought new cars, mine didn't quite... So I kinda knew we were poor. Every 2 weeks or so my dad would ask to borrow money from me. Despite this, he had always been a very good and loving father. It didn't bother me that much because I still had friends to play with and had quite a fun childhood. But then the bullying started. I was called "******", "gay", "sissy" among other names. Teachers never did anything. Sometimes it got physical like they'd pull my pants down in front of people. I suffered humiliation in front of my friends and classmates. I was called stupid by a teacher. It was apparent that she hated me. I've never thought I was smart despite having straight A's in GCSE's and A-levels. It was hard to deal with. I still have problems speaking in front of an audience. I couldn't look at my own reflection for two years. If I ever saw myself in the mirror I'd feel sad and embarrassed. How could you love something that everyone else hated? So I started changing my behaviour and mannerisms - I started walking, talking, sitting, standing more like a normal boy. It was a difficult period. I was conscious of everything I did. I had to control every detail of my action so as to not appear effeminate. And I was successful. If you look at me now, you wouldn't have guessed that I was called "******" when I was small. I haven't quite regained the self-worth and confidence that I lost during childhood. And I've only accepted that I'm gay very recently. I have times where I think I'm worthless and I'd be better off "gone". I lost friends due to my neediness and behaviour. Sometimes I wake up and would cry in bed thinking "What's the point?". Four months ago I was discharged from A&E after "a depressive episode", and apparently I was "medium to high risk of self-harm/suicide" (on the discharge letter). I couldn't accept that I was "sick in the head". I didn't want to be. To be totally honest, I still have times where I feel like overdosing and suffocating myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm broken beyond repair.
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    (Original post by BWV1007)
    I had to mature very early on because we were poor, and since a child I had to consciously think of my own spending. When I was about 10, there was one night where mum almost left us, she packed her bags and was ready to say goodbye - we had to beg her to stay. It was honestly the scariest night of my life. I can't think of an incident where I had cried more than I did that night, and the nights that followed. Naturally I was afraid that mum would leave us someday, so I cried before sleep, thinking what it would be like if she had left. Dad was out of job a few times. Pretty sure he was fired, but he'd always make something up like the company went bankrupt or he got moved. My friends' parents seemed to have progressed in their career as they grew up because they'd get new stuff every year, some of them moved houses, parents bought new cars, mine didn't quite... So I kinda knew we were poor. Every 2 weeks or so my dad would ask to borrow money from me. Despite this, he had always been a very good and loving father. It didn't bother me that much because I still had friends to play with and had quite a fun childhood. But then the bullying started. I was called "******", "gay", "sissy" among other names. Teachers never did anything. Sometimes it got physical like they'd pull my pants down in front of people. I suffered humiliation in front of my friends and classmates. I was called stupid by a teacher. It was apparent that she hated me. I've never thought I was smart despite having straight A's in GCSE's and A-levels. It was hard to deal with. I still have problems speaking in front of an audience. I couldn't look at my own reflection for two years. If I ever saw myself in the mirror I'd feel sad and embarrassed. How could you love something that everyone else hated? So I started changing my behaviour and mannerisms - I started walking, talking, sitting, standing more like a normal boy. It was a difficult period. I was conscious of everything I did. I had to control every detail of my action so as to not appear effeminate. And I was successful. If you look at me now, you wouldn't have guessed that I was called "******" when I was small. I haven't quite regained the self-worth and confidence that I lost during childhood. And I've only accepted that I'm gay very recently. I have times where I think I'm worthless and I'd be better off "gone". I lost friends due to my neediness and behaviour. Sometimes I wake up and would cry in bed thinking "What's the point?". Four months ago I was discharged from A&E after "a depressive episode", and apparently I was "medium to high risk of self-harm/suicide" (on the discharge letter). I couldn't accept that I was "sick in the head". I didn't want to be. To be totally honest, I still have times where I feel like overdosing and suffocating myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm broken beyond repair.
    Hey! I think that you are SUCH a strong person, honestly. Reading that broke my heart. I wish that I could hug you right now, and tell you that you are worth so so soo much more than you think you are. You are a loving son to your parents, you stayed strong through the hardest of times and helped them when you could - that's admirable, and your parents are extremely lucky to have you (they know that). What made me smile whilst reading that is that you got amazing grades at GCSE and A-Level! The fact that you did incredibly well, even whilst you had all of this going on, is evidence of your capabilities and worth. Please acknowledge that. You're intelligent, don't let these circumstances take your potential away from you. Another thing, there is no such thing as a 'normal boy', at all! So don't for a second think you don't fit into some kind of 'normal'. Individuality is what makes us all, and you have wonderful traits that make up the person that you are. Everyone doesn't hate you. There is love, and then there are personal insecurities that people project on to others - it's not hate. Unfortunately, people bullied you because of their own insecurities. They were inconsiderate and completely out of order to treat another person in the way that they treated you. But love yourself for everything that you are. How can you not love about yourself what other people want? Others wish they got better grades, they wish they could help their parents, they wish that they could get through hard times - and you've got and done all of these (and more). You would in no way be better off gone. No one would be. You'd be robbing yourself of a future. You can take control of your future, make it into whatever you wish, you have the potential, the capabilities, the grades and the will. You can do well for yourself, support your parents and sibling(s). You have the potential to do so much good in this world for yourself and for those around you. Don't let a few insecure and ignorant people ruin your chances of a good life. Embrace the person you are. There will be people who love you for you, and that's all you need. And for those who put you down, what relevance do they have to your life? It's your future, not theirs. It's you, not them. No one is broken beyond repair. There are so many support networks that you can make use of, you have a loving family, and you can have a bright future. Please don't take that away from yourself just because of the remarks of others. You have done so well up until now, you're still here, and there's a reason for that. Everyone has a purpose. You're an incredible human being who has had a tough start to life. Being poor makes you appreciate more in life. I wouldn't want to be rich and ignorant. I'd rather be mindful, empathetic and considerate - which is everything that you are. Make use of your positive characteristics. You can do so well! Please give yourself the chance :console:
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    Not really sure where I'd start tbh, I have a pretty poor memory of most of my life due to abuse. But I think I turned out OK? haha.

    To the OP: You sound like a really kind hearted person, I hope everything is going well with you in your life!

    Other people in the thread: If anyone needs to talk, you're all welcome to PM me anytime.
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    (Original post by ok2)
    x
    Ok this is retarded. I forgot to post as anon. I thought I'd ticked the anon option.

    Thanks for the meaningful reply. Sometimes I feel like giving up because I've lost friends due to my behaviour. I don't even know where I'm heading in the future. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve love or a relationship, so what's the point of living it out? I can't even manage friendships. But there's this one guy in my course who I'm still friends with (not very close though). I didn't go to lectures in the last two weeks because I just felt really bad in the morning. He asked why was I like that and it seems like he cares enough to motivate me to not be let down by things. He seems to want me to get back on track. And I'm going to work hard in this spring break for the summer exams. I hope I won't lose motivation again. I don't trust anyone that much now, and if he leaves me, his kind words will stay with me throughout my degree.
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    (Original post by ok2)
    Everyone has a story. What's yours? What events in your life define you as a person?
    One tyme I accidentally ate sum paper. I wos sad. Now I am a unicorn.
 
 
 
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