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Thoughts? - Written by a friend, be as honest as you like watch

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    lol
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    Very good. Is this GCSE or A level?
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    (Original post by teenhorrorstory)
    Very good. Is this GCSE or A level?
    GCSE - my friend hasn't finished it yet.
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    Strong analysis, good focus on the author's intentions. To be nitpicky the sentence structure/grammar seems a little faulty at times, making it hard to understand what exact point is being made e.g. "It forms a central concern of the poets, with each one focusing on different aspects, which the reader may come to identify the poems as exploring the intensity of human emotion." and "Detrimental emotion being, as shown by the phrase; ‘My brides breath soured, stank,’ with the use of sensory imagery demonstrating the destruction of the woman, due to her allowance to become consumed by utter paranoia."
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    (Original post by 13 1 20 8 42)
    Strong analysis, good focus on the author's intentions. To be nitpicky the sentence structure/grammar seems a little faulty at times, making it hard to understand what exact point is being made e.g. "It forms a central concern of the poets, with each one focusing on different aspects, which the reader may come to identify the poems as exploring the intensity of human emotion." and "Detrimental emotion being, as shown by the phrase; ‘My brides breath soured, stank,’ with the use of sensory imagery demonstrating the destruction of the woman, due to her allowance to become consumed by utter paranoia."
    Thank you, slightly confused though of how to ammendment that
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    (Original post by 13 1 20 8 42)
    Strong analysis, good focus on the author's intentions. To be nitpicky the sentence structure/grammar seems a little faulty at times, making it hard to understand what exact point is being made e.g. "It forms a central concern of the poets, with each one focusing on different aspects, which the reader may come to identify the poems as exploring the intensity of human emotion." and "Detrimental emotion being, as shown by the phrase; ‘My brides breath soured, stank,’ with the use of sensory imagery demonstrating the destruction of the woman, due to her allowance to become consumed by utter paranoia."
    Friend also wants to know the standard of what she has written so far. B, A or A*?
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    (Original post by hannahrobinsxn)
    Thank you, slightly confused though of how to ammendment that
    Hmm to be honest I can't say really as it is only the author who knows the meaning. It's just a matter of precision with the meaning, which is generally easier to achieve via precision with the grammar.
    Like in the first case, it is unclear what the "which" is doing, or if it should really just be an "and" or something. The problem is here that the "which" implies that the writer is going to go on to say something about the "different aspects", but then it sort of changes the subject to "the poems". Perhaps it should be "identify as the poems"? But like I said I can't really say as I don't know what exactly is intended.

    Second one is more nit-picky of me, I think, as the meaning is pretty much clear and it's only slight grammar issues in that it sort of seems to start as if it's in the middle of a sentence, and "her allowance to become consumed" is a bit ambiguous, but I assume, and I think most would, it is saying she is allowing herself to become consumed. I wouldn't worry too much about this sort of thing as the important thing is that you get the point across.
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    (Original post by hannahrobinsxn)
    Friend also wants to know the standard of what she has written so far. B, A or A*?
    Very difficult with English unless you are an experienced marker I think (and even then you get papers marked at D and going up to A* after remarks lol)...I would guess A*, A at lowest, but I dunno the exact criteria.
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    (Original post by 13 1 20 8 42)
    Very difficult with English unless you are an experienced marker I think (and even then you get papers marked at D and going up to A* after remarks lol)...I would guess A*, A at lowest, but I dunno the exact criteria.
    An A star:0 seriously? How come?
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    Why can't you just say you wrote it...
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    (Original post by TheArtofProtest)
    You need to cut down on your tautology.
    well the question is about intense human emotion.

    yes maybe I have repeated the world paranoia and possession a bit much! is that what you meant?
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    (Original post by hannahrobinsxn)
    An A star:0 seriously? How come?
    I dunno; it's just from what I remember at GCSE any good writing with good analysis that says anything about the author's intentions (and not just the characters as if they're real people) gets an A*. Maybe I underestimate the marking rigour.
 
 
 
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