Married but lust for other women...?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
So, I've been married for twelve months come Wednesday. It's a long story but I had an arranged marriage as is quite common in South Asian cultures.

My wife joined me recently but my low, dark mood involving mood swings, irritable, not wanting to engage with family and work colleagues - some of these are not new. I suffer from anxiety but I tend to hide it well in a professional/personal environment.

Part of it is anxiety due to my marriage life and the arrival of my wife if things go OK. My mind is wracked with anxiety in terms of the responsibility of looking after and I haven't got a clue on most things in terms of day to day duties. I have driving anxiety so no car and I fear she'll be left disappointed when I continue living my normal, reclusive life and she's expecting more and I'll be like "well, this IS me".

Secondly, for many years, I've had a lust of beautiful women if I'm out and about and this has carried on post marriage. I make no attempt to hide my attraction to pretty women on my travels to work and back, having thoughts of a sexual nature. I try to walk past a shop where there is a pretty little waitress or making eye contact with this girl on the train who is gorgeous. Prior to marriage, I've never had a relationship so IDK whether in time I will fall in love with my wife to the extent that I won't find any attraction to any other woman? Or to be able to dismiss it and focus on the fact I'm married! I guess this thread is for those who are married or in a settled long-term relationship..

Any questions to ask - feel free!

Thank you.
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thefatone
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I've been married for twelve months come Wednesday. It's a long story but I had an arranged marriage as is quite common in South Asian cultures.

My wife joined me recently but my low, dark mood involving mood swings, irritable, not wanting to engage with family and work colleagues - some of these are not new. I suffer from anxiety but I tend to hide it well in a professional/personal environment.

Part of it is anxiety due to my marriage life and the arrival of my wife if things go OK. My mind is wracked with anxiety in terms of the responsibility of looking after and I haven't got a clue on most things in terms of day to day duties. I have driving anxiety so no car and I fear she'll be left disappointed when I continue living my normal, reclusive life and she's expecting more and I'll be like "well, this IS me".

Secondly, for many years, I've had a lust of beautiful women if I'm out and about and this has carried on post marriage. I make no attempt to hide my attraction to pretty women on my travels to work and back, having thoughts of a sexual nature. I try to walk past a shop where there is a pretty little waitress or making eye contact with this girl on the train who is gorgeous. Prior to marriage, I've never had a relationship so IDK whether in time I will fall in love with my wife to the extent that I won't find any attraction to any other woman? Or to be able to dismiss it and focus on the fact I'm married! I guess this thread is for those who are married or in a settled long-term relationship..

Any questions to ask - feel free!

Thank you.
Bad news for you buddy but are you sure the right choice was to marry?

pls don't marry if you think you might cheat. <--- prevent anything happening before you're in sh*t
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Biryani007
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Oh man.

Do you actually find your wife attractive or did you just agree to it to make your parents happy?
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Odium
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dont breed
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Biryani007)
Oh man.

Do you actually find your wife attractive or did you just agree to it to make your parents happy?
I do find her attractive at times and we do have moments of intimacy yet my mind disappears when I see some of these women.. second part of your question answered below

(Original post by thefatone)
Bad news for you buddy but are you sure the right choice was to marry?

pls don't marry if you think you might cheat. <--- prevent anything happening before you're in sh*t
I was 28 when I made the decision. Admittedly, it was one that was made out of a frustration that I hadn't been able to find a girl of my own accord (no confidence in that department) and the fact there was only one option available and it was like "what the hell, just do it". I don't see myself actioning my desires though luckily - don't have much confidence but I hate myself for actually thinking along those lines and wish I couldn't but maybe my long-term foray into watching pornography has distorted my mind to the point I view beautiful women in one way?
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welcometoib
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I've been married for twelve months come Wednesday. It's a long story but I had an arranged marriage as is quite common in South Asian cultures.

My wife joined me recently but my low, dark mood involving mood swings, irritable, not wanting to engage with family and work colleagues - some of these are not new. I suffer from anxiety but I tend to hide it well in a professional/personal environment.

Part of it is anxiety due to my marriage life and the arrival of my wife if things go OK. My mind is wracked with anxiety in terms of the responsibility of looking after and I haven't got a clue on most things in terms of day to day duties. I have driving anxiety so no car and I fear she'll be left disappointed when I continue living my normal, reclusive life and she's expecting more and I'll be like "well, this IS me".

Secondly, for many years, I've had a lust of beautiful women if I'm out and about and this has carried on post marriage. I make no attempt to hide my attraction to pretty women on my travels to work and back, having thoughts of a sexual nature. I try to walk past a shop where there is a pretty little waitress or making eye contact with this girl on the train who is gorgeous. Prior to marriage, I've never had a relationship so IDK whether in time I will fall in love with my wife to the extent that I won't find any attraction to any other woman? Or to be able to dismiss it and focus on the fact I'm married! I guess this thread is for those who are married or in a settled long-term relationship..

Any questions to ask - feel free!

Thank you.
you sound like a piece of **** tbh.im gonna guess in usual arranged marriage fashion, that both men and womens family lie and pretend their child is perfect, hence none of your negative traits were actually known to your wife pre marriage? its not really fair on her that youre a weirdo, i doubt this was discussed earlier. lol arranged marriages, all built on a house of lies.
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SoDoneWithSchool
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To put it nicely: If you don't feel any sort of attraction to your wife in the near future, apart from lust/getting caught up in the moment, I certainly think it's not fair on her.
Divorce is a stigma itself in South asian culture but if this keeps on going further, I'd say look into this option before it causes a lot of hurt and scarring.
Try not to get kids involved until you sort things out.
Marriage can happen at anytime. I personally think it should only occur when both people (NOT families, despite it being an arranged marriage) feel a mutual attraction. If you end up cheating on her lets just say trust isn't going to come easy for her in the future. Be clear with your path.
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hs1var19
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Sorry love but that's not how the world works. Sort your sh1t together man.
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username2324383
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Lower your gaze when you go out or you will find yourself in a lot of trouble. Your wife will be the one who gets hurt not you. If you respect her then change before it's too late.

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SMEGGGY
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Get a ****ing grip you pervert

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marap123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I've been married for twelve months come Wednesday. It's a long story but I had an arranged marriage as is quite common in South Asian cultures.

My wife joined me recently but my low, dark mood involving mood swings, irritable, not wanting to engage with family and work colleagues - some of these are not new. I suffer from anxiety but I tend to hide it well in a professional/personal environment.

Part of it is anxiety due to my marriage life and the arrival of my wife if things go OK. My mind is wracked with anxiety in terms of the responsibility of looking after and I haven't got a clue on most things in terms of day to day duties. I have driving anxiety so no car and I fear she'll be left disappointed when I continue living my normal, reclusive life and she's expecting more and I'll be like "well, this IS me".

Secondly, for many years, I've had a lust of beautiful women if I'm out and about and this has carried on post marriage. I make no attempt to hide my attraction to pretty women on my travels to work and back, having thoughts of a sexual nature. I try to walk past a shop where there is a pretty little waitress or making eye contact with this girl on the train who is gorgeous. Prior to marriage, I've never had a relationship so IDK whether in time I will fall in love with my wife to the extent that I won't find any attraction to any other woman? Or to be able to dismiss it and focus on the fact I'm married! I guess this thread is for those who are married or in a settled long-term relationship..

Any questions to ask - feel free!

Thank you.
what is it your wife cant give you that you think you will find another woman. the women that you lust after maybe the very women that destroys you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by marap123)
what is it your wife cant give you that you think you will find another woman. the women that you lust after maybe the very women that destroys you
I guess for a long time, I'd hoped of having a love marriage but for my anxiety/no confidence, that was not obtainable. So having arranged, it was a case of there's no-one else out there for me so just do it and see how it goes, might be OK.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I do find her attractive at times and we do have moments of intimacy yet my mind disappears when I see some of these women.. second part of your question answered below

I was 28 when I made the decision. Admittedly, it was one that was made out of a frustration that I hadn't been able to find a girl of my own accord (no confidence in that department) and the fact there was only one option available and it was like "what the hell, just do it". I don't see myself actioning my desires though luckily - don't have much confidence but I hate myself for actually thinking along those lines and wish I couldn't but maybe my long-term foray into watching pornography has distorted my mind to the point I view beautiful women in one way?
lol who's fault was watching porn hmm.
since you can't stop yourself from it just don't look at other women fgs. Keep your eyes down, stop being such a perv I'd like to see your wife fully checking out other men and planning how she'd bang them in her head...

(Original post by Anonymous)
I guess for a long time, I'd hoped of having a love marriage but for my anxiety/no confidence, that was not obtainable. So having arranged, it was a case of there's no-one else out there for me so just do it and see how it goes, might be OK.
wow so maybe you should stop checking out other women whilst having sexual thoughts about them and have some ****ing respect for your wife.

why the **** did you marry a women if you were just going to be like this, you've split all your disgusting habits over the rest of her life too by agreeing to marry her just cause you couldn't even find someone yourself at nearly 30.

stop being an asshol3
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Anonymous #2
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you might fall in love with her if you focus on the things you like about her.
and you should've checked that you actually found her somewhat attractive before marrying her ....

you need to tell her about your anxiety she will most likely help you through it, you can't spend the rest of your life either hiding yourself from each other, or just being reclusive and distant from each other without explanation.

share yourself with one another.
have more sex.
trust each other.
stop being pervvy about other women and think about how she'd feel.
Also, ask her what she thinks about your marriage etc? If you're feeling this way she might be feeling the same.
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Son of the Sea
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(Original post by kimjunmyeon)
you clearly don’t love this woman, you’re going to hell that’s for sure
5 year old thread.
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Anonymous #1
#16
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(Original post by kimjunmyeon)
you clearly don’t love this woman, you’re going to hell that’s for sure
Thanks for reminding me of the post lol.

Well, thankfully, I'm still married with children in tow.

Do I lust for other women? Yes I do, but no action has been and hopefully never will be taken as I'm a wimp who can barely charm a girl.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I've been married for twelve months come Wednesday. It's a long story but I had an arranged marriage as is quite common in South Asian cultures.

My wife joined me recently but my low, dark mood involving mood swings, irritable, not wanting to engage with family and work colleagues - some of these are not new. I suffer from anxiety but I tend to hide it well in a professional/personal environment.

Part of it is anxiety due to my marriage life and the arrival of my wife if things go OK. My mind is wracked with anxiety in terms of the responsibility of looking after and I haven't got a clue on most things in terms of day to day duties. I have driving anxiety so no car and I fear she'll be left disappointed when I continue living my normal, reclusive life and she's expecting more and I'll be like "well, this IS me".

Secondly, for many years, I've had a lust of beautiful women if I'm out and about and this has carried on post marriage. I make no attempt to hide my attraction to pretty women on my travels to work and back, having thoughts of a sexual nature. I try to walk past a shop where there is a pretty little waitress or making eye contact with this girl on the train who is gorgeous. Prior to marriage, I've never had a relationship so IDK whether in time I will fall in love with my wife to the extent that I won't find any attraction to any other woman? Or to be able to dismiss it and focus on the fact I'm married! I guess this thread is for those who are married or in a settled long-term relationship..

Any questions to ask - feel free!

Thank you.
if you want to have an intimate relationship with the other women or a different woman then please please get a divorce and don't cheat. It is normal (i think) for people to like other people but as long as you love your wife and don't act on those feelings for others it's okay. Just please don't cheat nobody should have to go through that.
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username3477548
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for reminding me of the post lol.

Well, thankfully, I'm still married with children in tow.

Do I lust for other women? Yes I do, but no action has been and hopefully never will be taken as I'm a wimp who can barely charm a girl.
Do you love her?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Qxi.xli)
Do you love her?
Yes. She loves me as well (I don't why considering my mental health and anxiety issues) but we are together.
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LeafMeAlonee
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Hope your marriage works out OP, good luck!
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