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Anxiety and depression in a relationship Watch

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    Where to start... My boyfriend and I live together - we were flatmates who got together in freshers and started a relationship from there, and we've been together 6 months. It's an intense relationship and there are disagreements fairly frequently, partly because we live together, and partly because I suffer from anxiety and he suffers from depression. We've gotten better at resolving things quickly over time - I'm much more attuned to what upsets him and am less stubborn than I used to be. In December we had a short break due to a huge argument where he thought I didn't love him and was lying when I said I did. We made things up but recently I found out that in that time he cheated on me twice (kisses, one with a stranger and one with a friend) and that he also was going to kill himself. His female friend was the one to stop him, and as a result he kissed her and told her he loved her. To make things further complicated she has feelings for him, and they drunkenly slept together once in the past (about a year ago). I understand that his response was probably purely due to the situation where she essentially saved his life, but it firstly hurts me that he was about to commit suicide, secondly that he did what he did with her, and thirdly didn't feel he could come to me about it, and only confessed this all to me recently. I now feel highly anxious whenever we're apart; we're both at our respective homes for the holidays, so he's back where he can meet with this friend, and also in the place where he decided he had nothing to live for. I have tried to advise him to go to a doctor, but he is adamant he has had therapy before and it hasn't worked, nor does he want to take medication. I know he loves me but he's also upset 24/7 and I feel helpless, especially when I'm not physically with him. I'm terrified that if we're not together he might try suicide again, and also that if he felt that way he wouldn't go to me for help but her, making me feel jealous, unwanted, useless and left out. We've sort of talked about it but I know he hates it - I want to be able to help both of us here; for him to not feel suicidal, and for me to not have this awful separation anxiety. This is heavy stuff and I don't expect anyone to give professional advice, but I don't feel like I can talk to my friends because I know he wouldn't want them knowing all of this about him. Would really appreciate anybody's insight and thoughts, thanks xxx
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    I think this guy has a bad influence on you, what's more, there are some things I don't like about him. He's got some problems! I would end this relationship asap.
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    (Original post by Impressive)
    I think this guy has a bad influence on you, what's more, there are some things I don't like about him. He's got some problems! I would end this relationship asap.
    Absolutely the last thing I want to do. Aside from the problems he is the most wonderful, kind, funny, sensitive person I have ever met, and I feel incredibly lucky to be with him. You're right that he has a strong influence but I promise you it's not all bad. I feel like I'm a much kinder person and better at listening since being with him. Ugh I know it sounds a bit like I'm being manipulated, but I'd much rather try and help him sort his problems so we can work out our relationship than cut and run.
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    unfortunately someone with mental health difficulties has to be prepared to work on things themselves if they are going to improve and it doesn't look like he's prepared to do that, you also need clear boundaries if you are dealing with mental health in a relationship in order to keep it healthy... this sounds like it isn't healthy for either of you right now
 
 
 
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