when told that the world of anti-depressants was a huge money making scheme id silently disagree as deep down i believed they were there to help me, however i couldn't have been more wrong! under no circumstances am i saying they have a zero effectiveness but i am saying they are very dark.
after not having the best upbringing ( i felt quite traumatised by my fathers violent behaviour and drug abuse) i became a nervous child, following another traumatising experience at the age of 14 i found myself at breaking point. however this was also extremely understandable. all i can remember is being sat in various rooms speaking with different professionals explain my emotional struggle and dark and unusual feelings. my anxiety levels had become extremely high, however i had no idea that things were only going to get worse.
a serotonin up taker was forced upon me, sertraline. crying in fear and desperation i explained how i didn't want to be on medication, however my opinion was pushed aside and did not get noted. shortly after starting this medication i because a wreck. unstable was not the word, i remember not sleeping for 4 whole nights once because i was so aware and aware, and terrified that if i slept id never wake up. depersonalisation and derealisation both greeted me shortly after too. along with pro-longed suicidle thoughts, violent behaviour and episodes of agoraphobia. doctors were aware of this.
despite all of this though my complaints were placed under the rug and forgotten, i had been treated like i was unable to decide what was best for me. treated like i was brain dead. however doctors decided this medication was right for me, 4 years down the line i had ended up on 150mg of sertraline ( almost the highest dose prescribed) . i spent my teenage life druged up and miserable. i can not explain how the racing thoughts and numbness haunted me. on the days where id had enough and decided to put my doctors straight by telling them i needed help and medication wasn't helping, id be prescribed something to take along side them, or they'd put my dose up. earlier this year they prescribed me anti-phycotics to try and ease the anxiety.
what i dont understand is why i was treated like a nobody, why i was ignored and most of all i think that from what i had been through my emotional state was to be expected and extremely normal. how could a tablet help the recovery of the trauma i had witnessed in life? all of this seemed to be ignored though. all of the years spent drugged up instead of healing. now i have recently fount out that i am pregnant so all medication was stopped and now im feeling pretty okay. im no longer suicidle , i sleep perfectly, i don't panic like before, my mood seems to be pretty good. still slightly anxious but no bad at all. I FEEL ROBBED OF YEARS OF MY LIFE.
can anyone comment on what i have shared or have a similar story to share? thank you in advance
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some opinion? watch
- Thread Starter
- 23-03-2016 21:59
- 23-03-2016 22:01
What's your question may i kindly ask??