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How do I cope with my anxiety :/? watch

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    I constantly feel the need to find validation amongst peers (both before and currently in uni as well), and it has really torn be apart.

    i don't know I just feel so stupid sometimes. I get so angry at myself for not revising well enough for my A-level exams and not being able to go to apply to Cambridge, and despite my uni being a good one...I don't feel satisfied because I always strive for the best of the best. I especially feel that my school mates before uni will look at me (the ones who never treated me well) and say "Ha he/she goes to QMU! Theyre not that smart," and ugh I am just so obsessed with trying to prove them wrong, and have them see that no I am not a stupid person like they used to perceive me and that I am smart and hard-working meh

    I'm just absolutely gutted and I feel so absolutely mentally crushed. I'm in my second year of uni now at QMU, and now I don't know I just feel so stupid and that I don't belong here and now I want to withdraw myself and apply to Cambridge next year, and just start over :/ and then that would also mean me having to self-study my A-levels again, and I don't know if I can cope anymore.

    I don't know what is worth it and what is not Any advice would be appreciated :/
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    Hey! Xx
    I struggle with anxiety too and get stressed and sad a lot of time. I really relate to you about needing validation from your peers - I consciously try not to do that but find myself slipping back without realising! Therapy helped me to see that I was putting negative, judgmental thoughts in other people's heads that they may not have even been thinking about me. I am still not fully there with it yet but I definitely think a lot of times we are our own worst enemy. I bet a lot of your friends actually admire you! The fact you're in your second year at QMU is an outstanding achievement! I think far too much emphasis is put on Oxford and Cambridge and some people get so poncy and pretentious about things, but at the end of the day, if you're coming out with the same results and great life experience, it really doesn't matter! Like you said, you beat yourself up if you feel you haven't done the best of the best, so it sounds to me that you are too hard on yourself.


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    (Original post by tinkerbelle2)
    Hey! Xx
    I struggle with anxiety too and get stressed and sad a lot of time. I really relate to you about needing validation from your peers - I consciously try not to do that but find myself slipping back without realising! Therapy helped me to see that I was putting negative, judgmental thoughts in other people's heads that they may not have even been thinking about me. I am still not fully there with it yet but I definitely think a lot of times we are our own worst enemy. I bet a lot of your friends actually admire you! The fact you're in your second year at QMU is an outstanding achievement! I think far too much emphasis is put on Oxford and Cambridge and some people get so poncy and pretentious about things, but at the end of the day, if you're coming out with the same results and great life experience, it really doesn't matter! Like you said, you beat yourself up if you feel you haven't done the best of the best, so it sounds to me that you are too hard on yourself.


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    Hey x
    Thank you for the response. I really appreciate it and it really did help! I'm really glad you understand where I am coming from x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey x
    Thank you for the response. I really appreciate it and it really did help! I'm really glad you understand where I am coming from x
    You're welcome lovely , sorry I didn't have much in the way of advice for you. I'm still learning myself Are you feeling any better x


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    (Original post by tinkerbelle2)
    You're welcome lovely , sorry I didn't have much in the way of advice for you. I'm still learning myself Are you feeling any better x


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    I think I've been feeling okay. There are the high and low days for sure. I'm currently doing therapy but I feel as if once a week isn't enough, but I don't know, my mother is kind of reluctant for me to do it twice a week...so
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    How did you get your mother's support, can I ask? Because I'm quite the same - I suffer from social anxiety and generalized anxiety. I'm constantly fearing what other people are thinking about me and if I do this or that, am I going to be humiliated and ridiculed? As for my studies, I have moments where I want to do work, but I physically can't; it's like my mind has just stopped and I can't do anymore, and when I get like that, I just have a meltdown. I start crying and I can't stop. I've already two this week. Some people would probably say that it's just exam stress, but it's not; it's been going on for close to two years now, all through the school year. It has nothing to do with the exam period.

    Anyway, I had one such meltdown at school, in the middle of a Maths lesson, and my teacher told me to go see one of the school counselors. The counselor told me to tell my mum that I'd been getting stressed and that I cried at school and that she'd understand. But when I told my mum, she just said "You can't keep doing this. You can't keep breaking down when you're stressed." Since then, if I have a meltdown at home, I try to cry as quietly as possible so my parents don't know. How did you tell your parents??
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    (Original post by Crankyla)
    Hi xx I'll PM you shortly about this so we can discuss this more personally if you feel more comfortable doing so of course!
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    How come the opening post is from 1970?
    :confused:
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    Wow didnt know tsr was so old....
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    (Original post by ODES_PDES)
    How come the opening post is from 1970?
    :confused:
    Wow did not see that until now oh my lol
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wow did not see that until now oh my lol
    Have come through a "worm hole"?
    :rofl:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi xx I'll PM you shortly about this so we can discuss this more personally if you feel more comfortable doing so of course!
    (Original post by Crankyla)
    How did you get your mother's support, can I ask? Because I'm quite the same - I suffer from social anxiety and generalized anxiety. I'm constantly fearing what other people are thinking about me and if I do this or that, am I going to be humiliated and ridiculed?
    For some reason my PM wouldn't send, so I'll say it here x. I don't really have my mother's support to be honest. I told her I needed to go to therapy because I needed a doctor's note as I had missed my deadline and needed an extension. She was like OK and allowed me to schedule an appointment. I told her that I had missed the deadline simply because I had "forgot" to submit it and I needed some form of excuse...essentially she thought I was just going to the therapist and lying my way through to get a note

    In reality, I actually needed a note but was in no way lying my way through to get one. I had actually missed my deadline because I was feeling so mentally ill and needed someone to talk to. And after I received it, I told my mother I might as well just go again so my therapist won't think I was just using her for one.

    After the second time--I left home and went back to uni, but now that I've returned home for Easter break, I've continued therapy. I've just told my mother I think its "fun to talk to someone" in a really casual-like manner and she's like Ok then. But I guess she kind of thinks its a waste of money because she doesn't really think I have any problems.....I don't even know its a weird situation meh and I do not really know what to tell you :/ That's how I was able to 'convince' my mother. She doesn't even know what I am suffering through

    My mother acknowledges things like depression and anxiety exist but she seems to have a difficult time understanding what people with these mental issues go through and can easily mistake it for just being lazy etc

    I too get really stressed and I have constant nightmares over uni. It really sucks and I feel the need to find validation from others everywhere I go and its completely wrecked me
    Exam stress definitely makes my anxiety worse but my anxiety does not stem from my exams at all :/
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    Thank you so much for replying! I will admit that, when I found this thread, I started crying because I'd finally found other people who understand what it's like to have anxiety. Also, as you said, I feel like my anxiety has been getting worse as I get closer to the exams, but they're not the sole cause of it.

    My mother knows very well, too, that depression and anxiety exist; several of her cousins have suffered with depression, but with me, I think she just thinks that I'm stressed. My A-Levels subjects aren't anywhere close to easy, and during the first term of Year 12, I was still trying to set up a routine for my prep, as I was working until about 10 o'clock at night, trying to finish all the work I'd been set that day, and I just kept getting really stressed and worried about it all. I think that's how my mum sees it.

    I haven't been to my doctor yet, so I haven't been 'officially' diagnosed as having anxiety, but I've been reading up on it and it all just... fits. But, as I said in my first post, because I'm coming up to my A-Level exams, are they going to listen to me and take me seriously, or am I just going to be listed as yet another stressed or attention-seeking teenager? I'm even scared of going to see the counselors at school again, because if they feel they have to, they will contact my parents and tell them I'm having issues with my anxiety. And that would just circle back to my mum seeing stress instead of anxiety.
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    (Original post by Crankyla)
    I so see where you are coming from! I think many often undermine anxiety and depression disorders because they think its just simply exam stress...It really is frustrating. What's horrible is that I don't even think my mother thinks I'm all that stressed due to schoolwork. let alone if she doesnt think that, how the heck would she believe I have anxiety AND depression?

    I was afraid my personal tutor would think I was just going through exam stress and the like, but when I asked for an extension I think they were very kind and understanding. I think they will be able to tell the difference between just exam stress and someone who is undergoing more than that--especially when you explain how you might be i.e. getting non-stop nightmares, feeling stuck at one place and honestly not being able to move. Even to this day, however I still feel really anxious that they might think im using anxiety as an excuse
    Also are counsellors allowed to contact parents about this? I thought what we disclose is supposed to be anonymous! It's very relieving to know there is also someone in this world who is going through this. It really does suck I know
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    Actually, I don't know if the counselors can contact parents; I kind of assumed that if they thought that there was cause for concern, they would do so.

    I can't stand the smallest bit of criticism; if I'm told I'm doing something wrong in anything, I feel like I can't do it anymore. My French teacher is extremely critical and snappy; I hate going to see her and more often than not, I'm crying after I leave. She's made her way into my dreams more than once before.

    But what you've been saying is really, really encouraging, and once the holidays are over, I'm going to go talk to one of the counselors. I know one of the counselors fairly well, as she lives in my village, so I'll see if I can talk to her.
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    (Original post by Crankyla)
    Actually, I don't know if the counselors can contact parents; I kind of assumed that if they thought that there was cause for concern, they would do so.

    I can't stand the smallest bit of criticism; if I'm told I'm doing something wrong in anything, I feel like I can't do it anymore. My French teacher is extremely critical and snappy; I hate going to see her and more often than not, I'm crying after I leave. She's made her way into my dreams more than once before.

    But what you've been saying is really, really encouraging, and once the holidays are over, I'm going to go talk to one of the counselors. I know one of the counselors fairly well, as she lives in my village, so I'll see if I can talk to her.
    Ah yes I would so go see your counsellor if you can! I used to be so excited to go to sleep because I could get away from all my anxiety and stress, but after awhile, I started fearing sleep because every time I sleep I get really bad nightmares about uni. Even when my dreams are about things that I like I still feel so restless in the sense like my mind can never rest--its always thinking about something. Even if its a happy thought...idk sometimes I don't want it- I just want peace and quiet.

    I also cannot stand criticism. It makes me feel less than I already am, and then I'm afraid the people look at me as inferior...all of a sudden, I have this competitive mentality where I feel the need to prove them wrong. To show them I am better than them. This especially happens whenever I come across peers
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    Never ever think twice about what other people think of you, it's irrelevant.

    Don't waste time worrying about the past or future, just make the best you can of the present.

    Eat well, sleep properly, take some exercise, and enjoy some hobbies. Develop interests that could become a career.
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    Well, this week has certainly been interesting. I finally got to see the cousellor at school, but only because I had an anxiety attack before a practice speaking session with my French teacher, who terrifies me. So I managed to speak to her, and she managed to get an appointment with a doctor, who also agreed that I have anxiety. My friends have been absolutely great about it, and I don't have to see that teacher any more; I can do practice speakings with my other teachers.

    I've told my parents, as well. I think my dad took it better than my mum, I think. He just sort of accepted it, but I don't think my mum thinks I have an anxiety disorder; she did, however, say that she thinks I have anxiety about the exams. I did try to tell her that that's not what it is - I've had anxiety through all of Sixth Form - but she thinks that people are labelled as being XYZ too quickly, and that people buy into it too easily, as well. Plus, because the counsellor isn't 'medically trained' (i.e. not a doctor), my mum is very sceptical about what she's saying.

    Nevertheless, I still have the support of a member of staff and a medical professional, and I will start CBT at some point. Thank you so much for everything you've been saying, and I hope things take an upward turn for you soon xxx
 
 
 
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