Turn on thread page Beta
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Hi

    I firmed Cardiff university back in November for Social Analytics & Politics, but have since changed the course to Journalism, Media & Sociology. At the time, all Mum would say was 'It's your decision, I'm not going to interfere'. Dad was incredibly supportive and if it hadn't been for him I would have stayed safe instead of taking a risk and gone with another uni. (I have anxiety so taking a less safe option was a big step for me) Now, almost 5 months later, she is choosing to voice her concerns, saying that she doesn't think Cardiff is right for me and I should change my firm to Aberystwyth (my current insurance - she doesn't seem to realise that it would be very hard for me to change it even if I wanted to).

    Now, whilst I understand her concerns - and have some myself - I cannot deal with her constant criticisms whilst I am stressing about exams and revision and actually getting the grades I need. I don't understand why she didn't say it earlier! She did it before when I was choosing a college and I just don't know how to stop her or reassure her somehow? I have lived away from home for over a year in my college accommodation and she doesn't realise that I have changed to the point where I can actually cope with living in a city (or at least that's my teacher's theory - she doesn't really know how I've changed).

    Does anyone have any advice? It's really getting me down
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    Ultimately, it's your decision. However, has your mum explained why she doesn't believe Cardiff is right?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tiger Rag)
    Ultimately, it's your decision. However, has your mum explained why she doesn't believe Cardiff is right?
    She just said that Cardiff 'isn't right' for me? I assume she means because of the crowds as I have anxiety (though not as much in crowds anymore). But I have even given her names of places I can go if I start to feel anxious - showing that I have done my research. I know it's a parent's instinct to be worried but surely making me more anxious isn't the way to go? :/ I know it's my decision (luckily my Dad has been great and has just agreed to talk to her) but it'd be nice to at least be able to get her off my back so I can revise!
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Cardiff is a much better university though don't you think? The last thing someone with anxiety needs is more stress. Forget that its none of my business. But a nagging mother is something we could all do without. No offence it just is.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I feel such a t**t
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Thomb)
    Cardiff is a much better university though don't you think? The last thing someone with anxiety needs is more stress. Forget that its none of my business. But a nagging mother is something we could all do without. No offence it just is.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    I feel such a t**t
    Yeah it is - one of the reasons I chose it! Plus the course I've managed to change to is absolutely incredible and I love it. Plus according to the league tables Cardiff is 1st for Journalism and 7th for Media. (Not that that's important compared to other things but I've thrown that info Mum's way as well)

    I honestly wish she would stop going on about it, especially as I gave her every opportunity to put her opinion in before I did anything.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Explain to her how hard it is to change course but make sure she feels she is being listened to. At the end of the day, she is your mum and she is going to miss you so don't make her feel isolated. But at the same time, explain to her how important this is for your life.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alldayniqqa)
    Explain to her how hard it is to change course but make sure she feels she is being listened to. At the end of the day, she is your mum and she is going to miss you so don't make her feel isolated. But at the same time, explain to her how important this is for your life.
    I've had quite in-depth facebook conversations with her (she tends to hang up on me if I phone her). I've told her how I need a more creative course and about how I'd enjoy the modules more. She agrees with me on the course but not the university, just keeps repeating how she prefers Aber and she thinks I'd be happier at Aber. I have listened to her but... She must have told me that at least 5 times in the space of 20 minutes! I don't know how to change her mind when I've done everything possible. My teachers have been great and very supportive and so has my Dad. How have my teachers got more faith in me than my own mother? :'(
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by emiloujess)
    I've had quite in-depth facebook conversations with her (she tends to hang up on me if I phone her). I've told her how I need a more creative course and about how I'd enjoy the modules more. She agrees with me on the course but not the university, just keeps repeating how she prefers Aber and she thinks I'd be happier at Aber. I have listened to her but... She must have told me that at least 5 times in the space of 20 minutes! I don't know how to change her mind when I've done everything possible. My teachers have been great and very supportive and so has my Dad. How have my teachers got more faith in me than my own mother? :'(
    Damn that sucks At the end of the day, its your future. I'd personally tell her the truth that its pretty difficult to change your firm and you might as well stick with Cardiff. Have you tried to get your dad to help?
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by emiloujess)
    Yeah it is - one of the reasons I chose it! Plus the course I've managed to change to is absolutely incredible and I love it. Plus according to the league tables Cardiff is 1st for Journalism and 7th for Media. (Not that that's important compared to other things but I've thrown that info Mum's way as well)

    I honestly wish she would stop going on about it, especially as I gave her every opportunity to put her opinion in before I did anything.

    Perhaps the real reason is she's going to miss you.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by alldayniqqa)
    Damn that sucks At the end of the day, its your future. I'd personally tell her the truth that its pretty difficult to change your firm and you might as well stick with Cardiff. Have you tried to get your dad to help?

    I have asked him to talk to her about it Hopefully she'll listen, or at least stop going on at me about it so I can focus on actually getting in!

    (Original post by Thomb)
    Perhaps the real reason is she's going to miss you.
    I've lived on my college campus - which is about 20 minutes away - for over a year and she's come to see me less than 10 times, I honestly don't think that's the reason :/
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    This is such a sucky situation, I feel you!

    Sensibly? Pick Cardiff 100% hands down. You firmed it for a reason, and in ten years time you're more likely to regret changing things to suit your mum, than sticking to what you really wanted. Plus, of course, Cardiff is amazing for media, journalism e.t.c. whereas Aber... not so much.

    I'm from around Cardiff myself, and have heaps of friends who go to the uni (including my brother), and heaps who go to Aber. I've visited both, and Cardiff is certainly more interesting. There's a lot more to do, the uni has more to it, and it ranks a lot better. As for the big city thing, I love Cardiff in the sense that it doesn't feel big and scary. I've been to a lot of cities around the world, and perhaps I may be biased (as i'm from here), but Cardiff always just has such a more friendly feel because it's not massive. It's big enough to be interesting, but nowhere near as daunting as other places. I'm like you; I hate crowds, which is why I love Cardiff. Sure, Saturdays can be a bit hectic, but generally speaking it's a good balance.

    With your mother, she sounds quite controlling (doing silly things like hanging up on you over the phone). She clearly cares about you a lot, but she needs to understand that it's your life to live. Will you get the chance to speak to her in person? It doesn't seem like talking to her online is really working. Have you told her that what she's doing is making your anxiety worse, stressing you out with exams e.t.c? I know it's horrendously difficult to be that honest with her, but you need to be. I know saying this is one thing while doing it is another, but try not to let this stress you out. If you have to, as exams near, avoid speaking to your mum much. That may be difficult, but it's what could be best for you. It's awesome that your dad is so supportive, and hopefully him speaking to her will help, so focus on his support as much as possible.

    I've rambled a bit here, but the main thing you should focus on, in my opinion is this: in 10 years time, what scenario will you look back on and regret most? Sticking with Cardiff, or playing it safe with Aber? I know it's not easy, but you have to prioritise yourself in this situation. Be selfish!

    If you have any questions about Cardiff (city or uni), or Aberystwyth btw, please don't hesitate to ask me! I've had experience with both, and struggle with anxiety too
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Very Important Poster
    It's also important to remember that you're going to be living there for at least 3 years. I chose not to apply to certain unis, based on the fact they were too far, a pain to get to or I just didn't like the city.

    Ultimately, it's your decision.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dear_Rhian)
    This is such a sucky situation, I feel you!

    Sensibly? Pick Cardiff 100% hands down. You firmed it for a reason, and in ten years time you're more likely to regret changing things to suit your mum, than sticking to what you really wanted. Plus, of course, Cardiff is amazing for media, journalism e.t.c. whereas Aber... not so much.

    I'm from around Cardiff myself, and have heaps of friends who go to the uni (including my brother), and heaps who go to Aber. I've visited both, and Cardiff is certainly more interesting. There's a lot more to do, the uni has more to it, and it ranks a lot better. As for the big city thing, I love Cardiff in the sense that it doesn't feel big and scary. I've been to a lot of cities around the world, and perhaps I may be biased (as i'm from here), but Cardiff always just has such a more friendly feel because it's not massive. It's big enough to be interesting, but nowhere near as daunting as other places. I'm like you; I hate crowds, which is why I love Cardiff. Sure, Saturdays can be a bit hectic, but generally speaking it's a good balance.

    With your mother, she sounds quite controlling (doing silly things like hanging up on you over the phone). She clearly cares about you a lot, but she needs to understand that it's your life to live. Will you get the chance to speak to her in person? It doesn't seem like talking to her online is really working. Have you told her that what she's doing is making your anxiety worse, stressing you out with exams e.t.c? I know it's horrendously difficult to be that honest with her, but you need to be. I know saying this is one thing while doing it is another, but try not to let this stress you out. If you have to, as exams near, avoid speaking to your mum much. That may be difficult, but it's what could be best for you. It's awesome that your dad is so supportive, and hopefully him speaking to her will help, so focus on his support as much as possible.

    I've rambled a bit here, but the main thing you should focus on, in my opinion is this: in 10 years time, what scenario will you look back on and regret most? Sticking with Cardiff, or playing it safe with Aber? I know it's not easy, but you have to prioritise yourself in this situation. Be selfish!

    If you have any questions about Cardiff (city or uni), or Aberystwyth btw, please don't hesitate to ask me! I've had experience with both, and struggle with anxiety too
    I'm not going to change my mind - I love Cardiff, and the course is nothing short of amazing... but I hate the doubt that she's putting into my head about it. I've insured a different course for Aber (or rather, the original one I applied for) - International Politics & Intelligence Studies, but after looking at Cardiff and researching the area it'll break my heart if I don't get in. It's one of the reasons I was tempted to firm Aber in the first place - I'm very doubtful I'll get ABB, especially with my history of having to retake my AS year (EEUU to ABC with different subjects).

    I'll hopefully be able to talk to her in person tomorrow (which I am dreading to be honest). I'll talk to her again about it but I doubt she'll listen - she hasn't the last countless conversations we've had. Yeah Dad's been great, especially when I was making the decision - if it hadn't been for him I would have taken the safe choice. I just wish mum could appreciate how much it took for me to take a risk!

    I think I would regret hugely not going to Cardiff and seeing if I could. Especially as most of the jobs I've been looking at involve working in a city anyway. But now I don't think I'll be able to pick myself back up again if I don't get in, especially after my previous failure. It would completely break me!

    So Cardiff doesn't trigger your anxiety? That's great to hear! Are there any places that you go to if you need to relax? and thank you for your response!
 
 
 

2,325

students online now

800,000+

Exam discussions

Find your exam discussion here

Poll
Should predicted grades be removed from the uni application process
Applying to uni

All the essentials

The adventure begins mug

Student life: what to expect

What it's really like going to uni

Graduates celebrate

How to write a good personal statement

Expert PS advice from the people who will read it

Uni match

Uni match

Can't decide where to apply? Our tool will help you find the perfect course

Two students working together

A-Z of universities

Read our guides to unis and colleges from around the UK

A student working on a computer

Personal statement help

Use our tool to get your ideal PS quickly!

Hands typing

Degrees without fees

Discover more about degree-level apprenticeships.

A student looking down a microscope

Planning open days

Find upcoming open days and get advice on preparing.

Help out other students

These questions still need an answer

Groups associated with this forum:

View associated groups

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.