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    I have been with my boyfriend for 2+ years now, so it's kinda serious to me. The problem is I really really hate him going on nights out with his mates I can't even comprehend. I do have trust issues and stuff he's had not the best past and has cheated on previous girlfriends, I know the drill yeah he needs time with his friends and stuff but he takes it to an extreme. I've already tried discussing this issue with him but on the face of it he seems to be sorry and says he won't be doing nights out anymore and then it's another story the following weekend. When he goes out he's so rude towards me, like we argue days leading up to this night out and the majority of his friends group are single which doesn't really put my mind at ease they're real lads lads, he will switch his phone off not answer my texts, not come in till 4am and have me worrying that he's dead in a ditch somewhere!! I wouldn't be as bothered if he equally put as much effort into our relationship as much as he does into going out. He never takes me out or treats me, not that I'm about the money but you know it would be nice if you're blowing money on nights out. Another thing he's recently lost his job so basically he's sponging off my income, we've got a 2.4k holiday booked, I've paid my half and he hasn't paid his, and with him having no income and only outgoing payments it's looking like I'm going to have to pay it which I totally don't mind, but when he's finding money to go on nights out it annoys me. Can anyone shed some light on the situation from an outsider???
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    You need to sit him down and calmly explain things to him the way you have to us. It is frustrating and you shouldn't be giving him money to go out and things when he hasn't paid you back for the holiday. You're complaining that he's sponging off your income, so just don't let him. Tell him you're not lending him money until he pays you back what you've already lent him. Plus if you pay for his half of the holiday he'll know he can keep getting away with it.

    The other worrying thing for me is that he turns his phone off. He's entitled to go out with his mates, obviously, but is it really that hard to send you a text to let you know when he'll be home?

    Talk to him, that's the only way to resolve the issue.

    Edit: I am not the thread starter, I think I commented before the thread was approved. I can't delete my post without deleting the whole thread. Anonymous 1 (below me) is the OP
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been with my boyfriend for 2+ years now, so it's kinda serious to me. The problem is I really really hate him going on nights out with his mates I can't even comprehend. I do have trust issues and stuff he's had not the best past and has cheated on previous girlfriends, I know the drill yeah he needs time with his friends and stuff but he takes it to an extreme. I've already tried discussing this issue with him but on the face of it he seems to be sorry and says he won't be doing nights out anymore and then it's another story the following weekend. When he goes out he's so rude towards me, like we argue days leading up to this night out and the majority of his friends group are single which doesn't really put my mind at ease they're real lads lads, he will switch his phone off not answer my texts, not come in till 4am and have me worrying that he's dead in a ditch somewhere!! I wouldn't be as bothered if he equally put as much effort into our relationship as much as he does into going out. He never takes me out or treats me, not that I'm about the money but you know it would be nice if you're blowing money on nights out. Another thing he's recently lost his job so basically he's sponging off my income, we've got a 2.4k holiday booked, I've paid my half and he hasn't paid his, and with him having no income and only outgoing payments it's looking like I'm going to have to pay it which I totally don't mind, but when he's finding money to go on nights out it annoys me. Can anyone shed some light on the situation from an outsider???
    In my opinion, I think hes wasting your time, I would leave him. Because if he was really serious about the relationship he would stop spending his money like that and he would find a job, he doesn't have any responsibility and he needs to grow up. Try to contact his family your something because he needs to sort out his life.
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    To be brutally honest, it doesn't sound like he cares that much about you. He doesn't seem to be making you happy. If I were you I would dump him and move on to someone who does fill those criteria.
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    why can't people write short paragraphs...
    i came here for a short story
    really disappointed
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    Why would you date a donkey?
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    You should probably leave him, and go on the trip yourself. You can discover yourself in this trip. You don't need someone who is - inconsiderate, shady, mean, leeching on you and a liar.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been with my boyfriend for 2+ years now, so it's kinda serious to me. The problem is I really really hate him going on nights out with his mates I can't even comprehend. I do have trust issues and stuff he's had not the best past and has cheated on previous girlfriends, I know the drill yeah he needs time with his friends and stuff but he takes it to an extreme. I've already tried discussing this issue with him but on the face of it he seems to be sorry and says he won't be doing nights out anymore and then it's another story the following weekend. When he goes out he's so rude towards me, like we argue days leading up to this night out and the majority of his friends group are single which doesn't really put my mind at ease they're real lads lads, he will switch his phone off not answer my texts, not come in till 4am and have me worrying that he's dead in a ditch somewhere!! I wouldn't be as bothered if he equally put as much effort into our relationship as much as he does into going out. He never takes me out or treats me, not that I'm about the money but you know it would be nice if you're blowing money on nights out. Another thing he's recently lost his job so basically he's sponging off my income, we've got a 2.4k holiday booked, I've paid my half and he hasn't paid his, and with him having no income and only outgoing payments it's looking like I'm going to have to pay it which I totally don't mind, but when he's finding money to go on nights out it annoys me. Can anyone shed some light on the situation from an outsider???
    Don't pay for his holiday! That just makes you a doormat! Why on earth would he stop going out if he knows that you'll support him?! In my view he is having his cake and eating it. His past is his past but it does sound suspicious that he does't text you etc I mean, my bf and I are in constant communication when we are out (probably because I'll be drunk and sending him drunk selfies ) but it just lets the other know we are thinking of them. Maybe show him that his actions aren't nice i.e. start going out lots (even just to see friends) and not message him - see how he feels! And if he isn't bothered then you know how important your relationship is to him...

    I know what you mean with the dates. Money isn't everything but even a walk in the countryside or something would be nice. But some people just don't do that sort of thing (they are organisers). Again, in my relationship I organise pretty much everything, for example, if we go on holiday I pick the place and book, if we go on a day trip I decide what we are doing and find out about buses etc (and I'm 19, not some middle age woman whose married with kids! ) So that might just be his ways... who organises where his lads go out and what they do? Is it him?

    But with the holiday, don't pay for him unless you 100% know he will pay it back! 2.4k is too much even for a married couple! If he can't pay then go alone (which I can thoroughly recommend! I travel alone a lot and to quite dangerous places but it is the best thing ever ) or to one of your friends but if he can't pay then he isn't going!

    Hope this helps
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    Have you ever thought you arent compatible and its run its course? You cnat change people and to make things work you need both of you to do what it takes.
    Doesnt look enocuraging to me and even though you regard 2 years as serios, if its seriously broken and you cnat medn it, then is it worth wasting more time on it? Sort it out over 3-6 months and if it doesnt work where you are both happy, then finish it.
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    You two aren't meant to be. Stop wasting your time and money on him. If you can find someone to go on holiday with instead then do that. Use the time to heal and work towards moving on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been with my boyfriend for 2+ years now, so it's kinda serious to me. The problem is I really really hate him going on nights out with his mates I can't even comprehend. I do have trust issues and stuff he's had not the best past and has cheated on previous girlfriends, I know the drill yeah he needs time with his friends and stuff but he takes it to an extreme. I've already tried discussing this issue with him but on the face of it he seems to be sorry and says he won't be doing nights out anymore and then it's another story the following weekend. When he goes out he's so rude towards me, like we argue days leading up to this night out and the majority of his friends group are single which doesn't really put my mind at ease they're real lads lads, he will switch his phone off not answer my texts, not come in till 4am and have me worrying that he's dead in a ditch somewhere!! I wouldn't be as bothered if he equally put as much effort into our relationship as much as he does into going out. He never takes me out or treats me, not that I'm about the money but you know it would be nice if you're blowing money on nights out. Another thing he's recently lost his job so basically he's sponging off my income, we've got a 2.4k holiday booked, I've paid my half and he hasn't paid his, and with him having no income and only outgoing payments it's looking like I'm going to have to pay it which I totally don't mind, but when he's finding money to go on nights out it annoys me. Can anyone shed some light on the situation from an outsider???
    This is just my personal opinion and I'm sure others will disagree with me. I wouldn't stay, on the basis of knowing that there is someone out there that would be far better suited to you. I'm exactly the same with trust issues, my ex used to go out constantly with his mates yet claim to be skint, and he used to go on and on about how he'd never cheat. Eventually, I found out he'd met a girl on a night out (I heard this from the girl!) and he'd stayed at hers for 2 nights and slept with her several times.
    Since then I've had real trouble trusting men, until I met my current boyfriend of 3 years who has had a very similar past to me. Now I trust him 100% because he's the kind of person who you just could not imagine even contemplating that sort of thing. Now we go out separately once in a while and I have no worries whatsoever. Now that I'm in this sort of a relationship, I know that I would never ever stay with anyone if I had doubts regarding trust. It's so important to your happiness and you owe yourself that, although I know it's really difficult to see at the time.
    I hope this helps, good luck sorting it out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been with my boyfriend for 2+ years now, so it's kinda serious to me. The problem is I really really hate him going on nights out with his mates I can't even comprehend. I do have trust issues and stuff he's had not the best past and has cheated on previous girlfriends, I know the drill yeah he needs time with his friends and stuff but he takes it to an extreme. I've already tried discussing this issue with him but on the face of it he seems to be sorry and says he won't be doing nights out anymore and then it's another story the following weekend. When he goes out he's so rude towards me, like we argue days leading up to this night out and the majority of his friends group are single which doesn't really put my mind at ease they're real lads lads, he will switch his phone off not answer my texts, not come in till 4am and have me worrying that he's dead in a ditch somewhere!! I wouldn't be as bothered if he equally put as much effort into our relationship as much as he does into going out. He never takes me out or treats me, not that I'm about the money but you know it would be nice if you're blowing money on nights out. Another thing he's recently lost his job so basically he's sponging off my income, we've got a 2.4k holiday booked, I've paid my half and he hasn't paid his, and with him having no income and only outgoing payments it's looking like I'm going to have to pay it which I totally don't mind, but when he's finding money to go on nights out it annoys me. Can anyone shed some light on the situation from an outsider???
    Why you with a selfish waste of space? is it cause you are scared of being alone and you love him!
    Also if he has lost his job why are you going on a 2.4k holiday which he can't pay his share of that is absurd. If i were you i would get your girlfriends and go with them on this holiday and leave this sap at home.
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    (Original post by fatima1998)
    why can't people write short paragraphs...
    i came here for a short story
    really disappointed
    Are you that lazy and incompetent to not be able to read a few lines.?........
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have been with my boyfriend for 2+ years now, so it's kinda serious to me. The problem is I really really hate him going on nights out with his mates I can't even comprehend. I do have trust issues and stuff he's had not the best past and has cheated on previous girlfriends, I know the drill yeah he needs time with his friends and stuff but he takes it to an extreme. I've already tried discussing this issue with him but on the face of it he seems to be sorry and says he won't be doing nights out anymore and then it's another story the following weekend. When he goes out he's so rude towards me, like we argue days leading up to this night out and the majority of his friends group are single which doesn't really put my mind at ease they're real lads lads, he will switch his phone off not answer my texts, not come in till 4am and have me worrying that he's dead in a ditch somewhere!! I wouldn't be as bothered if he equally put as much effort into our relationship as much as he does into going out. He never takes me out or treats me, not that I'm about the money but you know it would be nice if you're blowing money on nights out. Another thing he's recently lost his job so basically he's sponging off my income, we've got a 2.4k holiday booked, I've paid my half and he hasn't paid his, and with him having no income and only outgoing payments it's looking like I'm going to have to pay it which I totally don't mind, but when he's finding money to go on nights out it annoys me. Can anyone shed some light on the situation from an outsider???
    What makes you stay with an ass for 2 years?

    I find women whinging about their men's income funny when you shout for equality , you expect a men to take care of you in tough times well take care of him for a while without whinging. If you truly don't like him let him go it's that simple.
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    (Original post by georgiaswift)
    You need to sit him down and calmly explain things to him the way you have to us. It is frustrating and you shouldn't be giving him money to go out and things when he hasn't paid you back for the holiday. You're complaining that he's sponging off your income, so just don't let him. Tell him you're not lending him money until he pays you back what you've already lent him. Plus if you pay for his half of the holiday he'll know he can keep getting away with it.

    The other worrying thing for me is that he turns his phone off. He's entitled to go out with his mates, obviously, but is it really that hard to send you a text to let you know when he'll be home?

    Talk to him, that's the only way to resolve the issue.
    are yeh talking to yourself or are yeh talking about your bf?

    who knows.
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    (Original post by Mancini)
    I find women whinging about their men's income funny when you shout for equality , you expect a men to take care of you in tough times well take care of him for a while without whinging. .
    At what point did she say she wants him to provide for her? No one should be taking advantage of anyone else's financial status, regardless of gender. Don't turn this into a debate about feminism because that's not what this is; this is about a person who can't find the money to pay back large amounts that have been lent to him, but manages to find the money to go out and get drunk.
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    (Original post by trustmeimlying1)
    are yeh talking to yourself or are yeh talking about your bf?

    who knows.
    I'm not the thread starter I think it must be because I posted the comment before the thread was approved, so it came out at the top :confused:
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    (Original post by Section Boyz)
    Are you that lazy and incompetent to not be able to read a few lines.?........
    FEW?
    few lines maybe - 3 to 4 lines
    but it's 15.5 lines
    so no..
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    Having read all that I'm embarrassed for you that you stay with him. Would not be surprised at all if he's cheated on you when he's been out. Kissed at the very least.
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    Its interesting the way you speak in third person, assuming you're talking about your partner.
 
 
 
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