The Student Room Group

I want to be friends with my ex

It's been about three months since we broke up.

About a month and a half since he last said anything to me.

I can understand his feelings are hurt because I've moved on and he's still single. But surely after all that we've shared - three years together, losing our virginity to each other, travelling round Europe together - surely we should be able to speak to each other? Surely there's every reason to try being friends?

I'm just so frustrated. The last thing I wrote to him, was if he wanted, we could try meeting up for a quick drink/coffee to try being friends and see if it was weird or not. Total silence.

Bloody man and his bloody male pride. I know deep down I mean something to him in the way he means something to me too. Just because I'm not in love with him anymore, doesn't mean I don't care. I refuse to believe he doesn't give a crap about me - we were together for too long.

I just... ARGH!!:mad: Is there any point in me trying again? :frown:
Reply 1
being friends is hard its nothing to do with pride. if he wants to be friends he will talk to you. if he doesnt, why keep reopening old wounds
Reply 2
I don't mean to be rude but your just focusing on your feelings here. Just because your not in love doesn't mean he isn't. Can't you understand how difficult it might be for him to have any kind of contact with you after you told him you didn't love him anymore? I would say he has feelings for you, without a doubt. After spending such a long time together, those feelings don't go away easily. It's those feelings that are probably stopping him for making contact.

I realise how frustrating this and I didn't mean to sound rude, but just because you're ready to be friends doesn't mean he is. You broke up with him, you told him you didn't love him. He's probably hurting a lot after breaking up with you, like you said you've done a lot together and spent a lot of time together. It's only natural that he might feel that way.

At the end of the day, if he doesn't want contact, he doesn't want contact. The ball is in his court now, you've offered to meet up and now it's up to him what he does. If he wants to meet you, he will. Just give him some time and try not to get annoyed with him.
Reply 3
Did you break up with him? If so, and considering you've moved on, it's prob best to leave it for a bit - if you were together for 3 years then he might not be over you yet.

Friends with an ex takes time, and will only happen if both concerned are completely over the other one and if both of you want it to happen.

So yeh, i'd wait a bit (possibly a few months) and then if you still haven't heard anything from him try again. Show willing, but don't be pushy.

**Louise88 got there first, and said what i was trying to in a much better way.
Reply 4
My ex is now one of my best friends but it took 3 or 4 months of not speaking to each other to get over everything that had happened and then we basically started again as friends.
Reply 5
From his point of view it's an impossible situation. I'm sure he knows that you're trying to be nice - which, I imagine, makes him feel absolutely awful and the worst thing he can probably think of right now is seeing you and knowing that you're with someone else and trying to be friends. I know that I've never been able to get over anyone in just 3 months (and I've never been in a relationship that's lasted anything even remotely close to 3 years!), and I bet he's the same. I'd back off for now, but don't have any hard feelings - it's not his fault if he's still in love with you. Try again in 6 months time or if things force you together. That's what I'd want if it were me. I really doubt it's anything to do with pride.