23 Year Old Virgin

Right, now thats grabbed your attention.

Basically i'm getting fairly close to this girl in my group of friends who i know is really into me as well, but i have a mate who is seriously into her. The thing is, he's a 23 year old virgin who, frankly, has no chance - she's completely not interested in him. Now, every time i'm around this girl - last night we spent most of the night flirting/dancing/kissing - he acts like a love-sick puppy, he whinges at me, hangs around all the time and last night after we all left the club together he just wouldn't get the message and leave us alone - kept saying he had to 'look after' this girl and make sure she got home safe, even though she really wasn't interested in going home... Now, she feels sorry for him and likes him as a friend, so really didn't want to hurt him (which kinda limited my options for telling him to **** off). I got so pissed off in the end i just gave up and left. This guy isn't a very close friend of mine, i'm certainly not heartbroken over the fact he's a little jealous, but how do i get the message across to him without absolutely crushing him?

He is really starting to annoy me, he's done this a couple of times before where he's fallen for someone who is into me and has tried to guilt trip me into steering clear. So you'll have to excuse the harshness or the lack of 'bros before hoes' mentality.

So, how do i get this guy to understand that she's not interested in him, without him sulking at me for the rest of his life or using the fact that shes his friend against me?

(Suggestions for breaking his face are appreciated, but i have thought of that one myself, i'm hoping for something a little less harsh)

Reply 1

Nix!

11

If she's not into him dude, just go for it. I can understand why you're apprehensive though - it might make it slightly more complicated as he's still a virgin and therefore it's a sore spot so to speak.

Perhaps you might need a third party friend to make him aware that she's not interested as I doubt he'll listen to you anytime soon.

Reply 2

andrewjh009

2

Just tell him to stop <ruining the moment>, he'll get the message

Reply 3

TopSortedMadForIt

7

andrewjh009

Just tell him to stop <ruining the moment>, he'll get the message

haha I know where that term comes from!!

Just do it man its the only way he''ll learn....who knows it may inspire him to become better with women an go bet laid

Reply 4

AYE

10

Tell him, or rather pretend to beg him to allow you to have the girl, so that way he'll feel some how superior by "allowing" you to go out with her. He might just say no, but still if he thinks that he's in control his ego may take a boost from this.

Reply 5

andrewjh009

2

TopSortedMadForIt

haha I know where that term comes from!!

Yeah its American but very appropriate to this situation :biggrin:

Reply 6

Sticky

Go out with her then. The thing is, it doesn't sound like she's really into you that much. You're probably a lot more fun than this other love-sick guy, especially as you sound more confident but it doesn't sound like she's REALLY into you. If you are that close to her, and she fancies you, there shouldn't be a problem, even if this guy is after her.

If she starts feeling sorry for him and starts feeling close to him, sorry mate, but you've lost. All's fair in love and war.

You might have to confront this guy, give him his chance.

If you just think you're better than him, because he's inexperienced or because he's shy, then you really are a **** and no wonder this girl isn't interested.

Reply 7

goodmen

13

just have a word with him, dont kick it off with your a 23 yo virgin so back down.

just be nice but tell him thats how it is

Reply 8

fais

15

Personally, I'd tell him to ask her out. If he gets the girl, she wasn't for you. If he doesn't, he can't feel bad when you try.

Reply 9

matt@internet

12

Interesting approach.

Reply 10

Sticky

fais

Personally, I'd tell him to ask her out. If he gets the girl, she wasn't for you. If he doesn't, he can't feel bad when you try.

Exactly, it's up to him to find out from her that she's not interested. Assuming (or hoping) that she could never be interested in this "loser", shows more that the OP is insecure and not that sure that she's interested in him.

Reply 11

yellow96

15

If there are any girls you particularly can't stand, spend a week or two convincing him that they like him and point him in their direction. You get the girl, he doesn't get his feelings hurt but will probably move on, and the girl you don't like gets an interesting new stalker.

Or just go for it and to Hell with what he thinks. Start shagging her in front of him if you have to.

Reply 12

Tyler Durden

17

Invite him to join you and her in a threesome.

Reply 13

--

OP

3

Sticky

Go out with her then. The thing is, it doesn't sound like she's really into you that much. You're probably a lot more fun than this other love-sick guy, especially as you sound more confident but it doesn't sound like she's REALLY into you. If you are that close to her, and she fancies you, there shouldn't be a problem, even if this guy is after her.

If she starts feeling sorry for him and starts feeling close to him, sorry mate, but you've lost. All's fair in love and war.

You might have to confront this guy, give him his chance.

If you just think you're better than him, because he's inexperienced or because he's shy, then you really are a **** and no wonder this girl isn't interested.

Ugh, you never quite realise how **** people are at responding to H&R threads till you have one of your own. I've given no details of how she is with me or how interested she is in me because frankly, it has nothing to do with the issue at hand. Needless to say, she is REALLY into me, and i'm afraid you'll have to take my word for that. The problem is not that i see this guy as competition - i'm about to sound like a complete dick, but for a list of reasons as long as my arm, he, literally, doesn't stand a chance - the problem is that i don't really want to appear a complete cock by delivering the message to him in a fairly harsh way that he hasn't a chance and utterly destroy him. He is my friend, and i also don't really want to be seen to be harsh, but i'm getting sick of his guilt-trips and puppy-dog act. So this has little to do with the relationship itself - i'm going for it anyway - i'm looking for suggestions of how to get him to get off my back.

You seem to have assumed that because he's a virgin that he's shy and considerate/emotional etc while i'm 'fun' yet emotionally shallow. I can only assume your bringing you're own preconceptions of these characters to the conversation, because that bears very little relation to my situation.

Reply 14

Sticky

Mate, if I wasn't so spot on at noticing your insecurities about this girl, you wouldn't have just written a load of rubbish that doesn't explain at all, why she would be more interested in you.

As for my preconceptions. Yes I assumed the love-sick puppy act did involve acting all mopey rather than "fun" around her as you suggested. As for you being more fun and confident, I assumed that from the fact you were dancing with her and kissing her a lot.

I don't quite see what your problem is, if it's not your worry that this guy is more competition than you would like (in your eyes, he's a complete loser that should be overlooked, yet this girl seems to pay attention to him and that pisses you off). You've kissed, she's really into you. Ask her out. She's bound to want to be your girlfriend. Once that's official, what this guy does is irrelevant and if you're going out with her, then he can mope around her as much as he likes. If he gets near her, you have every right to tell him to back off.

Reply 15

Clubber Lang

15

3232

You seem to have assumed that because he's a virgin that he's shy and considerate/emotional etc while i'm 'fun' yet emotionally shallow. I can only assume your bringing you're own preconceptions of these characters to the conversation, because that bears very little relation to my situation.

Well you used the fact he is a virgin in your title, it might ahve been done to attract attention but obviosuly it will make people think there is somehting is 'wrong' with him..

Reply 16

yellow96

15

Sticky

I don't quite see what your problem is

He wants us to suggest ways in which he might let this guy know that she isn't interested in him without hurting his feelings.

Christ's sake..

Reply 17

Sticky

Thelfo

He wants us to suggest ways in which he might let this guy know that she isn't interested in him without hurting his feelings.

Christ's sake..

That's a non-issue. Him going out with her does not depend on this guy acting all love-sick around her. Even if he does let this guy know that she's not interested, how does that change anything? The guy needs to know it from the girl, as fais suggested. As long as he doesn't know for sure, of course he's going to try!

Sure, we'd all love it, if every time we were interested in someone, any other potential competitor just disappeared. That's not going to happen.

Reply 18

matt@internet

12

Sticky

That's a non-issue.

I think you'll find that's the point of this thread.

3232, to me, if you don't want to be too harsh, it would seem you have 3 options;
1. either take him aside and tell him, in a non-horrible way, that she's not interested,
2. formally be going out with her, so he recognises this,
3. ask her to have a word with him, because you think he won't believe you if you tell him.

Reply 19

--

OP

3

Sticky

Mate, if I wasn't so spot on at noticing your insecurities about this girl, you wouldn't have just written a load of rubbish that doesn't explain at all, why she would be more interested in you.

You didn't hit an insecurity at all, i just didn't want the conversation drifting off in a direction which had no relation to the point i am raising. I am also not going to go into why she is more interested in me, because, frankly, i'm not going to spend half an hour writing why i'm so amazing and this other guy isn't - it'd be sheer arrogance and wouldn't add anything to the thread.

Sticky

I don't quite see what your problem is, if it's not your worry that this guy is more competition than you would like (in your eyes, he's a complete loser that should be overlooked, yet this girl seems to pay attention to him and that pisses you off). You've kissed, she's really into you. Ask her out. She's bound to want to be your girlfriend. Once that's official, what this guy does is irrelevant and if you're going out with her, then he can mope around her as much as he likes. If he gets near her, you have every right to tell him to back off.

Ugh... She doesn't pay attention to him, they are simply friends and she treats him like any other friend. I'm not even remotely pissed off by this, i am really not the jealous type. The thing that is pissing me off is that he is trying to use our relationship as friends as a way for me to back off, and that he is moping around me. The fact he wouldn't piss off last night was due to the fact that he was really jealous (which, he couldn't stop telling me) and probably didn't want anything to happen. He has done this with several girls i've been with (girls who have never seen him as anything more than friends) and the fact that he mopes around ME, not the girls, in an attempt to make me feel sorry for him and back off, is starting to piss me off. So yes, it may be a fairly simple problem, but the only solution i had involved making him cry like a little girl, so i was hoping to get some suggestions which may allow be to be a little bit more gentler in suggesting that he needs to stop this.

23 Year Old Virgin

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