Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I’m 14, a Muslim Arab/African girl and have been considering this for four years (so since I was 10 years old) and submitted the same question at that age. However, I did not reach a conclusive answer and I was told that it was something I had to stick with. Please leave now if you are an imam or if you believe you will comment saying something along the lines of ‘religion is a struggle’ or ‘in this life, unfortunately we are slaves to God’ because I know religion is a choice and I think it’s something that has been disabling me. My faith has done nothing to aid my depression and for four years I’ve been unhappy. I think puberty started at 11 for me, so the emotional problems have been growing prior to this. All of my family is religious - all my grandparents, cousins, uncles and I’m connected to a lot of my friends through religion because I was ‘born’ a Muslim. I however, do not fully believe in God or commit to the faith. I cannot find it in myself to pray because in my heart I’m agnostic, and since I am not completing the pillars, I’m not even a Muslim by technicality. However, my mother makes it clear that she wouldn’t let me die anything but a Muslim, even though I have no good memories from attending mosque, where children were hit and pulled by their ears if they misread the holy book.

    I’m surrounded by very fellow girls, who are nothing like that, but happen to be Muslim and wear headscarves. Because I am lonely and have anxiety, I cannot befriend them and none of them are my close friends. Throughout my school years, I have been bullies but inconsistently and I feel like I have no support from any direction since my sister used to mock me and my mother doesn’t understand because she’s from a different generation. I don’t necessarily want to wear crop tops and play with boys like that, although I connect with boys better because I’m a nerd in that sense (ha ha). I don’t even mind wearing my hijab. But what makes it the hardest for me is that I’ve been in love with art and it’s the only way I could properly express myself since I was four years old, but I realise now that it’s against my religion to pursue art or draw things resembling what God has created (i.e) animals. I’m not good at anything else, not english or maths or science, so my dream to become an artist and express myself through art have been dismissed because of my religion. My brothers and my sisters, who did their exams, received no support from my/our parents. They are happy, going to good universities and still commit to the faith.

    While I’m my GCSE’s which may decide my career, I am dealing with these feelings. If I stay, I know my depression will get worse, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life because I cannot pursue my dreams and may fall into a dark place. If I leave, I will be an outcast and I will be looked down upon by my family and my community. I cannot talk to the brothers and sisters in my family because one doesn’t live with us (I do not have his phone number either), and my brother and sister used to bully me. I feel like the only way I can leave without damaging myself mentally is running away (which is reckless) or being removed from my family. I cannot get prescribed anything because my mother refuses to believe me (because in our culture, depression isn’t real or serious) so I’m stuck with my own feelings and can’t prove them to someone else. What can I do? Who can I speak to?

    I appreciate you all and your answers very much… Thank you!! If you recognize me, my name begins with N and I would not mind speaking to you in private, regardless of your gender. Probably wont' though, lol
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OneTwoRangi)
    I’m 14, a Muslim Arab/African girl and have been considering this for four years (so since I was 10 years old) and submitted the same question at that age. However, I did not reach a conclusive answer and I was told that it was something I had to stick with. Please leave now if you are an imam or if you believe you will comment saying something along the lines of ‘religion is a struggle’ or ‘in this life, unfortunately we are slaves to God’ because I know religion is a choice and I think it’s something that has been disabling me. My faith has done nothing to aid my depression and for four years I’ve been unhappy. I think puberty started at 11 for me, so the emotional problems have been growing prior to this. All of my family is religious - all my grandparents, cousins, uncles and I’m connected to a lot of my friends through religion because I was ‘born’ a Muslim. I however, do not fully believe in God or commit to the faith. I cannot find it in myself to pray because in my heart I’m agnostic, and since I am not completing the pillars, I’m not even a Muslim by technicality. However, my mother makes it clear that she wouldn’t let me die anything but a Muslim, even though I have no good memories from attending mosque, where children were hit and pulled by their ears if they misread the holy book.

    I’m surrounded by very fellow girls, who are nothing like that, but happen to be Muslim and wear headscarves. Because I am lonely and have anxiety, I cannot befriend them and none of them are my close friends. Throughout my school years, I have been bullies but inconsistently and I feel like I have no support from any direction since my sister used to mock me and my mother doesn’t understand because she’s from a different generation. I don’t necessarily want to wear crop tops and play with boys like that, although I connect with boys better because I’m a nerd in that sense (ha ha). I don’t even mind wearing my hijab. But what makes it the hardest for me is that I’ve been in love with art and it’s the only way I could properly express myself since I was four years old, but I realise now that it’s against my religion to pursue art or draw things resembling what God has created (i.e) animals. I’m not good at anything else, not english or maths or science, so my dream to become an artist and express myself through art have been dismissed because of my religion. My brothers and my sisters, who did their exams, received no support from my/our parents. They are happy, going to good universities and still commit to the faith.

    While I’m my GCSE’s which may decide my career, I am dealing with these feelings. If I stay, I know my depression will get worse, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life because I cannot pursue my dreams and may fall into a dark place. If I leave, I will be an outcast and I will be looked down upon by my family and my community. I cannot talk to the brothers and sisters in my family because one doesn’t live with us (I do not have his phone number either), and my brother and sister used to bully me. I feel like the only way I can leave without damaging myself mentally is running away (which is reckless) or being removed from my family. I cannot get prescribed anything because my mother refuses to believe me (because in our culture, depression isn’t real or serious) so I’m stuck with my own feelings and can’t prove them to someone else. What can I do? Who can I speak to?

    I appreciate you all and your answers very much… Thank you!! If you recognize me, my name begins with N and I would not mind speaking to you in private, regardless of your gender. Probably wont' though, lol
    Hi, sorry you're going through this crisis, right now, faith and religion are very difficult subjects especially when you have brought up a certain way but, as you said it's a choice, your choice.

    I think perhaps it would be a better idea to look more closely at Islam itself rather than the culture of it, I understand there are plenty of restrictions but you can move outside of these restrictions while still keeping faith and as for your friends and the bullying, that must be very upsetting but that does not necessarily relate to your religion, more culture and bullying happens in all sects, it's the bullies' problem, not yours. You should be able to live your life in whatever way you choose, with or without faith, so don't be afraid to question it but at the same time, religion and culture are separate so just analyse your situation, see what you want to change and do so in whatever way you can. I'm sure your family just wants what's best for you but I know in this kind of situation, it's a very difficult topic to discuss, regardless, like I said its your choice and no one can ever choose for you or judge you for your choices. Good luck op!
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OneTwoRangi)
    I’m 14, a Muslim Arab/African girl and have been considering this for four years (so since I was 10 years old) and submitted the same question at that age. However, I did not reach a conclusive answer and I was told that it was something I had to stick with. Please leave now if you are an imam or if you believe you will comment saying something along the lines of ‘religion is a struggle’ or ‘in this life, unfortunately we are slaves to God’ because I know religion is a choice and I think it’s something that has been disabling me. My faith has done nothing to aid my depression and for four years I’ve been unhappy. I think puberty started at 11 for me, so the emotional problems have been growing prior to this. All of my family is religious - all my grandparents, cousins, uncles and I’m connected to a lot of my friends through religion because I was ‘born’ a Muslim. I however, do not fully believe in God or commit to the faith. I cannot find it in myself to pray because in my heart I’m agnostic, and since I am not completing the pillars, I’m not even a Muslim by technicality. However, my mother makes it clear that she wouldn’t let me die anything but a Muslim, even though I have no good memories from attending mosque, where children were hit and pulled by their ears if they misread the holy book.

    I’m surrounded by very fellow girls, who are nothing like that, but happen to be Muslim and wear headscarves. Because I am lonely and have anxiety, I cannot befriend them and none of them are my close friends. Throughout my school years, I have been bullies but inconsistently and I feel like I have no support from any direction since my sister used to mock me and my mother doesn’t understand because she’s from a different generation. I don’t necessarily want to wear crop tops and play with boys like that, although I connect with boys better because I’m a nerd in that sense (ha ha). I don’t even mind wearing my hijab. But what makes it the hardest for me is that I’ve been in love with art and it’s the only way I could properly express myself since I was four years old, but I realise now that it’s against my religion to pursue art or draw things resembling what God has created (i.e) animals. I’m not good at anything else, not english or maths or science, so my dream to become an artist and express myself through art have been dismissed because of my religion. My brothers and my sisters, who did their exams, received no support from my/our parents. They are happy, going to good universities and still commit to the faith.

    While I’m my GCSE’s which may decide my career, I am dealing with these feelings. If I stay, I know my depression will get worse, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life because I cannot pursue my dreams and may fall into a dark place. If I leave, I will be an outcast and I will be looked down upon by my family and my community. I cannot talk to the brothers and sisters in my family because one doesn’t live with us (I do not have his phone number either), and my brother and sister used to bully me. I feel like the only way I can leave without damaging myself mentally is running away (which is reckless) or being removed from my family. I cannot get prescribed anything because my mother refuses to believe me (because in our culture, depression isn’t real or serious) so I’m stuck with my own feelings and can’t prove them to someone else. What can I do? Who can I speak to?

    I appreciate you all and your answers very much… Thank you!! If you recognize me, my name begins with N and I would not mind speaking to you in private, regardless of your gender. Probably wont' though, lol
    1. sorry i wasn't here 4 years ago to give you an answer o.o i wish i was here earlier. Also best way to get an answer from religion is by questioning. Eventually you'll reach the answer of something along the lines of faith i.e. just believe in Him or maybe they might scare you by saying something like He'll punish you if you don't believe in Him
    2. yes finally you opened your eyelids and you can see with your own bloody eyeballs, brilliant someone who can think for themselves i admire you.
    3. i like to say like Richard Dawkins said, blind faith, like the blind watchmaker. i can't see how believing in someone random man in the sky will give you long term benefits and help you with almost everything you do.
    4. also like Dawkins said, you don't force religion onto children. You should be able to make a choice whether you want to join or not, why are you automatically subscribed to something you might not like?
    5. clearly this isn't humane behaviour and why is it even allowed. If you're only doing these acts to get into heaven or the Islam equivalent of that then you're clearly a pathetic person and you really need to do something with your life other than blindly believe that if you do what God says like a good little boy you'll get to heaven because you won't.
    6. mocking people isn't kind at all. Your mum saying she doesn't understand "because she doesn't understand" is a load of ballsack and bullsh*t. i'm sorry but i hate people who lie for no reason. She's basically saying i don't care and don't want to know about your problems. <---- unless i've misunderstood and your judgement has come to the conclusion of my mom is from a different generation thus doesn't understand, which too is also fair enough.
    7. if you like art the DO IT, JUST DO IT. who cares what anyone else thinks, if you want to do art then do it, don't let other people ideas and things hold YOU back. Who cares if it's against religion? you said yourself that you're agnostic because you don't fully 100% believe in God so do those religious teachings still apply if you don't believe in the the religion? of course not.
    8. again just like point 7 do what YOU WANT TO DO, DO WHAT YOU'RE GOOD AT. Good for your siblings if they managed to keep their "faith and got good grades but clearly you flourish at art and if you can't do that what are you going to do?
    9. not the best of solutions to your catch 22 but maybe you could lock yourself in your room and study quietly there where it's your safe haven as such and you're free to do what you want without a care in the world?
    10. no no no no no don't run away, think about it, you can't support yourself fully financially so you have to get someone to do that for you which are your parents.(see my threads which i made i'm sort of in a financial crisis and just general family problems, so we're in a similar boat here)
    11. sorry but that's a load of f**king **** and crap from your culture. what idiot thinks that insanity isn't a mental problem? the answer should be no-one. Just like depression is a mental disorder so why is that being ignored? if there's a possible way, try and make your family feel guilty for not doing anything about your problems or try and convince them that you need medication. Argue with them. A good one is why is there medication for depression if it doesn't exist? What's the point in medicine to treat a non existent problem?(need any arguments just gimme a PM or tag me and i can help) i guess there's always childline if you need anon help

    all done
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I see. I forgot to mention I've been studying Islam since I'm five years old, and there are aspects of it I definitely like. I have nothing against the religion, and have found that mt feelings about leaving are much less to do with the people I'm surrounded by but my relationship with God, which I feel I have none with. I've never really believed in God, but have been taught how.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I think it would be best till your 16 and then make a choice.

    (Original post by Blondie987)
    Hi, sorry you're going through this crisis, right now, faith and religion are very difficult subjects especially when you have brought up a certain way but, as you said it's a choice, your choice.

    I think perhaps it would be a better idea to look more closely at Islam itself rather than the culture of it, I understand there are plenty of restrictions but you can move outside of these restrictions while still keeping faith and as for your friends and the bullying, that must be very upsetting but that does not necessarily relate to your religion, more culture and bullying happens in all sects, it's the bullies' problem, not yours. You should be able to live your life in whatever way you choose, with or without faith, so don't be afraid to question it but at the same time, religion and culture are separate so just analyse your situation, see what you want to change and do so in whatever way you can. I'm sure your family just wants what's best for you but I know in this kind of situation, it's a very difficult topic to discuss, regardless, like I said its your choice and no one can ever choose for you or judge you for your choices. Good luck op!
    Nicely said.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OneTwoRangi)
    I see. I forgot to mention I've been studying Islam since I'm five years old, and there are aspects of it I definitely like. I have nothing against the religion, and have found that mt feelings about leaving are much less to do with the people I'm surrounded by but my relationship with God, which I feel I have none with. I've never really believed in God, but have been taught how.
    Carry on being atheist and do what ever feels right to you. What exactly is your issue with Islam? If its the art their are loads of good examples of muslim art like the alhambra for instance and its only in mosques your not allowed to represent nature. Apart from portraits of muhammed you can do what you like. Unless you've been brought up as a fundamentalist I don't see your problem. Islamic culture is rich and fruitful. I live in a christian culture and I'm an atheist yet I don't have a problem with that. Whats yours?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    What kind of artist would I be if I stuck to one art form I have little interest in? There are so many different types of media against that that I cannot even list them without taking hours. How can I study art, especially classical, if I cannot represent nature in my work? If I cannot represent nature in my work and real life, then my work has no purpose and there's no point in doing it in the first place. It's far more complicated than avoiding nature and portraits of a prophet (I don't see why I would have any interest in that). I cannot draw people, I cannot draw animals, I cannot draw landscapes or paint the way flowers grow. I feel like I would have no purpose?

    I also cannot sing or dance. I gave up dancing for religion, and have always been complimented for my singing voice (I was in a non-religious choir) but this is something I've had to give up too. If I can't pursue art, then I will be forced pursuing a career/studying some other subject which I am poor/have no interest in and I'll be living a sad life, as I stated before.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    You've been fed a puritanical version of Islam. There's a common saying... "If Islam is not making you happy, something is wrong with your version of Islam" whether that be because you're not practicing Islam correctly or because you don't fully understand the wisdom behind some of its teachings". Before you rush into a decision I definitely recommend researching Traditional Islam and seek guidance from traditional Islamic scholars. Islam is supposed to make you happy. God be with you =)
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by OneTwoRangi)
    I’m 14, a Muslim Arab/African girl and have been considering this for four years (so since I was 10 years old) and submitted the same question at that age. However, I did not reach a conclusive answer and I was told that it was something I had to stick with. Please leave now if you are an imam or if you believe you will comment saying something along the lines of ‘religion is a struggle’ or ‘in this life, unfortunately we are slaves to God’ because I know religion is a choice and I think it’s something that has been disabling me. My faith has done nothing to aid my depression and for four years I’ve been unhappy. I think puberty started at 11 for me, so the emotional problems have been growing prior to this. All of my family is religious - all my grandparents, cousins, uncles and I’m connected to a lot of my friends through religion because I was ‘born’ a Muslim. I however, do not fully believe in God or commit to the faith. I cannot find it in myself to pray because in my heart I’m agnostic, and since I am not completing the pillars, I’m not even a Muslim by technicality. However, my mother makes it clear that she wouldn’t let me die anything but a Muslim, even though I have no good memories from attending mosque, where children were hit and pulled by their ears if they misread the holy book.

    I’m surrounded by very fellow girls, who are nothing like that, but happen to be Muslim and wear headscarves. Because I am lonely and have anxiety, I cannot befriend them and none of them are my close friends. Throughout my school years, I have been bullies but inconsistently and I feel like I have no support from any direction since my sister used to mock me and my mother doesn’t understand because she’s from a different generation. I don’t necessarily want to wear crop tops and play with boys like that, although I connect with boys better because I’m a nerd in that sense (ha ha). I don’t even mind wearing my hijab. But what makes it the hardest for me is that I’ve been in love with art and it’s the only way I could properly express myself since I was four years old, but I realise now that it’s against my religion to pursue art or draw things resembling what God has created (i.e) animals. I’m not good at anything else, not english or maths or science, so my dream to become an artist and express myself through art have been dismissed because of my religion. My brothers and my sisters, who did their exams, received no support from my/our parents. They are happy, going to good universities and still commit to the faith.

    While I’m my GCSE’s which may decide my career, I am dealing with these feelings. If I stay, I know my depression will get worse, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life because I cannot pursue my dreams and may fall into a dark place. If I leave, I will be an outcast and I will be looked down upon by my family and my community. I cannot talk to the brothers and sisters in my family because one doesn’t live with us (I do not have his phone number either), and my brother and sister used to bully me. I feel like the only way I can leave without damaging myself mentally is running away (which is reckless) or being removed from my family. I cannot get prescribed anything because my mother refuses to believe me (because in our culture, depression isn’t real or serious) so I’m stuck with my own feelings and can’t prove them to someone else. What can I do? Who can I speak to?

    I appreciate you all and your answers very much… Thank you!! If you recognize me, my name begins with N and I would not mind speaking to you in private, regardless of your gender. Probably wont' though, lol
    If you are an agnostic at heart then you already have left Islam tbh. You mentioned that your parents are from a different and may not understand if you coming out as an atheist/agnostic, I came out being an atheist years ago and I honestly don't care what my parents think (Hindu Family). What you should do is figure out how you're parents may respond to you coming out. You do live in their house and are stuck with them. I think it would be better if you came out once you leave the house or go university. Honestly you shouldn't be opressed by someones religion, its your life and you should live it as you please.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I guess it's not that easy when your parents are black and Muslim. In this day and age I would still have plenty a' whooping, lol. I think I will wait until I'm leaving for university since I already have friends in other parts of the country who followed an art career who'd let me sleep on the sofa, per se.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    If you and Islam can't talk things through it isn't going to work, dump him.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    This is the exact same place I was a year ago. The choice is yours only to make and you should know there are so many other people in your position. I would advise you not to tell your family until you're financially independent from them because worst case scenario you could be disowned and thrown out. Keep your disbelief quiet (should you choose it) and enjoy it without your family knowing. I still have to pretend to pray and fast but one day it won't be like that.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by OneTwoRangi)
    I’m 14, a Muslim Arab/African girl and have been considering this for four years (so since I was 10 years old) and submitted the same question at that age. However, I did not reach a conclusive answer and I was told that it was something I had to stick with. Please leave now if you are an imam or if you believe you will comment saying something along the lines of ‘religion is a struggle’ or ‘in this life, unfortunately we are slaves to God’ because I know religion is a choice and I think it’s something that has been disabling me. My faith has done nothing to aid my depression and for four years I’ve been unhappy. I think puberty started at 11 for me, so the emotional problems have been growing prior to this. All of my family is religious - all my grandparents, cousins, uncles and I’m connected to a lot of my friends through religion because I was ‘born’ a Muslim. I however, do not fully believe in God or commit to the faith. I cannot find it in myself to pray because in my heart I’m agnostic, and since I am not completing the pillars, I’m not even a Muslim by technicality. However, my mother makes it clear that she wouldn’t let me die anything but a Muslim, even though I have no good memories from attending mosque, where children were hit and pulled by their ears if they misread the holy book.

    I’m surrounded by very fellow girls, who are nothing like that, but happen to be Muslim and wear headscarves. Because I am lonely and have anxiety, I cannot befriend them and none of them are my close friends. Throughout my school years, I have been bullies but inconsistently and I feel like I have no support from any direction since my sister used to mock me and my mother doesn’t understand because she’s from a different generation. I don’t necessarily want to wear crop tops and play with boys like that, although I connect with boys better because I’m a nerd in that sense (ha ha). I don’t even mind wearing my hijab. But what makes it the hardest for me is that I’ve been in love with art and it’s the only way I could properly express myself since I was four years old, but I realise now that it’s against my religion to pursue art or draw things resembling what God has created (i.e) animals. I’m not good at anything else, not english or maths or science, so my dream to become an artist and express myself through art have been dismissed because of my religion. My brothers and my sisters, who did their exams, received no support from my/our parents. They are happy, going to good universities and still commit to the faith.

    While I’m my GCSE’s which may decide my career, I am dealing with these feelings. If I stay, I know my depression will get worse, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life because I cannot pursue my dreams and may fall into a dark place. If I leave, I will be an outcast and I will be looked down upon by my family and my community. I cannot talk to the brothers and sisters in my family because one doesn’t live with us (I do not have his phone number either), and my brother and sister used to bully me. I feel like the only way I can leave without damaging myself mentally is running away (which is reckless) or being removed from my family. I cannot get prescribed anything because my mother refuses to believe me (because in our culture, depression isn’t real or serious) so I’m stuck with my own feelings and can’t prove them to someone else. What can I do? Who can I speak to?

    I appreciate you all and your answers very much… Thank you!! If you recognize me, my name begins with N and I would not mind speaking to you in private, regardless of your gender. Probably wont' though, lol
    This makes me sad to hear that as a follow Muslim teen, i would think making dua might help you to connect to Allahthese are some links that might be beneficial http://unveiledthought.com/2014/09/0...ave-a-problem/http://productivemuslim.com/producti...g-self-esteem/
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: March 27, 2016
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.