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    Been struggling with this for years now. Had a wonderful boyfriend in high school, was so kind and we bonded straight away but my Mom scared me into thinking I'd fail my exams if I was in a relationship (silly right?) I missed him dearly but we lost contact gradually (we're both busy people).
    So years have gone by, we've both seen new people, but recently we met up again nothing had changed with us except he's shutting me out (unless he's drunk where he is very open about his feelings towards me). I don't know whether to keep on pursuing him and this is just a defensive barrier he has (trust issues). Or whether to just leave it although I truly know a relationship with him will be worth the wait if I did have to for another couple of years.
    He says he is avoiding relationships to get on track with his wrestling career, I would never want to get in his way however I'm in exactly the same boat (going to university to do neuroscience) and value space greatly. I cant bare letting him slip away again, will regret it my whole life, I cant seem to picture that I will ever find 'another him'.
    Anyone got any non-bias advice, would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
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    he knows you. he knows where you are. he doesnt sound ready to resume, so chasing him isnt going to force him inot anything. just keep contact at a distane and if he changes his mind he knows where you are.

    If you wnat to convince yourself he is the one and youll never find another then go ahead, nut at the moment he isnt ready.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    he knows you. he knows where you are. he doesnt sound ready to resume, so chasing him isnt going to force him inot anything. just keep contact at a distane and if he changes his mind he knows where you are.

    If you wnat to convince yourself he is the one and youll never find another then go ahead, nut at the moment he isnt ready.
    You're right, thank you
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    How old are you OP? Play it smart dont keep in contact too close, but enough so you know where to find him and catch up ever 6 months. Ftom what you describe has has some issues,but he also has stuff he wants to do. Let him be free. he doesnt need you to be needy and hovering.

    How is his wrestlung career going? neuro science is prettu impressive, maube he wnats to make a success of his career so he feels more eqial with you?
    You do realise youll meet new people at uni, some may be more compatible than him or different. Play a longer game and dont panic. Develop yourself and you will be fine.

    ps do you know where his mum lives or his family? If so keep moderate contact with them and then youll always know where he is ir someone who knows where he is.
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    Pursue him and it will be worth it like you said. Show him your intentions and he will respond accordingly. Neither of you can blame yourself for prioritising a potential career over a relationship, especially at a young age.


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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    How old are you OP? Play it smart dont keep in contact too close, but enough so you know where to find him and catch up ever 6 months. Ftom what you describe has has some issues,but he also has stuff he wants to do. Let him be free. he doesnt need you to be needy and hovering.

    How is his wrestlung career going? neuro science is prettu impressive, maube he wnats to make a success of his career so he feels more eqial with you?
    You do realise youll meet new people at uni, some may be more compatible than him or different. Play a longer game and dont panic. Develop yourself and you will be fine.

    ps do you know where his mum lives or his family? If so keep moderate contact with them and then youll always know where he is ir someone who knows where he is.
    Thank you! I'm 19. yehhh i understand that, trying so hard, don't want to smother him but too scared to just cut him off, its a hard thing to do get a balance with that I don't need a relationship but just cant help but feel like he himself wants this too, he tells me only when he's had a drink then is harsh the rest of the time. And his career is just starting up for him, hence the need of focus I understand and I'd never disturb him. I doubt he'd want to compete, he's not a science person and I'm not a sporty type, completely different in that sense but similar in everything else. I do have connections with his family I guess . Thank you! You're right, thank you so much for the advice, really appreciate it! xx
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    You just have to work a plan thats smart and has the biggest chance of giving you what you wnat. Boys tend to be about 4 or 5 years behing girls until later on. Sounds to me like hes finding his feet has other priorities and just wnats to do his thing, so having you around (your a known and represent stable gf etc who maybe wnats more) isnt what hes looking for at the moment. He wanst his own rites of passage and just to be himself imo. The drinking then telling I think is becayse he just ways to make soemthing of himself, its his version of uni. he doesnt know if he'll succeed or fail and he wnats to succeed and then you cna see him as a success if you are in his thought.

    If you are smart and keep the right level of contact then see what you are like after uni. You shoul still date though because dating this helps you decide what you like in a person and just as importantly what you do not.

    If you get in wth his family, sister mom etc, then send them a christmas card and its still a possibility..
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You just have to work a plan thats smart and has the biggest chance of giving you what you wnat. Boys tend to be about 4 or 5 years behing girls until later on. Sounds to me like hes finding his feet has other priorities and just wnats to do his thing, so having you around (your a known and represent stable gf etc who maybe wnats more) isnt what hes looking for at the moment. He wanst his own rites of passage and just to be himself imo. The drinking then telling I think is becayse he just ways to make soemthing of himself, its his version of uni. he doesnt know if he'll succeed or fail and he wnats to succeed and then you cna see him as a success if you are in his thought.

    If you are smart and keep the right level of contact then see what you are like after uni. You shoul still date though because dating this helps you decide what you like in a person and just as importantly what you do not.

    If you get in wth his family, sister mom etc, then send them a christmas card and its still a possibility..
    That sounds sensible yeahh, well he is a bit older than me but I guess you're right, shame isnt it, he's the only person i have EVER been able to trust I respect he has other priorities. Instead of worrying and obsessing over this i should be studying but cant help myself haha! Hopefully in the future we'll meet again and maybe have better timing Thank you so much for the advice, really needed to hear that! Greatly appreciated hun
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    Patience I think finsih uni dont lose touch etc. Sometimes things in life are bout lick and timing. he will be older and wiser as you will be then youll be able to see wehther you are as matched as you think. There wull be other nice , but men with different qualities out there. See how it goes and good luck with your career.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Patience I think finsih uni dont lose touch etc. Sometimes things in life are bout lick and timing. he will be older and wiser as you will be then youll be able to see wehther you are as matched as you think. There wull be other nice , but men with different qualities out there. See how it goes and good luck with your career.
    True! I guess so, thank you for putting logic onto this hot mess of a situation haha! Thank you for your advice Thank you, good luck to you too, whatever you are doing/going to do!
 
 
 
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