Breaking up with someone you live with
Hi
I am planning on breaking up with my boyfriend next week. We've tried talking about it and I think we both know the relationship has run its course. I just wanted advice on the best way to handle the aftermath of breaking up with him.
We're renting together; the tenancy is in both our names but with me as lead tennant. All the bills are in my name and come out of my bank account that he transfers money to. The majority of furniture is also mine apart from our sofa.
My plan was to give him space for a few days and move in with my parents as I am the one initiating the break up. Unfortunately we moved to this area for my work so my commute would be 2 hours each way from my parents house. I'd be willing to do this but I'm scared he would trash the house and all of my belongings.
The alternative is to stay living together. We already sleep in separate rooms so that isn't an issue but I do feel like we need a bit of space from each other.
Has anyone had any experience with breaking up whilst still living together? If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated.
Thanks
I am planning on breaking up with my boyfriend next week. We've tried talking about it and I think we both know the relationship has run its course. I just wanted advice on the best way to handle the aftermath of breaking up with him.
We're renting together; the tenancy is in both our names but with me as lead tennant. All the bills are in my name and come out of my bank account that he transfers money to. The majority of furniture is also mine apart from our sofa.
My plan was to give him space for a few days and move in with my parents as I am the one initiating the break up. Unfortunately we moved to this area for my work so my commute would be 2 hours each way from my parents house. I'd be willing to do this but I'm scared he would trash the house and all of my belongings.
The alternative is to stay living together. We already sleep in separate rooms so that isn't an issue but I do feel like we need a bit of space from each other.
Has anyone had any experience with breaking up whilst still living together? If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated.
Thanks
Original post by Ksf20231
Maybe he could stay elsewhere for a few days if he wants to? I know a girl who did this but it was worse cos she then started seeing another guy they lived with (shared house). She said it was really horrible and awkward at first but you just have to power through it and she said things are ok now.
Depends if you can both handle it maturely I guess
Original post by Jenx301
Maybe he could stay elsewhere for a few days if he wants to? I know a girl who did this but it was worse cos she then started seeing another guy they lived with (shared house). She said it was really horrible and awkward at first but you just have to power through it and she said things are ok now.
Depends if you can both handle it maturely I guess
Depends if you can both handle it maturely I guess
Thanks for your advice. I wouldn't bring anyone back and I am planning to move into a flat once I've submitted notice etc to the landlord. It's just the interim period I'm worried about.
Original post by Ksf20231
Hi
I am planning on breaking up with my boyfriend next week. We've tried talking about it and I think we both know the relationship has run its course. I just wanted advice on the best way to handle the aftermath of breaking up with him.
We're renting together; the tenancy is in both our names but with me as lead tennant. All the bills are in my name and come out of my bank account that he transfers money to. The majority of furniture is also mine apart from our sofa.
My plan was to give him space for a few days and move in with my parents as I am the one initiating the break up. Unfortunately we moved to this area for my work so my commute would be 2 hours each way from my parents house. I'd be willing to do this but I'm scared he would trash the house and all of my belongings.
The alternative is to stay living together. We already sleep in separate rooms so that isn't an issue but I do feel like we need a bit of space from each other.
Has anyone had any experience with breaking up whilst still living together? If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated.
Thanks
I am planning on breaking up with my boyfriend next week. We've tried talking about it and I think we both know the relationship has run its course. I just wanted advice on the best way to handle the aftermath of breaking up with him.
We're renting together; the tenancy is in both our names but with me as lead tennant. All the bills are in my name and come out of my bank account that he transfers money to. The majority of furniture is also mine apart from our sofa.
My plan was to give him space for a few days and move in with my parents as I am the one initiating the break up. Unfortunately we moved to this area for my work so my commute would be 2 hours each way from my parents house. I'd be willing to do this but I'm scared he would trash the house and all of my belongings.
The alternative is to stay living together. We already sleep in separate rooms so that isn't an issue but I do feel like we need a bit of space from each other.
Has anyone had any experience with breaking up whilst still living together? If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated.
Thanks
You are the lead tenant and as a the female in the relationship I believe he can't legally chuck you out so kick him out. If the relationship is over then that's your right
Original post by Jenx301
Maybe he could stay elsewhere for a few days if he wants to? I know a girl who did this but it was worse cos she then started seeing another guy they lived with (shared house). She said it was really horrible and awkward at first but you just have to power through it and she said things are ok now.
Depends if you can both handle it maturely I guess
Depends if you can both handle it maturely I guess
Yeah sounds awful for her
Original post by Oliver_94
You are the lead tenant and as a the female in the relationship I believe he can't legally chuck you out so kick him out. If the relationship is over then that's your right
I agree that as everything is in my name I could do that but I am the one breaking up with him, I can't just tell him to go
His parents won't take him in but I know mine will let me stay. Out of me leaving or us both staying, which do you think is the better option?
Original post by Jenx301
Maybe he could stay elsewhere for a few days if he wants to? I know a girl who did this but it was worse cos she then started seeing another guy they lived with (shared house). She said it was really horrible and awkward at first but you just have to power through it and she said things are ok now.
Depends if you can both handle it maturely I guess
Depends if you can both handle it maturely I guess
Missed opportunity for a threesome.
Original post by Ksf20231
Hi
I am planning on breaking up with my boyfriend next week. We've tried talking about it and I think we both know the relationship has run its course. I just wanted advice on the best way to handle the aftermath of breaking up with him.
We're renting together; the tenancy is in both our names but with me as lead tennant. All the bills are in my name and come out of my bank account that he transfers money to. The majority of furniture is also mine apart from our sofa.
My plan was to give him space for a few days and move in with my parents as I am the one initiating the break up. Unfortunately we moved to this area for my work so my commute would be 2 hours each way from my parents house. I'd be willing to do this but I'm scared he would trash the house and all of my belongings.
The alternative is to stay living together. We already sleep in separate rooms so that isn't an issue but I do feel like we need a bit of space from each other.
Has anyone had any experience with breaking up whilst still living together? If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated.
Thanks
I am planning on breaking up with my boyfriend next week. We've tried talking about it and I think we both know the relationship has run its course. I just wanted advice on the best way to handle the aftermath of breaking up with him.
We're renting together; the tenancy is in both our names but with me as lead tennant. All the bills are in my name and come out of my bank account that he transfers money to. The majority of furniture is also mine apart from our sofa.
My plan was to give him space for a few days and move in with my parents as I am the one initiating the break up. Unfortunately we moved to this area for my work so my commute would be 2 hours each way from my parents house. I'd be willing to do this but I'm scared he would trash the house and all of my belongings.
The alternative is to stay living together. We already sleep in separate rooms so that isn't an issue but I do feel like we need a bit of space from each other.
Has anyone had any experience with breaking up whilst still living together? If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated.
Thanks
Ok how old are you both roughly(or how many years after uni?, how long have you been together?
Only you know his personality and character. If you are sleeping in separate rooms then he must know its run its course as well? I eally think you need to talk to him and agree an exit plan.
1. Who stays. It looks like you want to stay in the flat? You will need to speak to the LL about taking over his part of the tenancy. I dont think you have the right to kick him out, but id have to read the tenancy. I'd think that right is with the LL unless by being lead tenant you mean you are sub letting the tenancy to him? i.e you are his LL. Its rare to allow sub letting, so am sceptical on that point.
Its simply a lot easier if he agrees to leave and the LL is happy you become sole tenant.
2. how long to give him? Hard one it all depends how poor your relationship is. two days to scarper doesnt seem a lot and it will make him feel like hes being evicted. If youve been together a long time that would hurt, but a few weeks not so bad. You need to give him a reaosnable time to find somewhere, but its soenthing you could talk about. If its stressful and relations are rock bottom then i cna see youd wnat him gone sooner rather thna later but you dont say.
with the way of the tenancy theres a possibiliyu you cant , so get someone at shelter or can to have a look at it. Agreement is better. id think 2-4 weeks if you have the power to evict him (i dont think you do). he can go voluntarily. It requires his co operation and to find soemwhere, its not quck.
Your LL is most likely only bothered about getting the rent. There are many couples in london who cannot afford to split.
3. Depends whether you cna talk to him or not, but the only way for a fair division is to identify what you both owned before and then agree how to split the rest. Buy his part of the sofa off him or he might just let you have it. I dont think this idea of leaving for 2 days so he cna move is a good one becayse you cnat keep an eye on things, but it all depends what his charcters like and what you agree to,
You should also consider all financial commitments you have together as well as credit cards and bank accounts. is there any way he could borrow in your name or cause you further debt because you need to shut down those accounts and cancel the cards.
4. one thing you might do is take photos of all the property in the house and generla state of it so if he trashes things you have a record.
How he co operates is key. If he leaves he leaves and it cna be smooth. If he wont then you have to evict him by whatever means in the contract and with the agreement or knowledge of the LL.
Your going to have to talk to each other and play it by ear.
thers a checklist here
read it when your on the commute or lunch. Its for marrieds and unmarried couples, it might touch on some areas you havent thought about.
http://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-living-together-and-breaking
read it when your on the commute or lunch. Its for marrieds and unmarried couples, it might touch on some areas you havent thought about.
http://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-living-together-and-breaking
Original post by 999tigger
Ok how old are you both roughly(or how many years after uni?, how long have you been together?
Only you know his personality and character. If you are sleeping in separate rooms then he must know its run its course as well? I eally think you need to talk to him and agree an exit plan.
1. Who stays. It looks like you want to stay in the flat? You will need to speak to the LL about taking over his part of the tenancy. I dont think you have the right to kick him out, but id have to read the tenancy. I'd think that right is with the LL unless by being lead tenant you mean you are sub letting the tenancy to him? i.e you are his LL. Its rare to allow sub letting, so am sceptical on that point.
Its simply a lot easier if he agrees to leave and the LL is happy you become sole tenant.
2. how long to give him? Hard one it all depends how poor your relationship is. two days to scarper doesnt seem a lot and it will make him feel like hes being evicted. If youve been together a long time that would hurt, but a few weeks not so bad. You need to give him a reaosnable time to find somewhere, but its soenthing you could talk about. If its stressful and relations are rock bottom then i cna see youd wnat him gone sooner rather thna later but you dont say.
with the way of the tenancy theres a possibiliyu you cant , so get someone at shelter or can to have a look at it. Agreement is better. id think 2-4 weeks if you have the power to evict him (i dont think you do). he can go voluntarily. It requires his co operation and to find soemwhere, its not quck.
Your LL is most likely only bothered about getting the rent. There are many couples in london who cannot afford to split.
3. Depends whether you cna talk to him or not, but the only way for a fair division is to identify what you both owned before and then agree how to split the rest. Buy his part of the sofa off him or he might just let you have it. I dont think this idea of leaving for 2 days so he cna move is a good one becayse you cnat keep an eye on things, but it all depends what his charcters like and what you agree to,
You should also consider all financial commitments you have together as well as credit cards and bank accounts. is there any way he could borrow in your name or cause you further debt because you need to shut down those accounts and cancel the cards.
4. one thing you might do is take photos of all the property in the house and generla state of it so if he trashes things you have a record.
How he co operates is key. If he leaves he leaves and it cna be smooth. If he wont then you have to evict him by whatever means in the contract and with the agreement or knowledge of the LL.
Your going to have to talk to each other and play it by ear.
Only you know his personality and character. If you are sleeping in separate rooms then he must know its run its course as well? I eally think you need to talk to him and agree an exit plan.
1. Who stays. It looks like you want to stay in the flat? You will need to speak to the LL about taking over his part of the tenancy. I dont think you have the right to kick him out, but id have to read the tenancy. I'd think that right is with the LL unless by being lead tenant you mean you are sub letting the tenancy to him? i.e you are his LL. Its rare to allow sub letting, so am sceptical on that point.
Its simply a lot easier if he agrees to leave and the LL is happy you become sole tenant.
2. how long to give him? Hard one it all depends how poor your relationship is. two days to scarper doesnt seem a lot and it will make him feel like hes being evicted. If youve been together a long time that would hurt, but a few weeks not so bad. You need to give him a reaosnable time to find somewhere, but its soenthing you could talk about. If its stressful and relations are rock bottom then i cna see youd wnat him gone sooner rather thna later but you dont say.
with the way of the tenancy theres a possibiliyu you cant , so get someone at shelter or can to have a look at it. Agreement is better. id think 2-4 weeks if you have the power to evict him (i dont think you do). he can go voluntarily. It requires his co operation and to find soemwhere, its not quck.
Your LL is most likely only bothered about getting the rent. There are many couples in london who cannot afford to split.
3. Depends whether you cna talk to him or not, but the only way for a fair division is to identify what you both owned before and then agree how to split the rest. Buy his part of the sofa off him or he might just let you have it. I dont think this idea of leaving for 2 days so he cna move is a good one becayse you cnat keep an eye on things, but it all depends what his charcters like and what you agree to,
You should also consider all financial commitments you have together as well as credit cards and bank accounts. is there any way he could borrow in your name or cause you further debt because you need to shut down those accounts and cancel the cards.
4. one thing you might do is take photos of all the property in the house and generla state of it so if he trashes things you have a record.
How he co operates is key. If he leaves he leaves and it cna be smooth. If he wont then you have to evict him by whatever means in the contract and with the agreement or knowledge of the LL.
Your going to have to talk to each other and play it by ear.
Thank you so much for your response. I am 23, he is 29 and we've been together 2 years and lived together for 8 months.
I don't really want to stay in the house. I plan on getting a small flat, closer to work. We picked our house as it is central to both our workplaces. He wont be able to afford to live here on his own. With our tennacy on a rolling month contract he will only have a month to decide whether to stay or not.
That's good advice about the furniture thank you.
When I say I am thinking about staying with my parents for a few days, I mean that to give him time for him to come to terms with it and decide what to do? Then I was going to go back and sort things out financially. Or do you think thats a bad idea?
If he isn't cooperative, can I just give notice to the landlord that I am leaving and the utility companies and to put his name down? After a month notice or something?
Thanks again for your help.
I ask ages because it makes a difference and I never know whether im dealing with GCSE students or older. I cnat see the tenancy so I dont know the terms, but leys go with 1 months notice, then you are forcing his hand. probably discuss agree to break or tell him you wnat to break- unknown reaction= assuming he accpets you break then say you will give in notice which gives him till then end of the month to find somewhere. Also gives you time to find somewhere.
I dont know if hed trash the place but is he that brainless becayse really he would be trashing he LLs place and he will be sued for it. the 2 days inst a bad idea bit depends how he reacts, he might be fine with the split. he's 29 so hes not a child.
How about agree to split and say you are going to hand your notice in to the LL- which gives him 1 month becayse he cant afford to stay- say you are leaving then anyway. If you want him gone sooner offer him a deal of paying his rent if he moves after x days, but he still has to find somewhere. At 29 wouldnt he be earning more tthan you?
You cna ofc stay in your room, use it only to sleep, have friends round, work late or stay at your parents to avoid his company. The advantage of a months notice is that he gets the impression you arent evicting him, but your leaving together. If you found a flat you could always move in early or commute for a few weeks. or just rent a short let room?
https://www.spareroom.co.uk/
You will also need to get your deposit back. That depends on the flat being intact.
- the 2 days to think about it- thats fine if he wants it or you want to get away, but talk first to get the main issues agreed upon. He's probably thought about it anyway because you arent sleeping together.
-can you just give notice anyway? Depends in the tenancy agreement. possibly, but it gets messy LL cna accept it but he will either wnat bg to accpet it or agree that hes gone as well. You could potentiall be liable if he doesnt pay. Depends how Tenancy is written. CAB or shelter will help you. Its better in person although they have helplines.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-we-provide-advice/advice/
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/advice_services_directory
See how it goes and post back here and you cna plan the next move to get you where you want. Awkward, but has to be done for both of you if its truly over.
I dont know if hed trash the place but is he that brainless becayse really he would be trashing he LLs place and he will be sued for it. the 2 days inst a bad idea bit depends how he reacts, he might be fine with the split. he's 29 so hes not a child.
How about agree to split and say you are going to hand your notice in to the LL- which gives him 1 month becayse he cant afford to stay- say you are leaving then anyway. If you want him gone sooner offer him a deal of paying his rent if he moves after x days, but he still has to find somewhere. At 29 wouldnt he be earning more tthan you?
You cna ofc stay in your room, use it only to sleep, have friends round, work late or stay at your parents to avoid his company. The advantage of a months notice is that he gets the impression you arent evicting him, but your leaving together. If you found a flat you could always move in early or commute for a few weeks. or just rent a short let room?
https://www.spareroom.co.uk/
You will also need to get your deposit back. That depends on the flat being intact.
- the 2 days to think about it- thats fine if he wants it or you want to get away, but talk first to get the main issues agreed upon. He's probably thought about it anyway because you arent sleeping together.
-can you just give notice anyway? Depends in the tenancy agreement. possibly, but it gets messy LL cna accept it but he will either wnat bg to accpet it or agree that hes gone as well. You could potentiall be liable if he doesnt pay. Depends how Tenancy is written. CAB or shelter will help you. Its better in person although they have helplines.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-we-provide-advice/advice/
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/advice_services_directory
See how it goes and post back here and you cna plan the next move to get you where you want. Awkward, but has to be done for both of you if its truly over.
Original post by 999tigger
I ask ages because it makes a difference and I never know whether im dealing with GCSE students or older. I cnat see the tenancy so I dont know the terms, but leys go with 1 months notice, then you are forcing his hand. probably discuss agree to break or tell him you wnat to break- unknown reaction= assuming he accpets you break then say you will give in notice which gives him till then end of the month to find somewhere. Also gives you time to find somewhere.
I dont know if hed trash the place but is he that brainless becayse really he would be trashing he LLs place and he will be sued for it. the 2 days inst a bad idea bit depends how he reacts, he might be fine with the split. he's 29 so hes not a child.
How about agree to split and say you are going to hand your notice in to the LL- which gives him 1 month becayse he cant afford to stay- say you are leaving then anyway. If you want him gone sooner offer him a deal of paying his rent if he moves after x days, but he still has to find somewhere. At 29 wouldnt he be earning more tthan you?
You cna ofc stay in your room, use it only to sleep, have friends round, work late or stay at your parents to avoid his company. The advantage of a months notice is that he gets the impression you arent evicting him, but your leaving together. If you found a flat you could always move in early or commute for a few weeks. or just rent a short let room?
https://www.spareroom.co.uk/
You will also need to get your deposit back. That depends on the flat being intact.
- the 2 days to think about it- thats fine if he wants it or you want to get away, but talk first to get the main issues agreed upon. He's probably thought about it anyway because you arent sleeping together.
-can you just give notice anyway? Depends in the tenancy agreement. possibly, but it gets messy LL cna accept it but he will either wnat bg to accpet it or agree that hes gone as well. You could potentiall be liable if he doesnt pay. Depends how Tenancy is written. CAB or shelter will help you. Its better in person although they have helplines.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-we-provide-advice/advice/
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/advice_services_directory
See how it goes and post back here and you cna plan the next move to get you where you want. Awkward, but has to be done for both of you if its truly over.
I dont know if hed trash the place but is he that brainless becayse really he would be trashing he LLs place and he will be sued for it. the 2 days inst a bad idea bit depends how he reacts, he might be fine with the split. he's 29 so hes not a child.
How about agree to split and say you are going to hand your notice in to the LL- which gives him 1 month becayse he cant afford to stay- say you are leaving then anyway. If you want him gone sooner offer him a deal of paying his rent if he moves after x days, but he still has to find somewhere. At 29 wouldnt he be earning more tthan you?
You cna ofc stay in your room, use it only to sleep, have friends round, work late or stay at your parents to avoid his company. The advantage of a months notice is that he gets the impression you arent evicting him, but your leaving together. If you found a flat you could always move in early or commute for a few weeks. or just rent a short let room?
https://www.spareroom.co.uk/
You will also need to get your deposit back. That depends on the flat being intact.
- the 2 days to think about it- thats fine if he wants it or you want to get away, but talk first to get the main issues agreed upon. He's probably thought about it anyway because you arent sleeping together.
-can you just give notice anyway? Depends in the tenancy agreement. possibly, but it gets messy LL cna accept it but he will either wnat bg to accpet it or agree that hes gone as well. You could potentiall be liable if he doesnt pay. Depends how Tenancy is written. CAB or shelter will help you. Its better in person although they have helplines.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/how-we-provide-advice/advice/
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/advice_services_directory
See how it goes and post back here and you cna plan the next move to get you where you want. Awkward, but has to be done for both of you if its truly over.
That's a good point, he'll need the house in a good condition to get the deposit back. Unfortunately it is his birthday next week so I'm planning to do it next Monday. Which is good that it wont ruin his day but bad as it might give mixed messages.
We both earn about £30k, though his is bonus based so his earnings vary a lot (1300-2100pcm) and will most likely hinder him from getting his own place as theyll look at his basic salary.
I feel like I need to make this as easy as poasible for him however he has put me in this situation and i think he knows it's coming. I think you're right, I'll discuss it with him next Mon, leave for a few days and then come back but be separate and get the house in order for the landlord.
I'll let you know how it goes. I appreciate you taking the time to respond to me, I dont really have anyone to talk to about it so have felt lost the past few weeks. Thank you
Just drop me a line and you cna run past the progress with me. I have quite a lot of common sense and deal with problems all the time. Its quite difficult to do it over a message board becayse theres no immediate response plus in an interview you cna ask lots of questions and guafe what the other person is like. My principle concern is the unpreducatbility of his reaction, but you know him.. If you arent sleeping together and hes not commented on it then in gis own head he must know its over.
If you think he could trash, then maybe start removing valuables and sentimental stuff that you cnat replace plis back up your hard drive, Then remove them from harms way. Once its out in the open then its a matter of time before you can enjoy having your own space. least you dont have a mortgage.....
http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/sex/relationships/a-load-of-us-are-staying-in-relationships-because-we-re-too-broke-to-split-up-20140410434
https://www.nutmeg.com/nutmegonomics/couples-staying-together-because-they-cant-afford-to-break-up/
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2012/nov/20/trapped-couples-partners-relationships
thats me done anyway nn dont worry
If you think he could trash, then maybe start removing valuables and sentimental stuff that you cnat replace plis back up your hard drive, Then remove them from harms way. Once its out in the open then its a matter of time before you can enjoy having your own space. least you dont have a mortgage.....
http://www.thedebrief.co.uk/sex/relationships/a-load-of-us-are-staying-in-relationships-because-we-re-too-broke-to-split-up-20140410434
https://www.nutmeg.com/nutmegonomics/couples-staying-together-because-they-cant-afford-to-break-up/
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2012/nov/20/trapped-couples-partners-relationships
thats me done anyway nn dont worry
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