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The ordinary girl with the extraordinary dreams. Watch

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    So here it is, my blog which I am very happy to open. I'm surprised I've never opened one but I'm glad I have now.

    I'll start by saying I'm 18 years old and I'm currently doing A Levels in English Literature, English Language and an OCR Cambridge Technical in Media. I'm currently at sixth form and I am also retaking my GCSE Maths. Maths teachers at my school are awful and it’s the worst department in the school so I am self-teaching it.

    I grew up in a big family, my four sisters and my mum and dad. I'm Asian so I've always been really close to my parents and whole family, even extended. I guess everything on the surface seems normal, but it isn’t. The day I was born, my mother suffered with an asthma attack. It was heavy rain downpour and something was amiss with my birth. I appeared to have had several multiple fractures that no one knew or understood how it happened. My mum’s scans were clear so nothing was wrong expect when the doctor turned round and said something was wrong with my bones. Skip five months later and I was diagnosed with Brittle Bone Syndrome or professionally known as Osteogenesis Imperfecta. It means I’m prone to breaking my bones more easily and cannot walk at all. It never used to bother me until I grew up. I’ve had about ten operations in total, several were life threatening and I’m so lucky to have made it this far. My education has taken a downfall.

    My parents had to enrol me into the local special school which should never have happened as no one with my condition goes to a special school as mentally, I’m fine and so are others. I excelled at that school and got the opportunity to go to a mainstream school at the age of 12 for two days a week, I jumped at the chance. Even though I got a poor education at the special school, it’s like I already knew things because I was more advanced than my peers at the mainstream school. When I was 13, I moved to a secondary school and started my GCSEs there whilst alternating between the special school. Those years were tough because even though the education system failed me, I didn’t want to fail myself.

    I attended the mainstream school with my best friend who in year 11, passed away. She died just after my exams but I was already told she would die just before them. That’s one of the reasons why I failed badly and ended up with F/D/C grades. I tried so hard to be normal but it never worked. I set myself a challenge to obtain high grades for my best friend and go to university to study an English degree. I suffered with depression immensely when she died. I blamed myself and contemplated my life because she deserved to live more than me. I did an Access course at sixth form and changed my D in GCSE English to a B which I’m now retaking again to get an A*.

    I made the decision to move to the secondary school full time last year and it’s never been better. I have more independence, yes I do struggle with making friends but I do have friends and now I’m on my way to my dream. I’ve been through so much and want to inspire others because if I can do it, so can you. I may be in a wheelchair but there is nothing that can stop me. I hope you all read and follow my blog to gain inspiration and to know that you can do anything you can set your mind on.I’m aspiring to study at UCL and Kings College and I have more than 10 GCSEs now, A*-E (will become C once I pass Maths this year!) And apologises for this being too long!

    Someimes I do feel frustated because I never got the chance to have a proper education against those who refuse it or abuse it but I'm the bigger person for carrying on and making do.

    Blog Posts

    Losing My Best Friend Part 1

    Losing My Best Friend Part 2

    Losing My Best Friend Part 3 + Finale.

    Why Giving Up Is Never An Option

    Music and Me: Our journey into life together
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
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    Good on you OP! Keep aiming high and don't ever stop dreaming!
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    (Original post by hideNfreak)
    Good on you OP! Keep aiming high and don't ever stop dreaming!
    Thank you for very much. It's taken me a while to make this public but I want to inspire others who are feeling in a similar way.
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    Awww hi again OP
    It's lovely to see you put your thoughts into this blog. It's very brave of you to make a thread like this!
    Stay strong and you will succeed in everything you do! Aim above the sky! :moon:
    I'm always here to support you (as you already should know) :hugs:
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    (Original post by aamirac)
    Awww hi again OP
    It's lovely to see you put your thoughts into this blog. It's very brave of you to make a thread like this!
    Stay strong and you will succeed in everything you do! Aim above the sky! :moon:
    I'm always here to support you (as you already should know) :hugs:
    Hey again , nice to see you here. And thank you, it's not been easy but I think it'll help those who are struggling to never give up. And I appreciate it, you're a really lovely person.
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    Good on you for never giving up
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Good on you for never giving up
    Giving up was never an option, working hard was. And thank you.
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    OP, keep on going. You're amazing :heart:
    Subscribing :yep:
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    Wow, what a journey you've had. This shows how strong you are!

    I'm not sure if you're doing English Language GCSE or English Language and Literature GCSE combined but here are some tips:

    English Language:
    • Practise your writing skills by writing different types of texts
    • Read books to build your vocabulary
    • Read the newspaper daily and analyse them
    • Watch Mr Bruff's videos on YouTube
    English Literature:
    • Make sure you are confident with the books you are studying
    • Summarise the books you know in bullet points and check if you have covered each important section
    • Analyse every single thing in every poem, each little bit has a meaning
    • Try to compare different poems
    And of course, past papers.
    Spoiler:
    Show
    Not sure which exam board you're doing but these are specifically for AQA, however these tips can be used for many exam boards.

    Check out these awesome revision tips by a fellow TSR user.

    Here's some tips for your Maths GCSE: All I can say is past paper questions. Only start doing the past paper questions once you are sure you have covered every topic.
    • Work through the ExamSolutions videos if you ever feel you feel like you are stuck on any section
    • Feel free to post in the TSR GCSE Maths Forum if you are unsure about something (make sure provide the question and what you have already done)
    • Do every single past paper
    • Mark your papers and see where you have gone wrong
    • Look to do IGCSE papers once you have done all of the GCSE ones
    You can always use the TSR Study Resources for any subject, pretty helpful revision material on there. Also there is a very useful Study Planner on TSR which you may use, if you find that timetables are something you don't stick to then make a list of things to do per day/week and tick it off as you go along.

    I know self-studying may be challenging at times, if you need any help TSR is a great platform to ask on. I can help best with your GCSE Mathematics if you like, so you can PM me whenever.

    Hope this helps, good luck for your exams! Subscribed!
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    Thanks guys I feel so loved! I can't seem to quote because it says thread closed? Kinda confused right now.
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    Oh hi again OP.

    Interesting post, rough times man
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    So here it is, my blog which I am very happy to open. I'm surprised I've never opened one but I'm glad I have now.

    I'll start by saying I'm 18 years old and I'm currently doing A Levels in English Literature, English Language and an OCR Cambridge Technical in Media. I'm currently at sixth form and I am also retaking my GCSE Maths. Maths teachers at my school are awful and it’s the worst department in the school so I am self-teaching it.

    I grew up in a big family, my four sisters and my mum and dad. I'm Asian so I've always been really close to my parents and whole family, even extended. I guess everything on the surface seems normal, but it isn’t.The day I was born, my mother suffered with an asthma attack. It was heavy rain downpour and something was amiss with my birth. I appeared to have had several multiple fractures that no one knew or understood how it happened. My mum’s scans were clear so nothing was wrong expect when the doctor turned round and said something was wrong with my bones. Skip five months later and I was diagnosed with Brittle Bone Syndrome or professionally known as Osteogenesis Imperfecta. It means I’m prone to breaking my bones more easily and cannot walk at all. It never used to bother me until I grew up. I’ve had about ten operations in total, several were life threatening and I’m so lucky to have made it this far. My education has taken a downfall.

    My parents had to enrol me into the local special school which should never have happened as no one with my condition goes to a special school as mentally, I’m fine and so are others. I excelled at that school and got the opportunity to go to a mainstream school at the age of 12 for two days a week, I jumped at the chance. Even though I got a poor education at the special school, it’s like I already knew things because I was more advanced than my peers at the mainstream school. When I was 13, I moved to a secondary school and started my GCSEs there whilst alternating between the special school. Those years were tough because even though the education system failed me, I didn’t want to fail myself.

    I attended the mainstream school with my best friend who in year 11, passed away. She died just after my exams but I was already told she would die just before them. That’s one of the reasons why I failed badly and ended up with F/D/C grades. I tried so hard to be normal but it never worked. I set myself a challenge to obtain high grades for my best friend and go to university to study an English degree. I suffered with depression immensely when she died. I blamed myself and contemplated my life because she deserved to live more than me. I did an Access course at sixth form and changed my D in GCSE English to a B which I’m now retaking again to get an A*.

    I made the decision to move to the secondary school full time last year and it’s never been better. I have more independence, yes I do struggle with making friends but I do have friends and now I’m on my way to my dream. I’ve been through so much and want to inspire others because if I can do it, so can you. I may be in a wheelchair but there is nothing that can stop me. I hope you all read and follow my blog to gain inspiration and to know that you can do anything you can set your mind on.I’m aspiring to study at UCL and Kings College and I have more than 10 GCSEs now, A*-E (will become C once I pass Maths this year!) And apologises for this being too long!

    Someimes I do feel frustated because I never got the chance to have a proper education against those who refuse it or abuse it but I'm the bigger person for carrying on and making do.
    PROSM, I look forward to reading your next blog entry o/
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    (Original post by somemightsay888)
    Oh hi again OP.

    Interesting post, rough times man
    Only makes a person stronger and wiser, ready to take on the world.

    (Original post by Eriasu)
    PROSM, I look forward to reading your next blog entry o/
    Thank you very much for your kind words.
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    Losing My Best Friend

    For all you guys who read my first blog post where I briefly covered the problems in my life, I’ve decided to start with one that rocked my world and something that some people go through. My decision to post this blog post on here is an extremely personal one due to the realisation that it can affect people but I want to share how I coped with it and hopefully help those who may be experiencing a similar situation. I’m in no way a professional but I do know how it feels. I lost my best friend when I was sixteen. It was not only a hard time, but a journey of self-discovery where I changed my outlook on life and became a determined and strong person. Grief hits us in many ways, there is no right or wrong way to experience it and everyone goes through it differently. I met her when I was seven.

    She was nine, about to turn ten and we met at the special school. It was an interesting time as we never used to get along – we have conflicting personalities and we were never similar at all. When she arrived at the school, she was quite popular (for a ten-year-old,how is that possible?!) and needless to say, I got really jealous. I had formed great friendships with people but here came this beautiful, people girl who on paper was smart than me because she had transferred from a mainstream to a special school. At first, I felt hatred towards her. She was everything I wanted to be and more, people worshiped her so I became side-lined. We spoke briefly but never more than a few words. Years past and I turned ten. There was an able and gifted group in school and she joined that group. She was the oldest and she charmed people.

    We started to get talking but I always felt so angry towards her and I always assumed she hated me. We got on sometimes but it was never a true friendship. So skip forward two years and I had matured into a twelve-year-old girl who got on with her sometimes. I decided to join her part time mainstream inclusion school for two years but we weren’t in the same year.The special school decided to put me behind two years and they did the same to her. Except I felt like an outcast compared to the ten year olds and requested to be moved to my actual year. I thrived and became top in almost everything.We were now in the same year and while I stormed everything, it was like I stole her thunder. Sometimes there were rumours from her friends that she hated me and it crushed me.A year later and we moved to the local secondary school and began her GCSEs. We got constant stares due to our disabilities but I didn’t give a toss – instead I was the same. She got constantly asked why she was in the wrong year – and they assumed the same for me except I was the same age. This is when we started to get along and became inseparable.
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    Part 2 of Losing My Best Friend

    I decided to separate the parts because it would be too long in one blog post so I have split it into two as there is a lot to cover here. The excitement of having a cool and popular person beside me was one of the best things to happen to me. We attended lessons together and I really understood her as a person. I felt bad for hating her and hoped that she would forgive me but she thought it was absurd and forgot all about it. Schoolwork became interesting to me and while I stormed ahead of her, her illness began to take its toll on her. Sometimes she was off for a whole month and other times, it was just a simple cough and cold that made her bed bound. When we began Year 11, I began to see a different side to her. She would probe me about how I was feeling but when I did the same to her, she would brush it aside and forget about it – as if she didn’t want me to worry. I became fearful as she stopped coming to school and worried in case she got worse. I knew her condition meant she had a life expectancy of just over twenty at least but I never wanted to lose her. Over Christmas 2013, she became poorly with a very bad cold. It became the start of the horrifying journey she endured. She kept telling me that she would be fine but I knew inside something was wrong.

    In January, we got kicked out of our GCSE Drama class as we kept missing lessons but it was my favourite subject and it was never our fault. The school made the decision to revoke our qualification so from October 2013 – April 2014, there was no point even attending lessons as we weren’t getting any qualification from it so it left us with four potential GCSEs. Whilst I was angry over that, I couldn’t help but wonder what was going on with her. When Easter arrived on 4th April 2014,we exchanged our goodbyes, for the final time. We parted on such good terms and I never expected to never see her again. In Easter, she became more poorly. She went to a hospice and was supposed to return. I just thought she wasn’t feeling well, like an ordinary person would. Little did I know, it would tear her apart and take away her life. On 2nd May 2014, I had just come into school when my teachers pulled me aside for a chat.

    They sat me down and told me to prepare for the worst – she was dying and there was nothing she could do. I knew it was coming but I never expected it, I felt so selfish but I knew she had to go, she was in pain and I had to let her go. Whenever she would message me, I ignored it because I couldn’t speak to her, it broke my heart. But I know that I should have. They told me not to tell anyone so I tried my best not to mention it. Whenever people asked me if I was ok, I would stay silent and shut the world out – I wasn’t okay. The last few months before the summer holidays were a mess, I couldn’t concentrate in my exams and knew I’d fail them – I had given up. But when we broke up for summer, that was a different story. I wrote her a letter explaining what had happened. But what happened next, would tear my heart apart immensely.
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    Part 3 of Losing My Best Friend: Letting Go

    It was 22:45 pm on 31st July 2014. It was a normal day and I logged onto Facebook. On my News Feed, ‘R.I.P Angel xxx’ posts appeared. I was confused and shocked, who could have died? I thought it was someone I had no connection with. I scrolled down and it linked it to her page.Why on earth would someone write a sick joke when she wasn’t dead? I felt horrified but when I looked deeper, it became true. My close friends began to post and I felt shocked. Emotionless, I screamed. I dashed to my mother and yelled in horror. I could not believe it. I would have been told the news, not having to find out on Facebook where it’s so public. I wrote a post and people liked it instantly and paid condolences. ‘How did it happen?’ people asked. I had no idea how or why. It was night time and I felt scared. All I could do was imagine her picture on my bedroom wall. I cried myself to sleep and listened to sad songs. All I wanted was her. I instantly blamed myself because I stole her thunder and I was jealous of her. I had realised who my true friends were – some people used her death as a way of seeking attention or pretending they cared about her.The next day, I went for a walk. People messaged me and paid their respects. I couldn’t face it all and felt so alone. Her mother messaged me about writing a tribute for her and at first I couldn’t do it – but I agreed.

    The funeral was scheduled for 15th August 2014. The day is a blur because my emotions were so high and all over the place. I couldn’t face her family because I was raw inside but I knew the pain they were facing was more heart-breaking. I played ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay on repeat as her favourite colour was yellow and sobbed. And as I sat in the church, all I could do was let my emotions go. They played a song of her singing, ‘You’re Going to Miss Me When I’m Gone,’ and I couldn’t help but feel like she knew she was going. When the burial happened, I placed the mud in her grave and spoke to her family. They told me how she always spoke about me, highly and regarded me as a special person. They thanked me for helping her and getting her through school and life. I couldn’t help but feel sad because her close friend died a year before and I remember comforting her. A week later it was GCSE results day. Whilst I passed all my Media qualifications, I failed everything else and considering what happened to me the past few months, I expected it. I knew that giving up was never an option and I thrived to sort my life out. She always told me how proud she was of me and how I should achieve my goals so I decided to never let her down.

    One day I found an old drama assignment. We had to create a monologue and I chose to do one where a girl’s best friend dies over the summer and how she is oblivious. She hadn’t seen her since the last day of school and found out on Facebook – could I have foreshadowed it? A year later, I have over ten GCSEs, I’m doing my A Levels and I never once gave up. I’m nearly approaching my University goal and life has never been better. I miss her like crazy and she’s my inspiration but for her, I keep on fighting. Life isn’t easy and we all face obstacles and hurdles but the more we overcome them, the easier it becomes. I hope this inspires you all to become motivated and realise the special people around you. As I appreciated my best friend more, I suddenly lost her. Never lose the opportunity to tell someone you love them because one day it might be too late.
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    Eriasu FrenchUnicorn aamirac
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    Omg .. It's heartbreaking, I almost cried. I'm so sorry for what happened to you , you've been through SO MUCH and you never gave up ! It's really admirable.. Your friend would be so proud of you .. !
    Never give up, you're damn right ! Live , just live as bad as you can, do it for her !

    Really good post to read, you're really inspirationnal !
    Keep on going my dear :heart:
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    (Original post by FrenchUnicorn)
    Omg .. It's heartbreaking, I almost cried. I'm so sorry for what happened to you , you've been through SO MUCH and you never gave up ! It's really admirable.. Your friend would be so proud of you .. !
    Never give up, you're damn right ! Live , just live as bad as you can, do it for her !

    Really good post to read, you're really inspirationnal !
    Keep on going my dear :heart:
    Thank you so much I don't know what I'd do without her. Every time I see people hanging out with friends, it reminds me what I used to have. I appreciate your comments, much love
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    (Original post by Rhythmical)
    Thank you so much I don't know what I'd do without her. Every time I see people hanging out with friends, it reminds me what I used to have. I appreciate your comments, much love
    It must be so hard to live everyday with such a lost.. You're a very brave person, keep your blog up !! :heart:
 
 
 
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