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Will he ever get over it?

A couple of months back I met my ex and ended up getting a drink with him. I never told my bf coz I knew he would go mental but he ended up finding out and dumped me. We got back together and he said he was just hurt and that as long as I don't do anything like that again we'll be fine but it seems that anytime he is drinking or is in a bad mood he likes to bring it up and make me feel bad for it all over again. We've had countless fights over it and most of them result in him saying we're finished and then saying he didn't mean it when he is calm again.

Will he ever get over this or will he always have this on his mind and bring it up?

Reply 1

john!!

1

that was stupid of you.

anyway how would we know. he's your boyfriend, you should kind of be able to judge his personality better than those of us who have never met him. but in a nutshell you have probably lost his trust and the fights clearly arent doing any favours.

on the other side of the coin he seems like a fool if he keeps braking up with you and then saying he doesnt mean it. so basically the relationship doesnt seem to be working. if the two of you cant handle something like this you're not going to be able to handle more important things together.

Reply 2

princesshannah1986

Well put it this way, I had a 2 second kiss with some guy when I was with my now ex boyfriend. I was kissed by this guy who I was close to and then burst into tears, I told my boyfriend what happened and he has never stopped bringing it up since and that is why we broke up. This was a kiss that meant nothing. Your situation was not a kiss it was a drink that you were having with your ex, you didnt cheat did you?! I think it is unfair of him to keep bringing it up

Reply 3

spacecowgirl89

1

I had a similar thing happen with me. Well, not exactly the same. I think he's just doing it to make you feel guilty and to kind of have the upper hand if you get me. It's really childish, and you need to make it clear to him that although it was wrong of you to do that behind his back, it was no reason for dumping you, [which he's obviously realised by getting back together with you] and that if he can't accept it and let it go then you may as well not be together. He can't keep dumping you when he feels like it, then saying oh yeah I was being an idiot again let's get back together. That's not fair on you. Sit him down and talk to him about it, you can't be expected to put up with him reminding you of that forever. If he loves you and wants to be with you he'll agree to put it behind you both, even if it bothers him.

Reply 4

john!!

1

reminder that the onus is not on him to "get over it" but really, as the cause of the problem, on you not to have done it in the first place. abover poster seems to undermine the importance of trust in a relationship. the key point isn't "you didnt cheat on him", it was that you met up with an ex (in a scene where people meet for this kind of thing) and DIDNT TELL HIM! who knows.. boyfriend A might not care at all, but boyfriend B could be the most jealous person in the world! It would be ok with A but clearly not with B.

so... if he keeps bringing it up, and being a bitch about it... guess which one you're with!!!

Reply 5

john!!

1

"it was no reason for dumping you, [which he's obviously realised by getting back together with you]"

this is probably wrong. he probably dumped you for effect in the heat of an argument, to show you that its important to him (and also to be a prick). but then makes up because he forgets about it or wants something (guess what).

also, Im no relationship councellor but this sounds like some poor advice:

"If he loves you and wants to be with you he'll agree to put it behind you both, even if it bothers him."

which is pretty much not how any human being actually works.

Reply 6

spacecowgirl89

1

john!!

reminder that the onus is not on him to "get over it" but really, as the cause of the problem, on you not to have done it in the first place. abover poster seems to undermine the importance of trust in a relationship. the key point isn't "you didnt cheat on him", it was that you met up with an ex (in a scene where people meet for this kind of thing) and DIDNT TELL HIM! who knows.. boyfriend A might not care at all, but boyfriend B could be the most jealous person in the world! It would be ok with A but clearly not with B.

so... if he keeps bringing it up, and being a bitch about it... guess which one you're with!!!

I'm not saying that what she did was right, and I'm not undermining trust in a relationship, as obviously it's of paramount importance. However, if her boyfriend KEEPS bringing it up repeatedly then it is unfair on her and she can't be expected to put up with that. So she made a mistake, she knows that, she's not going to do it again. People learn. I don't see how their relationship can possibly get back on track if he keeps on bringing this up.

john!!

"If he loves you and wants to be with you he'll agree to put it behind you both, even if it bothers him."

which is pretty much not how any human being actually works.

If my boyfriend had done something which really bothered me, but he reassured me since then that it would never happen again and he hadn't done anything since to make me doubt him, then I'd put it behind us even though it might bother me occasionally, as the relationship wouldn't work otherwise, and I'd want my relationship to work despite any petty problems that might occur throughout it.

Reply 7

john!!

1

you're sure people learn, but it isn't a garuntee and OP doesn't seem too apologetic about it, so don't be too sure about someone you've never met before.

Reply 8

need_money

OP

9

john!!

you're sure people learn, but it isn't a garuntee and OP doesn't seem too apologetic about it, so don't be too sure about someone you've never met before.

I can't be any more apologetic than I have been. I've done everything to make it up to him. Do everything I can for him, there for him a million times more than he is for me and yet still get it threw back in my face at the end of the day.

So don't say I haven't been apologetic about it.

Reply 9

spacecowgirl89

1

john!!

you're sure people learn, but it isn't a garuntee and OP doesn't seem too apologetic about it, so don't be too sure about someone you've never met before.

Right ok, I'll re-phrase. OP, if you don't really care too much about your b/f and can't be bothered in waiting around for him to let this go, then give up now and finish with him. If you are apologetic and do want to be with him then talk things through and reassure him. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't let it go, if you've talked to him about it then chances are he probably never will.

Reply 10

crema

9

Isn't your boyfriend being a bit petty over a minor thing like going for drinks with your ex? You can stay friends with your ex's ffs.

Talk to him about it, explain that such a little thing should not stand in between you and if he really wants this relationship to work he should learn to leave it behind. It was a drink, you are with him and not your ex now and you are allowed to have your personal life. And let him know if he breaks up with you once more you ain't coming back no matter how much grovelling he is going to do.

Reply 11

Tyler Durden

17

I would stop pandering to his stupid guilt trips, tell him you can see whoever the **** you like and tell him that if he doesn't grow up that you will leave him. This will probably work and it'll make him respect you more.

Reply 12

emerley

14

ive been in that situation. my boyfriend met up with his ex ages ago, just to sort everything out before he left for uni - he wanted to say good bye to everyone

he didnt tell me, cos he thought id get angry.. i was upset when i found out but at the end of the day, it was only a coffee with someone who used to be a big part of his life. it wasnt as more than friends and i accepted that. he knows now that he can just tell me without worrying

maybe you should try and make your boyfriend see that it wasnt a deliberate deception for the purpose of having an affair.. i dont know your reasons but try and get him to accept it. he shouldnt keep bringing it up.. other than that i dont really know what to suggest

Will he ever get over it?

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