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How to overcome shyness and lack of confidence. Watch

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    I havent done this much before asking forums, but i would like ideas on how to improve my confidence and overcome my shyness and lack of communication. I am 19 years old and dropped out of uni (blamed my course but actually i just couldnt handle the stress and more work!) very early into the first term. I shouldve stuck it out, but i didnt feel i was making friends and just wanted a break. I feel like im drifting away from my school friends who are moving on in life with new uni friends and all getting girlfriends and even though i can talk to some girls who give me a chance (in the past, a girl has bullied me - ikr weak of me im a guy, but she was a tough cookie) i dont have many girl friends and have never even kissed a girl. I just want to know advice on how to better myself and grow up. I am labelled the shy nice guy and dont mind being quiet, but want to have inner confidence and be able to speak to new people.
    i have taken a big step and ive planned to travel to Asia which is meant to help with confidence, (and im interested in a new culture too! Never even been out Europe but ive saved up for a while and dont buy many things ahaha) any ideas on how to maximise my potential for improvement.
    I think i just need some reassurance cause ive been emotional with my failures recently and just feel alone. Thank you for any feedback (sorry its so long winded)
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    Hi OP, I know how you feel, I am really shy too. I think it's great that your taking the initiative to overcome your shyness! What countries are you going to visit?
    Even though it may be a little tough at first, you will get to meet so many new people and eat loads of nice food
    In my experience on being shy, I am usually really hesitant to talk to new people, so I think traveling will help you be more open
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    Just do little things to step out of your comfort zone and build up from there - e.g. maybe go to a coffee shop alone if that's something you struggle with (just an example).

    Travelling to Asia is a huge step though.

    What thoughts travel through your head when you're speaking to/meeting people? It might benefit you to start challenging any thoughts that make you unconfident and shy (e.g. if you think that people won't like you).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i have taken a big step and ive planned to travel to Asia which is meant to help with confidence, (and im interested in a new culture too! Never even been out Europe but ive saved up for a while and dont buy many things ahaha) any ideas on how to maximise my potential for improvement.
    I have a few thing to say about this as a big traveller myself. Don't underestimate the difficulty you might face and the change of environment and culture. You've never been outside of Europe so Asia will be a completely different world: some people get culture shock, home-sick, or feel alienated and powerless. My suggestion would be to think about some possible scenarios which might happen and how you can cope with them. For example, say you might get robbed or pick-pocketed [which is a possibility!] then try to imagine yourself acting calmly, and that it's not the end of the world. Have a plan - but one that is flexible enough so you aren't fixated on it and can enjoy your travelling! You don't mention if you are travelling alone or with a group of people - both have advantages and drawbacks.

    In terms of maximising the trip, I think really get stuck in with integrating yourself with the culture: try all the weird foods, go off the beaten path a little, get to learn the language [this one is a huge confidence booster], and read a little about the countries before you go.
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    don't beat yourself up for things you muck up, it doesn't help anything, once something is done it's done, you're not affecting anyone else and you can try again at the next thing but try not to focus on your 'failures' - it's normal to fail sometimes

    I think a bit of travelling might be a good thing, use it as an opportunity to do things outside your comfort zone, you won't gain confidence just because you've been travelling but you will have so many chances to do new things and meet new people that if you force yourself to step up, do them all and try and pretend you're confident you will get an intense crash course and hopefully then you can feel like if you did X, Y and Z alone in a strange country and it all went okay that you can do some small things in the UK
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I havent done this much before asking forums, but i would like ideas on how to improve my confidence and overcome my shyness and lack of communication. I am 19 years old and dropped out of uni (blamed my course but actually i just couldnt handle the stress and more work!) very early into the first term. I shouldve stuck it out, but i didnt feel i was making friends and just wanted a break. I feel like im drifting away from my school friends who are moving on in life with new uni friends and all getting girlfriends and even though i can talk to some girls who give me a chance (in the past, a girl has bullied me - ikr weak of me im a guy, but she was a tough cookie) i dont have many girl friends and have never even kissed a girl. I just want to know advice on how to better myself and grow up. I am labelled the shy nice guy and dont mind being quiet, but want to have inner confidence and be able to speak to new people.
    i have taken a big step and ive planned to travel to Asia which is meant to help with confidence, (and im interested in a new culture too! Never even been out Europe but ive saved up for a while and dont buy many things ahaha) any ideas on how to maximise my potential for improvement.
    I think i just need some reassurance cause ive been emotional with my failures recently and just feel alone. Thank you for any feedback (sorry its so long winded)
    I think travelling is an really good idea for growing in confidence, it will put you in situations you have never faced before, and that way you will grow and learn from them. If your travelling alone, it will be difficult to be shy given your new environment which won't allow for it, because of your independence, it will physically require you to be outward, and confident. And I guess 'fake it till you make it' is a good idea here. I am in a similar position to you, - am 19 years old (girl) and have saved up to go travelling this summer for a similar purpose - to overcome shyness and to gain confidence around people and new environments, (people being the key thing here) and will also be good just to get away from things for a while.
    Are you planning to go back to uni? Maybe this break will make you feel more prepared and, will allow you to have a better experience. I also struggle with making friends and am hoping that this will help prepare me for uni - I'm retaking a levels at the moment.
    I think by analysing why you are shy, and the reasons for low confidence if any, before you go, will help you find what you need to tackle the most, then you can set yourself small targets to achieve them.
    Lastly, I would just consider the practicality of travelling to Asia, especially if your planning to go alone, - such as maybe going with an organisation, which will limit the possibility of things not going as planned and will give your break structure, although will still allow for lots of freedom while your out there - which is what I'm doing although it's up to you!
    hope it all works out well for you and feel free to message me if you want to know anymore about any of the things I have mentioned!



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