The Student Room Group

Death of a family member affecting grades.

Hi,

My grandpa has just died and im mortified. I dont want it to affect my test performance, as i dont want it to become an excuse for poor performance, and i dont want to look cynical by exploiting a death in my family, but in the back of my mind i cant help but think its going to affect my chances of getting AAA and going to Oxford. Aside from being, lets say, shook up, the whole funeral thing is going to take a few days (he lives in Ireland) and i've only got like 2 weeks to revise left anyway. I'm determined for it not to affect my grades becasue he really wants me to study hard and get into uni, but its quite hard to concentrate now. is it worth getting in touch with Oxford or my sixth form college to see what might happen before my exams, or to say after the exams?

will anything even happen? Would Oxford make any allowances for all this?

I cant beleive somthing like this has happeend at such a time, of all the times it could possibly happen (apart form exam day) as well.

Hopefully i wont need to inform anyone since the grades will all be fine, and i really dont want to come across as making excuses, i just want to know if its worth informing Oxford.
Reply 1
I'm sorry to hear that Consie. I hope you pull through what is a indescribably awful time in any person's life.

As to what you can do, I think you can obtain special consideration for your UMS mark (I think an extra 5-10 marks) on your units. You could also contact Oxford - I'm sure it won't do any harm, but I'd imagine they'd ask you to contact your exam board and claim the extra UMS marks. I wish you all the good luck in the world with your exams, and hope to see you next year in Oxford.
That's really bad news.

They will probably take it into consideration and every case is different. My brother had cancer over 2005, just when I was revising and taking A-Levels, and I was um-ing and ah-ing over whether to mention it to Cambridge as I didn't want to be seen to be exploiting it at all. As it is, I missed my offer, getting AAB not AAA, having been badly shaken up by it all- and Clare were nice enough to have me anyway.

WHilst they can't promise anything, tell your college and they'll doubtlessly take it into consideration.

"You have my deepest sympathy" doesn't really cover it and feels hollow, but good luck and be strong.
Reply 3
probably best to tell your school, and ask them to write to your college.
That's sad :frown: sorry to hear about that.

Firstly, getting in with the college can't do any harm, but I'm not sure if there is any need at this stage. I would see how your exams go first, and if you feel they went badly then make an attempt to justify them to the college.

Also, it depends on what your situation is with grade boundaries. I assume you have already sat a number of modules in which case you may be in a good position anyway if you have got good marks previously. Just try your best and see what comes of it - you may well do better than you think even though this is obviously a very difficult time for you. Most importantly, don't worry about uni grades and so on just yet, you have enough on your plate. Just focus on doing the best you can.
I'm very sorry to hear about that.

My Grandma died very recently who I was very close to, and so (without sounding callous) I know that the exam boards have procedures for this as I've just had to go through them. I had to get my mum to write to my exams officer, who will then contact the exam board. You can find documents on their websites about exceptional circumstances, and the death of a close family member will usually add about 4-5% onto the exams you take.

I really hope you and your family are okay and you can pull through and get the grades. I know it feels weird to 'exploit' a death in your family to get extra marks, but I'm sure they would want you to get your grades, and it does affect your performance in comparison to what it would have been. Best of luck.
Reply 6
Consie
Hi,

My grandpa has just died and im mortified. I dont want it to affect my test performance, as i dont want it to become an excuse for poor performance, and i dont want to look cynical by exploiting a death in my family, but in the back of my mind i cant help but think its going to affect my chances of getting AAA and going to Oxford. Aside from being, lets say, shook up, the whole funeral thing is going to take a few days (he lives in Ireland) and i've only got like 2 weeks to revise left anyway. I'm determined for it not to affect my grades becasue he really wants me to study hard and get into uni, but its quite hard to concentrate now. is it worth getting in touch with Oxford or my sixth form college to see what might happen before my exams, or to say after the exams?

will anything even happen? Would Oxford make any allowances for all this?

I cant beleive somthing like this has happeend at such a time, of all the times it could possibly happen (apart form exam day) as well.

Hopefully i wont need to inform anyone since the grades will all be fine, and i really dont want to come across as making excuses, i just want to know if its worth informing Oxford.


I'm really sorry to hear your news. It's an absolutely distraught time for anyone, and I'm so sorry for you that you have to revise and take exams.

First, tell your school. Your headmaster/tutor/whoever is in the position of responsibility, will write to all of your exam boards explaining what has happened. If they have any sense, they will also inform Oxford. In my sixth form, I had a health scare and missed two terms of school leading up to my A2s. Fortunately, I'd already made my offer for Cambridge, but they were really supportive and even offered me a gap year. I would be really surprised if Oxford weren't as sympathetic towards you. In addition, it's much better when the school writes on your behalf as it saves you having to go through everything again and opening wounds, as it were.

I know it's virtually impossible to concentrate atm, but I'm sure your grandfather would be pushing you on, telling you how bright you are and how proud he'd be if you went to Oxford. Focus on that and I wish you the very best of luck.
Reply 7
Thanks for the advice guys. I dont know if anyone else has found this, but I think what is actually more distressing if the effect the death of your grandad has on your dad. You grow up thinking your dad can handle anything, the ultimate problem solver, but its weird seeing how severly they are affected by their dad's death. What's extra crap is that this grandpa was my last grandparent.

Its not even necessairly being scared of missing Oxford that I hate the idea of, its havign to put down 'AAB' or 'ABB' on job applications in the future. I hate that, becasue it shows there was one subject where you'd met your match.
Consie
Thanks for the advice guys. I dont know if anyone else has found this, but I think what is actually more distressing if the effect the death of your grandad has on your dad. You grow up thinking your dad can handle anything, the ultimate problem solver, but its weird seeing how severly they are affected by their dad's death. What's extra crap is that this grandpa was my last grandparent.

Its not even necessairly being scared of missing Oxford that I hate the idea of, its havign to put down 'AAB' or 'ABB' on job applications in the future. I hate that, becasue it shows there was one subject where you'd met your match.

In truth, once you have a degree your A-levels don't mean so much anyway, in the same way that GCSEs don't matter a whole lot when applying to university (relatively speaking). In your case it wasn't necessarily that you met your match so to speak, because the circumstances are not perfect for you.
Reply 9
Consie
Thanks for the advice guys. I dont know if anyone else has found this, but I think what is actually more distressing if the effect the death of your grandad has on your dad. You grow up thinking your dad can handle anything, the ultimate problem solver, but its weird seeing how severly they are affected by their dad's death. What's extra crap is that this grandpa was my last grandparent.

Its not even necessairly being scared of missing Oxford that I hate the idea of, its havign to put down 'AAB' or 'ABB' on job applications in the future. I hate that, becasue it shows there was one subject where you'd met your match.

I know what you mean. I thought the same about my Chemistry, but it all worked out fine in the end. Try to think positively. Besdes, with Oxon after your name, people are hardly going to start asking if you got a B (in whatever subject) because you weren't clever enough!