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    Hello guys,

    About 2 years ago I met a group of about 20 friends. Since then we've done a lot of stuff together. We go to a lot of different cities/places very often, we party quite often and of course we all like each other even though we have arguments sometimes. I didn't have many friends before and I was pretty lonely. In other words it's all I have ever wanted, it's just great.

    But in the group there is this girl. I've loved her since the first time I saw her. After 1 year, she became one of my best friends but I knew she didn't have feelings for me. I still decided to tell her, despite the fact things could change between us and it could be awkward with the others if they knew. None of those things happened but she rejected me as I expected.

    Another year later (today), nothing has changed. I told her because I thought it would help me to move on somehow. But it's just impossible when you see the person you like twice or three times a week and talk to them almost everyday. She is my best friend today so it's killing me just to think about it but the only thing that could help me is to cut her out of my life. I'll have to see her sometimes because we have mutual friends but no more texting, no more sleeping at her place, etc.

    If I do that, I'm afraid I'll end up alone again. I wouldn't lose all those friends because some of them are good friends too and I would see them without her but this girl is the person who invites me to about 80% of the stuff we do. And she has known everyone else forever so if she doesn't want to see me anymore she won't. Have you ever been in that kind of situation? What did/would you do?

    Thank you
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    You need to anchor yourself to this group in more ways than primarily through this girl.

    You are right, you probably need to take a step back from her. However, you do not (and should not) cut her out of your life. My only advice is to try to ignore your feelings and to find someone else to romantically fixate upon.
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    (Original post by Infraspecies)
    You need to anchor yourself to this group in more ways than primarily through this girl.

    You are right, you probably need to take a step back from her. However, you do not (and should not) cut her out of your life. My only advice is to try to ignore your feelings and to find someone else to romantically fixate upon.
    Thanks for you help

    Cutting her out of my life it's as a last resort. I've tried everything else it has always failed. I've met many other girls thanks to them (more in 2 years than in all my life before that) but it has led nowhere. It would be great cause I could keep this girl as a friend but it's hard to find a girl who loves me. Could take years before it happens!
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    I think you need to mix outside this group and try to meet other girls.

    You are perhaps too reliant on her for your social life.

    But she sounds like a good friend. It would be a shame if you had to resort to cutting her out of your life.

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    Ive dealt with this sit a lot. One of my friends became best friends with a girl in his grp, knew she wasnt interested but she liked to go places with him as friends. she knew he liked her. he coildnt keep it to himself. he asked me and with all he told me I pointed out what could happen and what was likely to happen. I told him if it was me then no, but if he chose to then he needed to deal with the consequences. She said no and things became really awkwatd for him and the grp. He left the grp and became isolated for a while, his propsects were bleak, but then he met someone online and they are now living together in the space of 6 months. he is very happy.

    Normally I say cut out and take a year apart. You took a chance it didnt come off. Considering your grp of friends id keep them, but as said by infra if there are 20, then anchor yourself through different members. You say the girl is your best friend, but id think your chances with her are very slim to none. She knows and if shes interested she will let you know. If your still friends with her then you are torturing yourself but thats your choice.I would distance.Your best bet is to find someone else and stop, who does want a relationship with you, but dont keep comparing them to her. There isnt a clear and easy answer because you are still basing things round this girl. Does she have a bf, what will you do when she does and she gets engaged etc?
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    I think you need to mix outside this group and try to meet other girls.

    You are perhaps too reliant on her for your social life.

    But she sounds like a good friend. It would be a shame if you had to resort to cutting her out of your life.

    Thank you

    You are right, I'm too reliant on her/them but that's because I had basically no social life before meeting them. I only had 2 friends and I couldn't even see them very often.

    She is an amazing friend. She has flaws like everyone else but she is a great person.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Ive dealt with this sit a lot. One of my friends became best friends with a girl in his grp, knew she wasnt interested but she liked to go places with him as friends. she knew he liked her. he coildnt keep it to himself. he asked me and with all he told me I pointed out what could happen and what was likely to happen. I told him if it was me then no, but if he chose to then he needed to deal with the consequences. She said no and things became really awkwatd for him and the grp. He left the grp and became isolated for a while, his propsects were bleak, but then he met someone online and they are now living together in the space of 6 months. he is very happy.

    Normally I say cut out and take a year apart. You took a chance it didnt come off. Considering your grp of friends id keep them, but as said by infra if there are 20, then anchor yourself through different members. You say the girl is your best friend, but id think your chances with her are very slim to none. She knows and if shes interested she will let you know. If your still friends with her then you are torturing yourself but thats your choice.I would distance.Your best bet is to find someone else and stop, who does want a relationship with you, but dont keep comparing them to her. There isnt a clear and easy answer because you are still basing things round this girl. Does she have a bf, what will you do when she does and she gets engaged etc?
    Thanks for your help

    Great story and I'm happy for your friend. It shows that there will be better days too . I'll try to do that. We will never be more than friends. When she rejected me she was really nice and understanding she made it very clear. We will never be together. Well I guess she can develop feelings but we get on so well that I think if something had to happen it would have already happened.

    She doesn't have a BF but she's still in love with her ex. I'm crazy about her but I think it's nothing compared to what she feels about him. He broke up with her 2 years ago (when I met her) and he's one of the 20 in our group of friends. She goes at his place at least 2-3 days a week so yeah, she's still sleeping with him. To be honest it can't be worse than this. I went clubbing twice with her (I hate clubs but I used to do everything that allowed me to be near her) and it was a terrible idea. Never again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you

    You are right, I'm too reliant on her/them but that's because I had basically no social life before meeting them. I only had 2 friends and I couldn't even see them very often.

    She is an amazing friend. She has flaws like everyone else but she is a great person.

    Perhaps if you hit the gym, got a new haircut, dressed more stylishly etc?

    She doesn't see you 'in that way' right now.

    Look at Chris Pratt. Went from chubby guy to alpha male.

    Just a thought.
    • #1
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    (Original post by stefano865)
    Perhaps if you hit the gym, got a new haircut, dressed more stylishly etc?

    She doesn't see you 'in that way' right now.

    Look at Chris Pratt. Went from chubby guy to alpha male.

    Just a thought.
    Thanks for trying to cheer me up! But I did all of that. I got a "you look great like that" once when I hadn't shaved my beard for a few weeks but that's it lol. There are things you can't change. She was clear as could be. There is no room left for doubt
    • #2
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    I can relate to this.. I moved to Loughborough and became really close with this guy.. I felt like he really understands me and we are really close. We met through working together and got on like a house on fire straight away. He had a gf of 3 years, and tbh we unfortunately crossed that line and kissed while they was still together. He apparently wanted to dump her for over a year but being with me realised he needed to... (He also cheated on her before😂 Classic case I think he doesn't realise what he had until it's gone and took it for granted)

    Since then, things have been nothing but messy. Tbh, he's hated it when she's jumped into another relationship and our friendship is just becoming stressful and too emotional (we are both stubborn people) he said to me, he still loves her and misses her because she was a huge part of his life but can't be with her... (He said this after today when he met up with her to talk about "stuff") and also is just happy with concentrating on himself. In the mean time during their break up. We have became closer, slept together and I have now developed feelings for him, but I have done nothing but 100% support him. Because I feel like he's the only person I can relate to in Loughborough, this has really took its toll on me... I'm now paranoid they are going to get back together, talk a lot, meet up a lot etc. And in all honesty - I feel used (I know this does deserve me right. Reason why I put this as anonymous is to stop the abuse)

    I know the best thing to do is cut him off but it's hard to walk away from a good friend -- which I get on really well with.. Tbh though, it's what you need to do.. You need to distance yourself. It's killed me today finding this out and it will kill you if she gets into a relationship at this moment in time and you will have a one sided perspective upon the whole thing and won't be able to support her in the way you should if this occurred.

    Whether it's awkward or not, politely explain it to her -- just don't cut her off. I wouldn't really say stop being her friend in a way but distancing yourself for a while should help. You are gonna have good and bad days but you need to do it for yourself. Good luck!
 
 
 
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