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I'm not sure if I hate my friends, or myself.

I'm an absolute dweeb: I wear cardigans and read essays in my spare time, I tutor for literature, I'm the dramaturge for Antigone, I sing a capella, so on. I used to be incredibly outgoing -- I'm one of those infamous drama kids; six years onstage does things to people -- but recently I've found myself becoming more and more reclusive.

After some reflection, I've realised that a lot of my friends stress me out to the point of panic attacks. When my boyfriend goes out with them without me (we're all very close), I have to take sleeping pills to avoid having attacks at about three in the morning. They're not very much like me, but I've known some of them for over ten years.

At this point, the only thing keeping me going is the idea that all this will be over once I graduate, but I don't know whether it's me that's changed, or them. It's not like I want to hate them -- they've been there for me, thick as thieves -- but I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Reply 1

The_Last_Melon

I can see how someone like you would suffer, you are unusual (because of your style and hobbies) and people probably regular consider whether it's a good unusual or a bad unusual, your panic attacks are your mind and body trying to make you do something about this, or remind you that there's something important happening and you need to do something about it.

My advice to you is this: stick with people who appreciate you, but don't ever change yourself to be appreciated. Your hobbies are more important than your friends, because you can always find new friends.

I recommend trying to make new friends as a kind of insurance for when these lot ditch you. It all depends on how much they mean to you though and this is just my personal opinion based on my own experiences.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 2

Alfed

Studies have show that people tend to replace there friends every 10 years. So you are just getting bored of them after 10 years.

I'm not sure if I hate my friends, or myself.

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