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    so the break up happened when we just came back from our holiday together (skiing - bulgaria) to note, we both had an amazing time together.
    We were still on a high from the trip, when we were chilling one sunday night in front of the TV talking about his past relationships (whom I know have all gone terribly, he's been engaged twice, and does not have faith in human relationships whatsoever) anyway, we were talking about his ex's when we comes out with "oh I don't know what I want .."
    I didn't pick up on it at first, but then i questioned it a day after, and this is when it all unravelled. We skyped on the monday evening and he just basically said, he's been feeling lately that he cannot give 100% into the relationship right now, and thats not fair on him and he doesn't want that for me as he cares too much about me to hurt me, he said he doesn't feel like he can handle a relationship, therefore, without actually saying it, he wanted to break up. We ended the convo on Skype that night, and i went to his the next day (tuesday) so we had a massive talk about it, he basically repeated himself, and was like I really care about you, he doesn't want to break up with me, but doesn't feel like he can give it his all. Straight away I went on the defence of course but that night i came to the realisation that it was nothing to do with me at all, it was him, he had issues to deal with and i understood that, and appreciated his honesty to be honest. But Ive not fully understood the underlying issue of his issues he’s having to face. Is it because of all the bad break ups? Is it because he wants to be alone forever? This is what he think he must face now, he been thinking whether he should be on his own.

    We said we could continue to be friends and stay in touch (of which I had said i didn't want to do because it never works, but said i would give it a try) so over the next week, we were texting every single day, seeing each other almost every day, and i slept at his house, all of this seemed very strange, but we seemed to be back to our normal selves again. It was strange being at his house, but not being in the company with him.

    So, the week after, i had decided enough was enough and he needed to be alone, and so if he wanted the break up - he needed to deal with the consequences of the break up and not having any contact with me. So we had arranged to meet up last week for a meal out, and he texted me saying "you don't sound good" "this sounds like you're going to say you can see me to me" and all these kinds of texts, so he was basically worrying about it.

    Anyway, i told him it wasn't working being friends with him, so i told him i wanted no contact for a few weeks. He said he understood and although it was going to be hard for him, he would try to leave me alone.
    He has done so far, the no contact started 2 weeks ago and he messaged me the Sunday afternoon (few days following post NC) asking me abut a jumper he had found at his house, and was wanting to know what to do with it. He sort of gave me a cold shoulder feel text, but i asked him if he could hang onto it for when he comes back home from work.

    And so basically, i texted him one night last week but he didn't reply until a few days had passed. We got into conversation again, and thats when I asked him if he saw me as a friend and he said unfortunately yes at the moment. But he could never know what the future may hold for us. He just doesn’t know, his feelings haven’t changed so far. He was saying i was asking him impossible things that he could possibly not know about.

    He's said all along he didn't want to break up really, but felt like he would have just kept me stringing along if not and that would not have been fair. which I understand.
    and I want him back, i know it sounds wrong and stupid, but i want to give it a second chance to see where we could go.
    He's completely afraid of commitment as he's been engaged twice and had numerous serious relationships gone bad. So I'm just trying to figure out what to do.
    I was in contact with him after only a week of not texting and he said his feelings haven't changed about me, he sees me more as a friend at this moment in time. So i decided that enough was enough, and said we'll leave it here, and i'll be in touch to collect my jacket. I collected my jacket, and from there we didn't decide to stay in touch, its just happened.
    I know he likes me and thats why he’s become afraid and shut me out before he’s given me a chance.
    He once said in a conversation that he’s worried about committing, because the girls he was with wasn’t treating him right, and then he mentioned something along the lines of, until i met you that is.

    *Massive update *

    Since all of this has happened, I have slept at his house again (and we had sex) he resisted at first because he said usually what comes after sex is feelings, and he says that its sending the wrong message out the fact that he can have sex with me but not want a relationship with me. I said its just sex, and so we proceeded.
    From that, I have slept at his again, (not had sex again though) hung out a lot and had lots of laughs at each other.
    My feelings for him are growing stronger the more I hang around with him. When we sleep together (not sex, but in the same bed) he'll cuddle me and put his arms around me, and want to touch me in every way possible. When were out, I know he's dying to kiss me and cuddle me just like it was when we were together.
    He will text me every day without fail, first thing in a morning and last thing at night, the night we had sex, we had a discussion about his EX who he still thinks he has feelings for and he says that if she didn't have the child (of whom that child belongs to someone else) then he would be with her, but she does. He understands that he doesn't want her anymore, but still has feelings for her. He even rationalised it when i was with him in bed and said "the fact that I'm having to convince myself to be with her or to try and make it work means it won't work, so theres my answer' He's just not had the bollax to tell her. So after I left his house that morning, I told him to stop being a pussy and to tell her.

    Ive since spoken to my sister about all of this (as my mum doesn't understand) and she said it would be best if I stayed in touch platonically and just looked out for him and was just there for him. And I want to do that, it didn't feel right to not be in touch with him when I decided to go all 'No contact' on him.

    I should also mention that just this week after spending the bank holiday with him, he asked me to stay down in London with him for a few days while he works... and said during the day I could lounge about in the hotel and shop in the town, and then at night we could go for a meal out and what not.... what 'friend' does that?

    For the 2nd time in my life, Ive managed to find a guy that i get on so well with, who knows I'm an utter lunatic, crazy and pain in the ass but who also laughs at me, with me, get on well with and I feel all those things with him too. We just match, physically, emotionally, mentally..... he's just not ready for a relationship. What do I do?

    sorry for the long read, and many thanks
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    1. He gave you the its not you its me speech.
    2. He told you he isnt that into you.
    3. You give him time alone an split but you still go round to his place on a regulat basis and have sex with him.
    4. He spins you a line about how sensitive and emotional it all is.
    5. He wants FB or FWB
    6. You still want full relationship, but pretend to be FB.

    Trainwreck

    Not sure you wnat advice. Your both saying you wnat one thing and doing another.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    1. He gave you the its not you its me speech.
    2. He told you he isnt that into you.
    3. You give him time alone an split but you still go round to his place on a regulat basis and have sex with him.
    4. He spins you a line about how sensitive and emotional it all is.
    5. He wants FB or FWB
    6. You still want full relationship, but pretend to be FB.

    Trainwreck

    Not sure you wnat advice. Your both saying you wnat one thing and doing another.

    He never said "he's not that into me" in fact he said he does like me very much he just can't be with anyone right now.

    and FIY, I slept at his the other night, and he resisted sex. It was just that once. we haven't done it since, and we won't
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    I'll also mention that Ive been out on a date with a guy since (and told him about it) and he became quite jealous and wanted to know the inns and outs of the dates....
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    He;s not into you enough to want to deal with you as a gf at the currnt time, but FB or FWB is ok.
    What is it you want? You are going to carry on what you are doing no matter what people tell you.

    He gets what he wants. You end up frustrated.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    He;s not into you enough to wnat to deal with you as a gf at the currnt time, but FB or FWB is ok.
    What is it you want? You are going to carry on what you are doing no matter what people tell you.

    He gets what he wants. You end up frustrated.
    I want to be with him, I want to show him how to trust again, I want to be with him and get to know him, as he wants to be with me too. I want to show him that he can love again (not necessarily me) but just he can do it again, he just has to try.

    I am a very understanding person, I understand that he's had that many people walk in and out of his life, I don't want to be another. I know its stupid and dumb, but Ive tried dating other guys, it just isn't working.
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    First and foremost, how did you like Bulgaria? :ahee:

    Secondly, to my idiot mind, it seems neither of you really want to split...so you're kind of stuck in a limbo. Serious talks won't work with him, so maybe (if you really are getting frustrated) you should just cut all communications with him. Get on with your life and see how he reacts. Whether he really wants to be with you is up to him...
    :dontknow: It seems like a sticky situation OP
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    (Original post by homeland.lsw)
    First and foremost, how did you like Bulgaria? :ahee:

    Secondly, to my idiot mind, it seems neither of you really want to split...so you're kind of stuck in a limbo. Serious talks won't work with him, so maybe (if you really are getting frustrated) you should just cut all communications with him. Get on with your life and see how he reacts. Whether he really wants to be with you is up to him...
    :dontknow: It seems like a sticky situation OP
    Amazing trip thanks very much, we both loved it.

    Everyone on holiday kept saying how we were like an 'old couple' and how we seemed to have known each other for years and years, not just for 2 months.

    You're exactly right... we are both stuck in limbo. That's correct, my question or what I'm wanting to know is.... do I ride this out until the very end? Or do I cut it off now?

    If i cut of all communication with him (a. how long for? B. when should i do it? C. How should I do it? D. What do I do if he keeps messaging me? )

    Many thanks
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    (Original post by RLSouthorn12345)
    I want to be with him, I want to show him how to trust again, I want to be with him and get to know him, as he wants to be with me too. I want to show him that he can love again (not necessarily me) but just he can do it again, he just has to try.

    I am a very understanding person, I understand that he's had that many people walk in and out of his life, I don't want to be another. I know its stupid and dumb, but Ive tried dating other guys, it just isn't working.
    You choose to be in the situation so you cna choose to be satisfied or frustrated bt it. You wnat to be his rock and his gf, but you cna settle for being FWB because he doesnt wnat a gf.

    Doesnt sound like a good situation, but at least its your choice.
    Just go into it with your eyes open. It might work it might not. Not sure what you expect from people as i don think you will listen.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    You choose to be in the situation so you cna choose to be satisfied or frustrated bt it. You wnat to be his rock and his gf, but you cna settle for being FWB because he doesnt wnat a gf.

    Doesnt sound like a good situation, but at least its your choice.
    Just go into it with your eyes open. It might work it might not. Not sure what you expect from people as i don think you will listen.

    I apologise if I seem rude to you its just... don't you find when theres a sticky situation people just jump the wagon and "leave' or say "move on" so very quickly instead of giving it a chance?
    Yes, of course why should i? Because its something real for once, I had it once many years ago and i let it go (it wasn't mine and he married someone else now) this time round, I've found that feeling again with someone, and I don't want to let it go so easily. I'm sorry
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    (Original post by RLSouthorn12345)
    Amazing trip thanks very much, we both loved it.

    Everyone on holiday kept saying how we were like an 'old couple' and how we seemed to have known each other for years and years, not just for 2 months.

    You're exactly right... we are both stuck in limbo. That's correct, my question or what I'm wanting to know is.... do I ride this out until the very end? Or do I cut it off now?

    If i cut of all communication with him (a. how long for? B. when should i do it? C. How should I do it? D. What do I do if he keeps messaging me? )

    Many thanks
    I think that if you ride it out, you are both wasting time. What are you? Friends? A couple? Suppose there's another guy who wants to get to know you more. What would he do? Ask you out? How can he knowing about the relationship you are in now. And the same for your bf. If the relationship isn't working out, and talking isn't helping then what's the use? Unless it's kind of a FwB kind of scenario but even then, with all the history between you too that seems risky.

    Well to answer A) As long as it takes really, maybe the problem is you're thinking "I won't talk to him until next week, then we can continue our weird thing" Maybe this should be for a few months, where you both discover yourself, get to know yourselves better, and then come back with a fresh mind.

    B) Do it gradually. People can be *******s sometimes, so you wouldn't want him to think you're the ***** that started ignoring him. Talk to him over text less. Twice a week, something that FRIENDS would do.

    C) How, well ignore texts from him. Don't even read them, don't block him because that can seem like a **** move. But mainly ignore any sexual advances from him whether that be via text or IRL

    D) As above, obviously reply if you are concerned for his wellbeing, but if he just wants to have a meaningless chat, well you don't have time for that.
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    (Original post by RLSouthorn12345)
    Amazing trip thanks very much, we both loved it.

    Everyone on holiday kept saying how we were like an 'old couple' and how we seemed to have known each other for years and years, not just for 2 months.

    You're exactly right... we are both stuck in limbo. That's correct, my question or what I'm wanting to know is.... do I ride this out until the very end? Or do I cut it off now?

    If i cut of all communication with him (a. how long for? B. when should i do it? C. How should I do it? D. What do I do if he keeps messaging me? )

    Many thanks
    The limbo is your choosing, its fine if you accpet it for what it is. From what you said.

    1. Carry on= no- not good enough propsect. Everythings a risk so your choice.
    2. Cut off in next week.
    3. How long= min 1 year. He needs to sort himself out.
    4. Methods= Face to face or write him a letter or phone. Not text.
    5.. Cut all contact and agree on clean break. he wont message you then
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    (Original post by RLSouthorn12345)
    I apologise if I seem rude to you its just... don't you find when theres a sticky situation people just jump the wagon and "leave' or say "move on" so very quickly instead of giving it a chance?
    Yes, of course why should i? Because its something real for once, I had it once many years ago and i let it go (it wasn't mine and he married someone else now) this time round, I've found that feeling again with someone, and I don't want to let it go so easily. I'm sorry
    Actually i feel im being mean with you. If you think its worth it then go for it. from what you said he sounds like a mess and he needs to sort himself out. Imo he does that better on his own rather than using you up as his emotional sponge. Keep in contact at arms length.

    If you wnat to be his nursemaid, then thats your choice it might work and it might not. You could compromise and set yourself a time limiy 3-6 months and then decide later. people cnat make the choice for you.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Actually i feel im being mean with you. If you think its worth it then go for it. from what you said he sounds like a mess and he needs to sort himself out. Imo he does that better on his own rather than using you up as his emotional sponge. Keep in contact at arms length.

    If you wnat to be his nursemaid, then thats your choice it might work and it might not. You could compromise and set yourself a time limiy 3-6 months and then decide later. people cnat make the choice for you.
    Thanks for the replies guys... i'll have to think on it.
    I think were going out with each other friday night ( me staying at his on friday absolutely no sex tho)
    so we'll talk about it then.... of which i am now dreading. but thank you
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    Talking is normally good, but sometimes people talk too much and just end up treading water and creating more drama. Be careful thats not you.
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    You said *Everyone on holiday kept saying how we were like an 'old couple' and how we seemed to have known each other for years and years, not just for 2 months.*

    2 MONTHS!!!! You've only known him 8WEEKS!! And you're wanting to change him already!! OMG. For that length of time, you need to be on Jeremy Kyle, not TSR 😂😂😂
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    (Original post by Jayo520)
    You said *Everyone on holiday kept saying how we were like an 'old couple' and how we seemed to have known each other for years and years, not just for 2 months.*

    2 MONTHS!!!! You've only known him 8WEEKS!! And you're wanting to change him already!! OMG. For that length of time, you need to be on Jeremy Kyle, not TSR 😂😂😂

    Wooooa who said change him?! No way in hell do I want to change him. I just want the situation altered. Thats all
 
 
 
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