I'll try to keep this is as brief as possible.
I'm currently studying a masters degree at a UK university, and should be finishing around the end of August. At the beginning of the course I was unsure of whether I wanted to continue studying it, as I wasn't particularly enjoying it. I started to smoke weed daily, skipped several classes and left all my deadlines till the last minute. Fortunately, I achieved good results on these assignments despite leaving them till the last minute. I then returned home for the Winter break, where I sought work experience with a company. After this period of experience, the company invited me to an interview, which I went to and was subsequently offered a graduate position starting in September this year. At the time I was delighted, but since then everything has gone downhill.
My job contract states that I only need to pass my degree and not achieve a certain mark. Therefore, I have little, if any, motivation to study. In conjunction with this, since returning to university in January, I have smoked more weed than ever before, due to finding out that a flatmate also indulges in it. Again, I skipped most of my lectures this term, and once again left everything till the last minute. Meanwhile, a few weeks ago I sought counselling from a drugs counsellor, having finally realised that I have a problem and that its negatively impacting my life. I discussed the issues with the counsellor, and he referred me to a doctor as he believed I was depressed. So, I then went to see the doctor, who confirmed the counsellor’s suspicions. I was then advised by the counsellor to seek extenuating circumstances on the grounds of depression. This led to the extension of two assignments, which are both due tomorrow. As soon as this extension was granted, I returned home.
However, I am now in a position where I feel like I just done care anymore – I submitted the two assignments yesterday, both miles under the word count with little research and thus are likely to be failed, in the stupid hope that my department will let me resubmit them later on in summer term when im undertaking my dissertation/thesis. If they do let me resubmit, my marks for these assignments will be capped at 50.
I’m so frustrated with myself – despite the fact that in order to fund this degree, I took a year out to work in a *****y, low wage job and took out a bank loan (9.9% interest), I have 0% motivation/discipline to study. I wake up everyday thinking how can I avoid doing work, and then proceed to waste the day playing crappy online games, guitar, watching tv/films etc. My life has turned into just one state of endless procrastination, and I can’t seem to escape this habit.
I just feel so burned out and am tired of writing pointless essays that the vast majority of people in the real world do not give a **** about. I want to start earning money. On top of this, I feel emotionally numb and flat, and everything is just ****, although this is probably more weed withdrawal than anything else. On the other hand, I really do WANT to care, but I just seem incapable of doing so. I’m letting my mum and other family members down – they all think I’m working hard, and I know they would all be so disappointed in me if I told them the truth. Before university, I used to be a hard working student, averaging high marks etc. But as soon as I started university, I’ve gradually become lazier and lazier, up until where I am now with this masters degree.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate living in this endless cycle of procrastination, yet I seem to be unable to do anything about it. I’m trapped in this cycle of **** and I cant seem to find a way out.
Today I’ve tried to stop this – I’m currently sat in my local library with the intention of studying for my future assignments (totalling 10.000 + words due 19th April, then have exams beginning end of April), but all I’ve done is sat on reddit and spent the last hour writing this out, and I know that I won’t do anything apart from refresh this page in the hope that someone will reply. Although I have no idea what anyone can say to help me. I’ve tried using things like self control and other website blocking apps, but I still find a way to procrastinate.
Sorry if this seems like one giant ramble, but I’m at my wits end. Any comments would be much appreciated.
TLDR: living a stoner lifestyle at uni despite studying a masters, skipping classes and leaving work till last minute. Despite this, obtained a job in the industry, starts in September. Returned to uni last term, nothing changed, but recently sought counselling, confirmed as depressed. Just don’t care about this degree, or my future anymore, but I really want to. Am stuck in an endless cycle of procrastination.
Given up on masters Watch
- Thread Starter
Last edited by Interrobang; 04-04-2016 at 19:41.
- 30-03-2016 17:37
- 30-03-2016 17:52
You need to talk to your university and tell them what you've written, they may understand and perhaps let you resit, but you need to get off the drugs bro..
- 30-03-2016 17:52
I've read all of your post op.
There's no easy solution because it can all feel like too much at once. I would strongly advise that you talk more with your counsellor for help with your mental health and also talk to your course leader to let them know that you're struggling with very bad depression. You need to give yourself the best chance possible to keep things running whilst taking care with your mental health.
You do have stuff to look forward to. It's easy to get disillusioned when it all feels a bit too much.
speaking from experience.