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    I've not lost it like this in 5 years, but last night I couldn't control myself with the voices tormenting me and I punched the wall 7 or 8 times. I feel like such a failure that I gave in. I really feel like I let myself down throwing away 5 years of abstinence and it's making me hate myself that I am so weak. I cried during and afterwards so much that I had puffy red eyes which i had to go to class with today. My knuckles hurt to type and write, I don't think I broke anything but the constant pain is a huge reminder of what a pathetic, weak, piece of **** I am.

    I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I just want to see if anyone else has failed after so long? I really hate myself for this.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've not lost it like this in 5 years, but last night I couldn't control myself with the voices tormenting me and I punched the wall 7 or 8 times. I feel like such a failure that I gave in. I really feel like I let myself down throwing away 5 years of abstinence and it's making me hate myself that I am so weak. I cried during and afterwards so much that I had puffy red eyes which i had to go to class with today. My knuckles hurt to type and write, I don't think I broke anything but the constant pain is a huge reminder of what a pathetic, weak, piece of **** I am.

    I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I just want to see if anyone else has failed after so long? I really hate myself for this.
    Keeping it together for 5 years is a brilliant achievement, having one episode of losing control when you're having a difficult time is understandable, it doesn't make you're a failure. Are you getting help with why you've been hearing these voices? If you're already seeing a professional maybe mention this to them so they know how you've been feeling lately and can help you manage things?
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    I'm worried that it may have been the first step - I've given in once so it's so much easier to do again. I threw everything away.

    And yes, I see a psychiatrist but last time I was struggling a lot I got admitted to hospital and I REALLY want to avoid that again. I don't want a medication increase either which is the other alternative.
 
 
 
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