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Date has stopped messaging me but says she's still interested... watch

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    Want to get some independent opinions on this situation of mine:

    So I've been seeing this girl I met via Tinder for a few dates.Before Easter everything seemed to be going great, she pretty much invited her self over for a dinner after Easter (as we both went away on holiday to different places).

    Anyway during the break I asked if she wanted to come to an event with me that I had some tickets for and she very surprisingly turned me down without a real specific reason, just said she was 'busy'.

    And then from there onwards she's been distant and pretty much has stopped responding to my messages. I then flat out asked her if she's still interested in dating (since my experience has always been if someone stops messaging you, they're not interested for whatever reason) and she said yes. And then after that went cold turkey again on the communication.

    She had initially even invited me for drinks today but then never mentioned that again.

    Now although she seems to have said that she's still interested, everything she's doing seems to be pointing the other way. My personal code of ethics is that I never date two people at once and as such I'm reluctant to go and start asking other girls out....but it clearly seems to me she's not interested (whatever the reason may be for that).

    Any advice on what to do in such a situation?
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    Maybe ask one more time directly and if it continues for a few more days, move on. Not much point trying when she doesn't respond.
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    shes not feeling you that much. Probably keeping you around just in case or doesn't have the balls to tell you the truth, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Keep dating around don't waste your time on this one girl. Do you know if she's still dating other people?
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    shes not feeling you that much. Probably keeping you around just in case or doesn't have the balls to tell you the truth, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Keep dating around don't waste your time on this one girl. Do you know if she's still dating other people?
    No idea what she's doing (as she barely responds), she could easily have found some other guy who she liked more and as such has decided to ditch me. But just that's a theory, who knows.

    I don't want to start dating others before I know for sure this one is over.
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    (Original post by snakesnake)
    No idea what she's doing (as she barely responds), she could easily have found some other guy who she liked more and as such has decided to ditch me. But just that's a theory, who knows.

    I don't want to start dating others before I know for sure this one is over.
    You're a good guy. Just remember actions speak louder then words, I'd leave the ball in her court . Thing is with people on dating sites their usually dating multiple people and like keeping their options open.
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    (Original post by TVIO)
    Maybe ask one more time directly and if it continues for a few more days, move on. Not much point trying when she doesn't respond.
    Asked her directly and she admitted she wasn't looking for anything more serious or long term....while as I am.

    However I've agreed to see her at least once more for the time being. Seems like this is turning into a bit of a casual/FWB situation. As I don't have anyone else that I'm seeing at the moment then I'm not opposed, though in the longer run I do feel like this might leave me feeling empty and unsatisfied.
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    (Original post by snakesnake)
    Asked her directly and she admitted she wasn't looking for anything more serious or long term....while as I am.

    However I've agreed to see her at least once more for the time being. Seems like this is turning into a bit of a casual/FWB situation. As I don't have anyone else that I'm seeing at the moment then I'm not opposed, though in the longer run I do feel like this might leave me feeling empty and unsatisfied.
    Keep things casual with her and continue looking for a long term relationship then maybe? Wouldn't be my thing, I'd do a clean break then move on. Avoids messy complications that may (or may not ) occur
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    shes not feeling you that much. Probably keeping you around just in case or doesn't have the balls to tell you the truth, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Keep dating around don't waste your time on this one girl. Do you know if she's still dating other people?
    Yeah this could be true. She might have met/is dating someone else but keeping you around just in case - of course it's just a theory but definitely very possible.

    It kinda sucks because you don't want to ditch her and go out with someone if she actually is really busy or whatever but you don't want to let her lead you on. I don't think you should ask her again if she's interested. I'd wait another few days or a week and if she's still distant/doesn't talk to you, I'd move on. If it doesn't work out with her, you will meet someone else so don't worry dude.
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    (Original post by RabbitCFH)
    Yeah this could be true. She might have met/is dating someone else but keeping you around just in case - of course it's just a theory but definitely very possible.

    It kinda sucks because you don't want to ditch her and go out with someone if she actually is really busy or whatever but you don't want to let her lead you on. I don't think you should ask her again if she's interested. I'd wait another few days or a week and if she's still distant/doesn't talk to you, I'd move on. If it doesn't work out with her, you will meet someone else so don't worry dude.
    If you're into someone it's not that hard to show it just by communicating, she could initiate a text to give him some kind of idea.
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    (Original post by xobeauty)
    If you're into someone it's not that hard to show it just by communicating, she could initiate a text to give him some kind of idea.
    I absolutely agree. I don't understand why someone would say they're interested in a person but show all the signs that they are not. Well, it's probably because they want to keep their options open just in case guy #1 doesn't work out but I think it's dumb. Still, he might give her a few more days just in case she's not replying because she's upset that her dog died or a giant meteor destroyed her house but if she continues being like that, get back in there and find someone else.
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    Does she have exams?
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    Straight up?

    insight: you're the back up. the guy she'd come to if she runs completely out of luck on Tinder. IMO; this will not happen; so any likely event you're waiting for this; i'd suggest you move shop.

    Solution: Abandon ship. or see if you can obtain a 'fwb' (unsure of success as this is both likely/unlikely); but i will not ever consider her a strong candidate even for that position.

    she's just not into you that much; she wants to have her cake and eat it. go full cold-turkey on her ass and ignore the *****
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    (Original post by theDanIdentity)
    Straight up?

    insight: you're the back up. the guy she'd come to if she runs completely out of luck on Tinder. IMO; this will not happen; so any likely event you're waiting for this; i'd suggest you move shop.

    Solution: Abandon ship. or see if you can obtain a 'fwb' (unsure of success as this is both likely/unlikely); but i will not ever consider her a strong candidate even for that position.

    she's just not into you that much; she wants to have her cake and eat it. go full cold-turkey on her ass and ignore the *****


    unfortunately you've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

    I've been that "backup" guy several times now, and even before I spotted this reply I already knew what was going on here.
    I too in the past have called a girl out and plain out asked her "are you actually interested" and she wrote a long genuine reply say yes etc and apologising profusely and then before no time she was back to her aloof flaky behavior.

    She was also going out clubbing A LOT, which was a major warning sign.
    she also refused to kiss me on our date making up excuses and when we were chatting by text afterwards she went completely silent on me...

    by that stage i had enough and set her an abrupt reply basically telling her to forget it...

    i happened to bump into her a few weeks later at a club and her friend was givng me evils. obviously she had filled her head with BS and painted herself to be the victim,

    In the club i started dancing with some other girl, and the girl started to look very jelous. she basically came upto us and stood there glaring at me with folded arms and a poe faced look on her face. It felt great. I just ignored her.
    Pity she didn't get to see me kiss her later on it the night.

    take the advice of the guy i quoted and just get rid. After you get rid sometimes they will change their bahavior temporarily in an attempt to get you back on a string again. DONT FALL FOR IT. Within no time she will be back to her usual behavior.

    learn to spot the signs that a girl just isn't that into you and next her ...otherwise she will keep you on a string indefinitely as backup guy. I was on a string for lik 3 mths before with one other girl.
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    (Original post by ANM775)
    unfortunately you've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

    I've been that "backup" guy several times now, and even before I spotted this reply I already knew what was going on here.
    I too in the past have called a girl out and plain out asked her "are you actually interested" and she wrote a long genuine reply say yes etc and apologising profusely and then before no time she was back to her aloof flaky behavior.

    She was also going out clubbing A LOT, which was a major warning sign.
    she also refused to kiss me on our date making up excuses and when we were chatting by text afterwards she went completely silent on me...

    by that stage i had enough and set her an abrupt reply basically telling her to forget it...

    i happened to bump into her a few weeks later at a club and her friend was givng me evils. obviously she had filled her head with BS and painted herself to be the victim,

    In the club i started dancing with some other girl, and the girl started to look very jelous. she basically came upto us and stood there glaring at me with folded arms and a poe faced look on her face. It felt great. I just ignored her.
    Pity she didn't get to see me kiss her later on it the night.

    take the advice of the guy i quoted and just get rid. After you get rid sometimes they will change their bahavior temporarily in an attempt to get you back on a string again. DONT FALL FOR IT. Within no time she will be back to her usual behavior.

    learn to spot the signs that a girl just isn't that into you and next her ...otherwise she will keep you on a string indefinitely as backup guy. I was on a string for lik 3 mths before with one other girl.
    Brother, that statement was made due to experiences i've had with women. even still to this day, i have at least 3 numbers of said women who i'd have gotten with but then started playing with me in this ****ed up manner (i save them and the conversations to serve as memory of the disgusting manner they treated me). most of these girls put me 'on the string' as well for a similar amount of time. fortunately for me, little did they know that i was playing all three at the same time (Just because i can. mwahaha). unfortunately, it was a back-burner for all three for the same amount of time.

    I will not lie. i love how you handled the situation, but seeing how bitter i can get; i would've made sure that the bitter girl and her friend would've been there when i kissed the new girl in the club. i would've taken the dance to some new level of erotica in the club and Personally, subtly dragged the dance across the club till i was dancing & making out with the new girl RIGHT in the bitter girls' face; and done so with other girls in the club as well. just purely for banter.

    looooool. why the hell was she getting pissed for? you weren't together and she was a ***** to you? tbh. this mainly sounds like an upgrade of a normal 'uninterested, but acting like it' girl. normally, after they've conducted their behaviour, they wouldn't care about how you are in the club. but i think she's the 'upgraded version' as it sounds like the victimised stories she told her friend were ones in which she was the 'good' person; who was seeking something of a relationship. and her meeting you at the club with her friend, meant that she had to keep up appearances in front of her friend so that her 'story' was true. personally, i'd be quite ashamed that i even considered someone like her to be with (as the evidence of her deception & manipulation to herself and her friend to believe she was the victim knows no limits).

    Payback's a *****. but.. a ***** i'm massively in love with. you get an upvote
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    (Original post by theDanIdentity)
    Brother, that statement was made due to experiences i've had with women. even still to this day, i have at least 3 numbers of said women who i'd have gotten with but then started playing with me in this ****ed up manner (i save them and the conversations to serve as memory of the disgusting manner they treated me). most of these girls put me 'on the string' as well for a similar amount of time. fortunately for me, little did they know that i was playing all three at the same time (Just because i can. mwahaha). unfortunately, it was a back-burner for all three for the same amount of time.

    I will not lie. i love how you handled the situation, but seeing how bitter i can get; i would've made sure that the bitter girl and her friend would've been there when i kissed the new girl in the club. i would've taken the dance to some new level of erotica in the club and Personally, subtly dragged the dance across the club till i was dancing & making out with the new girl RIGHT in the bitter girls' face; and done so with other girls in the club as well. just purely for banter.

    looooool. why the hell was she getting pissed for? you weren't together and she was a ***** to you? tbh. this mainly sounds like an upgrade of a normal 'uninterested, but acting like it' girl. normally, after they've conducted their behaviour, they wouldn't care about how you are in the club. but i think she's the 'upgraded version' as it sounds like the victimised stories she told her friend were ones in which she was the 'good' person; who was seeking something of a relationship. and her meeting you at the club with her friend, meant that she had to keep up appearances in front of her friend so that her 'story' was true. personally, i'd be quite ashamed that i even considered someone like her to be with (as the evidence of her deception & manipulation to herself and her friend to believe she was the victim knows no limits).

    Payback's a *****. but.. a ***** i'm massively in love with. you get an upvote

    I would have preffered for her to see me kiss the other girl, but by that time she had either left to go into another room or had gone home.

    tbh, that wasn't the first time girls have treated badly like that. I was the "backup" guy for several months before with one other girl, this girl was a real manipulator .. knew exactly what to say to keep me sweet. She did eventually find a boyfriend, and she had the cheek to still try and keep me as backup guy. When the guy started treating her like sh*t she wanted "comfort" and wanted to talk to me. I didn't give her any. Eventually she deleted me from facebook because i wouldn't talk to her much and wouldn't come to her birthday party.

    I'm just appalled at myself for letting her keep me as backup guy for so long

    I now have an extremely low tolerance now for this sort of thing. Any indication AT ALL that im some sort of backup guy or the girl is playing field and im gone.

    there's a girl right now who is expecting me to call her and set up a date. Little does she know that i witnessed her snogging one of her male "friends" shortly after we met.

    No way am I getting involved with this bullsh*t.
    GOODBYE.
    NEXT........
 
 
 
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