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Friend always criticising me, feel like I'm outgrowing her Watch

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    So we are both girls. I am a couple of years older than her and we met when I was just shy of 16 (she was 13).

    We got on instantly and as we met at a drama club we saw each other every weekend. We then made friends with another girl and would always go out for dinner or sleepovers. She was so easy to talk to.

    The two of us because extremely close and would tell each other everything. We were more like sisters and the age difference didn't seem to matter because she was very mature for her age (in terms of common sense etc).

    It remained like this for about 4 years until she left school and went to college aged 16 to study a more vocational course (event management).It wasn't a particularly academic college and she isn't academic herself but the course was exactly what she wanted to do and all of the events she would do she would flourish in. She is a very confident girl and likes to organise people.

    She would always be selected to manage events and would often be praised by her teachers. I know this because whenever we met up it was all she ever talked about. How she sealed a work experience deal with this guy who is big in the events world. Every conversation we would have it would revolve around her and the success she was having.

    I was really pleased for her but it got to the point where it was all going to her head. She then got a part time job in an estate agents and again, every time we would meet she would go on and on about what she does in her job. Our house was on the market at the time and she kept telling me and my mum that she thinks it's was overvalued and that we shouldn't bother doing building work to it either.

    She would tell my mum what to do with regards to our house and she became very pushy. We would often go out the two of us and our mums and 90% of the conversation would be about her jobs and all that she knows about the property market and which how her teachers have awarded her with all these awards at college.

    Whenever I would try and talk to her about my problems she would look away as if she wasn't listening or got distracted. Sooner or later she would turn the conversation back to herself.

    It got to the stage where I would no longer enjoy myself when I went out with her. And that's what the criticising started. Every decision I make regarding my life she has to criticise. Even small things like if I decide to have a certain pudding in a restaurant she will say "what you are mad why on earth are you having that" or "why do you care so much?" Or she will say "I don't get you why do you never eat you are so weird". Basically everything is a criticism and she is not the same girl I knew all those years ago.

    I wonder if her jobs and college have gone to her head but she is very self centred and manipulative. My mum says she has me right where she wants me. We will go out sometimes this friend and I and it will end up being a massive argument about what I want to do with my life and my friend saying I am making all the wrong decisions and I should be doing this this and this. I don't mind advice but she speaks in an accusative tone and the conversations are always so serious.

    Now it's at the stage where I don't want to see her so often and when I do, she nearly always suggests we ask other people because she doesn't seem to like going out just us two anymore. I don't know whether she gets fed up with the arguing or if she is bored of me but I think it's the latter.

    I am on anti depressants and I told her because she knows I have been feeling down. She wasn't very supportive at all. She said they won't help and when I said what would help is positive thinking and I told her I didn't need any negativity from her (like telling me tablets won't work). Her reply was "well I am not going to mollycoddle you because I am not like that I will say it as it is and they won't help you".

    We were supposed to meet up tonight which she didn't really want to do when she realised it would just be the two of us but she agreed to go for dinner anyway. So I get to the restaurant at the agreed time and ask where she is via text. She then replies she fell asleep and hasn't left yet.

    She apologised but that was the final straw because I wasn't going to wait 25 minutes for her to arrive so I called it off. I am supposed to be going to her hide tomorrow with some other girls but to be honest I don't want to see her.

    I feel like my depression started when her critical remarks started and she is not being a supportive friend one bit. I always though we would end up being friends well into adult life but I think I am growing out of her. If I try and give her advice and say how I deal with similar issues she will reply "hmmm.... But I don't get why you..." And it will be something critical.

    Any suggestions, should I move on from her and focus on other friends?
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    MOVE ON. Seriously, get this girl out of your life. It seems that this 'friendship' has fallen into such disrepair that you cannot get back what you once had. It's a very sad thought, but it's also very true.

    You absolutely do not have to deal with this criticism which is clearly getting you down and was probably a major factor in you becoming depressed. Surround yourself with people who love and support you and forget about her. You might find this hard to do (or not; I don't know exactly how this might make you feel), but my advice would be to never see her or speak to her again. Cut her out of your life completely, cherish the good memories of when you were both younger and get on with life without her.

    The only contact you should make with her is to call her (do not text her - this should be a 'proper' conversation) and tell her that you are sick of her criticism and emotional abuse and you never want to have anything to do with her again. I'm being serious here - DO NOT take no for an answer; you need to be straight with her and tell her exactly how you feel (essentially say to her what you said in your post).

    There are so many people out there who can be your real friends. They can love you and support you and listen to you when you need help. Remember that even on TSR people are willing to offer you advice and support.

    Good luck

    Banana
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Banana00)
    MOVE ON. Seriously, get this girl out of your life. It seems that this 'friendship' has fallen into such disrepair that you cannot get back what you once had. It's a very sad thought, but it's also very true.

    You absolutely do not have to deal with this criticism which is clearly getting you down and was probably a major factor in you becoming depressed. Surround yourself with people who love and support you and forget about her. You might find this hard to do (or not; I don't know exactly how this might make you feel), but my advice would be to never see her or speak to her again. Cut her out of your life completely, cherish the good memories of when you were both younger and get on with life without her.

    The only contact you should make with her is to call her (do not text her - this should be a 'proper' conversation) and tell her that you are sick of her criticism and emotional abuse and you never want to have anything to do with her again. I'm being serious here - DO NOT take no for an answer; you need to be straight with her and tell her exactly how you feel (essentially say to her what you said in your post).

    There are so many people out there who can be your real friends. They can love you and support you and listen to you when you need help. Remember that even on TSR people are willing to offer you advice and support.

    Good luck

    Banana
    Thank you so much for your reply it has really boosted my mood and self esteem. The issue with getting her out of my life (which I would like to do) is that she is friends with all of my good friends and we go out together. So I am seeing her tomorrow with a big group and I am dreading it. I love all the other people but she just ruins it.

    Because everyone thinks we are still good friends they might think it weird if I say created another inbox without her on it. Another issue with her is she isn't quite 18 yet and we are all 20. So whenever we go to the bat we have to make sure it's a weeknight. Would it be wrong to suggest on our inbox (that she is on) that we go out on a Friday?

    I don't want the others saying "what about *her name*?" Part of me hopes they will agree to go out without her but you never know she is friends with them too.

    It's so difficult.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much for your reply it has really boosted my mood and self esteem. The issue with getting her out of my life (which I would like to do) is that she is friends with all of my good friends and we go out together. So I am seeing her tomorrow with a big group and I am dreading it. I love all the other people but she just ruins it.

    Because everyone thinks we are still good friends they might think it weird if I say created another inbox without her on it. Another issue with her is she isn't quite 18 yet and we are all 20. So whenever we go to the bat we have to make sure it's a weeknight. Would it be wrong to suggest on our inbox (that she is on) that we go out on a Friday?

    I don't want the others saying "what about *her name*?" Part of me hopes they will agree to go out without her but you never know she is friends with them too.

    It's so difficult.
    I'm really glad my post helped you; I was worried it would come across as quite direct and bossy!

    Do your mutual friends not see how she treats you or is she only horrid to you when it's just the two of you together? You need to make sure they know how she acts towards you, even though I appreciate it may be very hard to tell them if they do not see it.

    By all means go out with your friends without her - you should not have to lose all your friends just because she is mean. However, I cannot stress enough how much you need to just get her out of your life. If your mutual friends do not support you in this, you may need to consider how much your friendship means to them.

    Going out without her may even be a good opportunity to tell your other friends what is going on if they cannot see it. On the other hand, you may find it easier to speak to just one of your other friends and see how that goes (this might be better as it would cause less drama). You are perfectly entitled to spend a good evening out with your friends without her coming along as well. Have you ever spent much time with them before without the other girl being there as well? This may sound cheesy, but it could help with 'bonding' and you may find the atmosphere is very different from how it is when your other 'friend' is around.

    Whatever you do, do not meet up with her on your own without any of your other friends - this gives her the perfect opportunity to be horrid to you again which (I feel) would be a huge knock to your confidence.

    If I've been rambling up to this point, I apologise (I've been typing as the thoughts come into my head). The best course of action (as far as I can see, at least) is to tell one of your other friends what is happening and then maybe you could approach this girl together about what she is doing to you? If you've never confronted her before this could shock her and make her realise that you're not going to put up with her nonsense any more. But remember that I'm a complete outsider in this and you will know what is best for you to do.

    Good luck and please do let me know how everything goes!
    I'm always here for you if you need any more advice (and you can PM me if you want to, although that would stop you being anonymous, so you might not want to do that).

    Banana xxx
 
 
 
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