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Gay Love
About 3 months ago my boyfriend of 6 months ended our relationship, citing a variety of wishy-washy reasons. He did so 2 days before the start of my prelims, when I told him he was being inconsiderate he said that he couldn't lie to me or himself anymore. He wanted us to continue being friends, continue seeing eachother but, after a week of this, I decided that I couldn't take it. I cut off all contact and haven't spoken to him since - he was pretty upset about this and begged me to reconsider, but I couldn't be just his friend. I said, quite off the cuff, that if he wanted to speak to me after my exams were over he could, but right now he couldn't be any part of my life.
I was completely destroyed. I did dreadfully in my prelims and (I'm a despressive) went through a really low phase. I only began to come out of it maybe six weeks ago. He'd been my first proper boyfriend and I'd genuinely liked him - he'd become my world. I began turning down friends to see him instead and soon, all my social life consisted of talking to him and seeing him, everything else began to feel insignificant; my friendships, my hobbies and school.
So, I began to come out of the bad spell. I was thinking about him less and less and had begun to look to the future. Once in a while I'd see something that reminded me of him and I'd feel sad that that was over.
Anyway, not long after we split up I heard he was dating someone else. I came to the conclusion that he'd met this other boy when he was going with me and split up with me to give him the freedom to go out with this boy instead.
I'm not sure if this is true, it is just my assumption, but I know that they were definitely going out.
My last exam was yesterday. Just after coming home today I got a text from him saying that ok, I might not want to speak to him, but he needed to talk to me, and he asked how I was.
I'm completely and totally at a loss.
I don't know why he's contacted me again - does he want to date again, or does he just want to be friends, like before? I feel like I should be angry with him and punnish him for the horrible things he put me through.
Sadly, deep down, I miss the closeness that we had. I don't think it was him specifically, just that I was that close with someone - he could have been anyone, really.
Should I reply and be friendly? Should I ask him what he wants?
I'm scared that it'll open up that big wound that he created that has just healed - I really couldn't go back to the way I was a few months ago, but I know that I'd love to have him back.
I'm lost
Advice?
I was completely destroyed. I did dreadfully in my prelims and (I'm a despressive) went through a really low phase. I only began to come out of it maybe six weeks ago. He'd been my first proper boyfriend and I'd genuinely liked him - he'd become my world. I began turning down friends to see him instead and soon, all my social life consisted of talking to him and seeing him, everything else began to feel insignificant; my friendships, my hobbies and school.
So, I began to come out of the bad spell. I was thinking about him less and less and had begun to look to the future. Once in a while I'd see something that reminded me of him and I'd feel sad that that was over.
Anyway, not long after we split up I heard he was dating someone else. I came to the conclusion that he'd met this other boy when he was going with me and split up with me to give him the freedom to go out with this boy instead.
I'm not sure if this is true, it is just my assumption, but I know that they were definitely going out.
My last exam was yesterday. Just after coming home today I got a text from him saying that ok, I might not want to speak to him, but he needed to talk to me, and he asked how I was.
I'm completely and totally at a loss.
I don't know why he's contacted me again - does he want to date again, or does he just want to be friends, like before? I feel like I should be angry with him and punnish him for the horrible things he put me through.
Sadly, deep down, I miss the closeness that we had. I don't think it was him specifically, just that I was that close with someone - he could have been anyone, really.
Should I reply and be friendly? Should I ask him what he wants?
I'm scared that it'll open up that big wound that he created that has just healed - I really couldn't go back to the way I was a few months ago, but I know that I'd love to have him back.
I'm lost
Advice?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
He left you before\your prelims and you say it could have been anyone it was just to do with being close so why don't you just find someone else?
Reply 2
Oof.
I suggest you go and talk to him, but fix it in your own mind (and his) that it's purely to settle your relationship as friends or enemies or whatever else, and certainly not to start seeing each other again. You might feel better after it - talking things through is often therapeutic. Just make sure you know - the person you'd love to have back is the person who was committed to you, and judging from the way he's acted, I'm not sure he ever was that person.
I suggest you go and talk to him, but fix it in your own mind (and his) that it's purely to settle your relationship as friends or enemies or whatever else, and certainly not to start seeing each other again. You might feel better after it - talking things through is often therapeutic. Just make sure you know - the person you'd love to have back is the person who was committed to you, and judging from the way he's acted, I'm not sure he ever was that person.
Reply 3
Anonymous
Anyway, not long after we split up I heard he was dating someone else. I came to the conclusion that he'd met this other boy when he was going with me and split up with me to give him the freedom to go out with this boy instead.
I'm not sure if this is true, it is just my assumption, but I know that they were definitely going out.
Anyway, not long after we split up I heard he was dating someone else. I came to the conclusion that he'd met this other boy when he was going with me and split up with me to give him the freedom to go out with this boy instead.
I'm not sure if this is true, it is just my assumption, but I know that they were definitely going out.
First before I answer, are are you a guy? (doesn't sound like it) or is he BI?
Reply 5
generalebriety
Oof.
I suggest you go and talk to him, but fix it in your own mind (and his) that it's purely to settle your relationship as friends or enemies or whatever else, and certainly not to start seeing each other again. You might feel better after it - talking things through is often therapeutic. Just make sure you know - the person you'd love to have back is the person who was committed to you, and judging from the way he's acted, I'm not sure he ever was that person.
I suggest you go and talk to him, but fix it in your own mind (and his) that it's purely to settle your relationship as friends or enemies or whatever else, and certainly not to start seeing each other again. You might feel better after it - talking things through is often therapeutic. Just make sure you know - the person you'd love to have back is the person who was committed to you, and judging from the way he's acted, I'm not sure he ever was that person.
But the thing is, I'm such an emotionally open person - if I give in and start talking to him again I know it'll be just a little bit away from seeing eachother every once in a while until he gets bored of me and someone else comes along.
It's like picking a scab.
The thing is, I really really want to pick it but I've got the fear that if the same happened again then I'd be really heartbroken.
In some ways I feel like testing myself, puting myself through it to see if I can cope with it...
The Thinker
First before I answer, are are you a guy? (doesn't sound like it) or is he BI?
I am a guy
Margerie Dawes
He left you before\your prelims and you say it could have been anyone it was just to do with being close so why don't you just find someone else?
I live in a really rural place and the only gays around are cheap and slutty.
I've been with them and not really looking to go back...
He was different - he was intelligent, caring, committed, reallllllyyy into me at the start. I think he just got bored of me...
Reply 6
Anonymous
But the thing is, I'm such an emotionally open person - if I give in and start talking to him again I know it'll be just a little bit away from seeing eachother every once in a while until he gets bored of me and someone else comes along.
It's like picking a scab.
The thing is, I really really want to pick it but I've got the fear that if the same happened again then I'd be really heartbroken.
In some ways I feel like testing myself, puting myself through it to see if I can cope with it...
It's like picking a scab.
The thing is, I really really want to pick it but I've got the fear that if the same happened again then I'd be really heartbroken.
In some ways I feel like testing myself, puting myself through it to see if I can cope with it...
You know that putting yourself through it to see if you can cope is a stupid idea - you clearly can't, and besides, even if you somehow learnt how to, it wouldn't be what you want.
If you really don't feel you can go and talk to him yet then don't. It's up to you.
Reply 7
He says he hasn't stopped thinking about me and that he still loves me.
All I can do with that is laugh because it's the traditional cliche things that men say when they're trying to be forgiven.
I'm totally confused.
Is the "once a cheater always a cheater" proverb true, in anyone's experience?
All I can do with that is laugh because it's the traditional cliche things that men say when they're trying to be forgiven.
I'm totally confused.
Is the "once a cheater always a cheater" proverb true, in anyone's experience?
Reply 8
mrsmann
The thread title's gay love so of course they're both guys!
reading through the posts on this thread explains it!!
Reply 9
OP, Why are you Anonymous, you 'avin a laugh or something? pfffft
Reply 10
Anonymous
He says he hasn't stopped thinking about me and that he still loves me.
All I can do with that is laugh because it's the traditional cliche things that men say when they're trying to be forgiven.
I'm totally confused.
Is the "once a cheater always a cheater" proverb true, in anyone's experience?
All I can do with that is laugh because it's the traditional cliche things that men say when they're trying to be forgiven.
I'm totally confused.
Is the "once a cheater always a cheater" proverb true, in anyone's experience?
The once a cheater always a cheater i have had proven by and ex, but i cheated on an ex-gf once and i have never cheated on ayone since and my current bf cheated on his gf to get with me, yet (as far as i know) he hasnt cheated on me in 18 months so no the proverb is not always true
Reply 11
There's not much anyone can say... You should go and meet him, just to find out what he wants.
He has contacted you because you said he could after your exams which he did do. Although he hurt you, i think you should meet up with him just to hear what he has to say. your mind is clearer now with exams behind you so you mihgt be more open to what he has to say and be able to understand his real reasoning for breakin up with you.
Reply 13
The thing is, he broke up with me because he shagged someone else. That's the reason. Simple.
Then, obviously, that person turned out not to be as accommodating as me and that made him feel like he wanted me back.
I'm very tempted to meet him just to see... it's like picking a scab - I know that at some point there'll be soreness but it's just far too tempting to pick...
to "in my country there is a problem", no, I'm not having a laugh.
I'd just rather that people didn't know that someone had dumped me/cheated on me.
Then, obviously, that person turned out not to be as accommodating as me and that made him feel like he wanted me back.
I'm very tempted to meet him just to see... it's like picking a scab - I know that at some point there'll be soreness but it's just far too tempting to pick...
to "in my country there is a problem", no, I'm not having a laugh.
I'd just rather that people didn't know that someone had dumped me/cheated on me.
Reply 14
i think you should speak to him and see what he has to say. it might help you clear your head. you can always ignore him again after!
Reply 15
Anonymous
The thing is, he broke up with me because he shagged someone else. That's the reason. Simple.
Then, obviously, that person turned out not to be as accommodating as me and that made him feel like he wanted me back.
ess but it's just far too tempting to pick...
Then, obviously, that person turned out not to be as accommodating as me and that made him feel like he wanted me back.
ess but it's just far too tempting to pick...
So basically you are just sloppy seconds, anyway I thought you were at uni so surely you'll be able to meet people there, how old are you both if you don't mind me asking.
Reply 16
Talk to him. Also, its not true that once a cheater always a cheater. But make sure that you're taking him back for the right reasons if you do, not just because you feel like you should or just because you're comfortable with him.
Reply 17
Only go and talk to him if you really feel that you need closure. If talking to him won't make you feel more positive, then don't go. He was the one who left you, so he doesn't have much of a right to make you stick around. He had plenty of time to tell you everything, and he didn't. There is no point you hurting yourself by going to see him, simply so that he can get a few things off his chest.
Reply 18
Margerie Dawes
So basically you are just sloppy seconds, anyway I thought you were at uni so surely you'll be able to meet people there, how old are you both if you don't mind me asking.
Ahh, don't say that.
I'm starting Uni in September, he's in his 3rd year (I think
).I'm 17 and he's 21.
Reply 19
Schmokie Dragon
Only go and talk to him if you really feel that you need closure. If talking to him won't make you feel more positive, then don't go. He was the one who left you, so he doesn't have much of a right to make you stick around. He had plenty of time to tell you everything, and he didn't. There is no point you hurting yourself by going to see him, simply so that he can get a few things off his chest.
The thing is, it transcends he doesn't just want to see me he wants me back...
It's just so irritating and annoying flattering at the same time.
It's absolutely ridiculous that he thinks he can just come whining back to me with his tail behind his legs telling me he loves me and it annoys me that he thinks I'll just say "Oh, ok, let's go back out"
Also, I can't help being flattered that he was waited 3 months and the day after my exam he says he wants me back and his life has been horrible since we split up.
I know in my head that I should not take him back because he cheated on me but it's so hard not to just give in...
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