I've been with my girl now for around a year and 6 months, things have been perfect. We get along well, we do stuff together, we have a great active sex life, pretty much perfect. She tells me she feels the same way, and she loves me the same. All this is said in person as well not even just by texting one another, we have a good thing going.
Well that was at least until around 2 days after my birthday a few weeks ago, I started to think she wasn't interested anymore or like I was getting the hint that she wasn't, then one day she hardly text me and I was on Facebook messenger with the lads in group chat and I clicked on her profile by accident and saw she was active a few minutes ago but didn't reply to me, I thought nothing of it but checked again out of curiosity and saw she had been active again but can't text me back and she uses her phone for all social media.
Once I'd noticed this I sort of checked more often and more and more often than not she had been active but couldn't respond to me, when she did text back every hour or so it was a normal text back, then one day I'm at my friends house and BAMN I get hit with a text saying she doesn't feel the same way anymore and she doesn't know what she wants, and she wants a break from us etc.
My response was at first absolutely gutted but I responded as if I wasn't too fussed, it's her decision and I have to respect that and I'll be round tomorrow to get my stuff, she replies with is that all I care about? Getting my playstation from hers and stuff like that, I went cinema and text her after saying well speak in the morning to discuss things.
On that night she went out and started texting me saying she regrets it etc etc and she doesn't want a break, but before I went to sleep in accepted a load of girls on my instagram and one was my ex girlfriend, she started liking my photos and my girlfriend who I'm on a break with notices so she thinks I'm speaking to her and starts getting more hormonal on me, I explain I have done nothing and don't even speak to her and everything and we agree to meet in person the next day to sort things out properly once and for all.
I get to her house and she gets in my car, I ask her why she sent the initial text and then hours later regretted it sending me nice texts, she just says she's confused and she doesn't know what she wants anymore, anyway this went on for a while and I'm getting pissed,eventually she talks to me and we sort things out and stay together, brilliant. I see her later that night for a few hours and we have a good time together.
Since then she has told me that she was hormonal from contraception during that time, explained her self properly and things are good. However the messenger thing still persists, she's active when she's not texting me back. When I try and see her now she agrees but then on the day usually a few hours before something comes up, working over or busy at home etc, I've told her if she says it again about wanting a break then it's over.
Advice would be appreciated Watch
- Thread Starter
- 03-04-2016 22:21
- 05-04-2016 14:13
Well, this is just my opinion but...
1. The Messenger thing:
Does this happen when you message her and she doesn't reply even though she's "active"? Could be the fact that she's talking to someone else whom she feels is more 'important' than you which is why she doesn't reply to your texts? Coming from a girl, this is pretty odd behaviour.
2. Instagram situ
Perhaps she started to feel jealous and seeing another girl (even though it was your ex-gf) liking your pictures and commenting on your pictures kind of fuelled her to take action over your relationship which might be why she wanted to meet up??
3. Cancelling meet-ups
Maybe she didn't want to tell you "no" directly and thus, she has put it off until the very last minute and then told you she had plans but forgot about them so yeah, maybe she didn't want to hurt your feelings. A reason for doing this would be that either she didn't want to see you or that she actually couldn't see you due to her plans or so.
And well, overall, people change over time and people's feelings change over time. Communication is key in the maintenance of relationships (as psychology has proved this too) and without intimate and regular communication between you two, sudden and abrupt or weird actions by her are such consequences. This could be especially true in young relationships.... But then again, I may be wrong and you two may be communicating really well and that this is just a bump in the road but I hope that these ideas helped, somewhat. haha
Best advice would be to really talk to her properly about this and confront her about your worries and situation.
Best of luck x
- 05-04-2016 14:50
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now, and sometimes I see he's active on messenger but not texting me back. Bothers me most when we are both going to sleep (not together) and he can't text me back to say he's going to sleep but he will be active on Facebook two mins after I text saying goodnight then in the morning he says "sorry I fell asleep!" - I got so cranky about it, ended up googling about if messenger plays up, and sometimes it does! Other apps like games linked to Facebook and online Spotify will often say a Facebook account is active even if they;re not on the Facebook specific app, so that is something to consider in that sense! Also, sometimes when the app is on in the background it will say active too! I totally understand how you found yourself checking it though - its important to try not to check and snoop because thats when you wind yourself up, and thats something I had to try and get around as well.
In terms of the instagram, I think just tell her straight you were upset about the situation, thats how you mentally responded; just accepting loads of new followers, but now you've realised its made your profile a mess or you didn't expect your ex to be so active on your profile, you want to get rid of her or something! Again, my boyfriend accepts literally anyone with mutual friends on his Facebook, some of the girls have such skanky photos I obviously feel threatened, its the same with followers on Instagram or Twitter in some peoples cases!
In terms of the meet ups, you could tell her that you feel like she just doesn't want to see you, and that its not fair you keep the time spare to see her for her just to cancel, leaving you with nothing to do, especially if she doesn't give you a genuine reason. You could literally just turn up one day or say "I'm on my way over" or something, keep it simple!
Good luck with everything though, and yes communication is definitely the key, as well as trust! Its important to just confront your concerns with each other. But don't let yourself be walked over, you're still young and shouldn't be held back because someone doesn't treat you back right!!
- 05-04-2016 16:13
Girls............ nuff said