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I Don't Know What To Do
My dad has been with my mum for 35 years, and I now think hes cheating on her, he keeps going out every night, and when mum was away on work, he spent the night away from home even though he promised me he would ring me if he couldnt get home. My mum keeps making jokes whenever he goes out, so I thought id check his phone (wrong I know) and I found texts from another woman, saying "I love you loads xxxx " etc. I dont know what to do, should I tell my mum, or confront my dad? I was thinking of telling my elder brother first, but I dont know what to say!!!!! I NEED HELP
eek that's a tricky situation. To be honest I wouldn't tell either of your parents yet because you may still be wrong, and you don't want to make a fool of yourself or your mum/dad if your info is wrong. However, you could confide in your older brother so that you don't have the burden of keeping it to yourself. (I know I would struggle to deal with that info by myself!) He might be able to go through a suitable plan of action, as it were.
Good luck anyway and I hope everything gets sorted.
Good luck anyway and I hope everything gets sorted.
Reply 2
Anonymous
My dad has been with my mum for 35 years, and I now think hes cheating on her, he keeps going out every night, and when mum was away on work, he spent the night away from home even though he promised me he would ring me if he couldnt get home. My mum keeps making jokes whenever he goes out, so I thought id check his phone (wrong I know) and I found texts from another woman, saying "I love you loads xxxx " etc. I dont know what to do, should I tell my mum, or confront my dad? I was thinking of telling my elder brother first, but I dont know what to say!!!!! I NEED HELP
Tell your mum. You should not have to deal with it alone and your mum deserves to know.
Reply 3
I'd go confront your Dad. Sure, I'd be effing terrified but I'd rather go directly to him and clear any possible doubts before your mum finds out something that might not be true as this may create some misunderstandings that could have well been avoided.
I wouldn't tell him about snooping through his phone just yet though. Ask him if he wants to talk about something and explain to him how you feel when he goes out late at night or is away without telling you. Tell him that you were genuinely worried about him, you think something's wrong and that he can talk to you if need be. Only if he becomes defensive then explain what you saw on his phone...explain to him that it was wrong of you, sure, but that you're genuinely worried about him and the relationship he shares with other members of your family.
35 years is a long long time. I really hope everything works out.
I wouldn't tell him about snooping through his phone just yet though. Ask him if he wants to talk about something and explain to him how you feel when he goes out late at night or is away without telling you. Tell him that you were genuinely worried about him, you think something's wrong and that he can talk to you if need be. Only if he becomes defensive then explain what you saw on his phone...explain to him that it was wrong of you, sure, but that you're genuinely worried about him and the relationship he shares with other members of your family.
35 years is a long long time. I really hope everything works out.
Reply 4
Is there any way you can kind of hint that you know but not in an obvious way? Like when he says he's going away that night/day say something like 'off to see your other girlfriend?' making a joke. That way he might guess that you know and back off the other woman OR tell your mum or something. You will be able to tell from his reaction or whatever. Or you could hint to your mum that you know something is going on. But like other people have said you need to be sure before you tell your mum. I think your best bit is to do the joke about him having another woman. I know it sounds stupid but most people who are having affairs their partner already know and just dont say anything. So it could be that he is having an affair and that your mum knows and turns a blind eye??? Is that possible? 
Reply 5
Did you check the sent items to see what he was saying to her? It could just be a friend but of course it probably isn't. Just tell him you know what he's up to...maybe asking him to explain. Tell him if he doesn't tell your mum you will.
Reply 6
Personally I think you should leave it. Don't meddle in what you don't understand - if your mum knows he's going out every night she's free to make her own mind up. She might know. Or there might be a good reason for it which she might know and you don't.
Reply 7
Poor you, what a horrible situation to be in. There isn't really a 'right' option so don't feel bad about whatever you decide to do, it's an impossible situation.
If I had to say what I think you should do, I would say that you should tell your mother. She deserves to know these things. However, if you do tell her, try to prepare yourself for a possible breakdown in their marriage because the outcome could be pretty bad. Then again, they might be able to figure it out... you can't know.
You could always text her from his phone, arranging a meeting between her and your dad. When she turns up you could meet her and tell her to back off and stop wrecking the family. But that may not work.
Good luck with whatever happens. You're very unlucky to be in this position, but it is good that you know (in a way) because he shouldn't be doing that and it should be stopped.
If I had to say what I think you should do, I would say that you should tell your mother. She deserves to know these things. However, if you do tell her, try to prepare yourself for a possible breakdown in their marriage because the outcome could be pretty bad. Then again, they might be able to figure it out... you can't know.
You could always text her from his phone, arranging a meeting between her and your dad. When she turns up you could meet her and tell her to back off and stop wrecking the family. But that may not work.
Good luck with whatever happens. You're very unlucky to be in this position, but it is good that you know (in a way) because he shouldn't be doing that and it should be stopped.
I think you should talk to your dad about it. Be frank, because that way he's less likely to lie if there is something going on. He will probably be angry with you but if you're right then he is doing something a lot worse than what you've done. If you're not right, I'm sure he'll get over it. I'm sorry for you 
Reply 9
I was in this exact situation. I read the texts on his phone.. 'just to check'... and found loads from more than one women... so i know how horrible it is especially when your parents have been together for your whole life etc.
Personally, i decided not to say anything. Some people may disagree with this decision, but its completely different when your in that situation.
I did however mention it to my older brother as someone suggested in this thread. He simply said 'dont be silly' but, now i know that he knew at that time but was probably trying to reassure me.
Anyway the reasons i didnt say anything to my mum or dad. Well its difficult to put it into words, but it just didnt feel right after the snooping. I knew obviously it would hurt my mum either way if she found out or if it was going on behind her back, but i didnt want to play a part in that. And sometimes ignorance is bliss. I didnt know at that stage where any of the affairs were going, thought it might just be a lust thing didnt know what to think.
However, one night i ended up telling my mum (ok i was a little drunk and upset) and she sort of chose not to believe me, havign know hed had affairs in the past but believing they were now over. If your sure your mum doesnt know then its different i suppose. And it depends largely on the character of your mum aswell, i knew if it was bought up then the situation in my house would become even worse, more arguements, my mum getting more and thus parents drifting even further away from each other.
At that point i didnt know what it would lead to and nobody wants their parents to split up or be hurting. And i couldnt bear facing my dad about his sordid affairs.
So in a way i do think parents have the right to try and sort things out themselves a bit, tho as you say if your mum doesnt have a clue then its different. (my dad had been having years of affairs apparantly... i only knew about it for two years before they split)
But anyway ive rambled lots but, dont want you to feel your alone as the situation your in is horrible but you can get through it, whether you decide to act on it or not. Do what your happiest with.
I think a lot of it depends on the relationship between your parents and how strong it is. I knew if i had a talk to my dad about his affairs he would tell me he didnt love my mum and that would make things worse that it was out in the open (the week he left then came back, i..e the affairs were out in the open to the whole family, were So awkward and horrible)
So just really think about what your going to do, possibly talk it through with a brother or close friend / family friend that knows your family but wouldnt say anything?
Really hope it works out for you. Im totally against cheating, i hated my dad for doing it but didnt want to be the one to intefer with their relationship or cause them to split. Sounds selfish /cowardly whatever maybe but you just have to do what feels right.
Anyway sorry for the hugely long post just dont often find someone whos been through the same thing.
Goodluck whatever you decide hope ive helped a little and not confused you even more!
Personally, i decided not to say anything. Some people may disagree with this decision, but its completely different when your in that situation.
I did however mention it to my older brother as someone suggested in this thread. He simply said 'dont be silly' but, now i know that he knew at that time but was probably trying to reassure me.
Anyway the reasons i didnt say anything to my mum or dad. Well its difficult to put it into words, but it just didnt feel right after the snooping. I knew obviously it would hurt my mum either way if she found out or if it was going on behind her back, but i didnt want to play a part in that. And sometimes ignorance is bliss. I didnt know at that stage where any of the affairs were going, thought it might just be a lust thing didnt know what to think.
However, one night i ended up telling my mum (ok i was a little drunk and upset) and she sort of chose not to believe me, havign know hed had affairs in the past but believing they were now over. If your sure your mum doesnt know then its different i suppose. And it depends largely on the character of your mum aswell, i knew if it was bought up then the situation in my house would become even worse, more arguements, my mum getting more
and thus parents drifting even further away from each other.At that point i didnt know what it would lead to and nobody wants their parents to split up or be hurting. And i couldnt bear facing my dad about his sordid affairs.
So in a way i do think parents have the right to try and sort things out themselves a bit, tho as you say if your mum doesnt have a clue then its different. (my dad had been having years of affairs apparantly... i only knew about it for two years before they split)
But anyway ive rambled lots but, dont want you to feel your alone as the situation your in is horrible but you can get through it, whether you decide to act on it or not. Do what your happiest with.
I think a lot of it depends on the relationship between your parents and how strong it is. I knew if i had a talk to my dad about his affairs he would tell me he didnt love my mum and that would make things worse that it was out in the open (the week he left then came back, i..e the affairs were out in the open to the whole family, were So awkward and horrible)
So just really think about what your going to do, possibly talk it through with a brother or close friend / family friend that knows your family but wouldnt say anything?
Really hope it works out for you. Im totally against cheating, i hated my dad for doing it but didnt want to be the one to intefer with their relationship or cause them to split. Sounds selfish /cowardly whatever maybe but you just have to do what feels right.
Anyway sorry for the hugely long post just dont often find someone whos been through the same thing.
Goodluck whatever you decide hope ive helped a little and not confused you even more!
Reply 10
Thanks very much for all the advice, I have decided that as it is exam time, I wont confront either mum or dad. Instead i've decided to confide in my best friend for the time being, I don't want to stress my brother out at the moment neither.
I checked sent messages, and it appears that my suspicions are unfortunately correct.
I checked sent messages, and it appears that my suspicions are unfortunately correct.
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