Am I being unreasonable or expecting too much?

I love to treat my boyfriend to meals out and little things like coffees etc. He treats me occasionally too but he has only on a couple of occasions take me out for a meal and paid from his own pocket and even then I have had to really suggest for us to go out. I suggested that we go out for a meal every other week and take it in turns to pay, so far this hasn’t happened.

His parents sometimes give him money for him to use to take me somewhere, once his Dad gave us £50 to go out for a meal, he spend £15 of it on food for us and spent the change on stuff for himself but he argued we would both get use from it.

He does do a lot for me in the fact that I sleep at his parents’ house more than he stays at mine but I still feel like he really has to be pushed to go out of his way to do something nice for us sometimes.

Now I don’t expected to be treated like a princess by any means but the ratio of me treating him to him treating me, I feel, is way out of proportion.. or maybe I just go above and beyond what I should?

I don’t want to be a bratty girlfriend and complain he doesn’t take me out enough or I’m sick of paying things for him, because I do genuinely enjoy treating him to things, I just feel like there is a disparity between us.

What should I do?

Reply 1

999tigger

Sometimes people are different. If he does plenty of other things to treat you well to show consideration and he likes you, then thats his way rather than spending money.

You can make him aware youd like to go out more often or it would be nice if he did certain things to make you feel more like his gf, then its up to him.

The ratio seems unbalanced, so if you cant get him to change because he doesnt want to, then stop spending on him to get it in balance.

Alternatively accpet you are different he's quite tight (im assuming he has the money) and ecide whether you want to stay or leave. Don't nag him.

Reply 2

phunky_fresh

If my parents gave me £50 to spend on a date I'd probably do the same tbh lmao. Was the food nice? Did you enjoy yourself? If the answer is yes to both then the cost shouldn't be an issue.

You guys sound really young and I take it he doesn't work either? Maybe you should find other things to do and stop splashing out on him, no one is forcing you to do so. You can do it every so often and take a leaf out of his book and spend some more money on yourself.

Reply 3

999tigger

Original post by phunky_fresh

If my parents gave me £50 to spend on a date I'd probably do the same tbh lmao. Was the food nice? Did you enjoy yourself? If the answer is yes to both then the cost shouldn't be an issue.

.

You see I would take the opposite view, which is it was given for both of us and you have been selfish and a cheapskate by lining your own pockets with 2/3 of the money. If his dad had meant only £15 to be spent he would have given them £15. Its the principle not the cost.

Your partner shouldnt be shortchanging you , it sends out the wrong message.

Reply 4

phunky_fresh

Original post by 999tigger

It does but at the end of the day he is being transparent. She now knows he is selfish. He didn't have to tell her about his dad giving him that exact amount, however he did. His dad clearly has a good heart and intentions, but her boyfriend doesn't. Its up to her if she decides to stay with him or not

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by phunky_fresh

No, we both work full-time.

I know no one is forcing me and maybe I should back off

Reply 6

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

No, we both work full-time.

I know no one is forcing me and maybe I should back off

You arent being unreasonable in wanting the person to treat you in the same way you treat them. It might be he is selfish or he might reciprocate in other ways its hard to tell. You know him.

If you ask and it makes ni difference then its unlikley he will ever change. being in synch in terms of atitudes to money is essential o you will be heaing for trouble.. if its a case of you wnating more demonstrable affection, then you can make it known without nagging then make your mind up on the rsponse.

Reply 7

stargirl63

I think this just comes down to what you both view as a priority to spend money on. Maybe he doesn't see £50 towards one meal a viable option (I wouldn't either), and would rather spend this money on other things, or saving it. I did have a similar problem to you with an ex, and this was because he just didn't have spare income to spend on random things and treats.

I'd suggest you back off with your treats and spends on him. Just stop completely. If you want to go somewhere, tell him you would like if we both went here. And then leave it as that. I think he doesn't pay, and doesn't initiate anything because he doesn't have to.