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Giving compliments... unnatural. Problems?
Simple problem this time... and thats giving compliments to others or anything of the sort.
I'm not actually sure how important is to give positive affirmation of close friends and family but I'm starting to think that it does set a general happier mood if done properly.
So a couple of friends have asked for them except it puts me on the spot as I usually can't come up with any. Makes me wonder whether this is a sort of learned trait.A problem I've got with this is whether its sincere, asking for a compliment seems well, rather set up. Hearing what you want to hear...
Except if I had my way I know I probably would never give compliments out unless it was something pretty damn obvious like they had done something well in work or obvious like. In normal circumstances during the day I would hardly give a compliment out because I'm so not used to doing it.
Someone did mention to me once how giving compliments without some sort of specific push is alot more harder and something I should learn to do, but do you think this is something that should be learned and can it be learned for that matter of fact?
Anyone find giving compliments unnatural/natural. Somehow I think this might be related to the fact that I'm not a well recieving of compliments too.
Off topic edit: Do you think its neccessary to return some sort of compliment back when others do? I'd think that answer would be no, but I'll just ask anyway in case.
I'm not actually sure how important is to give positive affirmation of close friends and family but I'm starting to think that it does set a general happier mood if done properly.
So a couple of friends have asked for them except it puts me on the spot as I usually can't come up with any. Makes me wonder whether this is a sort of learned trait.A problem I've got with this is whether its sincere, asking for a compliment seems well, rather set up. Hearing what you want to hear...
Except if I had my way I know I probably would never give compliments out unless it was something pretty damn obvious like they had done something well in work or obvious like. In normal circumstances during the day I would hardly give a compliment out because I'm so not used to doing it.
Someone did mention to me once how giving compliments without some sort of specific push is alot more harder and something I should learn to do, but do you think this is something that should be learned and can it be learned for that matter of fact?
Anyone find giving compliments unnatural/natural. Somehow I think this might be related to the fact that I'm not a well recieving of compliments too.
Off topic edit: Do you think its neccessary to return some sort of compliment back when others do? I'd think that answer would be no, but I'll just ask anyway in case.
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I often do return a compliment if given one, but I will pick out something I can be sincere about - don't be false about it. For example, I will look at their outfit and find something I like, or if their hair looks nice. It can be as simple/small as, "I like the picture/slogan on your t-shirt." On the other hand, it's perfectly fine to just thank people and there's no obligation to give them a compliment in reply.
If I'm complimenting someone, I always mean it. It is nice to compliment someone because it will usually make them feel good and a little bit happier, whatever the compliment is.
On another note, your friends ask for compliments?!? That's really weird.
If I'm complimenting someone, I always mean it. It is nice to compliment someone because it will usually make them feel good and a little bit happier, whatever the compliment is.
On another note, your friends ask for compliments?!? That's really weird.
You don't have to say things like, "wow, you have really beautiful eyes"! That WOULD make it obvious. You could just go for a compliment about her outfit (but don't overdo it or she may get gay vibes), or simply say, "you look nice." I have a male friend who says that sometimes (he is in a long-term relationship and is mates with my boyfriend), and it's always nice to hear.
Ha ha, I know, I wasn't accusing you of that! 
I just meant that it kind of makes it obvious you fancy them if you say something that's quite extreme like that. My boyfriend is the only person to call me beautiful - I think I'd be quite surprised if a male friend just came out with it. Not necessarily in a bad way, of course!
I just meant that it kind of makes it obvious you fancy them if you say something that's quite extreme like that. My boyfriend is the only person to call me beautiful - I think I'd be quite surprised if a male friend just came out with it. Not necessarily in a bad way, of course!Reply 6
compliments can make you feel better like sometimes i tell my friends that their hair looks nice ect and they usually reply with a thanx or something nice about me. i do agree with the cliched "your eyes are so pretty" just make it something natural which you mean
Reply 8
I never really give compliments -unless like the op said its something really obvious. It just never occurs to me, and I dont really see the point as they always seem insincere (well when I get them anyway!)
If I like someones shoes or something I keep it to myself
If I like someones shoes or something I keep it to myself
Reply 9
Mush
It is natural and I do mean it when a girl actually has amazing eyes!!!!!!!!!!!
The problem with giving compliments like these are that it may come across as creepy sometimes. If I were you, if you're gonna give a compliment like that, add a backhanded cheeky element to it, girls love to be teased playfully (we're being friendly here - not being a jerk)
i.e. if she has brown eyes, saying something like, "wow, you have really amazing eyes...they're really deep...<cheeky grin> like brown mud swamps"
bleh, you get the point
..shauny
Reply 10
shauny
The problem with giving compliments like these are that it may come across as creepy sometimes. If I were you, if you're gonna give a compliment like that, add a backhanded cheeky element to it, girls love to be teased playfully (we're being friendly here - not being a jerk)
i.e. if she has brown eyes, saying something like, "wow, you have really amazing eyes...they're really deep...<cheeky grin> like brown mud swamps"
bleh, you get the point
..shauny
i.e. if she has brown eyes, saying something like, "wow, you have really amazing eyes...they're really deep...<cheeky grin> like brown mud swamps"
bleh, you get the point
..shauny
I tend to do that, hide a compliment behind a veil of good humour and messing about so that it appears like it was all a joke and not necessarily meant seriously. I don't know if it's a great idea tbh, especially if you are actually trying to compliment someone to give hints you like them.
I know what you mean OP, it can definitely feel awkward and to be honest it's something I myself have never been good at, but as I've got older I've started to do it a little more (even if it's only in a jokey way) and people do tend to take it fairly well and normally. As much as anything I think it is you (and me) making a big deal out of something which doesn't really need ot be.
Reply 11
I don't like compliments in general. I know this might seem rude but i don't ever give people compliments. If someone looks nice or is wearing something i find appealing, i keep it to myself. If it's very a close friend, i would tell them but i still don't consider that as complimenting them for some reason, it feels like a statment and i don't do it to make them feel better. I certainly don't expect them to say thanks or 'compliment' me back either, that would feel highly unnatural.
It is also very very awkward when strangers/ aquaintances gives you a compliment, and the more personal it is the more creepy. eg: i get some strangers in the street saying they like my bag and i just don't know how to react to that, so i mutter a thanks but it doesn't make me feel better at all, if anything- a bit violated. So anything about my looks is worse. I just feel like it has nothing to do with me how they percieve me, and they should keep their views to themsleves and i feel wierd saying 'thanks' they can't really help how they feel so i get this 'why should i expressive appreciation when i don't feel it' feeling.
So in conclusion, no, not everyone likes to be complimented.
It is also very very awkward when strangers/ aquaintances gives you a compliment, and the more personal it is the more creepy. eg: i get some strangers in the street saying they like my bag and i just don't know how to react to that, so i mutter a thanks but it doesn't make me feel better at all, if anything- a bit violated. So anything about my looks is worse. I just feel like it has nothing to do with me how they percieve me, and they should keep their views to themsleves and i feel wierd saying 'thanks' they can't really help how they feel so i get this 'why should i expressive appreciation when i don't feel it' feeling.
So in conclusion, no, not everyone likes to be complimented.
Reply 12
ok, so I keep getting compliments from this guy living near me who i don't really know, I don't know if its sincere or not but every time i see him he points out something nice about me, he's generally a very outgoing person I think but seems to tease his other friends a lot and not the "nice guy" type.
TO the people who like to give out compliments a lot, are you usually just being polite or do you really mean it.
When i'm aaround guys i like i never give say anything nice to them, in fact I'm usually the opposite and am more horrible and make negative comments
TO the people who like to give out compliments a lot, are you usually just being polite or do you really mean it.
When i'm aaround guys i like i never give say anything nice to them, in fact I'm usually the opposite and am more horrible and make negative comments
Reply 13
To be honest, a lot of us chaps like that. It's great to be with a really feminine, "girly-girl" who you can compliment all the time, as it often heightens one's sense of masculinity. That said, guys want an equal, a girl who can give as good as she gets, and so if when a guy compliments you, you make some kind of light-hearted derogatory comment about him in return, a lot of the time that'll go down a treat. No innuendo intended.
As for complimenting girls, I think it's a really important thing for guys to do. The trick is just to be more attentive and open. Everyone is scared of doing anything that deviates from the norm. That's one of the worst British traits, and so you just have to think "What the hell, it's hardly a bad thing to be remembered for". Somebody mentioned something about a gay vibe before, and though i see why you wouldnt want to give those out to girls you like, if you do make these kind of comments and she knows you're straight, then you are far more likely to end up in a relationship together, IMO.
I love complimenting girls, it is one of the most satisfying things you can do. While you may worry that if you do it to a girl you aren't interested in then she might assume you fancy her, if you do it regularly she'll start to see it as a nomral character trait. Matter of fact, I told a girl I met on Monday that she was stunning. I wasn't interested in her, but she was beautiful and I told her so. Though then again, the girl I'm currently with (and have been kinda with for 6 months or so) is a girl who i said was "gorgeous" (cheesey, I know, I was drunk, but it was true) at a party. She doesn't worry when I compliment other girls; she knows it is the way I am.
Anyway, sorry to bang on so long, and so self-absorbedly. I just wanted to convey how important I think it is that we become accustomed to giving compliments. of course it will feel unnatural at first. Keep exercising it, and the feeling will come.
As for complimenting girls, I think it's a really important thing for guys to do. The trick is just to be more attentive and open. Everyone is scared of doing anything that deviates from the norm. That's one of the worst British traits, and so you just have to think "What the hell, it's hardly a bad thing to be remembered for". Somebody mentioned something about a gay vibe before, and though i see why you wouldnt want to give those out to girls you like, if you do make these kind of comments and she knows you're straight, then you are far more likely to end up in a relationship together, IMO.
I love complimenting girls, it is one of the most satisfying things you can do. While you may worry that if you do it to a girl you aren't interested in then she might assume you fancy her, if you do it regularly she'll start to see it as a nomral character trait. Matter of fact, I told a girl I met on Monday that she was stunning. I wasn't interested in her, but she was beautiful and I told her so. Though then again, the girl I'm currently with (and have been kinda with for 6 months or so) is a girl who i said was "gorgeous" (cheesey, I know, I was drunk, but it was true) at a party. She doesn't worry when I compliment other girls; she knows it is the way I am.
Anyway, sorry to bang on so long, and so self-absorbedly. I just wanted to convey how important I think it is that we become accustomed to giving compliments. of course it will feel unnatural at first. Keep exercising it, and the feeling will come.
louisedotcom
If I like someones shoes or something I keep it to myself
I used to, but then I thought, "why?" If you like something about someone and telling them is likely to give them a smile, why not tell them? I don't think there's enough of it. I hate disingenuousness, so making up compliments you don't mean is wrong, but I don't see why more people don't say nice things to each other. And why should a compliment make you feel bad? That's so sad (as in
). It just means someone took notice of you because they liked something about you. Obviously it doesn't mean they like you as a person but we'd all be kidding ourselves if we said we didn't like people to think we were attractive on the outside.
F1 fanatic
I tend to do that, hide a compliment behind a veil of good humour and messing about so that it appears like it was all a joke and not necessarily meant seriously. I don't know if it's a great idea tbh, especially if you are actually trying to compliment someone to give hints you like them.
I tend to do this. I find that I will compliment girls more readily (people I don't know, I'll say "I really like your shoes", and If I love them, I'll ask where they're from), but not with guys, because I only seem to hang around with the arrogant ones who're so up themselves that if I were to compliment them they'd genuinely believe I fancied them
. The ones I do like I tend to backhandedly compliment, or outright insult ("you're pretty short, aren't you?" type thing) . It tends to work pretty well, actually, especially as most of them expect girls to fawn all over them (good looks + extreme intelligence + confidence = annoying) so you end up staying in their memories!
If you don't want to, then don't. It's only the people desperate for approval and assurance who need them - and it's not you're job to fix their issues.
Reply 16
I tend to compliment my friends if there is something new about them or I find out something really positive. I'm pretty awkward with words but they usually appreciate it. I don't go out of my way thinking "I'm going to say something to make them feel better!" I just tend to say what's on my mind (for better or worse 
)
Don't get me wrong though, I love making my friends happy, one of the things that makes me truly feel alive! I tend to compliment girls and guys equally, but maybe that's expected with me being female myself? I wouldn't know.
Does anyone else find it easier to give than recieve compliments though? I always feel awkward when complimented and often feel it is contrived and when a compliment *does* feel genuine it always feels like it's not true, kind of like "Wow, someone really thinks that about me! ... why??"
)Don't get me wrong though, I love making my friends happy, one of the things that makes me truly feel alive! I tend to compliment girls and guys equally, but maybe that's expected with me being female myself? I wouldn't know.
Does anyone else find it easier to give than recieve compliments though? I always feel awkward when complimented and often feel it is contrived and when a compliment *does* feel genuine it always feels like it's not true, kind of like "Wow, someone really thinks that about me! ... why??"
Reply 17
I often find myself giving compliments about my friends' personalities, but rarely their looks. More often than not, however, I will tell another friend. For example, I could be speaking to friend X and say "friend Y is such a legend because he helped me with such and such". Friend Y, though, will probably not know that I have said that about them.
However, people compliment me and I am so bad at taking compliments. I normally compliment them back but don't normally accept what they say. I'm sure they normally mean it but I have really bad self esteem issues so am left unable to accept anything good said about me.
However, people compliment me and I am so bad at taking compliments. I normally compliment them back but don't normally accept what they say. I'm sure they normally mean it but I have really bad self esteem issues so am left unable to accept anything good said about me.
Reply 18
good looks + extreme intelligence + confidence = annoying
What? You girls do send mixed messages at times. Here I am thinking :
good looks + extreme intelligence + confidence = perfect guy for a girl
Reply 19
I totally get what you're talking about, 8people. When people say something nice like "I think you're clever" I always find myself being all "No, no, I'm not really..." despite the fact that I do actually think I am clever! Then I feel a bit disingenuous...it's a never-ending circle!
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