Mum wont let me move out for uni?!

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JubilationXXV
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So this year is when I start uni, and I want to move out. My uni is only 20 minutes away from home but I still want to move out - why? Because as much as I love my parents, they are crazily over-protective/paranoid. Especially my mother. We've had a lot of downs this year, major arguments etc but I do love her no matter how crazy she can be. As for how restrictive she is, I just cannot deal with that which is why I want to move out, I wanna feel free which I don't feel now. My two elder sisters have moved out and I'm pretty sure she didn't give them this much of a hard time. I've always been close with my parents compared to all of my other siblings, and they've always been close to me ever since I was a child. Anyway, now that I want to move out my mother has come up with some crazy logic saying 'If you move out, that means you don't love me' giving me some weird and unreasonable ultimatum. As if they're mutually exclusive. I do love her, but I just want to move out. And if I tell her that I want to move out because I feel as though she is very restrictive, she'll go on to say 'How am I restrictive? This means you're going to want to do wrong things at uni' etc etc when I don't. I'm really trying to hold down on saying 'YOURE CRAZY AS **** MUM' but I obviously don't want to be disrespectful but she doesn't listen any other way. Also, my elder brother went to uni (he's now 23) and lived at home then and even now - he never moved out so my mum always brings him up and says 'He never moved out and he's fined'. She says that if I want to move out, then that's fine but she'll never call me and just some really petty stuff like that. She also said that I can move out in my second year and when I asked her how that would make a difference, she said 'I don't know it just will'. I've told her how childish and selfish she's being but then she just says that I don't care about her and that I never have and that I should stop pretending to care about her.

I love my parents dearly but frankly I cannot wait to move out, problem is that I don't want to make them upset.

NB. They're pakistani so...that should say a lot about why they are the way they are.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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crumpethead
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(Original post by JubilationXXV)
So this year is when I start uni, and I want to move out. My uni is only 20 minutes away from home but I still want to move out - why? Because as much as I love my parents, they are crazily over-protective/paranoid. Especially my mother. We've had a lot of downs this year, major arguments etc but I do love her no matter how crazy she can be. As for how restrictive she is, I just cannot deal with that which is why I want to move out, I wanna feel free which I don't feel now. My two elder sisters have moved out and I'm pretty sure she didn't give them this much of a hard time. I've always been close with my parents compared to all of my other siblings, and they've always been close to me ever since I was a child. Anyway, now that I want to move out my mother has come up with some crazy logic saying 'If you move out, that means you don't love me' giving me some weird and unreasonable ultimatum. As if they're mutually exclusive. I do love her, but I just want to move out. And if I tell her that I want to move out because I feel as though she is very restrictive, she'll go on to say 'How am I restrictive? This means you're going to want to do wrong things at uni' etc etc when I don't. I'm really trying to hold down on saying 'YOURE CRAZY AS **** MUM' but I obviously don't want to be disrespectful but she doesn't listen any other way. Also, my elder brother went to uni (he's now 23) and lived at home then and even now - he never moved out so my mum always brings him up and says 'He never moved out and he's fined'. She says that if I want to move out, then that's fine but she'll never call me and just some really petty stuff like that. She also said that I can move out in my second year and when I asked her how that would make a difference, she said 'I don't know it just will'. I've told her how childish and selfish she's being but then she just says that I don't care about her and that I never have and that I should stop pretending to care about her.

I love my parents dearly but frankly I cannot wait to move out, problem is that I don't want to make them upset.

NB. They're pakistani so...that should say a lot about why they are the way they are.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Tell them that part of the whole university experience is moving out and learning how to be responsible for yourself rather than just going to get a degree. You need to learn to do that at some point with uni being the best opportunity to do so. Point out how if you live at home then there are likely to be many aspects of uni you will miss out on and it won't be as good an experience than living in halls for example. Also you're only 20 minutes away so let them know you will still be able to keep in touch with them.
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JubilationXXV
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(Original post by crumpethead)
Tell them that part of the whole university experience is moving out and learning how to be responsible for yourself rather than just going to get a degree. You need to learn to do that at some point with uni being the best opportunity to do so. Point out how if you live at home then there are likely to be many aspects of uni you will miss out on and it won't be as good an experience than living in halls for example. Also you're only 20 minutes away so let them know you will still be able to keep in touch with them.
I've already said that to her, and she says that I can learn responsibility later on in life and not now. Or she goes to the extreme and says 'I'll stop doing stuff for you at home and then you can learn how to be responsible'
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jonathanemptage
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Why not comprise and say you'll come home at weekends


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