Strict Parents

Basically, ive been talking to a girl ive seen once, (she lives in a different city to me) and weve been chatting on the phone nearly everyday. I went to meet her once but only for like 15 mins. However, yesterday, i went to see her again for the whole day. We got on so well together and had so much fun, however i asked her out and the problem was that she said she loved to but because of her parents she cannot.
Her parents are really strict in terms of things like boys etc and she said it wouldnt work because shes a hindu and im a muslim and if her parents ever found out, they would either throw her out the house or get her married to some random hindu guy etc but thing is we both like each other alot and im not prepared to let her go, i will still talk and hopefully still get to meet up with her again and she wants too as well but she did not want to hurt me by saying yes and then it all ending in disaster at the end and hurting me. She told me about her parents and i really felt sorry for her and she was in tears as well about how they are and the control they have over her life and future. She said see what time brings us and if its meant to be then it will be.
Im just wondering is there anything i can do possibly and what do others have to say about this or has anyone ever come across a situation like this before because of two different religions etc.

Reply 1

ßlαcksωαn

17

religion

its so restricting.
Well it looks like you have two options: end it, or go behind her parent's back..

Reply 2

shabz123

OP

Thats what we agreed and have decieded to leave it as how we are now, oh were both 19 btw. She said to me though if i can win their parents heart, all will be good but the day that happens would be a miracle she said. I dont want to end it because i think she is the one as in shes pretty, funny and we have so many things in comon and im not the type of guy to easily move on when im so involved with her.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

That's a real toughie!!
I'm a hindu girl myself, and yeah my mum's really strict about having boyfriends, etc. etc. However for me it's not so much to do with my religion as it is the way my mum's been brought up. Unfortunately she doesn't seem to understand that present day UK is a lot different from India in the 70's...
I'm not allowed to wear certain things either, like minis and strappy/low cut tops. I can deal with that, and she says she has no control over me when I'm off to uni, but I'm still a lot more restricted than the rest of my friends.
I also have a major crush on one of our family friends; he's indian as well and we get along so well together. All my friends think i should ask him out but a) i'm too chicken andb) our families would probably not accept it, and i hate lying :s-smilie:

I think my parents are slowly becoming more lenient though; a hindu girl we know recently got married to a british boy and they get along brilliantly, we went to their wedding and had a great time. For me its not so much a problem of religion as it is of age, but i know where you're cominbg from!
Such is life unfortunately :frown:

Reply 4

sweetface.

Just respect what her parents say, I am Indian myslef so I know. If her parents are very strict then there's no way of you going out with her. If you really like her, just be firends.

Reply 5

danni_bella

17

I've had really strict parents, and while it was annoying (I missed out on a lot of things!!) it's been good for my future, as I'm about to graduate from Australia's best uni with and honours science degree. Plus they're hypocrites anyway coz they had affairs and got divorced, stuff that even I won't be doing :p:

So try to think of it like that :smile:

Reply 6

jay90

Erm...follow your heart my friend!

Reply 7

danni_bella

17

Anonymous

I think my parents are slowly becoming more lenient though; a hindu girl we know recently got married to a british boy and they get along brilliantly

Well my grandmother is Asian married to my white British-born grandfather and they never had any problems :confused:

Actually he's meant to be Jewish but nevermind :p:

In fact they got along better than my actual parents who were superficial and Western (although they did still pass on the strict customs to suit themselves :rolleyes:

).

Reply 8

danni_bella

17

I would say though that my mother is the strictist out of both my parents, but she overdid it. She has that oriental, cold harsh streak in her that I find mainstream people don't understand :frown:

Reply 9

toth8

3

I'd say quit whining and accept they are strict. It's their right to be.

Reply 10

Schmokie Dragon

17

Carry on as you are, keep talking on the phone etc. And when she leaves home/goes to uni, you can snap her up then. Apart from anything else, when she gets to 18, the parents have no legal control over her.

Reply 11

Duran Duran

He's already said that they're both adults, and are 19.

Reply 12

Schmokie Dragon

17

then she is free to do as she wants.

It is a matter of what she prizes more; her freedom and chance to be herself, or her parents' support. It might take her a whole to work it out, but she cannot pretend that at 19, she is trapped by anything other than herself.

Unless her parents are of the 'lock her up and force her to marry someone' ilk. Which I really hope not.

Reply 13

andy_cole2

14

danni_bella

She has that oriental, cold harsh streak in her

yeh i don't get that, like my friends seem to have it so bad because of their praents strictness but their parents just don't seem to get how harsh their being, or they just get on with it. @OP why not convert or something :p:

how did you even meet?

Reply 14

Fishfinger Sandwich

1

shabz123

Basically, ive been talking to a girl ive seen once, (she lives in a different city to me) and weve been chatting on the phone nearly everyday. I went to meet her once but only for like 15 mins. However, yesterday, i went to see her again for the whole day. We got on so well together and had so much fun, however i asked her out and the problem was that she said she loved to but because of her parents she cannot.
Her parents are really strict in terms of things like boys etc and she said it wouldnt work because shes a hindu and im a muslim and if her parents ever found out, they would either throw her out the house or get her married to some random hindu guy etc but thing is we both like each other alot and im not prepared to let her go, i will still talk and hopefully still get to meet up with her again and she wants too as well but she did not want to hurt me by saying yes and then it all ending in disaster at the end and hurting me. She told me about her parents and i really felt sorry for her and she was in tears as well about how they are and the control they have over her life and future. She said see what time brings us and if its meant to be then it will be.
Im just wondering is there anything i can do possibly and what do others have to say about this or has anyone ever come across a situation like this before because of two different religions etc.

If you like her and you know that she likes you, then you have to go for it.
Forget what her parents say, that doesn't matter at all, its none of their business.
Forbidding relationships because of religious differences is wrong, so you shouldn't feel guilty about going behind her parents' backs.
Its risky because you might cause some tension within the family, but its not your fault, its these stupid parents. I doubt they would disown her if you got with her, they would have to be seriously awful people to do that and I doubt that they will be able to force her into marriage because you can go go to the police and stuff about that now, so they wouldn't be able to get away with it.

Reply 15

Ron Stoppable

14

shabz123

i asked her out and the problem was that she said she loved to but because of her parents she cannot.
Her parents are really strict in terms of things like boys etc

Shabz, are you trying to say that you're actually the only boy in the BB house? :eek:

Reply 16

no1topman

2

lol its not legal issues the OP is looking for...such as +18 he/she do what they wish. i myself am a muslim, i know what hes talking about. Its that he cannot go out with someone because 1) its against islam 2) we are born into a religion...we cannot leave, if we do we are seen as some king of tratior. She is hindu, these are conflicting religions, i mean her mum/dad will want her to marry someone of her own faith and they may have to approve of this person before they get married; they might even chose him. British people have it easy, asians who come to the uk or are born here see the world in a diffrent light as south east asia where going out with someone is usually done in secret (altho india is becoming more linetant).
Anyway....sorry 4 lecture, i suggest you speak to her and tell her how you feel. There is the big picture here...MANY people are in your situtation and many leave it, which means this culture is passed down again and again..it seems never ending until someone breaks the chain and marries someone of their own prefrence/not their same faith. You should follow your heart.

Regards

Reply 17

Schmokie Dragon

17

You know what, religion is worthless if it stops you doing things you feel are important. Unless you truly believe that denying yourself something like love for something as petty as a difference of belief is a good and virtuous thing, then I honestly cannot understand how you can rationally say that you are going to allow your religion to prohibit you. If the OP honestly believed that his religion was a good enough reason to let this girl go, then he would not be in H&R, asking our advice.

Religion is about what *you* believe, not about what others tell you that you must believe. If your religion says "you must do X and Y", and you feel that Z is really important, then go and find a religion that fits how you truly feel and allows you to do Z.

I'm not naive, I know that in eastern countries there is an awful lot of tradition that must be considered, family honour etc etc. But just because it has been that way for hundreds of years does not make it right, good or even sensible.

And being born into a religion is NO excuse for not leaving it. I find it sickening that people actually put their families "need" to be viewed positively by the community before their own happiness. Who care if you will be seen as a traitor for leaving Islam? If you never chose it, what do you owe it? Since when did Islam have a monopoly on opinions? Yes, it is different in your native country, but in Britain, you can leave and never, ever look back.

I am not saying abandon your faith. I am simply saying that a bunch of rules and conditions for belief are worthless, because belief is a fluid, personal thing that no-one else can, or has a right to, control. Act as your conscience dictates, and do not be afraid to seek freedom from those who would control you.

OP, if she cares about you, she will allow her beliefs to accommodate you. It does not matter what her parents believe, it is what the two of you believe that matters. You are both free. I suggest you use that freedom.

Reply 18

izwhiz

Schmokie Dragon

You know what, religion is worthless if it stops you doing things you feel are important.

Easy for someone to say who has not got a religious family. I am not Asian myself although I know a lot of people who have been in similar situations, going behind the parents backs can cause untold problems for both families concerned.

I would echo what has already been said and stay the way you are for the moment and see if her parent's attitudes change over time. If you really like her and she really likes you then it will be worth the wait :smile:

Reply 19

Schmokie Dragon

17

Yes I know it is easy to say. But easy or not, I still feel I am right.

It is like a Catholic is believes that abortion, divorce, pre-marital sex etc etc is absolutely fine. All they will spend their life doing is fighting against judgment and their own religion. Why not stop calling yourself a Catholic, and go and find some people more compatible with you? Difficult, yes. Impossible, no.

Strict Parents

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