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My heart says 'keep seeing him', but my head says 'end it!' Watch

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    I’ll try and keep this as short as possible as I know tl;dr’sare annoying af, but I would really appreciate some advice.I’m pretty much gay, but do not belong the stereotyped vocalminority of promiscuous, polyamorous, risk-taking gay men. Recently I’vestarted seeing this guy having met him on social media. He’s a lovely personand we enjoy spending time together. We’ve been on numerous dates and spent nightsat each other’s houses and have become somewhat close. Within the past few days, he has become rather distant. Idelicately addressed this issue with him, and it turns out that recently hissupposedly ‘straight’ life long best friend from highschool made a move on himthe other day. He admitted he reciprocated, but now feels confused as to how hefeels about both of us. To make matters worse, this best friend is now nottalking to him at all and the situation is rather awkward. I’m not mad at himat all, and do not feel as though he is to blame. However, he admitted that hewas not drunk enough for his reciprocation to be used as an excuse. We agreedthat we’ll stop talking for now to give him time to think and in a few days’time he will message me and tell me if he still wants to see me. I’ve made itclear to him that I do not want to be ‘just friends’, and if he decides he doesnot want to ‘see me’ in that way, all ties will be severed.I am currently on a gap year, working pretty much full timein order to save up a decent amount of money and gain some work experience. Ican only see him once a week. I am going to university in September. He is approximately ayear younger than me and will be going on a travelling gap year around SouthAmerica. In terms of unis and courses and life generally, it seems we both wantdifferent things. I know what I want to do with my life, whilst he is unsure. Ido not like the idea of a long distance relationship, as I want to focus on universitylife, making new friends, and most importantly studying hard! Distance meansthat he will be tempted to get involved with other guys. Also, if this ‘straight’friend of his made a move after all this time, it implies that he has hadfeelings towards him for quite some time. This is my first experience of arelationship and at the moment I do not want to be involved in ‘complicated’situations.I really like him, but I feel that now is the best time to ‘getout’, so that even if he was to keep seeing me, I would not have to experiencethe pain and disruption of us splitting after months together as a result of usgoing our separate ways.I would very much like to hear your opinions of what Ishould do. I have to admit that I have kind of answered my own question and am95% certain that I want to end it.I’m all for free speech and democracy, but if you areagainst same sex relationships I’d advise you to take your opinions elsewhere asI will not take them on board.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    For some reason my paragraphs diappeared making the post difficult to read!

    I’ll try and keep this as short as possible as I know tl;dr’s are annoying af, but I would really appreciate some advice. I’m pretty much gay, but do not belong the stereotyped voca lminority of promiscuous, polyamorous, risk-taking gay men. Recently I’ve started seeing this guy having met him on social media. He’s a lovely person and we enjoy spending time together. We’ve been on numerous dates and spent nights at each other’s houses and have become somewhat close. Within the past few days, he has become rather distant. I delicately addressed this issue with him, and it turns out that recently his supposedly ‘straight’ life long best friend from high school made a move on him the other day.

    He admitted he reciprocated, but now feels confused as to how he feels about both of us. To make matters worse, this best friend is now not talking to him at all and the situation is rather awkward. I’m not mad at him at all, and do not feel as though he is to blame. However, he admitted that he was not drunk enough for his reciprocation to be used as an excuse. We agreed that we’ll stop talking for now to give him time to think and in a few days’time he will message me and tell me if he still wants to see me. I’ve made it clear to him that I do not want to be ‘just friends’, and if he decides he does not want to ‘see me’ in that way, all ties will be severed.

    I am currently on a gap year, working pretty much full time in order to save up a decent amount of money and gain some work experience. I can only see him once a week. I am going to university in September. He is approximately a year younger than me and will be going on a travelling gap year around South America. In terms of unis and courses and life generally, it seems we both want different things. I know what I want to do with my life, whilst he is unsure. Ido not like the idea of a long distance relationship, as I want to focus on university life, making new friends, and most importantly studying hard! Distance means that he will be tempted to get involved with other guys. Also, if this ‘straight’ friend of his made a move after all this time, it implies that he has had feelings towards him for quite some time.

    This is my first experience of a relationship and at the moment I do not want to be involved in ‘complicated’situations.I really like him, but I feel that now is the best time to ‘get out’, so that even if he was to keep seeing me, I would not have to experience the pain and disruption of us splitting after months together as a result of us going our separate ways.I would very much like to hear your opinions of what I should do.

    I have to admit that I have kind of answered my own question and am 95% certain that I want to end it. I’m all for free speech and democracy, but if you are against same sex relationships I’d advise you to take your opinions elsewhere as I will not take them on board.
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    I'm really sorry I can't.

    Needs paragraphs. I cannot bring myself to read this until it's a bit spaced out.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by aarora)
    I'm really sorry I can't.

    Needs paragraphs. I cannot bring myself to read this until it's a bit spaced out.
    Read the second post. Fixed it.
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    I think because this was your first relationship there must be more of an emotional attachment which is probably preventing you from leaving him.

    I personally think you should leave him because you've identified early on that you both want different things. As your going to uni in September, there's all sorts of pressures (not saying you would be unfaithful) but you may come across guys who are on the same wavelength as you and would be there rather than long distance.

    I agree you have sort of answered your own question. I just don't think you should wait around for somebody who's unsure about you or is having doubts. Move on and enjoy your gap year
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    I persevered and read it... now I see the paragraphs my eyes were crting for.......

    OP it read well and I think you are spot on with your assessment.
    My snapshot was you met someone nice and now because of the other person you arent sure what to do or how you feel. (I did read it all)

    Why dont you just stay acquaintances as he's still a nice friend or couldnt you ever stop seeing him as a potential? At the moment you are in different places, but maybe things will change after uni?

    If it will drive you mad just being friends, then let him go. You were smart in recognising its early days, you have talked to each other, but you are unsettled by this other person and whether you can trust him, even if he is nice. It makes sense to split on good terms, let him do his gap year and the straight person do whatever he wants, but if split , then its not your baggage to carry. You will also be free to get on with your own social life.

    So my advice is if you dont want to stay acquaintances and that means Christmas card and maybe an email every 6 months, then split on good terms. Its not worth the stress and worry when events are putting you in different places.

    ps thanks for providing all the info, it helped to get a good handle on it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I’ll try and keep this as short as possible as I know tl;dr’sare annoying af, but I would really appreciate some advice.I’m pretty much gay, but do not belong the stereotyped vocalminority of promiscuous, polyamorous, risk-taking gay men. Recently I’vestarted seeing this guy having met him on social media. He’s a lovely personand we enjoy spending time together. We’ve been on numerous dates and spent nightsat each other’s houses and have become somewhat close. Within the past few days, he has become rather distant. Idelicately addressed this issue with him, and it turns out that recently hissupposedly ‘straight’ life long best friend from highschool made a move on himthe other day. He admitted he reciprocated, but now feels confused as to how hefeels about both of us. To make matters worse, this best friend is now nottalking to him at all and the situation is rather awkward. I’m not mad at himat all, and do not feel as though he is to blame. However, he admitted that hewas not drunk enough for his reciprocation to be used as an excuse. We agreedthat we’ll stop talking for now to give him time to think and in a few days’time he will message me and tell me if he still wants to see me. I’ve made itclear to him that I do not want to be ‘just friends’, and if he decides he doesnot want to ‘see me’ in that way, all ties will be severed.I am currently on a gap year, working pretty much full timein order to save up a decent amount of money and gain some work experience. Ican only see him once a week. I am going to university in September. He is approximately ayear younger than me and will be going on a travelling gap year around SouthAmerica. In terms of unis and courses and life generally, it seems we both wantdifferent things. I know what I want to do with my life, whilst he is unsure. Ido not like the idea of a long distance relationship, as I want to focus on universitylife, making new friends, and most importantly studying hard! Distance meansthat he will be tempted to get involved with other guys. Also, if this ‘straight’friend of his made a move after all this time, it implies that he has hadfeelings towards him for quite some time. This is my first experience of arelationship and at the moment I do not want to be involved in ‘complicated’situations.I really like him, but I feel that now is the best time to ‘getout’, so that even if he was to keep seeing me, I would not have to experiencethe pain and disruption of us splitting after months together as a result of usgoing our separate ways.I would very much like to hear your opinions of what Ishould do. I have to admit that I have kind of answered my own question and am95% certain that I want to end it.I’m all for free speech and democracy, but if you areagainst same sex relationships I’d advise you to take your opinions elsewhere asI will not take them on board.
    Personally, as a rabbi, I would say choose jesus. But, as a human, just leave him. if he reconsiders after meeting someone else then..
 
 
 
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