I currently identify as a cisgender bisexual female, and I have come out as bi to my friends. However, I haven't come out to my family because I want to be completely sure I've identified the right way. Sometimes I question if I'm really bi because I've never had a relationship with a girl because I'm only 15 and I'm from a relatively small town with mainly straight inhabitants. I try and picture a future with a girl and I sort of can but it's hard because I don't really know what a homosexual relationship looks like or if it's even any different. I'm also shipped with boys quite a lot because I have a few 'guy friends' and that makes it harder for me to see myself with a girl because I'm constantly having heteronormativity forced on me.
Regarding my gender, recently I've started wondering what I'd look like as a boy and there's days where I really don't want breasts, but then the next day I'm just like hell yeah bring on the boob, and that's really confusing me because I've always been pretty happy being female.
Basically, what I want to know is based on that, what would you identify me as? Also, how can I like further explore my sexuality and gender in an inconspicuous way? I don't really want my mum to find out at the moment because I don't know how she'll react and I don't want to set some things off again.
I'm really sorry if this was a bit ramble-y but I really need help because I hate this constant feeling of confusion and anxiety and I really want to fix all the little broken things in my head at the moment and this seems like a good place to start. Anyway,
A very confused teen...
...or just paranoid?